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advice column: I’ve Suddenly Realized How Disgusting Sex With My Husband Is

MatureDJ

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Wow, this advice column is a GOLD MINE! :up: :up: :up:
I have been with my husband (I’m a woman) for almost eight years. We are in our mid-30s, have a good relationship, and are happy. We communicate pretty well and are good partners and co-parents to our three young kids.

Now to the obvious “but”: Sex has started to gross me out. I can’t explain it, but it just seems so nasty. This isn’t really an issue of mismatched libidos—his is slightly higher than mine, but we have always compromised on this well. I still get horny and sometimes masturbate on my own a few times a week, which he doesn’t know about.
We have sex once or twice a week. He always finishes and I usually am able to, but I can’t get out of my head while we are doing it that it’s gross and nasty and sticky. I haven’t had this problem with other partners, but I have never had another really long relationship like this. I of course am at a different time in my life with kids and a full-fledged career. My feelings limit the amount we have sex and makes me feel sad and ashamed that I can’t move past this to let us have our best sex life. I also find it embarrassing that I feel this way. I am not some boring prude, but man am I stuck on this. What can I do?
my opinion: Women hate sex with non-alphas; they will put up with it to pump out kids with a secured dad - but when they have completed their baby-making, they revert to their true hypergamic nature.:down::down::down:
 

corrector

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Hey MatureMJ, I streamed allot of videos from your incel TV referral on here (you posted videos from it). This article is a joke once you understand blackpill. Its like a comic piece now.
 

Who Dares Win

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I haven’t had this problem with other partners, but I have never had another really long relationship like this.
Well of course they were pumping and dumping you while this one who happens to be your value committed to you.

The problems is not the relationship or your husband but the fact that when it was sex only you managed to get railed from guys up to 2 points highter than you while you couldnt find any of such level to get commitment out of it.
 

GioWolf

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Wow, this advice column is a GOLD MINE! :up: :up: :up:


my opinion: Women hate sex with non-alphas; they will put up with it to pump out kids with a secured dad - but when they have completed their baby-making, they revert to their true hypergamic nature.:down::down::down:
This article is true. I learned it the hard way. Once she popped out kids there was no more need for sex. And it’s my fault as well, after having kids I got beta-ized and gained some weight, lost my frame. But women don’t care how Alpha you used to be, once you loose it they are done. It’s a harsh reality I learned and leaves you in a bad situation.
 

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stringpuller

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And it’s my fault as well, after having kids I got beta-ized and gained some weight, lost my frame.
Good post. Almost all of these instances can be traced back to some form of this or another. Laziness. Comfort etc etc.

I know Corey wayne gets hacked up here at SS but i like his principals and he spits out some decent ones from time to time and one i always refer too is. ""if she is pursuing you shes not leaving you"
I get what he's saying when i heard it.

Woman like these often set boundries for guys rather then the guys making his boundries known. The whole article reeks of it actually.
 

SW15

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A lot of problems here.

-8 year long relationship. I've said here before that monogamous relationships typically do not have more than a 5 year shelf life of being good.
-Beta-ization of husband. Longer term relationships tend to make men more beta.
-3 young children and the stresses
-Likely career oriented since she mentions her job
-We don't know the fitness level of each partner, but odds are that neither has the body they had 8 years ago.

There's nothing physiologically wrong with her. It's all psychology. She would be fine in a new relationship. If she got divorced, she'd be a carousel rider. Only a low value guy would commit to a 30 something mom of 3 kids. Some higher quality guys would probably pump and dump her. She knows she's trapped by this. She either faces a lifetime of drudgery with some boring husband, or exciting sex elsewhere, but a lot of instability in her life outside of sex.

This is an example of why traditional, monogamous marriage is one of the worst relational life paths a man can choose. Yet most men choose this path. I am following a path of a serial monogamous non-marital relationships, where I tend to have monogamous relationships of 1-5 years in length, no marriages, and no babies, which leads to easy separations when things do go downhill, which they inevitably do. That's good for me as the individual in the short to medium term, but probably bad for a collective nation/culture. I could see the validity of some arguments that some lifestyles are better than the serial monogamist and no marriage path (perpetual player lifestyle), but there's no argument that the traditional monogamous marriage model beats the serial monogamy/no marriage/no baby lifestyle.
 
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bcude

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The urge to have sex with him is not there anymore after fulfilling her biological imperative and the novelty of the relationship is way gone, sex turned into a chore and nothing but a chore. That's pretty obvious since she's still horny and masturbates by herself. She just has no desire to fvck him.
(Excluding the discussion of monogamy and how (un)natural it is)

Couple's therapy solution: Try date night. Let him to do the dishes and cook for a week and then you reciprocrate back in the bedroom.
Horrible solution since it doesn't deal with the issue, breeds even more guilt, dissatisfaction and is very predictible. There's no genuine desire, it becomes an obligation.

Red pill solution (for the man): inject some dread, work out more, change regular patterns by being away and busy, go travelling by yourself, increase your value, be somewhat unpredictable.

Once you go from partners to parents and small children are introduced there's a definate change in every relationship right there. She'll become more exhausted from attending the kids and naturally has less incentive to fvck him. Men usually relax because they wouldn't dream of her leaving and this common notion that you can relax and live happily ever after and wait for her to shower you with unconditional love like mommy did.
Comfortability is the death nail for every kind of hot passion.
 

FlexpertHamilton

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"I have been with my husband (I’m a woman) for almost eight years. We are in our mid-30s, have a good relationship, and are happy. We communicate pretty well and are good partners and co-parents to our three young kids."

Translation: "We are not in passionionate relationship but a business partnership intent on raising children in the same household. My husband bends over backwards to please me, which I find boring and repulsive."

"Now to the obvious “but”: Sex has started to gross me out. I can’t explain it, but it just seems so nasty. This isn’t really an issue of mismatched libidos—his is slightly higher than mine, but we have always compromised on this well. I still get horny and sometimes masturbate on my own a few times a week, which he doesn’t know about.

Translation: "My husband isn't sexually attractive to me anymore and I only have sex with him out of obligation. I like masturbating to fantasies about other men more than having sex with my husband"

"I of course am at a different time in my life with kids and a full-fledged career. My feelings limit the amount we have sex and makes me feel sad and ashamed that I can’t move past this to let us have our best sex life."

Translation: "I have lost touch with my femininity because I decided to be an 'empowered career women' instead on being a supporting housewife and mother. As such, my husbands masculine energy does not exceed mine enough to want to have sex with him".
 
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BackInTheGame78

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He doesn't know how to turn her on and he isn't very good at sex. That's what the problem is.
 

SW15

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The urge to have sex with him is not there anymore after fulfilling her biological imperative and the novelty of the relationship is way gone, sex turned into a chore and nothing but a chore. That's pretty obvious since she's still horny and masturbates by herself. She just has no desire to fvck him.
(Excluding the discussion of monogamy and how (un)natural it is)
Long term monogamy is generally unsustainable, which is why I have repeated expressed my feelings about the shelf life of a monogamous relationship.

In long term monogamy, people generally waste years of their life trying to resuscitate a dead relationship. This example is a dead relationship. Both my male cousins had ~10 year long relationships that included marriage and both the marriages crumbled. If my cousins were really honest with themselves about their relationships, at best 5-7 years of those ~10 year relationships were actually good. Most likely, the answer is less than 5. The rest of the years, those relationships were running on inertia and not passion. One cousin had 2 kids, so they problem kept it together for the sake of the kids for a few extra years. Another one had a childless marriage, and that just went on miserably for a few years until the wife decided she was done. Relationships should end as soon as the passion for one another ends. It's silly to complicate things by trying to make things work for some other societal reason.

The wife wants to get her pusssy slammed by other men. Other men would make her feel passion. Bad news for the beta bucks husband.

Couple's therapy solution: Try date night. Let him to do the dishes and cook for a week and then you reciprocrate back in the bedroom.
Horrible solution since it doesn't deal with the issue, breeds even more guilt, dissatisfaction and is very predictible. There's no genuine desire, it becomes an obligation.

Red pill solution (for the man): inject some dread, work out more, change regular patterns by being away and busy, go travelling by yourself, increase your value, be somewhat unpredictable.
I agree that the couples therapy solution wouldn't actually be a solution. The red pill solution is a better solution but likely still flawed. We don't the circumstances upon which this couple met. There's a good chance he was some beta to begin with just hanging around her social circle and it happened (they met in their late 20s, and that sort of scenario happens around that stage of life). I'm not sure he would be capable of implementing it. Even if he did implement that, would it be enough now? Might be a case of too little, too late.

Once you go from partners to parents and small children are introduced there's a definate change in every relationship right there. She'll become more exhausted from attending the kids and naturally has less incentive to fvck him. Men usually relax because they wouldn't dream of her leaving and this common notion that you can relax and live happily ever after and wait for her to shower you with unconditional love like mommy did.
Comfortability is the death nail for every kind of hot passion.
This is a form of inertia that I talk about above. Even childless couples can have inertia, but it really gets more pronounced in couples with children.

Translation: "We are not in passionionate relationship but a business partnership intent on raising children in the same household. My husband bends over backwards to please me, which I find boring and repulsive."

Translation: "My husband isn't sexually attractive to me anymore and I only have sex with him out of obligation. I like masturbating to fantasies about other men more than having sex with my husband"

Translation: "I have lost touch with my femininity because I decided to be an 'empowered career women' instead on being a supporting housewife and mother. As such, my husbands masculine energy does not exceed mine enough to want to have sex with him".
These translations are perfect analysis.
 

FlexpertHamilton

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He doesn't know how to turn her on and he isn't very good at sex. That's what the problem is.
I think this might be a misconception that needs to be addressed. I don't think necessarily think you need to be good at sex to keep a women around. Sex for women isn't solely about the act itself but who they are doing it with that really matters.

Although pehaps some nymphos and highly hedonistic women will only care about the quality of the sex and nothing else.
 

zekko

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there's no argument that the traditional monogamous marriage model beats the serial monogamy/no marriage/no baby lifestyle.
I agree with most of what you're saying, but some men are going to want children and a family. You're speaking from mostly a sexual standpoint. People today place more importance on sex than they did say, 200 years ago, when they were more concerned about survival. Of course, gender roles have now been destroyed, so the kind of life partnership yin/yang that made marriage work back then has now mostly disappeared. I have never personally reached a point where I wanted children, but I could understand why that would be important to some men. I have relatives who have spawned huge extended families - children, grandchildren, etc. I'm sure that is a great source of joy to them.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I think this might be a misconception that needs to be addressed. I don't think necessarily think you need to be good at sex to keep a women around. Sex for women isn't solely about the act itself but who they are doing it with that really matters.

Although pehaps some nymphos and highly hedonistic women will only care about the quality of the sex and nothing else.
Great sex causes similar areas of the brain to be activated as addictive drugs. So if you rock a woman's world enough you will literally cause her to become addicted to you.

If you suck at it this won't happen. Which do you think will cause a woman to stay around more easily?
 

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bat soup

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I think she just got bored. That's pretty understandable, from a male point of view, especially as women's looks tend to decline at a certain age, even more so if they put on weight. Even if they don't it gets boring to bang the same woman for years on end. The solution would be to get divorced and find someone else and in general for people not to get married and beleive the fairytale of "happy ever after" because it's not realistic.
 

zekko

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I think she just got bored.
That's what I think. I kept reading comments here that the guy had let himself go, became fat, stopped trying, became beta, quit gaming her, etc. I thought I must have missed something in the article, but nope there's nothing in there to indicate he's now out of shape or had stopped trying. Maybe it did happen, but maybe not. I think it's more about her than him.
 

bcude

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That's what I think. I kept reading comments here that the guy had let himself go, became fat, stopped trying, became beta, quit gaming her, etc. I thought I must have missed something in the article, but nope there's nothing in there to indicate he's now out of shape or had stopped trying. Maybe it did happen, but maybe not. I think it's more about her than him.
It's just a conclusion made from common behavior.
A scientific fact is that men's testosterone decrease in any LTR and we can take an educated guess that it decreases in correlation with the length of the relationship. Just this in itself makes him more 'soft', 'beta' and accomodating even though he starts out with the perfect mindset. I believe relationships are hard, no matter who you are they will test you, your frame and sanity. Women 'win' them by war of attrition, they'll slowly take over frame over time and 8 years is a long time to completely own it.
Even the most seasoned guys around here like Glassguy admits he lost frame during his marriage or LTR, imagine how hard it is for the average joe who's clueless about intersexual dynamics and just wants to protect his investment?

I'm not trying to defend her and there is usually more than one reason to it's demise, but guys - as the leaders of any LTR - have the huge responsibility to steer the ship.
Just in this thread alone, Hamuramimbi admitted of having done this highlighting how common it is.

I think FlexpertHamilton did a good translation from woman-ese for us:
"I have been with my husband (I’m a woman) for almost eight years. We are in our mid-30s, have a good relationship, and are happy. We communicate pretty well and are good partners and co-parents to our three young kids."

Translation: "We are not in passionionate relationship but a business partnership intent on raising children in the same household. My husband bends over backwards to please me, which I find boring and repulsive."
 
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