Adopting a Winning Mindset.

[Warrior74]

Lately I have been taking small incremental steps to make my life better and adopt a winning mindset.

I've started counting and celebrating every little win. Get a new client, WIN! Save a few bucks on a pair of jeans? WIN. Have a great talk with my general manager? WIN. Sure these aren't huge things, but for the longest I discounted them as not important. They are important. New clients= more money and a long term business relationship as well as referrals and contacts. Saving a few bucks on clothing means I can spend more on my business or buy an extra shirt. Having a great talk with the GM means that he thinks favorably of me and I can retain some job security until I'm ready to fly solo.

Every little win matters. Count them. Enjoy them.

Now I am developing the mentality of expecting to win. I have always had a negative tape playing in my head of why I can't do something or why it won't work. But beneath that buzzing noise was a part of me that still kept trying. I've been at war with those to parts of me and now I am trying to win the war. When the negative tape stops and the underlying ambition gets combined with a positive tape and huge dose of action, how can anything stop me?

When I'd catch myself dwelling on a negative thought or talking myself out of trying I say to myself FVCK THAT SHYT. Do it anyway and see what happens. I've been doing that since I came out of my depression. It really stemmed from the fact that my life was crap so what do I have to lose? I mean its been worse and I don't have much anyway, let's dare life to just screw me over again. But an amazing thing happened. People started responding well to me. Clients, acquaintances, women. And people started to believe in me and take me seriously. I started to win. Small wins. But wins.

Now I'm trying to change the tape in my head for "screw it let's see what happens" to "you can do this, you deserve this, and you will win at this".

 

[samspade]

Been doing the same thing. I noticed the default human condition is largely negative. We have to do all these little Jedi mind tricks just to be positive! I suppose once it becomes a habit it's not so much of a trick, but I find it curious that humans are so overwhelmingly negative. Must be a part of survival and expecting trouble in order to cope with it. Anyway I've been doing lots of spoken self-affirmations and it's made a difference for me day-to-day, making me more active and positive.

 

[Scormus]

Indeed

Indeed its easy to lose sight of what we are doing right when we don't count the small wins that add up to a lot over time.

 

[BeDJ]

Great post!

I've been in a rut earlier this year, not sure if it was depression. The most effective thing I did was to forgive myself. I did cause a lot of wrongdoings to myself and women, but I just learned to forgive my past self. Be my present self and make it the best for my future self.

Your past self,
You have to forgive him first. Then, extract what he did was great at and hold high his accomplishments. He is your best friend, he has always been there for you and you have to trust his goodwill for your other two best friends - your present and future self.

Your present self,
Do one thing each day that your past self will admire you for and your future self will thank you for. It can be ANYTHING. Dropping that Big Mac for a nice healthy home cooked meal, walking around the block or attending a networking event. It can be as simple as taking off pajamas and putting on jeans. Remember, something is better than nothing.

Your future self,
You have not met him, but he will be the greatest person in the world. He will be grateful to have you as a friend because he understands the effort you put in to make him successful. He also understands your shortcomings and will forgive you for them. You'll meet him one day and look back smiling on how far both of you have come.

 

[VikingKing]

Its real easy get negative, and just go down a miserable path in life. But thats true, every battle counts, every inch you take, every foot, and every mile.

Whether your going inch by inch, or mile by mile, the most important thing at times is not losing any ground.

 

[samspade]

WIN: Went out for drinks after work for a going away thing for a co-worker. In the past I'd have found an excuse to go home and be anti-social.

WIN: Had 21-year-old co-worker throwing herself at me after a couple of drinks.

WIN: Didn't take the bait. She has a boyfriend. Went home alone and satisfied.

WIN: Had a blast. Killed it in karaoke.

WIN: Earlier sent an email regarding professional future.

WIN: Didn't eat anything too disgusting for dinner even though drunk.

WIN: Didn't blow too much cash.

WIN: Earlier in the day, coached a student for a job interview. Imparted Sosuave wisdom insofar as it translates to job hunting for a girl. Job well done.

I gotta say it was a good day.

 

[guru1000]

Funny, 10 years from now you read threads like this, and remember how you willed success beginning with your thoughts.

 

[samspade]

LOL, well I was a little drunk when I posted that last night. But this thread did remind me to do more self-affirmations before bed. I used to get this guilty feeling for going out and having fun, spending money etc. I just felt stupid in the morning. But I started saying positive things to myself at night and it's helped me get past all that....life is short after all (and it's not like I'm being reckless). On to more victories.

 

[guru1000]

Sam, your post was great--you don't have to be drunk to practice positive thoughts. This thread is actually a great habit for all to adopt. If you find yourself feeling embarrassed by an act, that is because you acted on your own thinking--deviating from the herd.

And that's what brings success in most endeavors, isn't it--diverting from the herd mentality and operating by your own rules. Positive thoughts and gratefulness are great characteristics to adopt.

 

[Fruitbat]

I know the feeling of a winning mindset. I'm either up or down not much in between. I think the biggest contributor is exercise and diet. If these two are happening, a winning mindset develops on it's own.

And sleep. Not enough sleep makes me negative.

I am naturally a really negative thinker and have to battle with it all the time, especially when life doesn't run my way, it becomes confirmation of all the unworthy stuff going on in my mind.

The mental block I have with getting in a winning mindset is about effort. I wonder all the pressure and activity needed to achieving my goals is really going to work. If I work harder I'm not guaranteed more bonus. If I study I'm not guaranteed to pass. If I go to the gym it always takes a ridiculously long time, same with diet. You can spend your life chasing stuff you're not destined to have. What if I died in a month? What a waste of time when I could have enjoyed life rather than bust my ass chasing a dream?

Then I see a hot girl and I get the motivation, but also then get depressed I can't have her now, and think of the naturally good looking dudes who can be a bit out of shape and still score her, often whilst treating her like dirt. I think of the businessmans son, who despite less success at work than me, has so much wealth that he can date her. I ask why it has to be so difficult.

You initially try to blame the women, but they are just doing the same as you, finding the best quality partner. So then you blame your genetics, then you realise that your genetics are you, and it all gets depressing.

 

[guru1000]

... And think of the naturally good looking dudes who can be a bit out of shape and still score her, often whilst treating her like dirt. I think of the businessmans son, who despite less success at work than me, has so much wealth that he can date her. I ask why it has to be so difficult.

.

Because once you have it all then you have nothing to strive for. Once you have hb9s and 10s at will, then what? It gets boring. If you fail to strive to new heights because you are at the apex, you will not evolve and resultantly be miserable. Thank your creator for not being perfect.

 

[samspade]

Thanks guru, and you're right - it's only because I'm breaking from the herd. Since I've been making an effort to be more positive, I notice everything changing, and I also notice the way other people fall back on negativity. It's easy to do so I'm not totally faulting them; I've been there. I think a lot of what passes for "sarcasm" or (I hate this word but) "snark" is really just pure negativity disguised as humor. Earnestness is frowned upon because people don't like it when someone else is positive and goal-oriented.

What if I died in a month? What a waste of time when I could have enjoyed life rather than bust my ass chasing a dream?

About this - you should always be cognizant of the old grim reaper, but also be rational: Odds are you won't die in a month. So you should still be planning and setting goals in addition to remembering "you only live once." Busting your ass chasing a dream is a great way to spend your young, healthy years. If your doctor gives you two months to live, then you can go on a coke and hooker binge.

 

[fifacoinsbcI]

A preacher is buying a parrot."Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.""Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?""I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.




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[Desdinova]

Excellent post! It's really amazing how much the world around you changes when you begin to adopt a positive mindset. People respond. The longer you keep it up, the higher the probability of having that positive mindset become an integral part of your personality. Keep up the good work

 

[samspade]

Let's hear some more "wins" from y'all. How's your week/month going. What's going on with your game right now?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I've noticed that we tend to internally employ a points system to life. Let's say, as an example, that the scale goes from -10 though zero to +10.

Anything that happens to us which is negative is assigned (subconsciously) a negative number. Then when we have wins or victories, we rate them all at zero, because zero is seen as "how things should be". Zero is considered the baseline score for anything that works out. 1 through 10 become unnecessary because we have had a success, and that is simply how it "should have" worked out.

We need to recalibrate our inner "mood scale" so that zero = non-action, the negative numbers are recognized as the statistically necessary areas where we could have done better or simply were unable to do better, and the plus scale indicates our victories. We must learn to recognize every small victory not as "normal" but rather as belonging on the plus side of the range.

The scale is not -10 to Zero as our minds tend to tell us, but rather it is -10 to +10, zero representing inaction. Take your Zero and slide it back so that it is equidistant from -10 and +10 and you will find that it is far easier to give yourself credit for your small and big wins.

When you do this, an added bonus is that every time you think of the scale you have a tangible picture of your wins as well as your mistakes. If you don't recalibrate then the picture looks like a string of failures with an occasional top hit of zero.

You know that game at the carnival where you hit the lever in hopes of hitting it hard enough to ring the bell? Anything less than hitting the bell is considered a "failure". In this allegory the bell belongs in the middle of a longer scale, so the player can see himself hitting beyond the bell, beyond the "normal" zero point.

How we tend to rate wins:
-10 . . . . . . . . . 0

How we should create our scale:
-10 . . . . . . . . 0 . . . . . . . . .10

Now we can visually see our many wins on the scale, whether tiny ones or huge ones, thereby becoming more positive and hopeful, and less hard on ourselves.

 

[samspade]

I've noticed that we tend to internally employ a points system to life. Let's say, as an example, that the scale goes from -10 though zero to +10.

Anything that happens to us which is negative is assigned (subconsciously) a negative number. Then when we have wins or victories, we rate them all at zero, because zero is seen as "how things should be". Zero is considered the baseline score for anything that works out. 1 through 10 become unnecessary because we have had a success, and that is simply how it "should have" worked out.

We need to recalibrate our inner "mood scale" so that zero = non-action, the negative numbers are recognized as the statistically necessary areas where we could have done better or simply were unable to do better, and the plus scale indicates our victories. We must learn to recognize every small victory not as "normal" but rather as belonging on the plus side of the range.

The scale is not -10 to Zero as our minds tend to tell us, but rather it is -10 to +10, zero representing inaction. Take your Zero and slide it back so that it is equidistant from -10 and +10 and you will find that it is far easier to give yourself credit for your small and big wins.

When you do this, an added bonus is that every time you think of the scale you have a tangible picture of your wins as well as your mistakes. If you don't recalibrate then the picture looks like a string of failures with an occasional top hit of zero.

You know that game at the carnival where you hit the lever in hopes of hitting it hard enough to ring the bell? Anything less than hitting the bell is considered a "failure". In this allegory the bell belongs in the middle of a longer scale, so the player can see himself hitting beyond the bell, beyond the "normal" zero point.

How we tend to rate wins:
-10 . . . . . . . . . 0

How we should create our scale:
-10 . . . . . . . . 0 . . . . . . . . .10

Now we can visually see our many wins on the scale, whether tiny ones or huge ones, thereby becoming more positive and hopeful, and less hard on ourselves.

Well said. We can even rate some "losses" as wins. Trying for a new job, approaching a girl and getting shot down, etc. These are not necessarily seen as pluses but they are. I don't mean that in the equalist sense of "everybody wins!" like in teeball. Just that there is something to be said for real effort, that should at least be worth half a point since it builds character. The important thing to remember is that in most situations, you are competing against your former self. If you are trying to improve at something, the only competition is you. (In real competition, of course, there are others, but most of the time we are practicing.)

 

[backbreaker]

I'll tell you what I'm working on and it's a complete 180 from my previous views.

I used to pride myself on being a workaholic. I mean, I will always work hard.


but I'm learning how to pace myself. the tourtise wins the race. If you are 250 pounds and you want to be 180 pounds and ripped you don't get there by spending 3-4 hours a day in the gym. you get there by CONSISTENT effort everyday. not consistently burning yourself out lol. I'm 3-4 hour a day in the gym guy lol.. For no other reason than I feel if I don't' spend 3 hours in hte gym i'm "leaving something on the table" but i'm learning YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE SOMETHING ON THE TABLE.


as hard as i work, without fail usually about once, sometimes even twice a wee, i'd be so out of it i couldn't work. that's generally when I end up posting here. between my son / wife the job, horse racing, the gym, everything, i'd wake up on a tuesday or thursday and just say **** this, let's play metal gear solid and drink vodka lol.



but instead of going 95-98% for one day, you are better off going 75% for 5 days, being tired but not so tired where you can't have sex with the wife at night... i'd be that tired a lot of nights.. instead of going 3 hours in the gym do your 1 hour routine.. **** dude you're in shape lol and go home. instead of talking to every client response you see only pick the ones that you really want to talk to and leave the rest on the table.


anyway, it's all new to me.

 

[Die Hard]

Conflict at work pushed me to the point where I reported myself sick and stayed at home for over a month.
Now I'm doing sort of a trial at another job, which seemed to be just the job I'm looking for, but I'm getting doubts about this company and the way things work around there. So perhaps I'll have to go back to my old job again, which would suck greatly.

Got no money, can barely pay the bills, something must change and soon.

But I'm having the winner mentality right now, I will come out on top anyway, somehow... My game tight these days, I might even be on te highest level I've ever been with women right now.

I dunno, there is lots of chaos and turmoil in my life at the moment. No certainties, each day is a new adventure, just trying to make it from day to day. But I have that winner mentality and somehow I like it all and have this unshakable believe that everything is alright, I have no fear.

Unstoppable, unbeatable, un-fvckin-believable. I'm tired as hell and the day is short, I need to go to bed early and find time to relax between coming home from work and going to bed. But fvck it, I'm gonna blast myself in the gym right now. See ya!

 

[guru1000]

Develop the mentality that wins are not victories. Instead wins are action, and losses are inaction.

I made one resolution several months ago:

Every day, I will do/try something that I normally wouldn't do/try. My life has changed for the better--a true victory.

Now, I am like water, I am formless, shapeless. Comfort zones are obsolete. No belief systems to deny me new experiences. Just thoughts, and subsequent action.