Abundance mindset on OLD

[Sir FB]

Man I’ve learned a lot in three months. Last year this woman would have been dragging me around by the nose. Now if a woman doesn’t want to follow my lead, she’s not going to get much attention.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If telling someone you don't care about learning their name is what you've learned, you should probably go back and relearn things.

 

[Sir FB]

Ooh. Might be right about that. Thanks for checking me.

 

[SirBigBell]

Man I’ve learned a lot in three months. Last year this woman would have been dragging me around by the nose. Now if a woman doesn’t want to follow my lead, she’s not going to get much attention.


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From one Sir to another, I will share my thoughts on this with you.
I think its commendable for a man to strengthen his backbone and not be women’s doormat. Having options is one way of creating an abundance mindset, and thats good because it stops one from putting women on pedestals.

However, just like with everything in life, balance is key. If your needle swings too far to either extreme then thats detrimental. You have to me smooth without being soft; firm without being hard; warm without being hot.

That screenshot of your interaction with the woman shows you arent willing to do even the basics (learning someone’s name). Everything under the sun is identifiable by a given name. When you are unwilling to learn someone’s name it shows you are not remotely interested in identifying them correctly. That becomes rude and rude has never been attractive.

So while your growth from being a doormat should be applauded, it appears you have over-compensated and swung to the other extreme. You are now sabotaging yourself in an attempt to come across as strong and manly. If you dont mellow down and soften your decorum, you will have a long string of L’s. Be strong and masculine, but cover the basics of cordial human interaction. If you are not interested in learning someone’s name, why would you be interested in their company?

If I were in your shoes, i would have responded as follows:
“Im interested in learning your name. It may take time for me to get it absolutely right, so this will be a test of your patience. Will you pass or fail?”

 

[manfrombelow]

Balance is key.

Growing a spine and have a frame DOES NOT MEAN falling in the other extreme side that treat your partner like trash.

I mean, would you go on a coffee date with a HB9+ who blatantly said she is not interested in knowing your name? Of course not because it's pure disrespect, from her side.

The same goes for her.

 

[Sir FB]

Thanks for the replies. I definitely feel a little out of balance. I’m not trying to justify or condone my behavior but I feel a major shift on my outlook on life, women and dating has occurred just in the past 90 days and maybe it’s natural to swing to the extreme before finding a balance. It’s a little humbling to post something like this and get called out on it but I appreciate the feedback, especially since it seems to be written in the spirit of helpfulness and not condemnation.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The OP is more on-track than many think. It is far, far better to start out overly critical of women and then throttle back as he calibrates himself, than to drift around underneath the calibrated sweet spot and never dare to reach or exceed it.

OP, I have no problem how you handled that and your reason behind it. As you move forward you will easily learn how much is too much and find your sweet spot. This case was a little extreme but that’s good. You went over the speed limit and now you can throttle back a bit. Too many men are afraid to go over the limit and they don’t realize that their tentative vibe is discernible to others.

 

[SirBigBell]

The OP is more on-track than many think. It is far, far better to start out overly critical of women and then throttle back as he calibrates himself, than to drift around underneath the calibrated sweet spot and never dare to reach or exceed it.

OP, I have no problem how you handled that and your reason behind it. As you move forward you will easily learn how much is too much and find your sweet spot. This case was a little extreme but that’s good. You went over the speed limit and now you can throttle back a bit. Too many men are afraid to go over the limit and they don’t realize that their tentative vibe is discernible to others.

Atom your angle is interesting but very risky.
What makes it risky is the communication medium: texting. Yes, its good to be a bit spicy with women at first and then adjust to the centre ground. It however is risky to do so via text. Texts lack tone and are too black and white. Yes these days we have the benefit of imojis to express tone, but even they have to be used sparingly.

The strategy you are recommending is better executed face to face, when the other party can read your tone and body language to determine whether the spice is malicious or not. Pursuing that strategy in the early interactions via text is sure to make anybody come across as rude, abnoxious and void of basic social manners. In this swipe left era, thats a sure way to get nexted in quick time.

 

[manfrombelow]

Atom your angle is interesting but very risky.
What makes it risky is the communication medium: texting. Yes, its good to be a bit spicy with women at first and then adjust to the centre ground. It however is risky to do so via text. Texts lack tone and are too black and white. Yes these days we have the benefit of imojis to express tone, but even they have to be used sparingly.

The strategy you are recommending is better executed face to face, when the other party can read your tone and body language to determine whether the spice is malicious or not. Pursuing that strategy in the early interactions via text is sure to make anybody come across as rude, abnoxious and void of basic social manners. In this swipe left era, thats a sure way to get nexted in quick time.

I second this.

You "game" her during real dates, not via texts.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Atom your angle is interesting but very risky.
What makes it risky is the communication medium: texting. Yes, its good to be a bit spicy with women at first and then adjust to the centre ground. It however is risky to do so via text. Texts lack tone and are too black and white. Yes these days we have the benefit of imojis to express tone, but even they have to be used sparingly.

The strategy you are recommending is better executed face to face, when the other party can read your tone and body language to determine whether the spice is malicious or not. Pursuing that strategy in the early interactions via text is sure to make anybody come across as rude, abnoxious and void of basic social manners. In this swipe left era, thats a sure way to get nexted in quick time.

Yes, risky in that you will turn off 90% of women at first. Then 50%. Then 20%. Then zero percent of the desirable ones and 100% of the undesirable ones.

I don’t consider the method that enabled me to completely overcome my problems with women “risky”. I consider it a solid plan which guarantees future success. It’s the long game that matters.

Once you calibrate, you develop a sixth sense of just how far to go. Or perhaps it’s better to say, a sixth sense of how to eliminate the troublesome women and attract the desirable ones.

Next time he will not reject a woman as quickly. He will likely keep on improving until he finds balance.

In the early days of texting I used to constantly dissuade guys from texting for the reasons you stated above. Most guys are terrible at it. However, over the years I developed that sixth sense about texting and learned to leverage it to my advantage. It’s another excellent tool in the hands of a master. You can’t become a master without lots of trial and error.

Being afraid to find that sweet spot out of fear of offending women is a sign of a belief system of lack. A man of abundance knows that it’s a game he can practice and get good at, with the side result of losing his tentative, cautious demeanor.

I started out my online game offending some women. My attitude was “So what?” I quickly zeroed in on the sweet spot for me, and found myself offending only the ones who I purposely wanted to chase away, and attracting the ones I was interested in.

It’s an excellent investment for a man to lose his fear of offending women. I know that the way I write here makes some of you imagine my interactions with women to be offensive. In reality, I enjoy great respect and admiration from the vast majority, precisely because they pick up on my presence and my intolerance of bratty behavior. In other words, they see me as above them. And women can only be truly attracted to a man they consider above them.

My advice to men is to get above them and keep them looking up to you. In order to get above them you will likely offend a few as you learn the Way. So what? For the rest of your life after that, you will have your pick of the litter. You will no longer be offensive, but rather, you will be seen as bold, strong, and highly desirable.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I second this.

You "game" her during real dates, not via texts.

I would say you intrigue her with texts if you want to be truly successful. Then you game her in-person.

 

[SirBigBell]

Here is a recent text exchange. It seems simple. It is not. My retort is just the right amount of pressure. It s depends on the woman. I broke off the conversation at exactly the point where she recanted. No acknowledgement of her recant from me.
We are talking about a combat competition pistol that was giving her trouble. IPSC women are still women. Despite their ability to shoot your arse off. I build my own competition 2011’s when I want something different. It’s just a hobby.

its Been about a week. Yesterday afternoon she invited me to come out to her absent boyfriend’s ranch.

You held frame very well, neither being thirsty nor being spicy. This is a delicate dance that not many can master.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Atom your angle is interesting but very risky.
What makes it risky is the communication medium: texting. Yes, its good to be a bit spicy with women at first and then adjust to the centre ground. It however is risky to do so via text. Texts lack tone and are too black and white. Yes these days we have the benefit of imojis to express tone, but even they have to be used sparingly.

The strategy you are recommending is better executed face to face, when the other party can read your tone and body language to determine whether the spice is malicious or not. Pursuing that strategy in the early interactions via text is sure to make anybody come across as rude, abnoxious and void of basic social manners. In this swipe left era, thats a sure way to get nexted in quick time.

Yeah I have found women to be MUCH more unforgiving for fvck ups via text/messages than they are when done via phone or in person.

 

[Sir FB]

I changed my tone, got a text this morning and have a coffee date tomorrow. I think I lost frame in the reply but got the date. Every interaction I’ve had with this woman indicates she’s going to try and control the frame and I am going to have to be constantly vigilant to set the tone and take the lead. This ought to be interesting.

 

[FuzzX]

Op is that your picture in the little circle or hers?

 

[Sir FB]

Op is that your picture in the little circle or hers?

You guys are ball busters

 

[manfrombelow]

I changed my tone, got a text this morning and have a coffee date tomorrow. I think I lost frame in the reply but got the date. Every interaction I’ve had with this woman indicates she’s going to try and control the frame and I am going to have to be constantly vigilant to set the tone and take the lead. This ought to be interesting.
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Don't say you're sorry recklessly like that. There was nothing to be sorry about. Next time, just simply say "Lol, gotcha, I meant I'll learn about your everything, name included, during our date. *Smirk*"

Always be light, fun, and positive. Basically that's how you keep your frame.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes, I’ve learned the hard way that the word, “sorry” should be used exceedingly sparingly, only when you really screwed something up and a real apology is in order. Even then, the less explanation, the better. In my experience, women hate it when a man apologizes. Somehow he loses value in her eyes, even when you think you are correct to apologize.

When we apologize to other men, the other man usually respects you more and is quick to let bygones be bygones. In other words, a man will see that as strength most times. However when you apologize to a woman, she sees that as weakness. I’ve even noticed that if you apologize to a female stranger for a minor social slight, she will often look at you with a bewildered look, as if she doesn’t know how to process your apology.

It makes little sense to us men, but it is a hard and fast rule that the words “I’m sorry” should rarely, if ever, escape your lips in the presence of a woman. It’s better to just factually correct yourself with as little explanation as possible.

Instead of “sorry”, say, “I mean to say” or something neutral like that. Save your apologies for men, who generally appreciate it and respect you for it. A woman, the great incomprehensible creature of the earth, who possesses little no no internal moral compass, will judge an apology as weakness.

 

[Grinderman]

From one extreme to the other.

Basic communication to give your name and ask the other person theirs.

Preferable the string them along a little method rather than staying chatting to them online.

Those interested seem to lose patience and offer their number ("oh lets talk on whatsapp I don't come on her often").

 

[FuzzX]

I guess cause I never got into this smart phone bullsh1t but I would just say

hi,

do you like X,

great lets setup a date at McDonalds, bring a friend or two if you're nervous.

If she expects to be wined and dined, you just dodged bullet #1

Bring a deck of cards and play Crazy Eights (easy & fun) or A$$hole because there's nothing worse than staring someone in the face over a burger trying to 'get to know them' and you never know, you might be more interested in hanging out with her friends instead.

If she's too 'old for that' you dodged bullet #2

Now you can work on her friends. But likely this scenario is not going to play out, chicks love FUN and when they get together they want to do something not just sit around and 'talk' to some rando.