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About to take the most difficult decision in my life

Blacksheep

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I went no contact with my parents for 2 years, and it was a great decision. A lot lead up to it but it was a decision I had to make, my relationship that I have now with both is greatly improved as they know if they try to manipulate me or play games I'll be gone for another couple of years.

It's tough to pull the trigger but you have to do what's right for your own mental well-being, parents are not supposed to make you feel like ****. They are supposed to do the opposite.
That's right man!

I was so many time slaved to that... and the more I keep living like that, the more affraid I become. I have so much fear of becoming like them because of those traumas. I woke up everyday thinking if I could become a narcissist. It really scares.

I'm taking bupropion for 4 months, and it's kind of helping giving me some strength and become more neutral and less reactive. But the more I feel better, the more he attack harder.

And after he knew that I'm working to build my own business, he is putting a heavy charge of work on my job, so I don't achieve that. It's really funny that. Sometimes it seems he hate me, but at same time he cannot be without me.

I have 3 temporary options, considering that my main goal is my app/games company.

1 - I'm looking for another job, sending my curriculum anywhere in my country.
2 - I'm thinking about selling supplements online. I've made the calculations and based on the market here and the supplier that I found, I can get something about 50% of profit. I'm seriously thinking to risk on that field... As I can see that people are consuming it a lot.
3 - I have another skills like UI/UX designer, graphic designer... I like to do that, but it's not a good paying job in brazil. Unless you become a freelancer. So I'm also analyzing it.

Thanks for your feedback.
 

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Soldier King

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So true. It's the pain and sadness and fear, that makes us human, it is not our weakness but our strength because it allows to understand others who go through the same thing :).
 
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Blacksheep

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Although our dynamics are a bit different, I grew up with a father having the same behavioral problems.

The behavior is not only narcissism, but an obsession with order and control. The thing you have to think about is the trade off. Will it be worth it? And, you have a son... how about his financial welfare and also his emotional welfare? I can't answer these questions, but it's something to consider.

The paragraphs below will be more about my history. I'm not sure if this will be of any benefit to you or not. After all, what worked for me - may not work for you.

Divorced parents and at the age of 18. I moved in with my father, attended college full time and worked part time. The SOB was a micromanager. If there was any flaw he could find, he pretty much frothed at the mouth to point out any imperfection. I suspect that both our father's were a 'success' and mine achieved his success, not just by money in the family, but his determination and his (over) authoritative behavior.

Pulling into the driveway and seeing his car meant that I'd be tense. When he was on a business trip and his car was gone, it was like ... being able to exhale and feel comfortable. I finally got tired of it.

I told him that I'd dropped out of school and planned to work full time and that I was leaving that night. 30 miles away, my Grandparents house was for sale (they had already moved to another state). I still had a key. The power had been shut off and some nights the weather got down to the upper teens. I picked up a few blankets and a pillow at a thrift store and stayed there for six weeks (until having enough money and a buffer income to get my own place).

Would it had been nicer to stay with my father and complete school in a 'normal' amount of time? To the outsider, they'd probably say that I was crazy. During that six weeks of coldness, no power, washing my hair under a bathroom sink/spot bathing at a near by convenience store wasn't fun... but I never regretted my decision.

This may sound harsh, but we can chose to remain under someone's thumb (if the price is right) or we can trade in a particular lifestyle for one of better mental health. There hadn't been any physical abuse with my father, but his abuse in other areas was something I didn't invite or want. I can still recall my grandparents house being so cold that I could see condensation out of my nostrils, but not once did I think.. I sure wish I was back at my dad's.

His last words before I left? "Son, you'll never amount to a hill of beans." I never achieved his (so-called) 'success' but, not to brag, I still ended up doing okay. Even after his death, I still don't regret cutting ties. Your mileage may vary, but I hope that something within this posting was helpful.
Just took a decision similar to that.

After being accused of a lot of stuffs and defamation, I'm leaving my job, the house I live (that he owns)... I can have financial issues, no food, whatever...

Dying hunger is better than this slow death. I'm crying everyday this week, it's fckng hard. But I will not turn back to this sh!t anymore... NEVER AGAIN.
 

Black Widow Void

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Just took a decision similar to that.

After being accused of a lot of stuffs and defamation, I'm leaving my job, the house I live (that he owns)... I can have financial issues, no food, whatever...

Dying hunger is better than this slow death. I'm crying everyday this week, it's fckng hard. But I will not turn back to this sh!t anymore... NEVER AGAIN.
Best of luck in your new life.
While my transition wasn't easy back then, I look back (even after his death) and still have no regrets whatsoever.
This may be a rough financial decision, but I suspect that the emotional freedom that you'll gain... will be worth the trade-off (it was for me).
 

Focal core

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I went no contact with my parents for 2 years, and it was a great decision. A lot lead up to it but it was a decision I had to make, my relationship that I have now with both is greatly improved as they know if they try to manipulate me or play games I'll be gone for another couple of years.

It's tough to pull the trigger but you have to do what's right for your own mental well-being, parents are not supposed to make you feel like ****. They are supposed to do the opposite.
This.. Dont walk.. Run!
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
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Best of luck in your new life.
While my transition wasn't easy back then, I look back (even after his death) and still have no regrets whatsoever.
This may be a rough financial decision, but I suspect that the emotional freedom that you'll gain... will be worth the trade-off (it was for me).
Thats true man! Thanks for that, wish the best for you too.

I'm feeling really weird right now, maybe I need some time to process everything. But in the long run I think it will be the best thing ever.

So now, when I just move to a flat or somewhere else... There will be zero contact. Everything blocked and I would even allow them to visit or try to talk with me.

It's so weird coming to this point. But I need to preserve myself... those things were killing me.
 

Blacksheep

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This.. Dont walk.. Run!
Yeah man! Lot of people said that to me before... Now I know that I should have run a long time ago... The more you keep in this position, the more you're drained.

The silent abuse and its very very bad! =/
 
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Focal core

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Yeah man! Lot of people said that to me before... Now I know that I should have run a long time ago... The more you keep in this position, the more you're drained.

The silent abuse and its very very bad! =/
Your father fits 100% narcissistic personality disordered characteristics, hell never praise you unless its make him feels great from your success, other than that youre worthless to his eyes.. U made sounds decisions, keep on rockin"
 

Blacksheep

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Your father fits 100% narcissistic personality disordered characteristics, hell never praise you unless its make him feels great from your success, other than that youre worthless to his eyes.. U made sounds decisions, keep on rockin"
Yeah man, and I have to think a bit on me... I wasting years of my life working there, allowing this humiliations and threats.

Just done with that. He can try to harm me in any ways... I will defend myself the best I can.

Thanks a lot for your feedback!
 

Focal core

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Yeah man, and I have to think a bit on me... I wasting years of my life working there, allowing this humiliations and threats.

Just done with that. He can try to harm me in any ways... I will defend myself the best I can.

Thanks a lot for your feedback!
You have no idea how much time and favour you have saved and done for yourself, establish boundaries at all costs, keep him away time to savour this world and taste the air again.. Build and have a great life with yourself and your son.
 
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