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About to take the most difficult decision in my life

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
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If anyone experienced that or can give me any idea of what I can do, I would appreciate.

As I've said on last posts, I have complex relationship with my parents... Basically, I could call them narcissists, but I hate do that kind of judgment cause it seem just like what my dad do to me. Btw, I need to defend myself as he is attacking me way hard than before.

Basically he try at all cost to keep me slave to his financial support and my job in his company. He knew about my app, that I was developing and you should look at his face and his actions after that. He knows as soon as it works, he won't have any emotional supply to nurture his ego.

Just found out that he is making a new defamation campaign to people of my family and friends. Those new stuffs he is saying is pretty heavy and I finally understood why some people are looking at me with some kind of disgust. I've heard that from people that used to believe him, but as they were discarded like everyone who is no longer useful to him, I'm getting some allies. This is his only achilles heel.

He is using my son to show how better he is like a father than me, and he show that to everyone. As he has more money than me, buying tons of stuffs to my son. And saying that what I pay is not worth, and that I should pay more. $850 of alimony + $50 saved each month for my son, to use in the future + complete health plan. Some of my friends pay $200, cause of their incomes.

They've threatened me last week, saying that they are changing things and there will be really huge surprises to me. That I'm a monster, a evil being, and they just found that about it.

They only tell that because I say no when he try to impose something I don't agree. Because I don't keep contact with them and the only contact and power over me he had today is on my job and his house. I do my best on that job, serious following everything he order... But he always try to find something to devalue me... When he cannot find it, he start to make "meetings in the office" to devalue me, saying stuffs like "You should get married", "You should pay more money to your son", "You should go and see your son everyday", etc...

I need to go out, but I'm feeling completely trapped and my energy is dropping away the more I keep living my life this way.

I'm evaluating some options to work by myself untill my app is finished (investing on it for 3 years, it's almost finished)... and as I made the worst mistake of telling him about that app, it seems he is trying to sabotage that.

Should I just fire me, leave this house and just go find something else to do? It's the hardest thing ever... but as times goes by, it seems the only solution. The more I try to wait and invest into those projects, the more I'm being attacked.

This is the last place last for me to talk about that... I'm really affraid of what he is capable to do. The more I fight, more agressive he become. Also they already said that her sister should die when they have a discussion, sometimes I really feel that even being his supply, when I'm no longer useful he can desire that or try to do something worse.

This is my final boss in life. And the worst case of abuse someone could even experience. It's silent, it's all manipulated and orchestrated. And it kill someone inside.
 

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Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
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I'm on my way to work and so I can't give the proper reply right now.
This evening, you can expect a followup.
 

wifehunter

Master Don Juan
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Walk away.
 

EyeOnThePrize

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 9, 2019
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552
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If anyone experienced that or can give me any idea of what I can do, I would appreciate.

As I've said on last posts, I have complex relationship with my parents... Basically, I could call them narcissists, but I hate do that kind of judgment cause it seem just like what my dad do to me. Btw, I need to defend myself as he is attacking me way hard than before.

Basically he try at all cost to keep me slave to his financial support and my job in his company. He knew about my app, that I was developing and you should look at his face and his actions after that. He knows as soon as it works, he won't have any emotional supply to nurture his ego.

Just found out that he is making a new defamation campaign to people of my family and friends. Those new stuffs he is saying is pretty heavy and I finally understood why some people are looking at me with some kind of disgust. I've heard that from people that used to believe him, but as they were discarded like everyone who is no longer useful to him, I'm getting some allies. This is his only achilles heel.

He is using my son to show how better he is like a father than me, and he show that to everyone. As he has more money than me, buying tons of stuffs to my son. And saying that what I pay is not worth, and that I should pay more. $850 of alimony + $50 saved each month for my son, to use in the future + complete health plan. Some of my friends pay $200, cause of their incomes.

They've threatened me last week, saying that they are changing things and there will be really huge surprises to me. That I'm a monster, a evil being, and they just found that about it.

They only tell that because I say no when he try to impose something I don't agree. Because I don't keep contact with them and the only contact and power over me he had today is on my job and his house. I do my best on that job, serious following everything he order... But he always try to find something to devalue me... When he cannot find it, he start to make "meetings in the office" to devalue me, saying stuffs like "You should get married", "You should pay more money to your son", "You should go and see your son everyday", etc...

I need to go out, but I'm feeling completely trapped and my energy is dropping away the more I keep living my life this way.

I'm evaluating some options to work by myself untill my app is finished (investing on it for 3 years, it's almost finished)... and as I made the worst mistake of telling him about that app, it seems he is trying to sabotage that.

Should I just fire me, leave this house and just go find something else to do? It's the hardest thing ever... but as times goes by, it seems the only solution. The more I try to wait and invest into those projects, the more I'm being attacked.

This is the last place last for me to talk about that... I'm really affraid of what he is capable to do. The more I fight, more agressive he become. Also they already said that her sister should die when they have a discussion, sometimes I really feel that even being his supply, when I'm no longer useful he can desire that or try to do something worse.

This is my final boss in life. And the worst case of abuse someone could even experience. It's silent, it's all manipulated and orchestrated. And it kill someone inside.
For whatever reason your father is trying to continue treating you like a child. You're his subordinate on the job which only makes things worse. You have to show him that you're a man and his equal, no longer a little boy. I would find other work quietly and when that other job is assured I would begin to firmly call out his demeaning behavior. Don't argue, just say that it's disrespectful and you won't tolerate it. If he pushes back then say 'i quit' and go to that new job.

Also if you're living with your parents find your own place. You can find a cheap spot if you're willing to have roommates. Take charge of your life and show your father that you don't need these 'favors' which are really just excuses for him to inflate his ego at your expense.

Set the tone and maintain it. They may never adjust to your new tone, but that doesn't mean you should compromise it. Maintain is relentlessly.
 
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ShePays

Master Don Juan
Joined
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For whatever reason your father is trying to continue treating you like a child. You're his subordinate on the job which only makes things worse. You have to show him that you're a man and his equal, no longer a little boy. I would find other work quietly and when that other job is assured I would begin to firmly call out his demeaning behavior. Don't argue, just say that it's disrespectful and you won't tolerate it. If he pushes back then say 'i quit' and go to that new job.

Also if you're living with your parents find your own place. You can find a cheap spot if you're willing to have roommates. Take charge of your life and show your father that you don't need these 'favors' which are really just excuses for him to inflate his ego at your expense.

Set the tone and maintain it. They may never adjust to your new tone, but that doesn't mean you should compromise it. Maintain is relentlessly.
Parents can feel a sense of competition with their grown children, sometimes. More often, it's mothers and daughters, but the same can happen between fathers and sons. Sounds like that's the issue...unless he's just too close to the matter to see what's really going on.
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2018
Messages
319
Reaction score
200
Age
29
Location
Brazil
For whatever reason your father is trying to continue treating you like a child. You're his subordinate on the job which only makes things worse. You have to show him that you're a man and his equal, no longer a little boy. I would find other work quietly and when that other job is assured I would begin to firmly call out his demeaning behavior. Don't argue, just say that it's disrespectful and you won't tolerate it. If he pushes back then say 'i quit' and go to that new job.

Also if you're living with your parents find your own place. You can find a cheap spot if you're willing to have roommates. Take charge of your life and show your father that you don't need these 'favors' which are really just excuses for him to inflate his ego at your expense.

Set the tone and maintain it. They may never adjust to your new tone, but that doesn't mean you should compromise it. Maintain is relentlessly.
Thats really true! Im preparing everything here to leave!

Sending my curriculum and looking for some way to make money somewhere.

There is no way to solve it than leaving it behind.

It seems hard in that moment, but I can see now that there will be more benefits in the future!
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2018
Messages
319
Reaction score
200
Age
29
Location
Brazil
Parents can feel a sense of competition with their grown children, sometimes. More often, it's mothers and daughters, but the same can happen between fathers and sons. Sounds like that's the issue...unless he's just too close to the matter to see what's really going on.
One time my mom ask him: "Dont u love ur son?"... He kept in silence. I was 5 years old. Also said I was a evil child! o_O

4yrs old I had a babysitter who hanged me and stay naked with me on bed... Told them and to my family... They thought I was lying


Hopefully I could solve those stuffs... Don't hit me anymore as before.

This is my final boss now... Leave all of this behind and walk away.
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2018
Messages
319
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Age
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Brazil
Hanged you?
When the person puts his hands on your throat and squeezes hard. Dont now if that was the correct translation.

But basically she used to hit me on some weird ways and I have some vivid memories about it.
 
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RickTheToad

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 21, 2018
Messages
3,630
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Location
Bridgeport, CT
If anyone experienced that or can give me any idea of what I can do, I would appreciate.

As I've said on last posts, I have complex relationship with my parents... Basically, I could call them narcissists, but I hate do that kind of judgment cause it seem just like what my dad do to me. Btw, I need to defend myself as he is attacking me way hard than before.

Basically he try at all cost to keep me slave to his financial support and my job in his company. He knew about my app, that I was developing and you should look at his face and his actions after that. He knows as soon as it works, he won't have any emotional supply to nurture his ego.

Just found out that he is making a new defamation campaign to people of my family and friends. Those new stuffs he is saying is pretty heavy and I finally understood why some people are looking at me with some kind of disgust. I've heard that from people that used to believe him, but as they were discarded like everyone who is no longer useful to him, I'm getting some allies. This is his only achilles heel.

He is using my son to show how better he is like a father than me, and he show that to everyone. As he has more money than me, buying tons of stuffs to my son. And saying that what I pay is not worth, and that I should pay more. $850 of alimony + $50 saved each month for my son, to use in the future + complete health plan. Some of my friends pay $200, cause of their incomes.

They've threatened me last week, saying that they are changing things and there will be really huge surprises to me. That I'm a monster, a evil being, and they just found that about it.

They only tell that because I say no when he try to impose something I don't agree. Because I don't keep contact with them and the only contact and power over me he had today is on my job and his house. I do my best on that job, serious following everything he order... But he always try to find something to devalue me... When he cannot find it, he start to make "meetings in the office" to devalue me, saying stuffs like "You should get married", "You should pay more money to your son", "You should go and see your son everyday", etc...

I need to go out, but I'm feeling completely trapped and my energy is dropping away the more I keep living my life this way.

I'm evaluating some options to work by myself untill my app is finished (investing on it for 3 years, it's almost finished)... and as I made the worst mistake of telling him about that app, it seems he is trying to sabotage that.

Should I just fire me, leave this house and just go find something else to do? It's the hardest thing ever... but as times goes by, it seems the only solution. The more I try to wait and invest into those projects, the more I'm being attacked.

This is the last place last for me to talk about that... I'm really affraid of what he is capable to do. The more I fight, more agressive he become. Also they already said that her sister should die when they have a discussion, sometimes I really feel that even being his supply, when I'm no longer useful he can desire that or try to do something worse.

This is my final boss in life. And the worst case of abuse someone could even experience. It's silent, it's all manipulated and orchestrated. And it kill someone inside.
Few questions.

How old are you? I am not sure if the age under your pic is correct or not. Why are you living with your parents? Do you have enough reserves to support yourself? Can you move out?
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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319
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Brazil
Few questions.

How old are you? I am not sure if the age under your pic is correct or not. Why are you living with your parents? Do you have enough reserves to support yourself? Can you move out?
Im 29

I live alone, but my dad is the house's owner.

I pay everything here, maintenances, water, energy, taxes. If I was living with them untill those days I would had become crazy.

But as he owns that house, he can use it as a threat.
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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319
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Few questions.

How old are you? I am not sure if the age under your pic is correct or not. Why are you living with your parents? Do you have enough reserves to support yourself? Can you move out?
Also that house is my childhood house... They left to live in another place when I was 18yrs old... As I was in college, i stayed living here.

11yrs that I live by myself.
 

RickTheToad

Master Don Juan
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Im 29

I live alone, but my dad is the house's owner.

I pay everything here, maintenances, water, energy, taxes. If I was living with them untill those days I would had become crazy.

But as he owns that house, he can use it as a threat.
First thing you do is plan to move. He will always be able to hover over you on his terms if you are under his roof (legal home ownership wise).
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Although our dynamics are a bit different, I grew up with a father having the same behavioral problems.

The behavior is not only narcissism, but an obsession with order and control. The thing you have to think about is the trade off. Will it be worth it? And, you have a son... how about his financial welfare and also his emotional welfare? I can't answer these questions, but it's something to consider.

The paragraphs below will be more about my history. I'm not sure if this will be of any benefit to you or not. After all, what worked for me - may not work for you.

Divorced parents and at the age of 18. I moved in with my father, attended college full time and worked part time. The SOB was a micromanager. If there was any flaw he could find, he pretty much frothed at the mouth to point out any imperfection. I suspect that both our father's were a 'success' and mine achieved his success, not just by money in the family, but his determination and his (over) authoritative behavior.

Pulling into the driveway and seeing his car meant that I'd be tense. When he was on a business trip and his car was gone, it was like ... being able to exhale and feel comfortable. I finally got tired of it.

I told him that I'd dropped out of school and planned to work full time and that I was leaving that night. 30 miles away, my Grandparents house was for sale (they had already moved to another state). I still had a key. The power had been shut off and some nights the weather got down to the upper teens. I picked up a few blankets and a pillow at a thrift store and stayed there for six weeks (until having enough money and a buffer income to get my own place).

Would it had been nicer to stay with my father and complete school in a 'normal' amount of time? To the outsider, they'd probably say that I was crazy. During that six weeks of coldness, no power, washing my hair under a bathroom sink/spot bathing at a near by convenience store wasn't fun... but I never regretted my decision.

This may sound harsh, but we can chose to remain under someone's thumb (if the price is right) or we can trade in a particular lifestyle for one of better mental health. There hadn't been any physical abuse with my father, but his abuse in other areas was something I didn't invite or want. I can still recall my grandparents house being so cold that I could see condensation out of my nostrils, but not once did I think.. I sure wish I was back at my dad's.

His last words before I left? "Son, you'll never amount to a hill of beans." I never achieved his (so-called) 'success' but, not to brag, I still ended up doing okay. Even after his death, I still don't regret cutting ties. Your mileage may vary, but I hope that something within this posting was helpful.
 
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Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
319
Reaction score
200
Age
29
Location
Brazil
First thing you do is plan to move. He will always be able to hover over you on his terms if you are under his roof (legal home ownership wise).
That's true. I already have some options and fortunately, most of my family do not agree with his behavior too, so I can ask for help if I need.

Thanks man! =)
 

Blacksheep

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2018
Messages
319
Reaction score
200
Age
29
Location
Brazil
Although our dynamics are a bit different, I grew up with a father having the same behavioral problems.

The behavior is not only narcissism, but an obsession with order and control. The thing you have to think about is the trade off. Will it be worth it? And, you have a son... how about his financial welfare and also his emotional welfare? I can't answer these questions, but it's something to consider.

The paragraphs below will be more about my history. I'm not sure if this will be of any benefit to you or not. After all, what worked for me - may not work for you.

Divorced parents and at the age of 18. I moved in with my father, attended college full time and worked part time. The SOB was a micromanager. If there was any flaw he could find, he pretty much frothed at the mouth to point out any imperfection. I suspect that both our father's were a 'success' and mine achieved his success, not just by money in the family, but his determination and his (over) authoritative behavior.

Pulling into the driveway and seeing his car meant that I'd be tense. When he was on a business trip and his car was gone, it was like ... being able to exhale and feel comfortable. I finally got tired of it.

I told him that I'd dropped out of school and planned to work full time and that I was leaving that night. 30 miles away, my Grandparents house was for sale (they had already moved to another state). I still had a key. The power had been shut off and some nights the weather got down to the upper teens. I picked up a few blankets and a pillow at a thrift store and stayed there for six weeks (until having enough money and a buffer income to get my own place).

Would it had been nicer to stay with my father and complete school in a 'normal' amount of time? To the outsider, they'd probably say that I was crazy. During that six weeks of coldness, no power, washing my hair under a bathroom sink/spot bathing at a near by convenience store wasn't fun... but I never regretted my decision.

This may sound harsh, but we can chose to remain under someone's thumb (if the price is right) or we can trade in a particular lifestyle for one of better mental health. There hadn't been any physical abuse with my father, but his abuse in other areas was something I didn't invite or want. I can still recall my grandparents house being so cold that I could see condensation out of my nostrils, but not once did I think.. I sure wish I was back at my dad's.

His last words before I left? "Son, you'll never amount to a hill of beans." I never achieved his (so-called) 'success' but, not to brag, I still ended up doing okay. Even after his death, I still don't regret cutting ties. Your mileage may vary, but I hope that something within this posting was helpful.
I have to say that this history was impressive! Thanks for sharing it!

And answering those questions... It's not worth the price, I can tell because I follow this idea of waiting and keep dealing with that. It only destroy you inside. Last friday I was so stressed out that I went to hospital... with high blood pressure (I was overwhelmed by the sh1ts they told that day). And I'm also on meds to regulate my blood pressure.

Everything is showing me to get out of this situation really quick... If I stay, I'll die with some disease... My health is showing the signals, even changing my habits to healthy eating, no alcohol, etc... Stress is crazy!

I feel really lucky to have found this place. You guys don't know how all those feedbacks are being important for me. I never found any support that was really helpful, and I just want to be here to retribute whenever you need something!

Have a lot to meditate about that and will just get my energy and get away from that cage he built as soon as possible.

Wish you all the best man!
 

Infern0

Moderator
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I went no contact with my parents for 2 years, and it was a great decision. A lot lead up to it but it was a decision I had to make, my relationship that I have now with both is greatly improved as they know if they try to manipulate me or play games I'll be gone for another couple of years.

It's tough to pull the trigger but you have to do what's right for your own mental well-being, parents are not supposed to make you feel like ****. They are supposed to do the opposite.
 
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