AAAgent's meditation journal

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #1
Time: 23 minutes
Counted Breathes: 156 (roughly 20 mins)
Objective: OBE (failed)

Notes: body started to feel change around 80 deep breathes. My body automatically shifted into shorter more relaxed breathes at 156 and I stopped counting. This was likely 3 minutes or so before I woke up due to a phone call. I felt alot of sensations in my body and tried to leave my body but was unsuccessful. Sensations could be related to blood circulation as when I finished meditation my foot was asleep. Feel good after meditation but not great.

 

[AAAgent]

If you think you’re getting an OBE off 23 mins med you’re mistaken.

you may have some other form of meditation but you are supposed to be bringing your attention to the present and what’s real, not what isn’t.

Meditating is about reality. Not sure why you’re counting breaths either. You’re supposed to let go of thought.

I'm guessing you haven't done much meditation or looked into its roots? It is rooted and breathing and many start by focusing on breathing first, than removing the counting. If you're getting started. Focusing on the counting allows you to remove other thoughts and just focusing on the breathing. Basically helps to limit the brain from shooting to other thoughts and just singling it down to one. Over longer periods of time, the breathing slowly happens subconsciously without counting and you even knowing it, removing the final thought entirely.

I've spent a decent amount of time meditating throughout the years. Right now what i'm doing is slowly warming up my body aka training it. Getting my body accustomed to focusing on breathing and slowly working up the periods to becoming longer and longer. Skilled people can achieve OBE faster but as it's been a while and i'm somewhat busy with many things on my mind, i'm just getting my body accustomed to breathing, clearing my mind, and increasing duration over time.

Meditation is actually rooted in spirituality and removing yourself from reality. The affects on a person in reality are an after effect but not the actual purpose that its meant for.

 

[Epicenter]

I'm guessing you haven't done much meditation or looked into its roots? It is rooted and breathing and many start by focusing on breathing first, than removing the counting. If you're getting started. Focusing on the counting allows you to remove other thoughts and just focusing on the breathing. Basically helps to limit the brain from shooting to other thoughts and just singling it down to one. Over longer periods of time, the breathing slowly happens subconsciously without counting and you even knowing it, removing the final thought entirely.

I've spent a decent amount of time meditating throughout the years. Right now what i'm doing is slowly warming up my body aka training it. Getting my body accustomed to focusing on breathing and slowly working up the periods to becoming longer and longer. Skilled people can achieve OBE faster but as it's been a while and i'm somewhat busy with many things on my mind, i'm just getting my body accustomed to breathing, clearing my mind, and increasing duration over time.

Meditation is actually rooted in spirituality and removing yourself from reality. The affects on a person in reality are an after effect but not the actual purpose that its meant for.

If you think you’re getting an OBE off 23 mins med you’re mistaken.

you may have some other form of meditation but you are supposed to be bringing your attention to the present and what’s real, not what isn’t.

Meditating is about reality. Not sure why you’re counting breaths either. You’re supposed to let go of thought.

No in general you can't get rid of thoughts. You just create an obstacle to the thoughts so it does not effect you much so you don't get reactive.

I used to focus on one point with my eyes. I did it for many years but it was a bit exhausting. So I did the counting. That was still not good. I did breath counting that was much better. Then I did only breath counting till 2. That was much better.

I guess one could do a meditation that is more near to reality. You have only one topic in mind and you stay just focused on it. This is quite difficult and it feels actually like work. So it does not feel refreshing like the breathing meditation.

 

[AAAgent]

I’ve spend several years practicing it and reading about it

isn’t never heard of counting as a method. I use Ujjayi breathing to begin. Meditation isn’t in any way about removing yourself from reality, it is the direct opposite.

Your thoughts are not reality, they are abstractions. What is real is your breath, the creaks in the floor, the gurgling in your stomach and the sound of the wind.

Trying to experience these without putting words or names to them and experiencing them for exactly what they are.

Relaxation may remove you from reality and drugs perhaps but meditation is 100% about the real, physical world and the experience of that directly and recognising that thoughts are as much an automatic process like the chattering of birds. The deeper experience of this is what meditation is.

From the diamond sutra:

“All composed things are like a dream,

a phantom, a drop of dew, a flash of lightning.

That is how to meditate on them,

that is how to observe them”

There are many forms of meditation.

I would recommend The Secret Oral Teachings or Tibetan Buddhist Sects by Alexandra David Neal.

Have you studied Buddhism? If you have, you'll understand that the entire point of the scriptures is to help guide you to spiritual enlightenment by detaching yourself from all things physical and emotional.

Samsara aka what we call in modern day, the Matrix construct we live in can only be broken through by following the eightfold path to achieving enlightenment and reaching Nirvana. Understanding that the body and life on this planet is just a blink of an eye but your spiritual soul is eternal.

Perhaps you have a different interpretation or haven't dug deep into it, but essentially meditation and building yourself spiritually will help you in the physical world but the act of meditation itself is not meant to be rooted in focusing on the physical. Otherwise there wouldn't be any type of traversing the astral realm.

 

[Epicenter]

it shouldn’t be exhausting!

just let the thoughts float away.

Hard to explain but they do indeed keep coming and as you say it’s impossible to stop that. I don’t want to fight against them, I let them go. To me they are like a nerve twitching in the leg.

It might work for you but it is a terrible advice for meditation. I heard that stuff decades ago and it really is bad advice. I wasted years with it. The counting method is much better. I teached that many people. They learn it in 30 seconds. Even kids learn it super fast. I wish somebody told me that before and it is super easy to explain why and how it works.

 

[Epicenter]

Have you studied Buddhism? If you have, you'll understand that the entire point of the scriptures is to help guide you to spiritual enlightenment by detaching yourself from all things physical and emotional.

Samsara aka what we call in modern day, the Matrix construct we live in can only be broken through by following the eightfold path to achieving enlightenment and reaching Nirvana. Understanding that the body and life on this planet is just a blink of an eye but your spiritual soul is eternal.

Perhaps you have a different interpretation or haven't dug deep into it, but essentially meditation and building yourself spiritually will help you in the physical world but the act of meditation itself is not meant to be rooted in focusing on the physical. Otherwise there wouldn't be any type of traversing the astral realm.

I think you don't need all this for meditation. You just use the method and you feel better and function better in the world.

The main principle of meditation most people use without knowing that they use it. It is basically distracting your mind but not too much so you can listen to your thoughts but your thoughts have only 20 per cent or so of the power. Many activities have meditational effects like drawing, walking, calculating. Actually most 'boring' activities have meditational effects.

Funny thing with my counting method. It is really not mentioned much by mainstream meditation practitioners. Actually i tried that before but it clicked with me once I met one guy who had mental problems. His thoughts drove him sometimes crazy. So when he walks he always counts to calm and distract from his thoughts. I thought that is interesting. If it works for a guy with mental health problems then it should work for most people. So I used it and it worked but later I used the breath counting and counting till 2 that made it much better. This method is almost fool proof. Almost anybody can do it. I showed it many people and it worked without training.

 

[AAAgent]

Good luck finding the OBE.

“Just sit down and count bro”

Siddhartha Gautama

I should probably mention that I've already achieved it before and also have a meditation mentor/guide. This is just my journal.

 

[AAAgent]

I’m sorry but we have to disagree. If you’re citing walking or drawing as meditation then we are talking about two different things, also 20% of the power of thoughts….these are concepts which are in opposition to all the practice I’ve done and studied and you’re talking about CBT and relaxation essentially. This is the kind of thing you get off an app, not from a couple years study of Zen and Taoism, sorry.

Get a new mentor as he/she hasn’t got the faintest idea what they’re doing

You must be getting confused. I never mentioned anything about walking or drawing. I don't actually utilize those methods to help meditation but I don't doubt that as a way to channel energy.

Also, if you believe it's your way or the highway and haven't achieved an OBE yet, seems very tunnel vision-esque for someone with a lack of experience. Happy for you to share what works for you, but you shouldn't be coming into someone else's journal talking about how your way works and their way doesn't when you haven't actually made your way work yet.

Secondly, your knowledge of Buddhism and the meditation seem to be very confused. The entire root and foundation of meditation and buddhism is seeded in spirituality. This may be why you haven't been able to achieve OBE as the fundamental aspects of meditation itself you seem to clash with. This may be in part due to ignorance, or just some personal belief you have against spirituality, but you'll likely need to sort that out yourself. We are both spiritual and physical beings. Without proper connection to both, you will never be whole or reach a state of full understanding of the world itself.

Good luck with your journey. Happy to share what i've learnt if you have other questions.

 

[AAAgent]

There is no reincarnation in Zen Buddhism.

it’s questionable whether there is even such a thing as rebirth.

Who, exactly, has a spirit? You?

Who is reincarnated? You?

You’re talking about a westernised abbreviation of Buddhism, which is a huge, multi-national school, but the essential teaching is there is no-self, hence there is no spirit, no rebirth and no death.

Very, very few Buddhists believe you can be reborn as an animal. That is Jainism.

Buddha said virtually nothing about the spirit. He spoke of the mind and body.

It’s not very charitable or Buddhist to say you don’t know what you’re talking about, but you would do well to try to understand it better.

Perhaps start with the Heart and Diamond sutras and not web pages.
I would give up trying to have an OBE too, it is disrespectful to the art of meditation to try to turn it into Disneyland.

cheers

I think your mis-interpreting whatever it is your getting your information from.

All Buddhism is rooted in spirituality. Also, I never mentioned the spirit in particular so maybe this was something incorrectly assumed by you. This type of assumption, mis-reading in your processes seem to be mis-guiding your comprehension and interpretation. There's also an assumption here of turning this into a Disneyland. Your mind is in the wrong place and is driving your ignorance, mis-interpretation, a lack of understanding, and ultimately pushing you towards negative thoughts.

I'm providing you with documented references in order to properly guide you, but you come back with your own monologue citing things in this discussion that never occurred, not providing referencing and stating incorrect things as fact, and also ridicule things you have clearly have no experience in.

FYI - Zen Buddhism acknowledges reincarnation. This is also deeply rooted in Chinese culture in literature and in entertainment. Journey to the West is an example. Hopefully, this can help guide you down the correct path.

 

[AAAgent]

How can something which doesn’t exist be reincarnated?

The fundamental notion of Zen is there is no self.

bluetoothing soul is not a thing.

Common western misappropriation.

The non-self is meant to help us understand that there is no self. your life in this body is just one of countless lives, none of which are connected by physical ties. it is a bit meaningless to focus on something so short when in a blink of an eye, it's over, and you'll need to start anew again. focusing on the physical aspects of this life and not the spiritual aspect of it that is eternal will significantly hinder your spiritual growth. Our live's are eternal, how you view that is subjective but the physical things in this current existence at this current time will constantly change each time you reincarnate. The teachings of buddha are meant to teach you how to develop the skills you need to not focus on the physical, but on the spiritual so that you can break free from reincarnation, aka Samsara. Constantly recycling your soul, this continuity between lives is Samsara. the lives are not the same, even though there is continuity, so trying to focus on building an empire in this life, when in your next life, you could be on the opposite end of it, would be a waste of your current time.

I think it's best if you read more about buddhism. different books, different authors, and get multiple perspectives. I've provided enough information and clarity enough but it doesn't seem to resonate well with you.

You can try other religions or texts as well, as they resonate better.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #2
Time: 32 minutes
Counted Breathes: 160

Notes: was very tired after my workout. shifted positoins a few times due to leg falling asleep or lower back pain. stopped counting for a bit around 80 breaths, 110 breaths, and 140/150 breaths. Almost dozed off a few times as well. I need to find a better sitting position so my legs don't fall asleep. Still having difficulty clearing my mind, likely because I still haven't spent enough time recently meditating. Will continue at this for a few more sessions/weeks to see if things improve.

 

[Canadian_Man]

Still having difficulty clearing my mind, likely because I still haven't spent enough time recently meditating. Will continue at this for a few more sessions/weeks to see if things improve.

Sounds about right, give it time.

I know when I'm out of practice it's more difficult to achieve the same states I once could

Same goes for exercise.

 

[AAAgent]

Sounds about right, give it time.

I know when I'm out of practice it's more difficult to achieve the same states I once could

Same goes for exercise.

Appreciate the feedback. Another friend said the same thing. I will be heading into a 30 day meditation type of retreat in about 16 days so will definitely get in the reps then. My goal now is to warm myself up for that. figure out ideal sitting and hand positions. Stretching and drinking water, etc.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #3
Time: 20 minutes
Counted Breathes: 162

Note: Morning time, 9am. Recovering from being sick and smoked a bit recently so breathing has been a little off with shorter breathes. I also forgot to turn off the light where I'm at as I'm traveling in Asia. Started off not feeling bad or great but after the session i felt better. Had a proper sitting format that caused less pain but lower back still felt some pressure from sitting too long. I stopped counting after the 162 breath and then tried to open 3rd eye but the light or potentially attempt at opening 3rd eye was causing pressure. Pressure is gone after ending session and i feel refreshed. Leg fell asleep again so although sitting format is better, i should find a way to not have my leg fall asleep. I was able to clear my mind for a bit which was nice.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #4
Time: 30 minutes
counted Breaths: forgot

My worst session to date. couldn't focus as I was in a bad state of mind. My breathing was all off and uncomfortable due to being sick. I was also uncomfortable in the new room.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #5
Time: 30 minutes
Counted Breaths: n/a

Felt really good this session. Our teacher recommended I envision a healing light coming down onto me to help expedite my recovery from being sick. This helped my breathing during this session. I did this and somehow manifested visions of buddhist gods coming down to bring the light closer to my body. Later on in the session, my mind started drifting towards seeing things that likely were not part of the astral realm but of my subconscious mind. I saw a small black man with short dreads walking back and forth looking at me. Next I saw an african tribal leader pacing back and forth, then started to jump up and down with wide spread apart high knee to high knee jumps moving closer towards me. he then tried to reach his hands inside my mouth to pull something out. Then immediately after that, something similar to the studio ghibli ghost paced back and forth staring at me. it had some blue featherish furs on the top of its mask and then eventually came up close point blank at my face staring at me. Went up into the clouds and started flying around there for a bit then came down to the forest.

Our teacher mentioned that this was a good start by allowing my mind to wander and take in its own thoughts. likely wasn't not traveling through the astral realm though

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #6
Time: 15 minutes

This was a short session focused on healing. While the session was mainly focused on healing, I quickly moved on from the healing and went into focusing on achieving OBE. Envisioning having other sources and individual being pulled or pulling my soul/consciousness out of my body. I envisioned walking around for a bit and then the session ended. We then were asked to meditate and select a Tarot Card. We were tasked with learning everything about this card from its look, feel (we don't have the card so this part is skipped), and meaning.

The Devil cards meaning is centered around struggle. internal struggles covering all of the sins. including new and upcoming events. The goal is to face these struggles head on and overcome them and not shy away.

it's a very difficult card because it shows difficult tasks ahead imo that could chain you to the devil. The chains are currently loose, meaning you can take them off and "break free", and the decisions/actions are mine alone. the outcome of these situations I face will be determined by myself alone. So will I succumb to these sins or rise above them? The devil is there waiting, hoping I fail.



my interpretation is that my journey into discovering the truth of the matrix, aliens, and spirituality, etc. that is leading me to focus on meditation exploration, is a difficult path. I'm learning really dark and serious things that people can't even fathom and shy away from. Running away/abandoning this would be easy, but continuing down this path likely will be lonely and difficult. Never planned on stopping either way.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #7
Time: 33 minutes

Similar to the previous good sessions. Envisioned a healing light for a bit, saw Guanyin briefly, and then tried to pull myself out of my body many times. A few instances of roaming around the house out of body (this is envisioning it myself and not OBE imo), then repeating another attempt to pull myself out of body leaving the house, walking down the street, etc. I couldn't read street signs so I knew this wasn't OBE. I probably need to focus on my breathing more as it isn't stable. Also, i think I will start focusing on envisioning parts of my body getting lighter before trying to pull myself out.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #8
Time: 20 minutes


The goal of this session was to envision the card we selected during our previous session. It started with envisioning myself in an environment with grass. I was in a forest. I could feel and smell the grass. The wind was blowing the trees and leaves. I felt it pass my body and hands as i reached out to feel the flow. I walked over to a creek with water flowing through shallow rocks in the middle of a forest. Smelled and touched the water. Then I saw my card. It was displayed as a monstrous in size door that i was supposed to open. I open the door and went in. Starting off, the inside of this card room was almost dungeon-esque. a small corridor with other pathways. some monsters and people along the way that didn't really interact with me nor I, them. Encountered dead ends which i forcefully broke down these barrier walls. Nothing happened to me. I saw a light very far away. Eventually my mind decided this environment was not conducive of learning anything so I changed the environment to a surburban street late into the night with street lamp posts shining some light along the street and houses on both sides. Most of the houses had their lights off. I encountered the first house with some bright lights inside and went in. I saw my friends. We chatted a bit about nothing. I tried asking for help but there really wasn't any discussion so i told them I was leaving. I left and kept walking searching for the next source of light and found another house with my past relationships. They were all warm and friendly. I apologized for ending those relationships and explained why, and they were all accepting and understood. I left and kept walking to the next source of light which was a massive source. It was a particular past relationship. When i reached the source, it flickered between extreme light and also death/decay back and forth. I told the individual i was leaving and would leave it there as a marker if I got lost and needed guidance. Session ended after this.

 

[AAAgent]

Update:

I've been very busy with traveling, multiple businesses/work. Have been keeping up with meditation.

Had about 10 sessions or so that didn't make much progress from here. Mainly due to stress and dealing with employee issues. Stress made it not only hard to clear my mind and calm myself, but was literally feeling strong negative emotions just from dealing with frustrations. Nonetheless, I tried to slow things down and clear my mind during in this difficult environment but didn't result in good sessions.

One of my last days in Taiwan around July 5th or so, I made some progress and was starting to feel like i could move parts of my body. Last week for the first time, visions during meditation turned from images, to seeing things crystal clear as if my eye's were open. This was a first for me and very cool.

I did however have a very shocking lucid dream last week around the same time. I dreamed I was on out with my mentor and talking about third eye, and how some people have stronger access and ability to utilize their third eye than others, for example, my mentor.

This was the conversation shared with my mentor.

"
ME:
Was talking to you about how some people have better abilities to see like you do. And then you mentioned something which I forget but it was something along the lines of being open. Then you looked like something possessed you and than the possessed you said “you mean see like this” in a weird creepy way? Than you looked at me with wide open eyes and something almost took control of me. I felt something enter my mind/body and I started to see in a separate set of eyes. It's like a new pair of eyes I never had. It didn't change my vision but i could clearly see a separate set of eye's. I had a few seconds to understand the feeling than I forced it out and woke up. Wasn't sure to allow the feeling longer or not in case it was something negative. Basically, I wasn’t sure if it was bad or good. Felt like a powerful energy entering me


Mentor:
Wow, but did you feel it evil or you just feel power?? that the main signal, how you felt. I sounds to me that this "possessing spirit" was the universe giving us power. Unless you felt fear or something bad

Remember that it doesnt mattewr if something LOOk devilish or evil. The looks doesnt matter but the energy you feel
Yes whenever something is evil, I assure you you will know"

I'm making progress.

I just returned back to the states and had to re-adjust jet lag, get back in my groove, so will start updating this properly soon.