A woman to be grateful of.

[Serenity]

A week ago my car died, it was a really cheap one without a loan. Not worth fixing it. I was thinking about buying a new used car, although in a much better condition at about $12k. Problem is that I blew about that amount on renovating my apartment before it broke down. So now I can't afford it and I'm not going for another cheap sh!tty car that falls apart.

My girlfriend is going to move into my apartment once I'm done renovating. I thought about taking a loan of 12k to buy a new car and told my girlfriend about it (I can easily afford such a loan). She told me she could just buy the car. At first I laughed, then I asked if she was being serious. She was serious, she wanted to buy me a fvcking a car!

Together for 9 months and she's buying me a car. Not just that, but her mother supports her decision. She doesn't even have a license, so I'll be the only one driving it.

I've met some sh!tty women in my life, but this one goes far not to be one of them. There's really no issues at all in our relationship either, I'm starting to think it's going to last for a very very long time. At least right now I'm very grateful she's my girlfriend, not that I wasn't prior to this. She deserves my love, not just for the car but many other things as well.

 

[searching solace]

That's very nice of her, but I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a girlfriend buy me a car or anything that expensive, especially after just 9 months. I wouldn't even feel comfortable letting a family member do it. But fair enough.

 

[Married Buried]

You might as well marry her now. If you ever break up she will sue for repayment. Personally I would tell her no thanks and get a loan. I dont need a woman holding her money over my head like that. What happens if she needs the money later?

 

[Serenity]

@searching solace and @Married Buried
Maybe I should have described it a bit differently. She's not paying for a car to be bought in my name, exactly for the sake of security in the unlikely case we break up. She will own the car, but she can't legally drive it. So she's buying a car for me to drive since I'm the only one of us who legally can, but it's her car.

So if we did end the relationship she would take her car, I pay nothing and she can't claim anything for lending me her car. So we're both relatively safe from potential loss with this deal.

 

[marmel75]

I think its obvious you have her love and respect for her to do something like this, and the fact her mother supports it means you have her approval as well.

Are you considering this going towards marriage? Because 100% that is what she is thinking.

 

[El Payaso]

I've become so cynical over the years that I'm not even going to say what I'm thinking right now.

 

[Çharismo]

As long as you guys communicate properly and are on the same page I don't see anything wrong with this arrangement. 9 months is still a little early to be moving in together (that's just my opinion) but the good thing is that her mom approves of this too which should tell you that she holds you in high regards for her to be even discussing something like that with her. Hold on to this woman bruh!!!!! I'm happy for you man!!!!

 

[Billtx49]

As you know, there are givers and takers in life and she seems like a giver to me.

 

[Serenity]

Are you considering this going towards marriage? Because 100% that is what she is thinking.

Not at the point of asking yet, but yeah I've been fully aware it's going that way. I won't mind that at all, but I'm not in a rush.

I would be an idiot to fvck this one up.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

No one else has brought it up so why does she not have a license?

If she buys you a car she will want to be living with you really soon. FYI

 

[Serenity]

@hockeyfreak79 She's just slow to get it. I already said she's moving in with me, we've been planning that since last year.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

@hockeyfreak79 She's just slow to get it. I already said she's moving in with me, we've been planning that since last year.

That's FAST bro but okay good luck with that. If you are young I get it, I think?

 

[Fireballs]

As long as you aren't borrowing money off her and she's not buying it for you then I think it's ok.

One bit of advice for when you move in together - don't stop dating her.. It's easy to get complacent and fall into a boring routine.

 

[Serenity]

@hockeyfreak79 It's relative. The time is right if we both feel ready for it, wether that is 9 months or 5 years doesn't matter. It's gonna happen sooner or later anyways the way we see it.

@Fireballs Becoming complacent and falling into boring routines is not easy for me, so I don't worry about that. I wouldn't handle it even for my own emotional well-being, I get restless if I do nothing. Won't stop dating, I really enjoy doing things with her.

 

[fastlife]

@LiveYourDream nailed it 100%.

@Grewd I'm a huge proponent of letting a woman invest in you, but it's in your best interest--and hers--that you control and limit that investment, since an increase in investment leads to an increase in insecurity (which is why half of becoming a DJ is controlling your own level of investment). In your gf's mind, this probably isn't a power play (she probably doesn't realize she's leveraging your commitment)--but you can bet your a$$ it will become a huge bargaining chip over time. The next fight, expect to hear about how she bought you a car; if she engages in shady behavior, bet to hear about how you're driving her car.

From your previous posts, you seem to be a proponent of reciprocation (not knocking your views--they used to be mine and in a perfect world still would be). But you don't think the fact that you're driving her car will make you feel obligated to her, to the extent that you lose a degree of agency and emotional freedom? You don't see how she's undermining (or potentially undermining) your independence & your frame.

Look, I get it. I've been there. But if I were you, I'd walk, get a bike, ride the bus, rely on your buddies, anything you have to do to keep from driving her car. You're about to make yourself a captive to generosity--which 9/10's is a form of manipulation.

 

[guru1000]

NEXT her! Haha, I believe a few here would say that.

Nice token gesture; but anything that is "free," is never quite free. You will pay, but maybe not in the form that you think.

What's important to know is the motivation from which this generosity originates. Is she a notch or two below in SMV, and thus over-compensating? Or? If nothing other than you've been a great guy in the last nine months, caveat emptor.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream We're like-minded on a lot of points, but this ain't one of them. My girlfriend is not anything like the b!tch you describe. I don't have as massive of an ego as you imply either, I don't feel my balls shrinking when others are nice to me. I don't post on a forum, especially not this one to read what I want to read.

@fastlife How huge of a bargaining chip is it gonna be considering she's gonna move into my newly renovated apartment for free? If she engages in shady stuff she can take her car and drive the fvck away from me, I don't see the problem. The next fight? We don't fight, we make love (and talk like rational people).

@guru1000 I paid first, she's paying back. She isn't trying to earn or impress me, I've told her for a long long time she's got me. Meaning she doesn't HAVE to do it for me, she WANTS to do it. It's not a motivation coming from lack of choice.

Anyways, thanks for your critical thoughts. But I'm just way too confident in myself to be swayed by them, I know my own sh!t better than any of you ever could.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream Wow, that's one helluva disclaimer. You're right on the defensive now aren't you?

You word yourself using "she" and "you". You weave it into a sh!tload of assumptions about how we feel, which in all truth you can't know.

I don't buy your defensive rationalizations and I don't believe in bullsh!t invisible forces. How can you be aware of something nobody can be aware of, because it's sub-conscious.

The sub-conscious has been used as an excuse for countless bullsh!t theories.

 

[guru1000]

LYD, your frequent disclaimers, "politeness," gingerly style of writing, and ostensible guise of "sharing to help" in place of defensiveness appears a bit contrived and manipulative to the reader.

As someone who continually seeks to improve themselves: If you are truly sincere in that desire, as I perceive, there is a goldmine for you in the first sentence I offered. Not everyone is capable or willing to be rigorously honest with themselves, in such direct, inner, self-evaluation. I suspect you are and thus I offered the reflection for your personal consideration, with great sincerity, should you choose to consider it.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream In reality I react 1/100th of how much it seems I react through text. It's a seriously handicapped form of communication, that said it doesn't mean I wasn't annoyed.

So maybe your intentions were different, but you do a poor job of being clear. Sprinkling "you" and "she" along with what's gonna happen and how it's gonna make us feel is stepping across my boundary. Please understand that for years some b!tch of a mother told me what to feel, what to think and literally brainwashed me. With a great degree of conviction too, like she was bound to be right about my destiny.

I know that to be the exact reason I have a strong dislike for other peoples projections, as if they know how it will go down.

Me and my girlfriend was characterized in an inaccurate way by what you wrote. Wouldn't go so far as to say attacked though. I'll say it again, the way you formulated your post made assumptions about us for which you have no valid foundation. As less articulate people would say "that sh!t ain't true".

Next time warn me about the "trap" or risk and reason it out more objectively why you think so, without putting me into the context of your explanation please.