"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
A way to beat social anxiety, and shyness, and the fear to approach, AFCs wanted!
- Thread starter G0gL2000
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
CrazyVatoLoco
New Member
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
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I have lots of SA...interested in what your findings will be
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then PM and tell me about it. the method will be developed based on wat is learned from you SA guys.
[email protected]
i have a lot of sa
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
guittarjedi
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2004
- Messages
- 65
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NoMoreMisterNiceGuy
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 17, 2004
- Messages
- 135
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- 0
try ? .... do DJ's say TRY ? change that frame of mind of yours dude ...your not gonna try
you WILL develop a method ...
maybe. I have a nerdy friend i knew since j.h.s. and all he does is home & college. Whenever he's home, he will always be staring off into the comp doing something. Games, anime, etc.
Although i've tried getting him to get out of his anti-social habit by inviting him out to do something, he declines.
About a week ago, he tells me his problems and points out this and that his body. doenst like his height, his weight, his spined is messed up, slow reaction, he's weak when he walks..etc.
This is probably what fuels his social anxiety, low confidence, and low self-esteem. he's very self-conscious of himself and worries a lot.
Although when i knew him from j.h.s. he was already the nerdy type that plays comp and stays home mostly, but since then, he goes out less and less, and now he hangs out with no one, but he has friends.
now to your point, his dad did somewhat pressures him to doing great in school and to get into a good college as he is now (he's strict). but that wasnt a real factor of his social insecurities. he's doing it to himself by being self conscious and staying home and with this, cutting his social contact to a low.
i know some moms can be very over secure of their children, which might be a factor to social norms, as not allowing them to go out and have new experiences. But it's possible to surpass this
i'm taking pysch this semester, and according to statistics, most people posess some form of social phobia. it can range from a miniscule phobia or large phobia.
Anyway, my parent never abused me. In fact they love me very much and provided me with everything. RIght now they are paying for my tutition, car, insurance, gas etc.. Yet i'm an AFC. Why? I think it is because they never taught me any social related skills. In fact, they don't even want me to have friends. They just love it when i'm sitting home all alone on the weekends. My dad loves me too but he never taught me anything about life. If you ask me what i've learned from him in the past 21 years, I honestly couldn't tell u a thing. Not having abusive parents doesn't mean ur coming out as a DJ.
I for one disagree with this...I have somewhat minor SA (I have much more control and understanding of it since I started coming here) but it still effects me sometimes...And my parents have always been very supporting and certainly not at all emotionally abusive.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Mr. Delicious
Senior Don Juan
Thats not physical abuse but thats definately not helpful to you mentally at all.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
The main things that have worked for me are these:
1) Straighten out my boichemistry. I used to be pretty neurotic, but it turns out it was mostly due to food allergies, of all things. Cutting out the allergic foods improved my natural mindset immensely. That and reading about what foods ad supplements to take to boost the mood-elevating brain chemicals (mainly B-vitamins, vitamin C, and some minerals, such as magnesium and a bit of zinc -- must not take too much, though).
Weight training can also give your testosterone levels a boost, which will make you more assertive and attractive to women. Improving your attitude this way can make it internally easier for you to approach, and make you more attractive, so your approaches will have more success.
2) Working on overall image and presentation. How I look and carry myself. The more attractive you become, the more receptive people are to your approaches, and the more often they approach you.
3) Getting a feel for eye contact and the signals people exchange. With a bit of practice and experience it will become much more clear who wants you to approach them. It's obviously way easier to approach when you know you'll be received positively.
IMNSHO, there's way too little emphasis here on making it easier for your approaches to be successful in the first place.
animal crackers
Senior Don Juan
I believe I have some form of social anxiety disorder.
I have a hard time getting people to actually like me. I try to make the effort sometimes in conversation, but i usually say something boring or not really meaningful.
My problem is that nobody really tries to talk to me about things, or ask my opinion about anything.
My parents were never abusive to me. Early childhood I was always quiet and never really said much. This behavior I believe was reinforced during years of school, by the teachers. I never acted up, and therefore never got in trouble = positive reinforcement.
I also don't think my parents themselves are very good in social situations. My dad doesn't have any friends, my mom really only has a few friends from her childhood.
I have had a few big bad experiences where I was rejected from groups or relationships, and the rejections were all from faults of my own (being lazy, being controlling and jealous) but this makes it harder to develop new relationships.
I believe I have to change my personality entirely and love myself before others can love me too. I just would really like to know HOW to do that.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.