"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
A way to beat social anxiety, and shyness, and the fear to approach, AFCs wanted!
- Thread starter G0gL2000
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
CrazyVatoLoco
New Member
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have lots of SA...interested in what your findings will be
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
then PM and tell me about it. the method will be developed based on wat is learned from you SA guys.
[email protected]
i have a lot of sa
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
guittarjedi
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2004
- Messages
- 65
- Reaction score
- 1
NoMoreMisterNiceGuy
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 17, 2004
- Messages
- 135
- Reaction score
- 0
try ? .... do DJ's say TRY ? change that frame of mind of yours dude ...your not gonna try
you WILL develop a method ...
maybe. I have a nerdy friend i knew since j.h.s. and all he does is home & college. Whenever he's home, he will always be staring off into the comp doing something. Games, anime, etc.
Although i've tried getting him to get out of his anti-social habit by inviting him out to do something, he declines.
About a week ago, he tells me his problems and points out this and that his body. doenst like his height, his weight, his spined is messed up, slow reaction, he's weak when he walks..etc.
This is probably what fuels his social anxiety, low confidence, and low self-esteem. he's very self-conscious of himself and worries a lot.
Although when i knew him from j.h.s. he was already the nerdy type that plays comp and stays home mostly, but since then, he goes out less and less, and now he hangs out with no one, but he has friends.
now to your point, his dad did somewhat pressures him to doing great in school and to get into a good college as he is now (he's strict). but that wasnt a real factor of his social insecurities. he's doing it to himself by being self conscious and staying home and with this, cutting his social contact to a low.
i know some moms can be very over secure of their children, which might be a factor to social norms, as not allowing them to go out and have new experiences. But it's possible to surpass this
i'm taking pysch this semester, and according to statistics, most people posess some form of social phobia. it can range from a miniscule phobia or large phobia.
Anyway, my parent never abused me. In fact they love me very much and provided me with everything. RIght now they are paying for my tutition, car, insurance, gas etc.. Yet i'm an AFC. Why? I think it is because they never taught me any social related skills. In fact, they don't even want me to have friends. They just love it when i'm sitting home all alone on the weekends. My dad loves me too but he never taught me anything about life. If you ask me what i've learned from him in the past 21 years, I honestly couldn't tell u a thing. Not having abusive parents doesn't mean ur coming out as a DJ.
I for one disagree with this...I have somewhat minor SA (I have much more control and understanding of it since I started coming here) but it still effects me sometimes...And my parents have always been very supporting and certainly not at all emotionally abusive.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Mr. Delicious
Senior Don Juan
Thats not physical abuse but thats definately not helpful to you mentally at all.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
The main things that have worked for me are these:
1) Straighten out my boichemistry. I used to be pretty neurotic, but it turns out it was mostly due to food allergies, of all things. Cutting out the allergic foods improved my natural mindset immensely. That and reading about what foods ad supplements to take to boost the mood-elevating brain chemicals (mainly B-vitamins, vitamin C, and some minerals, such as magnesium and a bit of zinc -- must not take too much, though).
Weight training can also give your testosterone levels a boost, which will make you more assertive and attractive to women. Improving your attitude this way can make it internally easier for you to approach, and make you more attractive, so your approaches will have more success.
2) Working on overall image and presentation. How I look and carry myself. The more attractive you become, the more receptive people are to your approaches, and the more often they approach you.
3) Getting a feel for eye contact and the signals people exchange. With a bit of practice and experience it will become much more clear who wants you to approach them. It's obviously way easier to approach when you know you'll be received positively.
IMNSHO, there's way too little emphasis here on making it easier for your approaches to be successful in the first place.
animal crackers
Senior Don Juan
I believe I have some form of social anxiety disorder.
I have a hard time getting people to actually like me. I try to make the effort sometimes in conversation, but i usually say something boring or not really meaningful.
My problem is that nobody really tries to talk to me about things, or ask my opinion about anything.
My parents were never abusive to me. Early childhood I was always quiet and never really said much. This behavior I believe was reinforced during years of school, by the teachers. I never acted up, and therefore never got in trouble = positive reinforcement.
I also don't think my parents themselves are very good in social situations. My dad doesn't have any friends, my mom really only has a few friends from her childhood.
I have had a few big bad experiences where I was rejected from groups or relationships, and the rejections were all from faults of my own (being lazy, being controlling and jealous) but this makes it harder to develop new relationships.
I believe I have to change my personality entirely and love myself before others can love me too. I just would really like to know HOW to do that.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.