A very real problem I see here on SS

[Atom Smasher]

I've noticed a trend that comes and goes here on SS and I'd like to submit it for everyone's consideration.

It's how we treat the newbies here. These guys come here completely clueless, without an ounce of understanding of what we have come to learn, and often in very great pain.

And what do some of us do to these brothers who are in need of help? We ridicule them as if they are capable of knowing any better. I find this a little disturbing. I'd like to see us have a more understanding attitude toward these guys.

The fact is that they are confused, but they have taken the action of signing up with SS and admitting their mistakes and failures. So why would we pounce on them and tear them apart when they come to us for help in their unaware state?

We men need to coalesce together in a spirit of lifting each other up. It's like the old phrase, sometimes we shoot our own. Remember that many of us here were once utterly clueless and in need of help and correction.

Now I fully understand that sometimes a little "tough love" is needed, especially when advice is not heeded. When a new guy refuses to listen, I say "Have at it". :box: However, I notice a lot of mockery aimed at guys who are trying to get a handle on their difficulties with women and are sincerely coming to us for help.

Instead of kicking them when they are down perhaps we can view them as little brothers who need help and guidance, regardless of their age. 5 or 6 years ago I myself was one of those "little brothers" in need of help.

Just something for us to chew on.

 

[marmel75]

I would have to agree with this. I think in many cases we see a version of ourselves in these newbies that we don't want anything to do with anymore and act like that as almost a psychological way of proving that we aren't that person anymore, even though at some point most of us were...

Its as if we are taking out our frustration that we were once like that on another person for no reason. You are right, we expect them to have the same knowledge that many of the people who have been here a long time have right away.

It would be like someone in an IT department becoming angry at someone because they just bought a computer for the first time and didn't know how to network it without any help.

 

[Purefilth]

can we ban the trolls? it was funny for a bit, but it's gotten old and really doesnt help.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm definitely harder on new guys than I should be. It just seems that my approach of breaking through the clutter is to go right for the gut. Which sometimes can be handled with more tact. I'll try to keep myself in check.

 

[European-DJ]

Maybe a newbie sub forum should be created?
Or a sub category for 'skilled don juans'?

 

[Uberguy]

Part of this likely comes from a 'tough love' mentality. Much like drill sargeants ruthlessly mocking new recruits, some old timers on this site may be trying to prepare SS newbies for the harsh realities of life. If a guy can't cope with some ribbing from an anonymous stranger on the Internet, how is he going to stand up to far harsher challenges in real life?

Of course, there are also wannabe Don Juans who try to prove to themselves that they are Alpha by making fun of anyone they can. Their insecurities and fears are fairly evident by what they post, and their attempts at bullying some new members are really sad; who tries to derive esteem online?

Nevertheless, I don't think new SS members should be coddled. They're here because they're confused, lost and upset. Giving them a cup of hot chocolate and cuddling them isn't going to make their problems magically go away. Instead, they have to rise up and face the problem head on. We should expect all of our members to man up in the face of adversity. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is to force him to stand on his own.

 

[Dominance]

Yeah you have a good point. I am guilty of this and didn't realize the effect until you pointed it out. I am judging them from where I am and probably have upset some people, but that wasn't my intent.

 

[VladPatton]

Everyone here displays a tough love Marine brotherliness sort of feel. I think it's part of the cold-water-shock-effect of getting your eyes open to this whole new mentality we are trying to promote. If you can harden yourself and stick around you really learn a lot and you see everyone is out to help (or most).

The trolls are phucking annoying, tho.

 

[Packers2010]

i'm glad you gusy gave me " tough love" in the early stages. it made me wise up and stop posting about " this one girl"

 

[The Gambler]

Now I fully understand that sometimes a little "tough love" is needed, especially when advice is not heeded. When a new guy refuses to listen, I say "Have at it". :box: However, I notice a lot of mockery aimed at guys who are trying to get a handle on their difficulties with women and are sincerely coming to us for help.

Some of you guys are missing the point. Atom Smasher is AGREEING that a little tough love goes a long way.... He's obviously talking about the cheap shots and jokes that are repeatedly made against the new posters here.

 

[zekko]

We're all men here, so I think the tough love approach is a good one. But there's a difference between someone using tough love and a guy berating somebody just to feed his own ego.

 

[Desdinova]

I generally go out of my way to help the noobs understand what has gone wrong with their situation. The time for tough love comes when they didn't listen to the initial advice and insist that their dumbass method of trying to get a girl back is still the correct one. Some of the noobs can be pretty stubborn when it comes to giving up the beliefs they've held all their life.

Generally what I do is point out their mistakes, explain what happened, then point them to the DJ Bible.

 

[betheman]

I generally go out of my way to help the noobs understand what has gone wrong with their situation. The time for tough love comes when they didn't listen to the initial advice and insist that their dumbass method of trying to get a girl back is still the correct one. Some of the noobs can be pretty stubborn when it comes to giving up the beliefs they've held all their life.

Generally what I do is point out their mistakes, explain what happened, then point them to the DJ Bible.

SPOT ON

 

[Renegade357]

Hey, if they deserve a spanking I say we give it to them. So long as we also give them the answers

 

[blind_one]

Atom and Desdinova as always are keeping it 100%.

We have to understand that we come from different backgrounds that raised us to be the people we are, pick up from there and guide ourselves to success with life and also ... women in general.

 

[zekko]

The time for tough love comes when they didn't listen to the initial advice and insist that their dumbass method of trying to get a girl back is still the correct one.

This is getting a little off topic, but is there really a correct way to "get a girl back"? I tend to think that if you lose a girl that indicates there is something wrong, and you should move on to the next one. Trying to get a girl back seems to almost automatically put you in a needy/desperate frame.

All the new guys who come here wanting to get a girl back, isn't the real answer to their predicament usually to change thier mindset and move on? I know this is can be hard to practice in real life, however.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Some of you guys are missing the point. Atom Smasher is AGREEING that a little tough love goes a long way.... He's obviously talking about the cheap shots and jokes that are repeatedly made against the new posters here.

Exactly. I'm talking about the ridicule that I often see. Shaming and ridicule are not helpful and can actually be quite damaging, especially considering the state of confusion guys come here in. These guys are in some serious pain and don't have a clue as to what to do about it.

Naturally, they are going to tell us about things they've said and done that will make us cringe, but they are doing this out of ignorance of the body of knowledge that we posess.

Like I said, If a guy doesn't respond, then it's time to kick his ass hard to wake him up. It's the initial ridicule that I think we can do better with.

 

[Alvafe]

I generally go out of my way to help the noobs understand what has gone wrong with their situation. The time for tough love comes when they didn't listen to the initial advice and insist that their dumbass method of trying to get a girl back is still the correct one. Some of the noobs can be pretty stubborn when it comes to giving up the beliefs they've held all their life.

Generally what I do is point out their mistakes, explain what happened, then point them to the DJ Bible.

yes but also remember things we do is most like you guys like to say programmed by the media to think that way, its like a religion, you don't toss your beliefs out of window like that.

pretty much we are lost. myself I was pissed and trying to figure out what the hell was doing wrong, why always the girls I don't want to get close try to and the ones I want don't, so after my last deal, I did what I always did when I find something I don't know,

research,

then find this forum read several things, trying to adapt most of it with what I saw, trying to check parterns from what I did right and what I did wrong, most of my reading was starting to really break my mind, I can also share 2 nights I just burst tears for all things I was reading and not making sense,

then give it a time to digest everything then i will go back to more reading.

its not easy, right now the last girl, the one who make me search for all of it, we kind keep the friendly way, and sometimes I tossed some "don juan" just to check her how it would do, most of time she was ok with it, but then with all things going wrong on her life she start to ignore me when I did a joke and she didn't like, well things is I called her idiot and she lost my friendship and told her to ot talk with me anymore, unless its work related.

and yes it was a mistake to even care, or talk with her in any way and should have done this before, but we still keep some old beliefs, and want to learn and possible win that girl.

meh gonna stop too long already

but the good ones always helping keep the good work, stubborn or not one way or other we learn :rockon:

 

[5string]

Nice post. I'm guilty. Luckily, Judge nismo reduced my sentence to time served and probation.