A self deprecating girl

[EyeOnThePrize]

How do you respond when a girl is constantly making fun of herself or putting herself down in conversation? I tend to say something positive about an unrelated topic to get her mind off self deprecation.

Example:
Me: 'wow thanks for your help with that mess, you were killing it with that mop.'
Her: 'yeah that all I'm good for, mopping up messes haha'

The tone is playful but it's constantly at her own expense.

One girl I know does this all the time. I used to think it was low self esteem or her submitting but recently I've been thinking it's something she does to entice guys to boost her ego and validate her. I enjoy complimenting women but by my own inclination, not on some kind of passive prompt from her. When I suspect a woman of doing this it's just a turn off and I'll either change the subject or not respond at all.

 

[sazc]

ummmmm to me that sounds like she's got low self esteem and is looking for you to validate her worthiness as a human being

Her:'yeah that all I'm good for, mopping up messes haha'
(the response she wants) You: 'Oh come on now, you're great at a lot of things like x, y and z'

it gets tiring if it's constant

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

i love self deprecating humor and i partake. my self esteem is generally healthy with the exception around my period. i personally only use it once in a while though because it cracks me and others up. if she’s doing it too much then i agree she may have self esteem issues. i disagree with propping her up though. it won’t help and the issue may be deeper and probably won’t get better, maybe worse. she needs to work on herself and/or get counseling.

as for the reply, if it’s not due to low esteem, play along and say, “na, you’re also an excellent f-toy”. if she laughs at that (i would) then you know. If it’s really she feels that way about herself i would politely bring it to her attention and have her stop repeating these statement. she may play this same tape over and over in her head and is convinced. something like “i wouldn’t date someone who i think is worthless “ may help her become more aware. but in the end she needs to fix the issue, not you.

 

[jaymbrs]

Fishing for compliments. Girl is broken. Unless you like projects, I'd move on.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Fishing for compliments. Girl is broken. Unless you like projects, I'd move on.

Not necessarily. i make fun of myself for things that are legit, like how i get lost in town. it’s true and funny and not a reflection of my self worth. it’s just fun to laugh at yourself once in a while. i never have anyone give me a compliment when i make a joke about something dumb or annoying that i do. they agree. lol. which makes it funnier.

 

[jaymbrs]

Not necessarily. i make fun of myself for things that are legit, like how i get lost in town. it’s true and funny and not a reflection of my self worth. it’s just fun to laugh at yourself once in a while. i never have anyone give me a compliment when i make a joke about something dumb or annoying that i do. they agree. lol. which makes it funnier.

He said she constantly does it. That's not normal.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

He said she constantly does it. That's not normal.

You’re right. Good point!

 

[Frozen799]

If she is doing this constantly, from my experience those girls have low self esteem and usually it is related to how they look (in their own mind - too skiny, too fat, ugly face, ugly skin etc, usually those will be the same women who want to turn off the light before sex), recently met plenty of women who liked to play the victim to get some validation and assurance.

 

[jaymbrs]

On the positive side these girls tend to be more adventurous in bed, from my experience. My most recent ex was like this and I guess some could say I exploited this which resulted in her being more open to trying a variety of things in bed. Some of the best sex I've ever had.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@sazc I know that's what she wants and yeah I don't want to encourage some kind of dependency. I'm only gonna encourage people I know well enough to encourage genuinely.

She's a solid 8 or 9, she's a coworker that's married to a guy easily a few SMV points lower than her @stringpuller. It's constant and I'm not trying to pick her up, just being friendly. She has a really sexy voice and gasps, I'm sure she's tons of fun in bed @jaymbrs lol
Just really bizarre behavior, I've never seen it so acute. It's like every chance she gets to put herself down she will, while at the same time chuckling and staring at me as if super thirsty for the predictable response.

 

[BURT MCQUEEN]

How do you respond when a girl is constantly making fun of herself or putting herself down in conversation? I tend to say something positive about an unrelated topic to get her mind off self deprecation.

Example:
Me: 'wow thanks for your help with that mess, you were killing it with that mop.'
Her: 'yeah that all I'm good for, mopping up messes haha'

The tone is playful but it's constantly at her own expense.

One girl I know does this all the time. I used to think it was low self esteem or her submitting but recently I've been thinking it's something she does to entice guys to boost her ego and validate her. I enjoy complimenting women but by my own inclination, not on some kind of passive prompt from her. When I suspect a woman of doing this it's just a turn off and I'll either change the subject or not respond at all.

You can apply game easier, she's inderectly implicating that she's of lower value, fvck her.

 

[Alvafe]

i'm the only one who would say, "is that so? then I think I can have your help with a mess in my bed?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

You cant be friends with her. Acquaintance yes. But you either want to fvk her or you don't be honest with it.

That's what we are. It's a big company so HR could easily can me if I say some playful sexual line. And she's taken. I didn't care about being a home wrecker when I was young but no more. I'll just focus on cultivating a friendly masculine vibe and let her bask in it when it suits me.

She grew up with brothers and maybe she thinks she's losing her looks or something. The behavior is too consistent to be considered only playful. It's like she's trying to convince me she's good for nothing. Maybe this is my ego talking but even if she is interested, being someone's monkey branch seems self diminishing.

Anyway I appreciate everyone's input.

 

[user43770]

Her: yeah that's all I'm good for, mopping up messes haha

Young Mac: aww, come on now. You're also good at making messes.

In all seriousness, I had a problem with this when I was younger; I was overly modest. It was just the way I was raised up.

I worked with an older woman at one point that called me out on it. She told me to "just say thanks." I will always be grateful to her for that.

 

[BURT MCQUEEN]

That's what we are. It's a big company so HR could easily can me if I say some playful sexual line. And she's taken. I didn't care about being a home wrecker when I was young but no more. I'll just focus on cultivating a friendly masculine vibe and let her bask in it when it suits me.

Honestly i think you'tr restricting your natural mating strategy. Does she self deprecate herself with everyone or just you?

She grew up with brothers and maybe she thinks she's losing her looks or something. The behavior is too consistent to be considered only playful. It's like she's trying to convince me she's good for nothing. Maybe this is my ego talking but even if she is interested, being someone's monkey branch seems self diminishing.

Dude i think those are signals, playful, she thinks she's woth less..., i think she's covertly comunicating she's interested in your d!ck.

 

[koloso]

ummmmm to me that sounds like she's got low self esteem and is looking for you to validate her worthiness as a human being

Her:'yeah that all I'm good for, mopping up messes haha'
(the response she wants) You: 'Oh come on now, you're great at a lot of things like x, y and z'