"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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A little more distant? Reach out or no?

M

Meisterman

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A plate I've been spinning for about a month. She's always texted first, initiated hang outs, etc. Reached an all time high last week she texted me every day, Sunday - Saturday. This last week she's been a little more cold it seems. No contact Monday, Tuesday. Wednesday I asked her to chill and we did, which nearly escalated to s*x and then she kissed me goodbye. No contact Thursday, Friday she says "Hey you! What's up?" I reply "not much chillin" and no reply from her Friday, Sat, or today.

I committed to not reach out to her, and wait at the very least a few more days. Not so much to play "games" but because I realized my frame was starting to slip. I was becoming too attached, outcome dependent, trying to make everything perfect and plan it out in my head, etc. I cared too much.

The thing is, my text game has been perfect and I haven't changed much how I act around her. I've only texted her first once in 2 weeks. So I don't think she senses the frame change necessarily, but it's there and I found myself getting gradually more stressed over the whole situation.

She initiated the last contact but I sent the last text. I'm wondering if eventually I should hit her up again in a few days once I get my composure? I was thinking 4-5 days from now so I see her on the weekend. Or assuming her attraction went down, should I totally wait till she contacts me, even if that means waiting a longer time? Luckily even if it has gone down I haven't burned any bridges yet. Cuz last time I saw her we were hooking up so it can't be that bad yet. As soon as I got the sense something may be off (with me, not her) I stepped back.

Also if she hits me up before then should I escalate immediately or wait a couple days to get her hamster spinning, continue being scarce, then hit her up on the weekend?

Just curious to hear DJ's opinions on this.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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marmel75

marmel75

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She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.

I'd wait a few days then send her a text like nothing happened...no big deal, just don't get all crazy about it
 
M

Meisterman

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marmel75 said:
She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.

I'd wait a few days then send her a text like nothing happened...no big deal, just don't get all crazy about it
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That's what I plan to do. You think if she hits me up before then I should try to escalate or make her wait?
 
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Lolapo

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I think she's testing this a bit because she's not sure whether you're interested in her or not.
I wouldn't initiate untill she initiates but if she doesn't initiate till wed/thur i'd send a text like:

"Lets do .... this weekend"

If she can't, no big deal she's still testing, DO NOT give in.
you say: "sure no worries"

This way you act indifferent and her ****test won't have any effect.
 
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MOTU

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Bro quit with the chit chat and just ask her out. "I would like to go to xxx Friday, are you free?". If she says yes, kino, escalate, bang. If she says no with no counter, next. I know that is a little cliche around here, but there is a reason for that. It works.

Ask her out.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Meisterman

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MOTU said:
Bro quit with the chit chat and just ask her out. "I would like to go to xxx Friday, are you free?". If she says yes, kino, escalate, bang. If she says no with no counter, next. I know that is a little cliche around here, but there is a reason for that. It works.

Ask her out.
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I've already "asked her out." We've banged 5 times. I'm past that phase. I think Lolapo is right it's a sh!t test. Because this happened before and she became less interested when I pursued her but then came crawling back once I stopped talking to her. She wants me to hit her up so she gets the satisfaction of knowing I'm into her, hahaha. Not gonna fail this sh!t test.
 
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Stugots26

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When she texted you asking you "What's up?" you should have taken that opportunity to set up the next date.

Women grow through praise. You want to encourage her to continue to reach out by rewarding her initiation with your time and attention. When you said "Not much chillin" that basically communicated your disinterest. She was putting herself into your orbit so you'd make something happen, and instead you tried too hard to come off aloof.
 
M

Meisterman

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Stugots26 said:
When she texted you asking you "What's up?" you should have taken that opportunity to set up the next date.

Women grow through praise. You want to encourage her to continue to reach out by rewarding her initiation with your time and attention. When you said "Not much chillin" that basically communicated your disinterest. She was putting herself into your orbit so you'd make something happen, and instead you tried too hard to come off aloof.
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I've always texted her like that. I did come off as aloof, but as I said, my frame was off. I was slowly becoming more needy, stressed, outcome dependent, and worrying too much, etc. And her attraction was decreasing because of this. And I didn't realize this until afterwards. I wasn't even in the right mindset to set up another date, it could have been the one that did me in.

When she texted me everyday for a week straight it was like a dopamine rush and I got used to it. Then when it stopped I started overthinking and worrying, etc. Then I realized I used to never give a fu*k if she texted me, or if I ever spoke to her again. So if I care now that means somewhere along the way I got pulled into the drama of it all. Only way out is just to regroup and stay NC for now which is what I'm doing. Seems to be working. I'll give it a few more days and then hit her up if I'm feeling up for it.
 
H

hudpes

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marmel75 said:
She pulls back an inch, you pull back a foot, she pulls back a foot, you pull back a yard. She pulls back a yard, you pull back 10 yards. She pulls back 10 yards, you pull back 100 yards. She pulls back 100 yards, you pull back a mile.
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Words of wisdom.. The way you wrote it seems a bit over the top, but really isn't. If you keep pulling back more than she does and it doesn't pull you closer, then she really, really, wants nothing from you. You've just done yourself a favor. You cut down on the agony and you let yourself cool down gradually.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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