A life of solitude and loneliness

[goundra]

instead of merely building MUSCLES, how about you wise up, and learn something USEFUL while ALSO building a trim, muscluar build, hmm? Like martial arts, survival skills, or a building trade?

 

[LittleBigOne]

I joined a soccer team and recently scored the game winning goal, but no one invited me to grab drinks afterwards and no one congratulated me on the goal.

I will try those other groups and see what happens.

Very well! But instead of waiting that these guys asking you to grab a drink you should be the one to do so. Making friends is making moves, and with real friendships it takes time and small steps.

I live in a small bordertown since a few years and knew not one person over here. New i have some friends, but pure because i took some action!

 

[LittleBigOne]

Have you been bullyed in the passed?

 

[TheLoner]

Have you been bullyed in the passed?

Yes in elementary, junior high, and high school.
I was often used as a punching bag when the other
students wanted to release their anger from their
own unrelated personal problems.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

TheLoner has no friends because he recently scored the game winning goal in soccer....for the opposing team..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EEW-9NDM5k

 

[TheLoner]

I have asked out every girl/guy on my soccer team if they want to chill with me on Friday Night. None of them have responded.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I have asked out every girl/guy on my soccer team if they want to chill with me on Friday Night. None of them have responded.

I found out that its much better to dont directly ask, for some reason this "facebook generation" developed many other psychological problems apart the attention wh0ring...one of this is the "ego trip" of rejecting other people even when sex is not involved while at the same time lose interest in anything which is offered to them despite the value of such.

Anyway just limit yourself to attend the gym and talk with the guys, dont try to be eager to establish connections, people get "creeped out" easily nowaday especially from a single male.

 

[TheStig]

I hit the gym as advised by my brothers on SS, but alas, I am in the gym all alone. Some guys come to the gym with girls, sometimes a couple of female friends. Sometimes they come with a male friend.

"Can you give a spot" I ask. Sure says one of my fellow males with high testostorone at the gym.

"Thanks for the spot, I've seen you around here before, do you want to hang out sometime".
"Ummm, no thanks, I have so and so plans".

Still no friends. Both males and females avoid talking to me at all costs at the gym. That is my experience.

First off, I love lifting alone because I can get in the zone better, be more focused, and can do what the f*ck kinda workout I wanna do.

Second, the gym isn't supposed to be a social place like that. When I'm there, I'm there for one thing and one thing only...to get jacked. I NEVER talk to people at the gym unless I'm asking if a particular bench or whatever is taken.

Just get your mp3 player, put in your earbuds/headphones, blast some hardcore sh1t to get you pumped and go to town. I swear a good workout is sooo therapeutic, and it really will build your confidence, just gotta stick with it. You can't just give up after a week or two, you need dedication.

 

[Burroughs]

I found out that its much better to dont directly ask, for some reason this "facebook generation" developed many other psychological problems apart the attention wh0ring...one of this is the "ego trip" of rejecting other people even when sex is not involved while at the same time lose interest in anything which is offered to them despite the value of such.

Anyway just limit yourself to attend the gym and talk with the guys, dont try to be eager to establish connections, people get "creeped out" easily nowaday especially from a single male.

very wise words

 

[my1ken]

Poetry Site ------->

 

[sageproduct]

You live in Chicago!!!!!! Come hang out with me Loner I will be your friend

 

[foreverAFC]

Every Friday Night, I stare into streets from my Bedroom window. Looking at the happy couples or group of friends walk by, laughing, chattering, and enjoying life. I stare into my lifeless phone as there are no calls from anyone, male or female. I envy the normal and wonder how I became "TheLoner". I think to myself, just to be a normal person for one day, would be amazing. If only I had the life of one of you, who describe it to be so grand, so normal, even for a day, would be my dream.

I walk to the movie theatre to see one of the latest "Hollywood" produced garbage, but alas I have no one to go with,
just me myself and I. I again, see happy couples going about their business and I wonder, what it would be like to be
one of them.

"is this seat next to you taken?", of course not, I am here alone! what a silly question.

welcome to this is the rest of your life

you are never going to truly feel accepted, get used to it

its not the end of the world, you just need to learn to get your kicks from other things, like substance abuse, pornography, prostitutes, internet porn, gambling etc...


just make sure to lift weights so that you can at least appear ok on the outside despite your many inner demons and mental strife

 

[Aristippus]

Loner,

I would highly recommend you read Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Take your time, absorb the principles and do the exercises. The human brain responds to imagined scenarios and ideas as if they were real, even if the external reality is different from what you imagine. If you ever imagined ahead of time that a situation was going to go terribly wrong, but it didn't, then you have experience to go by already. Your nerves, your emotions that you feel IN YOUR BODY, responded AS IF the mental pictures were real because the brain is the mechanism that sends signals about the outside world.

Imagined pictures are responded to the same as the outside environment because the same part of the brain that senses visual information also TRANSMITS that information. The part of the brain that transmits imagined visual information can influence the emotions because the emotional part of the nervous system responds to real and imagined pictures just the same. The issue you're dealing with is a self-image issue, which is also imagined. The idea is to use imagination systematically so that you create a new self-image. Change the self-image and you change the man. Through imagination and actions, you can make the changes you want. Get the book. Absorb it. Do the exercises. You'd might as well have fun and make some constructive use of your alone time.

 

[buzzin_frog]

Here ya go dude...I saw this thread...maybe this will help you LMAO!! :crackup:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203692

How come all the sh!tty threads like this get all the replies and attention, while all the good threads with great advice usually get looked over?

I have no sympathy for a guy like this. Seems all he wants is attention by writing these sh!tty threads. There are many clubs and community groups you can join to meet new people. Even the smallest remote hick town has them. What about people that move to a new town? They go out and meet to people and make friends!! I've seem some of the most ugliest, backwards, awkard looking MF'ers in my life, and they are able to have friends. If they can get them, then so can you. Get off your ass and get off the computer to meet people, instead of wallowing in self pity seeking attention online from anonymous strangers in a forum. That is pathetic!!!

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

A guy comes into the one of my neighborhood bars the other night. There are a lot of regulars there, so we can tell he's new.

He WANTS to be friendly. He WANTS to make friends. So he TRIES.

And he repels us. He's working too hard at it.

My impression was that he's lived a life with few connections, probably never learned how to do it from a young age and now he realizes he's a loner and is trying to take action. EXCEPT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT BECAUSE HE NEVER LEARNED (I watched him and started to wonder if he was using some PUA methods, given that I pegged him as socially awkward but taking action, though doing it decidedly in an unsmooth way).

He interjects himself into conversations at the wrong moment, says the wrong thing, and gives off awkward body language and voice inflection. People don't see him as friendly or interesting but rather, "Who's this weirdo?" and they just ignore him rather than invite him into the circle of regulars (and us regulars are not standoffish, we make new friends of new people at the bar all the time).

If you give off the vibe, "Will you please be my friend" it will produce the opposite reaction.

You don't TRY to become friends with people. It just happens.

If you are a bar / the gym, whatever, let conversations happen naturally. Make an aside comment about the game on t.v., or whatever the news happens to be showing. But do it in a way that it comes off like you could be talking into the air or to the person next to you. Just make an observation, and someone around you will, if they are a friendly person, open up to your gambit and respond. Then just have a normal back-and-forth briefly about the topic at hand. It shows you are socially adjusted, which are totally failing at right now.

Or, if those around you are having a loud conversation and seem open to a little input, throw in a short comment, but not one that sounds like it's seeking approval. Grin, "yeah, I saw show too, totally a mind-fcuk", a little eye contact, and then walk to the bathroom, an open seat, the smoking area, whatever. Something like that. It shows both friendliness, a bit of boldness and being comfortable with yourself while at the same time you are not inappropriately trying to horn in on others to lift yourself up. Later, someone in that group will be more open to an extended conversation because you broke the ice. Learn to start meeting people this way (it's not the only way, but you seem terribly unlearned in the socializing arts).

Just be social. You can't ask people you've just met to "hang out sometime", it doesn't work that way.

Seduction talks about "comfort and rapport" when hitting on women. It works the same way making friends.

Be approachable. Be non-judgmental and non-reactionary. When you are around people you like, be likeable without kissing up. Joke, asking friendly and interested questions without being interrogating. Be easy to talk to. And if people do not open up to you, quit trying or you'll look like a sucker/loner/loser. Make an generic but non-needy offer of human interaction and if they take you up on it, just chat like it is the most normal thing in the world. If they don't, don't sweat it.

While cultivating those things, get a life. Hobbies, interests, dancing lessons, language class, the gym, live music, whatever.

Make plans for yourself and do them.

When you've met folks that you've established rapport with and they are comfortable around you, mention something going on that you are doing and invite them along. Simple stuff.

The problem is likely that people sense you are TRYING to make friends with them, rather than just letting friendly interactions just happen.

You're loneliness has let you spiral into neediness, and this repels both romantic interests and potential friends.

You are coming off to people like you want and need something from them. They react suspiciously, rightfully so.

You likely failed to cultivate these skills when you were younger and now they do not come off naturally to you and others sense this.

They've pegged you as "the loser."

Strangely enough, if you start living only for yourself, to better yourself, improve, focus on hobbies and interests with a passion, you'll become more attractive as "making friends" will be less a priority than bettering yourself, which will, interestingly enough, make you more attractive to others. Friends will show up.

This does NOT mean wallowing in being a "loner." Self-pity is perhaps just as much a turn off as neediness. Act like you need no one while being approachable. Make cultivating multiple talents and interests your number one priority. If your life is interesting and you are easy to get along with and like, people will be drawn to you.

Right now, you are repelling them and what you are doing is not working.

Turn self-pity and loathing into your motivation. And, don't blame "society"... whatever made you the way you are, you now have to blame yourself. Get angry at yourself for failing to cultivate yourself into the person you want to be. Maybe you'll say "I've tried and it didn't work"...Okay, maybe you tried, but you failed. But you have to try some more and your previous tactics DID NOT WORK. So you have to change, period.

And if you don't change your approach and continue to spiral into whiny self-loathing, many guys on boards like this will grow to have little patience with the little bithc you've turned yourself into.

Get to work.

 

[SgtSplacker]

These threads are getting silly already...

 

[sambwoy]

And, don't blame "society"... whatever made you the way you are, you now have to blame yourself.

He thinks badly of himself because he has low self-esteem, but its true that some women can be cruel on unbelievable levels.

Because of past experiences of this kind, it took a long time to be in a position to believe that I wasn't worthless/undesirable, largely having to rely on my parents' unconditional love to be a more positive person in ANY aspect of life.

 

[Mike32ct]

I would chalk it down to a bit of both. He thinks badly of himself because he has low self-esteem, but its true that some women can be cruel on unbelievable levels.

Because of past experiences of this kind, it took a long time to be in a position to believe that I wasn't worthless/undesirable, largely having to rely on my parents' unconditional love to be a more positive person in ANY aspect of life.

Yeah, it a giant feedback loop.

Some guys receive positive feedback from women early on due to looks, being in the right popular group, or being naturally gifted or interested in areas that attract young women like sports. The get their self-esteem from the positive feedback they receive, and then the radiate self-esteem that attracts more people.

Sadly, the reverse can happen too. It's the luck of the draw.

 

[Mr_Stinky]

The troll is strong in this thread

 

[sambwoy]

Yeah, it a giant feedback loop.

Some guys receive positive feedback from women early on due to looks, being in the right popular group, or being naturally gifted or interested in areas that attract young women like sports. The get their self-esteem from the positive feedback they receive, and then the radiate self-esteem that attracts more people.

Sadly, the reverse can happen too. It's the luck of the draw.

Being a better looking man does have its perks. You deal with the toil and troubles of everyday life , but you have extra benefits like a larger pool of women, so life doesn't seem so sucky.

Remember that show The OC? I remember an episode when Adam Brody's character was down on himself for being 'geeky' and not getting the girls, but he actually had the looks, so it kinda defeated the object.

Its like when the supposed unattractive girl in those things is just a female model that they just put glasses on or something. Its insulting to people who actually have to go through these setbacks/insecurities for real.