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A Guide to Making Interesting Conversation

Kynan

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Introduction

Most people are boring in their conversations.

You ... may be boring.

I don’t know yet.

You may bore many of the people in your life ... and not even realize it yet.

It’s possible.

I certainly used to.

But I do know they’d never tell you if they thought you were a bore to them. They’ll just keep it to themselves and humor you.

This can make it an obstacle to see and change.

I help people find this blindspot and then show them how to turn it around and make themselves more interesting and attractive to other people instead.

I start by teaching them a practical approach to conducting their conversations with other people that makes those exchanges mutually engaging and satisfying experiences people love to take part in.

I want to share that approach with you right now, to see if it’s something you need to learn yet because it would benefit you greatly in life, or whether you already have this stuff all figured out.

If you don’t know or apply any of the strategies and techniques in this guide, chances are you’re probably already boring people right now, and don’t even know it. That used to be the case with me too. But that needs to change. And it will with the help of this guide. But if you’re already aware of these secrets, you probably already have a knack for creating interesting conversations with people that lead to connections.

The First Thing to Learn

Get this firmly in your mind: at the beginning of every conversation, always put the focus on the other person as quickly as possible, especially if it’s a first meeting. Give them the spotlight. Don’t ramble on about yourself and what’s on your mind (unless you’re bringing them news they showed interest in).

Instead, be interested in them ... and what’s most important to them!

Unless you already have a relationship with them, do not start by blabbering about yourself and what’s going through your mind at that moment when you open an interaction. Save that for later. And whatever you do, do not start complaining and griping at them! If the other person asks how it’s going, tell them about it in a short manner, and then turn the spotlight back onto them. Unless they’re a good conversationalist too; then let them indulge you a little by talking about yourself. But then turn it back onto them. To ramble on endlessly about what you want to talk about it is a quick road to boring people in a short period of time. This is one of the most common ways people outwear their welcomes, sometimes in a matter of moments. Though, it’s usually unspoken.

If you start yapping about yourself and your thoughts from the beginning of the conversation without their invitation, you will sacrifice their interest level (with the exception of good story telling and sharing interesting news). After about 10-30 seconds, their interest level in what you’re saying is going to start to drop drastically, which will result in them zoning out and humoring you. They’ll have a slowly increasing desire to flee the situation, and will take advantage of it should the opportunity present itself.

You don’t want that.

That makes you a boring person in their eyes. Their thoughts have stopped paying attention to what you’re saying and have started to float elsewhere. They just don’t want to be impolite by ending the conversation abruptly and risk hurting your feelings and perhaps bearing the emotional brunt of your possible scorn.

What To Do Instead

When starting a conversation, what you do instead is you take a sincere interest in the other person and in their life. You do this by asking the right questions and then listening to what they say, and then following-up by delving deeper into the topics that have surfaced or relating to them and sharing your own thoughts and experiences on them, briefly at first.

To do this well, you must understand what a “cue” and a “thread” is. And how to use them to lead your conversations in the direction you want them to go in.

A “cue” is simply a small mention another person makes or you introduce that gives a glimpse into either their life or your life, depending on who’s talking. It’s a gateway into a new topic of conversation.

For example, if you ask me about how I like the weather, and I reply by saying, “It’s too rainy for me. Had to cancel the kid’s baseball game too,” the “cues” in my response are the “kid” and the “baseball game.” It’s information I’ve revealed to you about my life and experience. It’s a couple of opportunities I’ve tossed your way to transition the conversation onto something more meaningful – if you know how to capitalize on them!

Those “cues” can now be turned into “threads.” “Threads” are the topics of discussion that come to the forefront of a conversation and amount to its content. We’ll get to that yet, but how do we start a conversation in the first place?

How to Start a Conversation

In your efforts to transform a “cue” into a “thread” from the beginning of a conversation, there are three great ways to open things:
  • Ask them how they’re doing or how their day/shift is going
  • Make a comment about the present experience you’re sharing and witnessing together, or ask them a question about it
  • Share some interesting news
Remember, the entire aim here in taking any of these approaches is to encourage the other person to start talking! And more importantly, to influence them to introduce some “cues” into the interaction that you can turn into “threads” of the conversation.

Once you’ve successfully turned a “cue” into a “thread,” a new aim takes the place of simply getting them talking. That new aim is to look for opportunities to naturally transition the conversation onto what’s most important to them. Instead of getting them to reveal any more general information, now we encourage them to share specific information.

Remember, just like you and me, everyone is the most important person in the world ... in their own head. To make engaging conversation that people find interesting and stimulating, you have to talk about what’s most important to the most important person in the world!

Them!

Your mission is to tactfully find out what interests them, and then transition the conversation onto those things and discuss them, assuming you can also make them interesting to yourself.

That’s how hearts are won.

What to Talk About

To do all this well, you must first come to a certain understanding of life. We have desires and, however vague, we have plans for their realization. Then we put those plans into operation. In pursuit, we gather experiences, and we encounter problems that lead us to formulating opinions based on those experiences. This process is decorated with various people and relationships that play different roles in that journey.

Memorize these topics!

Burn them into your brain!

This will make you focus on guiding your conversations onto them whenever you talk to people as quickly as possible.

Read this list over and over again for better, faster results:

DESIRES
PLANS
EXPERIENCES
PROBLEMS
OPINIONS
RELATIONSHIPS

The secret to creating interesting conversation and establishing connections with other people is to guide every exchange onto these topics and discuss them in detail, listening and questioning to get more in depth, and balancing that halfway with relating and sharing your own experiences and opinions and what have you.

You do that by opening the conversation to get them to reveal their first “cue.” You capitalize on that “cue” by asking them a question that transitions the cue into a conversational “thread.” Once they’re on that topic, they are likely to talk for a period. And in that period, they are going to introduce a variety of more “cues.” Your job is to listen, and then choose. You listen for any mention of something that relates to the big six topics we discussed a moment ago. Sometimes you have to pass through a succession of “threads” before you reach them. Once you’ve successfully steered the conversation onto one of these things and have made it the central thread in the interaction, take a genuine and sincere interest in it by asking them questions about it. In response to their answers, either inquire further or else share your own thoughts and experiences with it. It’s good to keep things balanced once in a committed conversation, once you’re well past the small talk.

But now we’re approaching the more advanced material – which will be useless to you if you haven’t first mastered the basics.
 
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Kynan

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Where to Go From Here

What I suggest you do is read this guide over and over again. With each reading, you will start to meditate on the practical application it teaches. And when you meditate on its principles, you will start to apply them in your exchanges with the people you interact with. In doing this, you will start to realize the mistakes you’ve been making up to the present moment. You will then learn from them. And your skill with people will steadily increase.

In short, start by taking an interest in other people and letting your behaviour reflect it. Remember, people have desires, plans, experiences, problems, opinions, and relationships. Probe and mine for “cues” that lead the conversation onto these topics and then discuss them.

I started by saying that most people are boring. But that isn’t entirely true. What’s true is that, left to their own devices, most people will talk about boring stuff. But when you apply the teachings in this guide, every person will start to become fascinating to you! Everyone has had interesting experiences to tell of, and has insight and wisdom to share. And when you know how to bring that out of them, they will feel recognized as significant, someone worthy of notice. And that’s what makes other people find you attractive!

Start practicing what you’ve learned. Practice on your friends and family. Practice on your co-workers. Even cashiers and attendants. Then finally strangers you’d like to meet.

If you practice consistently, you will soon become an expert at talking to people and making the conversations interesting to both you and them.

This is how connections are formed.
 

SargeMaximus

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This is classic “how to win friends and influence people”. I definitely noticed it gets people wanting to talk with you more, but doesn’t improve game ime
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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This is classic “how to win friends and influence people”. I definitely noticed it gets people wanting to talk with you more, but doesn’t improve game ime
Right because talking with people and game are 2 different things, maybe your journal explains that better cause it don't make sense.
 

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SargeMaximus

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Right because talking with people and game are 2 different things, maybe your journal explains that better cause it don't make sense.
I’ll try and explain. I found that conversationally I was decent and even got complimented by women I went on dates with or approached at how good of a conversationalist I was. But I wasn’t getting laid with these same girls.

I started to see it the same as “you’re a nice guy, but...” only it was “you’re a great conversationalist, but...”

they never said that, but the results were clear: I was having (supposedly) good conversations but not getting laid.
I then looked to guys I thought were fairly alpha and seemed to be getting girls but I noticed they weren’t taking an active interest in others through conversation or otherwise. So I switched to being more selfish and making getting laid my result, conversation be damned, and that moved things in my favor.
 

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I’ll try and explain. I found that conversationally I was decent and even got complimented by women I went on dates with or approached at how good of a conversationalist I was. But I wasn’t getting laid with these same girls.

I started to see it the same as “you’re a nice guy, but...” only it was “you’re a great conversationalist, but...”

they never said that, but the results were clear: I was having (supposedly) good conversations but not getting laid.
I then looked to guys I thought were fairly alpha and seemed to be getting girls but I noticed they weren’t taking an active interest in others through conversation or otherwise. So I switched to being more selfish and making getting laid my result, conversation be damned, and that moved things in my favor.
So how did you become more selfish and what did you do to make getting laid your result outside of conversation?
 

Velasco

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I agree. I do all this stuff naturally and it works great in terms of making friends/help getting promotions at work. But in terms of picking up chicks, its sht. For that, you'll want to do the complete opposite of what this guy is saying

Ramble on about yourself and what's on your mind. Talk about what you wanna talk about. Keeping the spotlight on yourself. you do this in a socially savvy with intrigue baits (avoids "without their invitation" cuz they asked). Leading to convo to these topics instead of his suggested topics
 

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So how did you become more selfish and what did you do to make getting laid your result outside of conversation?
I just focus on what I want. When conversing with a girl I’m moving it towards sex. Chit chat is an indicator of disinterest on her part whereas if she follows my lead I know she’s interested. Plus my sex talk acts as both a compliance test and screen for compatibility
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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I just focus on what I want. When conversing with a girl I’m moving it towards sex. Chit chat is an indicator of disinterest on her part whereas if she follows my lead I know she’s interested. Plus my sex talk acts as both a compliance test and screen for compatibility
This sounds like conversation
 

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It’s not making her the focus like OP was saying tho
Making her the focus is to help newer men resolve approach anxiety, you saying conversation really doesn't work, does not help these men because they don't want to get over approach anxiety, like the fact that you still haven't recognized this thread is here to help beginners is telling.
 

SargeMaximus

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Making her the focus is to help newer men resolve approach anxiety, you saying conversation really doesn't work, does not help these men because they don't want to get over approach anxiety, like the fact that you still haven't recognized this thread is here to help beginners is telling.
Oooh it’s so telling. Wtf. The point is, if new guys want to get good at getting laid, they can skip the bunny hill.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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Oooh it’s so telling. Wtf. The point is, if new guys want to get good at getting laid, they can skip the bunny hill.
Hahahahaha, no, you don't get it, approach anxiety has 2 outcomes, either you trudge through it or you quit, that's it, there isn't this skipping approach anxiety, that doesn't exist, the existence of black and purple pills is evidence of that or else they would just skip it too, but they can't.
 

SargeMaximus

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Hahahahaha, no, you don't get it, approach anxiety has 2 outcomes, either you trudge through it or you quit, that's it, there isn't this skipping approach anxiety, that doesn't exist, the existence of black and purple pills is evidence of that or else they would just skip it too, but they can't.
I disagree. While I hate conversation and will avoid it at all costs, I enjoy knocking doors in sales and interacting with people because my goal of making money is important. I’m not there to chat, and so I don’t have to chat to reach my goal. It’s the same with pick up imo.
 

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CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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I disagree. While I hate conversation and will avoid it at all costs, I enjoy knocking doors in sales and interacting with people because my goal of making money is important. I’m not there to chat, and so I don’t have to chat to reach my goal. It’s the same with pick up imo.
Are you like 14 or something? Sales is no different than game and it comes with the exact same approach anxiety, the 2 are the same thing, when you sell, you sell a product, when you game, you sell yourself, like your not even making a point here, your just saying things, sales has the exact same approach anxiety as game.
 

SargeMaximus

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Are you like 14 or something? Sales is no different than game and it comes with the exact same approach anxiety, the 2 are the same thing, when you sell, you sell a product, when you game, you sell yourself, like your not even making a point here, your just saying things, sales has the exact same approach anxiety as game.
Yeah but you can get over approach anxiety AND get closer to getting laid by having a selfish convo like I was mentioning but you CANT (at least ime) by running “how to win FRIENDS and influence people” game.

why not start off with the right form? Why waste time overcoming approach anxiety with conversations that will get you friend zoned? That’a such a waste of time
 

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Yeah but you can get over approach anxiety AND get closer to getting laid by having a selfish convo like I was mentioning but you CANT (at least ime) by running “how to win FRIENDS and influence people” game.

why not start off with the right form? Why waste time overcoming approach anxiety with conversations that will get you friend zoned? That’a such a waste of time
Why not start off with the right form? Because your going to be approaching every day, time isn't an issue here, the issue is that men are not jumping the entrance hurdle to game, of approach anxiety, which is why this thread exists, to start; transition into resolving your approach anxiety and then adopt better habits as you approach.

Pairing sex talk with approach anxiety is called being Creepy, for a newer player, you think it's better to experience rejection or be viewed as Creepy? Your leading men down the Creepy path with your advice which to me says you haven't the slightest clue what you are talking about and if this is going to be a resource for newer players then I have to check you, because your wrong, being Creepy is not the answer.
 

SargeMaximus

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Why not start off with the right form? Because your going to be approaching every day, time isn't an issue here, the issue is that men are not jumping the entrance hurdle to game, of approach anxiety, which is why this thread exists, to start; transition into resolving your approach anxiety and then adopt better habits as you approach.

Pairing sex talk with approach anxiety is called being Creepy, for a newer player, you think it's better to experience rejection or be viewed as Creepy? Your leading men down the Creepy path with your advice which to me says you haven't the slightest clue what you are talking about and if this is going to be a resource for newer players then I have to check you, because your wrong, being Creepy is not the answer.
As Good Looking Loser said: “You have to risk being creepy”.

I have a different opinion than you, it doesn’t make me wrong. In fact, the fact that I get laid doing my “creepy” method makes me right if we’re talking about getting laid.I’d hope that’s everyone’s goal when approaching.

Imo what you’re saying is the equivalent of telling someone who is going to the gym to lose weight to keep eating unhealthy because the point is that they get over their fear of the gym. Not effective
 

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As Good Looking Loser said: “You have to risk being creepy”.

I have a different opinion than you, it doesn’t make me wrong. In fact, the fact that I get laid doing my “creepy” method makes me right if we’re talking about getting laid.I’d hope that’s everyone’s goal when approaching.

Imo what you’re saying is the equivalent of telling someone who is going to the gym to lose weight to keep eating unhealthy because the point is that they get over their fear of the gym. Not effective
Your still not getting it, it isn't about results in the beginning, it is about building, if you build, results will come, without results and you still have the willpower to game, then the second you start getting results, your good... Ask any dude who actually runs day game, results do not come easy until you are able to walk the line of being abrasive enough to not get totally rejected but social enough to not look Creepy.

Looking for results out of the gate is the problem with men today, they are afraid to put the work on without results and your displaying that exact same fear here.
 
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