A friend killed himself

[Jariel]

what about if you were a prisoner in a concentration camp and EVERYTHING was stripped from you, your family killed, you tortured.......would be a good reason to commit suicide right? Wrong weakling. Read man's search for meaning. You can find meaning in suffering, you can ease other's suffering. You can transcend pain.

Not everybody is Victor Frankl. Not everybody has that will to survive when everything they cared about is taken away and all that is left is suffering. People who commit suicide see no light at the end of the tunnel. They see nothing worth living for.

To assume we can all transcend pain is like saying everybody can bench press 500lbs....because you happened to read about people who can.

You are saying "people who feel suicidal or who commit suicide feel an inner pain that's akin to being doused in petrol and set on fire"

Yes, I'm trying to get across that the mental anguish that leads a person to suicide is an unbearable level of suffering. If they could bear it, they wouldn't commit suicide.

Your logic is warped son. I would bet money that you were diagnosed with a mental illness. Am I correct? Aspergers at a guess.

I'm guessing this is a sad attempt to insult me because you don't agree with what I'm saying? Kind of pathetic, don't you think?

I've had mental issues in the past, but I've been one of those who found ways to overcome them.

Simply people running away from pain and suffering. Like babies most of these will not have matured emotionally. Pain is good. Through overcoming pain we grow. Or you can just cry, run away from pain and top yourself. Nobody cares.

Does the entirely of your education come from motivational memes or something? This is the most immature and uneducated nonsense I've heard. The brain is way more complicated than this.

You don't seem to realise that people's minds can break down. Whatever logic you believe in right now could completely vanish with a simple chemical imbalance. Your entire understanding of reality can dissolve. Your brain can subject you to the most intense fear and suffering, lead you to harm yourself or others...or take your own life. This is something everybody is susceptible to.

Telling someone with a mental illness or suicidal tendencies to stop acting like babies or get over it is like telling a paraplegic to stop making excuses and go and run a marathon.

You see? Great example. No mental illness here. Going through a divorce?

How do you know? The divorce could have triggered a latent mental disorder. Have you ever heard of a nervous breakdown or anxiety attack? Stress of any kind can literally make a person snap.

Some people go through life not realising they're schizophrenic, then they experience trauma or experiment with drugs (even cannabis) and they spend the rest of their lives in an institution.

It's clear you are codependent. Sort your inner game out sunshine!! Get off the meds!!

And it's clear to me that you're quite the "edge lord" and probably someone with minimal life experience and social contact beyond the internet. I wouldn't be surprised if you've been hurt in the past or constantly feel rejected and it's left you feeling cynical and bitter.

 

[FuzzX]

No sympathy at all. The devastation these selfish pricks leave behind. I have empathy for the guy's family and friends, but the
murderer himself is a fvckwit. If you decided that life is not worth living FOR YOU, you can easily just turn around and dedicate yourself
to other people: dedicate yourself to your family, your kids, the fvcking homeless whatever. That would be a selfless act and it would actually fill their hearts up in the process and transform them inadvertently.......

....but the reason they cannot commit to a selfless act is because.....wait for it.....they are selfish, narcissist, sympathy seekers.....the "ultimate act of self defense" (ie boo hoo nobody sniff will every bubble bubble hurt me sniff again...)

INNER GAME IS EVERYTHING. You must be centered in yourself. A fvcking island as the waves of life and women bash against you, shaping you with experience, but never crumbling.

Edit: spelling innit

This isn't nice to say but its the truth. My 33 y/o brother drank himself to death and I'm pretty sure it started due to a woman. Everything you said is correct though. He couldn't live for any1 but himself and he was all about HIMSELF. Whenever he got rejected it was completely devastating to him because his whole life revolved around him. My brother died just 5 or 6 months ago and it completely tore my family apart, we were all considering suicide after... people have no idea the amount of damage this does. I can't look at his pics without tears welling up. I'm more angry now, I take less sh1t from people and I really get upset when people talk about alcoholism being a disease, its not... its due to people being narcissistic selfish fvcks.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sorry you guys. Both @darksprezzatura and @FuzzX.

Hopefully time will heal the wounds and you can find solace. Suicide hurts the deceased up until it is committed...

It hurts those closest to the deceased an immeasurable time beyond that.

You have my sympathies and respect.

 

[Damiannt]

I am so sad to hear about such stories.

 

[Grinderman]

I am so sad to hear about such stories.

Detach from your sadness. Sadness is usually anger inverted. The solution is to be assertive. Default to action. Move your energy up. Life is a comedy or a tragedy, depending on your perspective. You cannot avoid suffering in this life, however, you can avoid needless self created suffering by refusing to worry about things that our outside of your control. Just because one tree in your garden may be sick, it doesn't mean that all the others be ignored. In the midst of suffering one can still experience joy and beauty. Just got to look for it, recognize it and appreciate it. Remember the feeling. Guard it.

Take the good and the bad in your stride.

..and always look on the bright side. Worst things happen at sea you know!!

 

[FuzzX]

Not quite that easy man, maybe for a friend its different. For family, for my brother, when I look at something he owned and realize its mine now, there is a very eerie feeling. Like this person would love to have known what I'm using it for. Or you go to do something or tell them something and realize, not only can they not hear you but that you have no one else that would really understand the reference... its just you. I wonder if my brother is an infinite being at the moment, would he care, or even find humor in our old jokes. His prejudices, thoughts, beliefs everything all gone or infinitively small. It certainly isn't something you can prepare for or shrug off with Hollywood references. Death is difficult. I keep hearing about how life after death is all love and acceptance, that wouldn't be my brother, he was a joker and it wouldn't be the same meeting him, how could we make fun of neckbeards and soys now?

I'm holding an old Pokémon coloured Gameboy that my brother had when he was a kid, its just junk plastic to me but for some reason I can't bring myself to sell it. I look at it and I see my little brother at 8 yearsold trying to complete his collection by buying the yellow and blue cartridges. He ran home from school to play Might & Magic on the PC, the fights we had over who got to use the computer first... I look at all of our old toys, I used to have a little white stuffed rabbit named Mr. Bun that I gave to my brother. I would do the rabbits voice. The two of them my brother and Mr.Bun had so many adventures but now, if I do the voice, I feel empty, there will never be another person on Earth that can understand the magic of a kid speaking to a character I made up as if he were real. I did it so much in my teens that I almost came to believe Mr.Bun was a split personality. We had an entire history made up, backline, story for a dozen stuffed animals. He's been all over the world with my little brother... Now they're just stuffed animals again, sitting in his room.

This kind of connection is not a thing that can ever leave or you can convince yourself to ignore. Its a moment frozen in my mind and brings a torrent of memories.

 

[christie]

They exist only as memories.

When strong enough, I try to recall all memories and moments shared in order to keep them fresh.

They exist only as memories.
However, some of the decisions made in one's life were made with their influence and positivity they brought to your life simply by their good example. Since these decisions make up who one is, what one's value system is...the dead live on through us as long as we live.

 

[Grinderman]

It certainly isn't something you can prepare for or shrug off with Hollywood references. Death is difficult.

The "Hollywood references" (putting aside for a moment that Monty Phyton is British....sacrilegious to suggest it's american!) is you reacting to what you see on the surface level. They stem from long developed philosophies and beliefs. It isn't something you can prepare for? Strongly disagree. Imagine that instead of playing video games and switching off from reality (or cutting the time spent on video games in half....and this is not a dig at you, as you seem like a genuine guy who likes to have fun) you had spent time meditating, reading and putting into practice stoic philosophies, or buddhism doctrines, contemplating death in order to live fully present. Do you think you would be better prepared?

The Stoics and The Buddhists will contemplate death on the daily. It's a natural part of life. (I strongly suggest you read The Enchiridion by Epictetus and pay close attention to his perspective on death) It's not death that troubles us for it did not trouble Socrates, it's what we tell ourselves about death that troubles us. The Enchiridion takes a lot of contemplation and applying it to daily situations that may arise in order for a paridigm shift to occur. You drop a plate in your kitchen? You can jump into your emotions and curse and scream. It won't change the fact that the plate is now broken. Is it terrible that the plate has broken? You've now added to the situation and made it subjectively "worse" due to your perspective and reaction. But it was my favorite plate!! Woe to you for your attachment to an animate object. That dropped plate in your kitchen is your opportunity to apply philosophy to the situation.

Why contemplate death on a daily? Contemplate on your own death and then look at your life and ask yourself: "is this what I am afraid of losing?" Hopefully, you can create something worth it, if not, better get moving the clock is ticking. With death as an inevitable part of life, the idea is to prioritize what and who is important to you and value / appreciate them. Live in the present for it is all we have. Why concern yourself with things that are not important to you. Why get angry with people who mean nothing to you.

Why contemplate the death of your loved ones: another Stoic and Buddhist exercise is to meditate on the death of your love ones. The idea here is not to make you morbid, but to awaken you to yours and their mortality which hopefully propels you to be more present with them, to appreciate them, to reign in your anger, to be patient......

Here's why it can all seem like it was just a dream. Two people can only make a genuine connection when both are present to each other. Remember that when you want to connect with someone or you are wondering why you cannot connect with someone: one or both of you are in another realm. Perhaps your loved one is trying to share something with you, and you are half listening and half connected to your smartphone and another part of you is thinking about what you are going to have for dinner. You are not connected as you are not fully present. When this person is gone from your life you will look back to this moment and it will all seem like a dream. Like it was not real. That's because as you were not present it was just like a dream.

One of the purposes of meditation is to be present. Another is to develop empathy (compassion through loving kindness). Another is to cultivate wisdom.

Make friends with death.

 

[FuzzX]

I'm not afraid of death, that's not why I'm depressed about his death. There are many things that I lost with him. First of all it was a connection to a child I helped raise. Second my brother was going to be a sperm donor, so I'm also depressed because its going to be extremely difficult now to conceive from my bloodline, not to mention VERY costly. Finally, he was younger than me by 7 years and the tragedy was that he never really got anywhere in his life. He was like PUAs jumping from one woman to another, he probably had a larger notch count than anyone on this forum... but he never achieved the one thing he yearned for most: a friend. My brother kept complaining that he was lonely. Death is inevitable my friend, I'm not at all worried about it. My brother already got there successfully.

This is the song that came on the radio right after I got the call from the police at work.