A fine example of what you SHOULD NOT do when talking to people.

[Konada]

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=/&gl=SG#/watch?v=u4OtM7Mr7AQ

Nevermind it's a gaming interview but observe the minor actions he does that gives off an awkward vibe, see if there's any similarities and try to correct them.

 

[FairShake]

He seems alright to me. Pretty much what most teenagers seem like when they are talking.

People don't care as much about you being "nervous" as you might think. In fact, nervous people make more out of their nervousness than other people. Being an awkward ****y ******* is far worse.

 

[Eternal_water]

link doesn't work for me

 

[Konada]

He seems alright to me. Pretty much what most teenagers seem like when they are talking.

People don't care as much about you being "nervous" as you might think. In fact, nervous people make more out of their nervousness than other people. Being an awkward ****y ******* is far worse.

Good point. He seems abit too fidgetey (sp) with all the straying eyes and multiple hand movements at first however manages to find composure later on.

 

[Innovater]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4OtM7Mr7AQ

For those who can't see it.

 

[FairShake]

Good point. He seems abit too fidgetey (sp) with all the straying eyes and multiple hand movements at first however manages to find composure later on.

Which makes him like every other person on earth! I've been interviewed at local fires on the news before and my first (several) interviews I was a wreck. And I was chosen because apparently I'm the best at interviews in the department. Which isn't saying much!

A little bit of nervousness is normal. Just about every person in a new situation will show some. I don't trust people who are immediately comfortable around people they don't know. Means they don't really care about those people. Not somebody I'm interested in getting to know.

 

[Jariel]

This is something I have to chime in on. I've suffered attention deficit disorder all my life and have always had a tendancy to fidget and get distracted easily. Rather than hold eye contact and move with purpose, I'd look around the room at everything that moved or made a sound, play with my shirt cuffs, tap on the table and things like that.

I wasn't really aware of it until recently. Like most women I date, there was one who started off with major interest, then rejected me out of nowhere. She explained that I appear nervous and on edge and she felt I was not the guy for her. I was actually very calm the whole time so was really confused why she got this impression, so I asked her. It turned out it was my bodylanguage and fidgetting. Despite my calm mindset, I was giving the impression of nervousness and low confidence, which of course is very offputting for a woman. I'd heard this before and I believe many of my rejections have been down to this and when asking family and friends, they all agreed that it's a habit they've known me do for many years and they too can see how it may be offputting.

It was quite a revelation for me. I looked back at videos of myself and for the first time, I saw exactly what they were talking about. And I have to say, my bodylanguage was very similar to the guy in this video.

I've been making some big changes since and people have been giving me positive feedback. Meanwhile, my dates have been going exceptionally well and I'm actually managing to retain high interest for a change.

It's all well and good saying we should relax and just be ourselves, but sometimes you really do need to pay attention to your actions and behaviour and make a conscious effort to change.

 

[mark123]

Thanks for sharing, Konada.

I've been making some big changes since and people have been giving me positive feedback. Meanwhile, my dates have been going exceptionally well and I'm actually managing to retain high interest for a change.

Jariel - do you mind sharing what some of these changes you are making are? I have similar fidgeting/wandering eyes issues (although not as extreme as the guy in the video) and tend to start talking really fast, esp with people i don't know. Do you recommend any exercises, resources etc to appear more calm, smooth?