Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

8 months post divorce and here's where I'm at:

TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
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Lots of thanks to everyone here. I have truly changed as a person in the past (almost) year. My friend recommended TRM to me back in Late Aug/September 2020 when I started my divorce and I thought, "why not? I have no other philosophies or direction right now regarding women, and clearly I need to learn a thing or two."

Fast forward end of May 2021. What a difference. I now know I can successfully spin plates and my confidence has soared. I have never been unable to get women due to my looks (I work out, I'm attractive, and I know how to dress/carry myself), but rather my mindset. I lacked self-esteem likely due to failed relationships in the past and being a serial monogamist throughout college. I got married young (24 years old) and was in a marriage where I was not a leader, but rather a follower. I couldn't even argue with my ex wife anymore because it became insufferable. As a result, my marriage failed (coupled with her BPD and narcissism..)

But now... I know what I want in a relationship, what I don't want in a relationship, and the qualities of a truly good women. Although I am not necessarily where I want to be at this point in my life career wise, I am getting there and making the right moves. I have great friends and family, good health, and a great support system online with this crew.

As per my last post, I met a girl roughly 2 months ago who was much different than the other girls I have met over the year (~25 first dates, 13 bucks, and the occasional BJ lol). I figured I have had a good sample size of women to determine what a 'quality' one is. Because none of these other girls really compared to this one, I figured it would be foolish to keep spinning plates and have her walk away after growing tired of this.

She is Brazilian and has only been in the US for 3 years, therefore she has really good values and is not too 'Americanized.' She isn't selfish, sexually we are really compatible, and I can sense she is a genuine person as well as a hard worker.

Last night when discussing things I asked her: "What are your expectations with us? You asked me if I want to continue to meet other people. Do you?"

She very endearingly answered: "I don't want to meet others. It is not my way. When I like someone I just want to be with them. I have not met others since meeting you - but I don't want to get hurt if we continue things because I may start to really like you. It would be hard to know you're with someone else."

I told her (in Portuguese ;)): "When I first got divorced I couldn't imagine entering another exclusive relationship with someone because I just wasn't ready. But now... I am ready."

She smiled. Kissed me. Agreed she wants to become exclusive and deleted the dating apps. We bucked. And now I have a girlfriend. Welcome to summer 2021.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility. This is all new to me. I am now in my first LTR post-divorce. So expect to see me still posting a lot of questions on here hahaha.

Thanks boys.


TL;DR: I now have a girlfriend.
 

Modern Man Advice

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
474
Reaction score
618
Location
Bend, OR
Lots of thanks to everyone here. I have truly changed as a person in the past (almost) year. My friend recommended TRM to me back in Late Aug/September 2020 when I started my divorce and I thought, "why not? I have no other philosophies or direction right now regarding women, and clearly I need to learn a thing or two."

Fast forward end of May 2021. What a difference. I now know I can successfully spin plates and my confidence has soared. I have never been unable to get women due to my looks (I work out, I'm attractive, and I know how to dress/carry myself), but rather my mindset. I lacked self-esteem likely due to failed relationships in the past and being a serial monogamist throughout college. I got married young (24 years old) and was in a marriage where I was not a leader, but rather a follower. I couldn't even argue with my ex wife anymore because it became insufferable. As a result, my marriage failed (coupled with her BPD and narcissism..)

But now... I know what I want in a relationship, what I don't want in a relationship, and the qualities of a truly good women. Although I am not necessarily where I want to be at this point in my life career wise, I am getting there and making the right moves. I have great friends and family, good health, and a great support system online with this crew.

As per my last post, I met a girl roughly 2 months ago who was much different than the other girls I have met over the year (~25 first dates, 13 bucks, and the occasional BJ lol). I figured I have had a good sample size of women to determine what a 'quality' one is. Because none of these other girls really compared to this one, I figured it would be foolish to keep spinning plates and have her walk away after growing tired of this.

She is Brazilian and has only been in the US for 3 years, therefore she has really good values and is not too 'Americanized.' She isn't selfish, sexually we are really compatible, and I can sense she is a genuine person as well as a hard worker.

Last night when discussing things I asked her: "What are your expectations with us? You asked me if I want to continue to meet other people. Do you?"

She very endearingly answered: "I don't want to meet others. It is not my way. When I like someone I just want to be with them. I have not met others since meeting you - but I don't want to get hurt if we continue things because I may start to really like you. It would be hard to know you're with someone else."

I told her (in Portuguese ;)): "When I first got divorced I couldn't imagine entering another exclusive relationship with someone because I just wasn't ready. But now... I am ready."

She smiled. Kissed me. Agreed she wants to become exclusive and deleted the dating apps. We bucked. And now I have a girlfriend. Welcome to summer 2021.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility. This is all new to me. I am now in my first LTR post-divorce. So expect to see me still posting a lot of questions on here hahaha.

Thanks boys.


TL;DR: I now have a girlfriend.
Mindset is everything. Happy for you brother. *fist bump*

Cheers,
Jim
Modern Man Advice
 

Lookatu

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Glad to hear some success stories for once on here. So many gloom and doom posts lately.

Congrats again brotha. :up:

P.S. Don't be surprised if the sex gets amped up too even more than they are now. Usually when girls are exclusive with you, they'll do practically anything.
 

TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
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P.S. Don't be surprised if the sex gets amped up too even more than they are now. Usually when girls are exclusive with you, they'll do practically anything.
She was already pretty much down for anything, so this makes me even more excited to hear..... hahahhaaha. Thanks man!
 

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Scaramouche

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Dear New Style,
While naturally very pleased with your new found happiness,I would urge caution...A divorce is a big deal emotionally,it will take years of healing for your mind to recover,if it ever does...The mind needs time to assimilate what have been massive changes in your circumstances,I would urge caution for at least another year...I have been railroaded into marriage twice,the strange thing is that the second Wife though seemingly a very different person,gradually morphed into a person creating similar problems to the first after children came along...Perhaps it is not them we have to work out but ourselves?
 
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Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
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60
I remember when you first started posting. Glad to see how things are progressing for you. Actually, I'm not surprised. Your mind and determination was in a good place from the beginning. I wish you success and happiness on this new path.
 

TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
629
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Dear New Style,
While naturally very pleased with your new found happiness,I would urge caution...A divorce is a big deal emotionally,it will take years of healing for your mind to recover,if it ever does...The mind needs time to assimilate what have been massive changes in your circumstances,I would urge caution for at least another year...I have been railroaded into marriage twice,the strange thing is that the second Wife though seemingly a very different person,gradually morphed into a person creating similar problems to the first after children came along...Perhaps it is not them we have to work out but ourselves?
You're so right man. I have been approaching this situation and taking this whole time to self reflect. From day one I never became bitter and just blamed my ex wife (even though she cheated twice), I still thought "what could I of done to improve the situation?" "What do I need to do to better myself for the next relationship?"
 

TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
629
Reaction score
468
I remember when you first started posting. Glad to see how things are progressing for you. Actually, I'm not surprised. Your mind and determination was in a good place from the beginning. I wish you success and happiness on this new path.

Thanks man - I really appreciate that! You were definitely one of the first guys that started helping me on here, and for that I am thankful.
 

RickTheToad

Moderator
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@TheNewStyle123, congrats my friend. Keep up the good work and remember, think with your mind, and not your penis. It can be trying at times, but that's what we all need to do in life. Live life through logic and not emotion.
 

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