"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
5th annual Anti Approach Anxiety competition
- Thread starter Gray The Prince
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
blind_one
Master Don Juan
Oooooh man, during the last 4 days I've felt as if I was 19 yr old again and it was the start of summer holidays.
What I've realized through is that I do not have hardcore approach anxiety when I feel my peers are watching me and I want to just do it, own it up and approach. Past last 4 days I have approached many mixed groups and mostly folks moving between parties in my area ( 700k+ aglomeration). I shall report details of that endeavour around midnight your time as I am charging my batteries after an almost 4 day adventure.
#EDIT ( posting results of week 1 )
Wednesday
While walking all merry to work I open up a good looking blonde in around her 30ties in the elevator about the weather which I was surprised about ( was +5 degrees celsius ) while its -5 nowadays.
Thursday
After work I grab a bite then workout at home and get ready for a house party I managed to get myself a spot for 2 days back( didn't know the host but 2-3 of his close friends). I meet up with my friend to take the 40 minute bus ride to our destination, we have some headroom before getting on a bus so we grab a beer. We chat up chicas in the bus, my gut told me they were going to a party as well but not the one we were tho. They leave at a stop about halfway our destination. The party is a blast. My wing cranks up the music we turn the light off and I put my flashlight on strobe in the corner off the room. Everyone starts dancing. Neighbours get cranky ( expectedly as it was around 2:30 AM in the middle of the week. I strike a convo with girl that I previously danced with, grab her number and me and my friend leave around 3:30 to grab a bus back home, go to work that day etc.
Friday
The plot thickens. Me and my best friend attend a birthday in a pub, lots of people from the social circle, cool stuff. There are some HB that I didnt know tho. I stay in my group for now turns out, turns out these two are lesbians as well. I say as well because I am positive that there were two already, which I know and they live together for around 2 years now.
around 3 AM me my bro and one of the chicks leave. We grab a bite, my bro goes his way home, I walk her off to the train station. We chat and she asks me If Im gonna attend a birthday party next week. Where A who was on this party was as well. I say yeah I we'll see. ( I chat up my bro next day, turns out she's not a lesbian, someone fed my misinformation after all
its game on ).
It is Saturday already I go home pack my bag and grab the train and then catch the 4:25 am bus 30 minute ride to a party on the fringes of the city, but I phone them before hand whenever they are still up. Turns out they are. On the train some guys open me, all merry, coming from a party as well ! We talk, laugh ,share a drink and then bid farewell as we get on different buses.
5 AM I am at my destination they pick me halfway from the bus stop. We play some board games and call it a night. We wake up around noon I nail my plate. We then all grab some groceries and play more board games. I leave around 8 PM as I already have two more places to go to. Its saturday evening so its harder to get back to the centre where I live from the fringes. I hop buses,chat up a middle aged woman for directions ( which bus goes where etc.) I grab a tram to the centre and just barely get into a train thats almost leaving. In 20 minutes I am back home where my pals are already waiting for me. In the meantime I call from my bro whenever I am comming to X pub later on as agreed. I said sure we go there with the group later on. He calls me again but this time its some chick he met there and she asks me to come there already.
We all meet up there around midnight Sunday starts
In the span of three hour magic happends. The place is ours we socialize with some random people then we approach 2 chicks with my friend, we chat for another 30 minutes or so the chick thinks I look like Jim Morrison, its on. She starts holding my hand, later on we make out, come back to our group. We break off again and make out again. We exhausted the energy from that place some of my friends left home. With those that stayed we decide we could afterparty at my place. I am about to inform those chicks we've met that I am throwing an afterparty and they are welcome to join us. ( The pub is situated adjacent to train rails and a station, as a train reaches the station the chicks start sprinting to the station through the tunnels and possibly get on the train as it leaves. I stand there dumbfounded at what has just happened. Oh well, I laugh it off and we 5-person an afterparty and end it around 5:30 AM Sunday.
Wow I've had a blast this week and weekend ! Now its time to step it up a bit and uhm, make a mental note to grab numbers because I took just one during this almost 4 day escapade .
Note: I wish it was summer already ! I need those sunpowered vitamin Ds ! As I did not post this on time I shall recieve a Strike if necessary, gotta abide the rules.
Cheers and good luck AA post + Report
What I've realized through is that I do not have hardcore approach anxiety when I feel my peers are watching me and I want to just do it, own it up and approach. Past last 4 days I have approached many mixed groups and mostly folks moving between parties in my area ( 700k+ aglomeration). I shall report details of that endeavour around midnight your time as I am charging my batteries after an almost 4 day adventure.
#EDIT ( posting results of week 1 )
Wednesday
While walking all merry to work I open up a good looking blonde in around her 30ties in the elevator about the weather which I was surprised about ( was +5 degrees celsius ) while its -5 nowadays.
Thursday
After work I grab a bite then workout at home and get ready for a house party I managed to get myself a spot for 2 days back( didn't know the host but 2-3 of his close friends). I meet up with my friend to take the 40 minute bus ride to our destination, we have some headroom before getting on a bus so we grab a beer. We chat up chicas in the bus, my gut told me they were going to a party as well but not the one we were tho. They leave at a stop about halfway our destination. The party is a blast. My wing cranks up the music we turn the light off and I put my flashlight on strobe in the corner off the room. Everyone starts dancing. Neighbours get cranky ( expectedly as it was around 2:30 AM in the middle of the week. I strike a convo with girl that I previously danced with, grab her number and me and my friend leave around 3:30 to grab a bus back home, go to work that day etc.
Friday
The plot thickens. Me and my best friend attend a birthday in a pub, lots of people from the social circle, cool stuff. There are some HB that I didnt know tho. I stay in my group for now turns out, turns out these two are lesbians as well. I say as well because I am positive that there were two already, which I know and they live together for around 2 years now.
around 3 AM me my bro and one of the chicks leave. We grab a bite, my bro goes his way home, I walk her off to the train station. We chat and she asks me If Im gonna attend a birthday party next week. Where A who was on this party was as well. I say yeah I we'll see. ( I chat up my bro next day, turns out she's not a lesbian, someone fed my misinformation after all
its game on ).It is Saturday already I go home pack my bag and grab the train and then catch the 4:25 am bus 30 minute ride to a party on the fringes of the city, but I phone them before hand whenever they are still up. Turns out they are. On the train some guys open me, all merry, coming from a party as well ! We talk, laugh ,share a drink and then bid farewell as we get on different buses.
5 AM I am at my destination they pick me halfway from the bus stop. We play some board games and call it a night. We wake up around noon I nail my plate. We then all grab some groceries and play more board games. I leave around 8 PM as I already have two more places to go to. Its saturday evening so its harder to get back to the centre where I live from the fringes. I hop buses,chat up a middle aged woman for directions ( which bus goes where etc.) I grab a tram to the centre and just barely get into a train thats almost leaving. In 20 minutes I am back home where my pals are already waiting for me. In the meantime I call from my bro whenever I am comming to X pub later on as agreed. I said sure we go there with the group later on. He calls me again but this time its some chick he met there and she asks me to come there already
. We all meet up there around midnight Sunday starts
In the span of three hour magic happends. The place is ours we socialize with some random people then we approach 2 chicks with my friend, we chat for another 30 minutes or so the chick thinks I look like Jim Morrison, its on. She starts holding my hand, later on we make out, come back to our group. We break off again and make out again. We exhausted the energy from that place some of my friends left home. With those that stayed we decide we could afterparty at my place. I am about to inform those chicks we've met that I am throwing an afterparty and they are welcome to join us. ( The pub is situated adjacent to train rails and a station, as a train reaches the station the chicks start sprinting to the station through the tunnels and possibly get on the train as it leaves. I stand there dumbfounded at what has just happened. Oh well, I laugh it off and we 5-person an afterparty and end it around 5:30 AM Sunday.
Wow I've had a blast this week and weekend ! Now its time to step it up a bit and uhm, make a mental note to grab numbers because I took just one during this almost 4 day escapade
. Note: I wish it was summer already ! I need those sunpowered vitamin Ds ! As I did not post this on time I shall recieve a Strike if necessary, gotta abide the rules.
Cheers and good luck AA post + Report
Last edited:
February 9, 2015
At bible group, a girl was talking to my friend. I butt rammed my friend, then followed by introducing myself to a girl named Shalice (hb4). She laughed, we talked for a bit.
Also at bible study, there was this guy all by himself looking a bit awkward, I break from my l
Little social group and introduce myself to Emory. We talk for a bit, I try to bring him in my group, but he is a bit awkward with his social skills.
February 10, 2015
I checked up meetup.com to see if there was any activities going on that night. There was a 6 mile walk happening at 6:30. I noticed at 6:25. I got there 15 minutes late expecting myself having to run to catch up with the group on the trail to find them all grouped up just chatting and introducing themselves. We start walking soon after I arrive. I immediately open a HB6 and find out all about her life for ¼ the walk. I seriously doubt I would have joined this meetup event last minute if it wasn’t for this competition.
February 11, 2015
I go to the gym. I see a bunch of guys wrestling each other in one of the workout rooms. I go in and talk to them to find out what they’re training in. Apparently it’s a weekly jujitsu training session. The guys were real friendly and welcoming. I give them my number and tell them to let me know next time they train since I’ve definitely wanted to learn this.
I saw a girl working in a store in the mall and asked her if she knew if there was a Macy’s in the mall. Boring conversation ensued.
February 13, 2015
1) joined a meetup hiking at night. Started talking to a HB7. At the end of the night after the group dispersed I asked if she wanted to walk around the city with me. We ended up hanging out for another hour or so talking and sharing stories. I grabbed her number before we split ways.
February 14
1) Did a community service valentines dinner for the homeless with some friends. I ran into a girl I met a few months ago. I opened and we joked around for a little bit. She was cute (7), but not really my type. I invited her to join my bible group.
At bible group, a girl was talking to my friend. I butt rammed my friend, then followed by introducing myself to a girl named Shalice (hb4). She laughed, we talked for a bit.
Also at bible study, there was this guy all by himself looking a bit awkward, I break from my l
Little social group and introduce myself to Emory. We talk for a bit, I try to bring him in my group, but he is a bit awkward with his social skills.
February 10, 2015
I checked up meetup.com to see if there was any activities going on that night. There was a 6 mile walk happening at 6:30. I noticed at 6:25. I got there 15 minutes late expecting myself having to run to catch up with the group on the trail to find them all grouped up just chatting and introducing themselves. We start walking soon after I arrive. I immediately open a HB6 and find out all about her life for ¼ the walk. I seriously doubt I would have joined this meetup event last minute if it wasn’t for this competition.
February 11, 2015
I go to the gym. I see a bunch of guys wrestling each other in one of the workout rooms. I go in and talk to them to find out what they’re training in. Apparently it’s a weekly jujitsu training session. The guys were real friendly and welcoming. I give them my number and tell them to let me know next time they train since I’ve definitely wanted to learn this.
I saw a girl working in a store in the mall and asked her if she knew if there was a Macy’s in the mall. Boring conversation ensued.
February 13, 2015
1) joined a meetup hiking at night. Started talking to a HB7. At the end of the night after the group dispersed I asked if she wanted to walk around the city with me. We ended up hanging out for another hour or so talking and sharing stories. I grabbed her number before we split ways.
February 14
1) Did a community service valentines dinner for the homeless with some friends. I ran into a girl I met a few months ago. I opened and we joked around for a little bit. She was cute (7), but not really my type. I invited her to join my bible group.
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
Sorry, about being two days late with the next task, my mind has been one track with assognments and whatnot.
Zero Strikes
JohnChops
GetBetter
Blind one
RedBear
sidewayz
moarrplizz
Mr.Ballz
One Strike
Chicksdigthelongball
Sofomore
MrMidnight
This week's task is to approach at least two HBs and make convo, you don't have to go for a number close. Try to memorize as much of the convo as you can without posting. Since it was my fault on being late with the task, if this is not completed, it will not count as a strike.
Edit- 900th post!
Zero Strikes
JohnChops
GetBetter
Blind one
RedBear
sidewayz
moarrplizz
Mr.Ballz
One Strike
Chicksdigthelongball
Sofomore
MrMidnight
This week's task is to approach at least two HBs and make convo, you don't have to go for a number close. Try to memorize as much of the convo as you can without posting. Since it was my fault on being late with the task, if this is not completed, it will not count as a strike.
Edit- 900th post!
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
You are welcome to participate however since you are past the entry deadline, you are not eligible to win.mangotot said:
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
blind_one
Master Don Juan
Its allright Gray, thanks for hosting this for us !Gray The Prince said:
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
Did any of you do the optional challenge this week?
GetBetter
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2013
- Messages
- 164
- Reaction score
- 11
I am so sorry that I couldn't. I did get out, tried to find chicks but man all I saw was couples and gangs of friends. I won't mind a strike but here's what we can do:Gray The Prince said:
We can extend this till Thursday so that it covers a whole week? Maybe by then more would be able to complete challenge.
_sideways_
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2013
- Messages
- 1,919
- Reaction score
- 218
I did.
went to go buy shoes, but I stopped to talk to a beautiful makeup counter girl. Sat on her chair and she made my huge pimple on my cheek disappear. She was cold though like maybe I was too bold and crazy.
then I went to a bookstore and flirted with this hb7...8...blonde young mom. I found out later when het husband strolled by with the baby. Awkward...lol he saw us sitting together on the bench...she was obviously engaging me and taking my compliments. When he walked up I said, nice to meet you I was just telling her that my friend is a model scout and she looks like his clients I seen in albums...or some made up shyt. All in the middle of the magazine counter.
so they left and the one dude sitting nearby saw my whole approach. I told him can you believe she's a flirt and married lol...he said that I had a chance until the husband came. It maybe could have been a fling...will never know.
but I'm having fun bros and that's the whole point of being single and mingling about haha
went to go buy shoes, but I stopped to talk to a beautiful makeup counter girl. Sat on her chair and she made my huge pimple on my cheek disappear. She was cold though like maybe I was too bold and crazy.
then I went to a bookstore and flirted with this hb7...8...blonde young mom. I found out later when het husband strolled by with the baby. Awkward...lol he saw us sitting together on the bench...she was obviously engaging me and taking my compliments. When he walked up I said, nice to meet you I was just telling her that my friend is a model scout and she looks like his clients I seen in albums...or some made up shyt. All in the middle of the magazine counter.
so they left and the one dude sitting nearby saw my whole approach. I told him can you believe she's a flirt and married lol...he said that I had a chance until the husband came. It maybe could have been a fling...will never know.
but I'm having fun bros and that's the whole point of being single and mingling about haha
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
blind_one
Master Don Juan
Sadly I did not , talked with some solid prospects out of social circles , nothing major yet. Im sad about my lack of performance this week since Ive had many opportunities, almost none taken ...
RedBear
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 15, 2014
- Messages
- 35
- Reaction score
- 7
Seems fun, although I can't imagine a woman to be in heat after doing that_sideways_ said:
As in literally, "I have 5 minutes but let's chat real quick" or is this "fake it til you make it" advice?
About the challenge: This time I had a nice talk with 2 cuties.
First one might have been Tuesday tho
Walk downstairs and notice this new neighbor who I've barely talked to and decide to have a small chat and invite her out.
So after a bit off chitchat I ask her out to go to a bar next week. She tells me she has a husband and I'm like OK cool. And then she points to her belly and tells me she is pregnant and I'm like alright... small talk and bye.
Second one was midday outside in a park. Sun was shining so I head out, catching some fresh air after being inside all morning. Even though the sun was shining it was freezing. See HB reading a book so I open with that. Tells me the story and then I drift off, talking about any random thing that goes through my head while doing photosynthesis.
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
This week's task is to approach at least two HBs and make convo, you don't have to go for a number close. Try to memorize as much of the convo as you can without posting.
In other words, it's the same exact thing as the optional task but this time, it's mandatory.
In other words, it's the same exact thing as the optional task but this time, it's mandatory.
GetBetter
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2013
- Messages
- 164
- Reaction score
- 11
Okay so I am also following Approach Anxiety Program by GoodLookingLoser. So while doing one of the approaches it went a lil longer than getting a yes/no answer. So I would like to list it as a chit-chat on my part considering I really do not know how to converse or am I just creating it? Anyways, I'll probably properly chat tomorrow.
_sideways_
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2013
- Messages
- 1,919
- Reaction score
- 218
Ok...so i approached a leggy canadian girl...said she was hot compared to canada.
Got smiles and sexy eyes...but its cuz im sexy.
Point is i had her chatting but she said the bf word.
She caught me staring at her sexy thighs and said thanks after i toldh err she must play sports...she does.
Thats my one approach.. Next!
Got smiles and sexy eyes...but its cuz im sexy.
Point is i had her chatting but she said the bf word.
She caught me staring at her sexy thighs and said thanks after i toldh err she must play sports...she does.
Thats my one approach.. Next!
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
JohnChops
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2012
- Messages
- 2,734
- Reaction score
- 481
Gray The Prince said:
Havent been on here in a week, gonna do this tonight when I go out. Double the numbers... double the fun fellasss.
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
Post your results guys.
RedBear
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 15, 2014
- Messages
- 35
- Reaction score
- 7
Seems like it is going to be my first strike.
Last Monday I went to a bar I regularly go to and I was chatting with the barman when I noticed the cute blonde next to me.
We talked for about one and a half hour, and because I was tired instead of inviting her over I proposed a date, that is going to happen next week.
So that was nice... and then I forgot about the challenge... Hope the others have better results.
Definitely going to make up for it this week.
Last Monday I went to a bar I regularly go to and I was chatting with the barman when I noticed the cute blonde next to me.
We talked for about one and a half hour, and because I was tired instead of inviting her over I proposed a date, that is going to happen next week.
So that was nice... and then I forgot about the challenge... Hope the others have better results.
Definitely going to make up for it this week.
_sideways_
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2013
- Messages
- 1,919
- Reaction score
- 218
Ok so i actually got approached by a temp at work.
Straight up...she just walked in my life introduced herself. Very cute girl.
Her phone was stolen so i gave mine. Bad form i know.
And that leggy canadian i chatted up about hockey and all things canadian.
She rejected my advances with the i have a bf....she seemed girly and shy and honest...so whatevs
Straight up...she just walked in my life introduced herself. Very cute girl.
Her phone was stolen so i gave mine. Bad form i know.
And that leggy canadian i chatted up about hockey and all things canadian.
She rejected my advances with the i have a bf....she seemed girly and shy and honest...so whatevs
blind_one
Master Don Juan
Saturday night, was going back after a birthday party by train ( Social circle hook-ups !!!) a group enters I chat up a party groups HB, not a single **** given , I might have been too sober for them.
Today (Monday) , train ride from work. Damn me, but either there are more HBs everywhere or I am just noticing them more. I pat the chick on her shoulder and turn to the other side ( she spin 270 degrees before noticing me ) I tell her , he shoelaces are undone.
HB: Well, they are not.
B_O: Well, you got tricked twice now
Fluff talk about commute, she leaves two stops later.
, I might have been too sober for them. Today (Monday) , train ride from work. Damn me, but either there are more HBs everywhere or I am just noticing them more. I pat the chick on her shoulder and turn to the other side ( she spin 270 degrees before noticing me
) I tell her , he shoelaces are undone. HB: Well, they are not.
B_O: Well, you got tricked twice now
Fluff talk about commute, she leaves two stops later.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.