40yo virgins, what's the plan?

booljibe

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Not literally but in my case, never went as far as a live-in or steady girlfriend by the time I hit 40. I've always lived in male-skewed areas like tech centers and focused on career (though had ups, downs and reboots there so definitely a bad idea to be so imbalanced).

At this point I'm comfortable financially but with no social life to speak of after a recent move. Stuff I've tried in the past was food meetups but it was often all guys. I've also taken 2 bootcamps ~10 years ago and none of the students got any meaningful results (looking back, it's obvious that a weekend or week isn't going to move the needle much but I fell for the marketing).

If any of you older gents are or were in a similar boat, how were you able to turn things around? Is cold approach too inefficient to bother with, and you go straight into social circle? Did you find online coaches helpful?
 

Dr.Suave

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"OLD is trash. Cold approach is the best way to go" This is an example of stuff you might read in here.

But I dont think its 100% accurate. I think you have to experiment with everything and figure out what works out best for you.

Maybe you get great results with cold approach and get nothing on swipe apps. Maybe it will be the other way around.
 

booljibe

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Interesting. OLD is definitely hard. I've seen stuff from Man of Action and Jason Capital saying social circle is best, indirectly using OLD via social media instead of dating apps.
 

Pierce Manhammer

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OP: location?
 

Gamisch

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Not literally but in my case, never went as far as a live-in or steady girlfriend by the time I hit 40. I've always lived in male-skewed areas like tech centers and focused on career (though had ups, downs and reboots there so definitely a bad idea to be so imbalanced).

At this point I'm comfortable financially but with no social life to speak of after a recent move. Stuff I've tried in the past was food meetups but it was often all guys. I've also taken 2 bootcamps ~10 years ago and none of the students got any meaningful results (looking back, it's obvious that a weekend or week isn't going to move the needle much but I fell for the marketing).

If any of you older gents are or were in a similar boat, how were you able to turn things around? Is cold approach too inefficient to bother with, and you go straight into social circle? Did you find online coaches helpful?
What does such a bootcamp looks like?

Dont underestimate the power of getting forced to step out of your comfort zone. Because if talking to and chasing women was more natural to you, you wouldn't even know about sosuave.

You must act NOW by the way. The clock is ticking away and away. Before you know it you'll be 60, and by that time your potential to get hot women will drop.

This is never going to be a one soze fits all answer. Let me ask you this; in scale of 1 to 10 what type of women do you think you could be able to get?
 

booljibe

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What does such a bootcamp looks like?

Dont underestimate the power of getting forced to step out of your comfort zone. Because if talking to and chasing women was more natural to you, you wouldn't even know about sosuave.

You must act NOW by the way. The clock is ticking away and away. Before you know it you'll be 60, and by that time your potential to get hot women will drop.

This is never going to be a one soze fits all answer. Let me ask you this; in scale of 1 to 10 what type of women do you think you could be able to get?
Been a while but IIRC typical bootcamp format of lectures followed by some practice opening or conversing on each other, sometimes with a female teaching assistant. Then you go to bars and clubs and open and report back to the instructor(s). They will accompany a few sets depending on availability. Debrief at the end of the night. Then similar outing during daygame at a mall or park.

Agree with needing to act now lol. What's been your experience in most effective paths?

Think I can get an 8 for my preferences in looks but would settle with a 6 long term if she has family values and has a healthy lifestyle.
 

2rings

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Be someone else.
Be someone that is messed up and interesting.

Review this book and emulate him:
Women, by Charles Bukowski
it is about a post office worker who didn’t get laid much until quitting his job to drink and write.

Review these movies and be wreckless like them all:
Barfly 1987
Leaving Las Vegas 1995
Big Lebowski 1998

I personally do not need to emulate any of these messed up and interesting men. It comes natural to me but each of these storylines show the way for you too.
 

manfromitaly

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My friend, I know it's not the best suggestion you can get but I would tell you to try to go to escort initially, just to get familiar and have more intimacy with a woman, and then try to get involved, perhaps on social media. Then it also depends on the city you live in, is it small, big?
 

Stephen89

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Get comfortable with women first, have a chat

However yes, you need to act now
 

Gamisch

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Been a while but IIRC typical bootcamp format of lectures followed by some practice opening or conversing on each other, sometimes with a female teaching assistant. Then you go to bars and clubs and open and report back to the instructor(s). They will accompany a few sets depending on availability. Debrief at the end of the night. Then similar outing during daygame at a mall or park.

Agree with needing to act now lol. What's been your experience in most effective paths?

Think I can get an 8 for my preferences in looks but would settle with a 6 long term if she has family values and has a healthy lifestyle.
To be fair I don't think such a bootcamp sounds too bad. Normally I tend to be against it because it feels like a rip off, but this is exactly what you need to do ; get in touch with people/women.

Sometimes it takes time before the brain really absorbs the lessons we learned . But that's where you wanna be, at a place where you are comfortable to close the gap. So you gotta feel comfortable about yourself.

My story is different. Been constantly in relationships from age 15. But i can tell you that physical appearance does a lot . Make sure you look as good as possible. Be critical yet realistic. Maybe you need to make a (bigger) investment to fix something about yourself. Could be both physical and mentally ( as in therapy).

Work out like never before. Reevaluate your wardrobe and overall style. Go ALL IN! Dont hesitate anymore!
 

Alvafe

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have a hobby you like to do who make you go outside, go to a gym and try to see what happens, any guy in your work you can make friends?

you need to move and find people, also drop the whole "i'm looking a gf", try to have fun and then let it happen, chances are you will pass over a lot of woman before you really settle, and that should never be your mindset its her mindset
 

2rings

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The guy needs a full over haul. He can basically write down everything about himself and everything he does during each day, and then do the total polar opposite of everything.

that is what it will take.

taking classes is boring af. He is probably already heavy on the boring side. He has no sexy addictions like booze and cigarettes.

he should start by smoking gourmet cigarettes and sitting in dive bars. He needs war stories. Seriously he can turn the isolated computer geek thing into something edgy and bar women can think it’s cute and eventually one will go for it, if he is drinking and bumming her cigs and so buzzed he no longer gaf.

this forum has a lot to learn about the art of serious drinking lifestyle.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Booljibe,
An Acquaintence of mine,a contract Plumber,Forty+, very comfortable financially
lived the life of a recluse....Funny bloke,I went to pay a Bill at his place one evening,quite spooky,he lived alone with a cohort of Spiders there was just a dark corridor through the cobwebs to his Bedroom and the thunderbox..... For many years,he existed like this,until another customer took him to a Chinese Church where he met a 42 Year Old Virgin Mainland Chinese Lady,they clicked and within a year were married she moved in cleaned out the Spiders and they eventually had two kids,(By Invetro Fertilisation)he is very happy,particularly with the Oriental Cuisine,but confided that his sex life is rather sparse.
 

Pierce Manhammer

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It makes a difference and is relevant if you’d like to talk about your prospects.

Large US city, leaving it a bit vague as I might need to move again due to current times of economic instability.
 

NealIRC

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Yo 35 year-old virgin checking in. From Chicago.

Wow, bootcamps sounds interesting...
 

The Duke

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How did you learn to ride a bicycle? How did you earn a college degree? How did you become good at whatever you are good at?
First step is to apply yourself, then keep trying, keep practicing, keep improving, seek the help of others. Don't give up. Celebrate small victories. Eventually you achieve your goal.

How do you think Michael Jordan did it?
 

The Duke

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Are women okay with being stepping stones?
Most don't have enough self awareness to even realize nor is it how they operate. If a woman thinks highly enough of you that she is willing to date and have sex then thats all that matters.

I had a few that were stepping stones. I don't think any of them ever saw it that way.
 

Michael Chief

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Not literally but in my case, never went as far as a live-in or steady girlfriend by the time I hit 40. I've always lived in male-skewed areas like tech centers and focused on career (though had ups, downs and reboots there so definitely a bad idea to be so imbalanced).

At this point I'm comfortable financially but with no social life to speak of after a recent move. Stuff I've tried in the past was food meetups but it was often all guys. I've also taken 2 bootcamps ~10 years ago and none of the students got any meaningful results (looking back, it's obvious that a weekend or week isn't going to move the needle much but I fell for the marketing).

If any of you older gents are or were in a similar boat, how were you able to turn things around? Is cold approach too inefficient to bother with, and you go straight into social circle? Did you find online coaches helpful?
Like @Gamisch, I also started this journey really early, but a bit differently. I'm well into my thirties now, but I was about 13 years old or so when I stumbled upon seduction community material. However, I started out as one of the most worst extreme cases of what we used to call a "wbAFC," or "Way Below Average Frustrated Chump," and didn't start getting consistent results until many years afterward. I was obsessed, always getting rejected, being the classic "nice guy," depressed to the point of being nearly suicidal, but all that gave me the motivation to soak up all the pickup material like a sponge while trying everything I could over the course of what is now decades.

I've had lots of clients in very similar situations as yours. I also have experience living and dating in Silicon Valley. I'm aware that it's a pretty tough situation when the gender demographics are really not in your favor. However, no matter where you are, there's a way to make things work. You just need to try everything to see what works best for you while implementing concepts you learn related to self-improvement in dating/seduction. Do cold approaches regularly. Optimize your social circle game. Optimize your dating profiles (but only use OLD as a supplement to your other ways of meeting women). Message me if you want to talk about a more specific strategy.

Are women okay with being stepping stones?
Women that were stepping stones are only stepping stones in hindsight. You should be sincere and present with every woman you're with.
 
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