Just had a 3rd date with this girl where we had dinner and after came back to my place, we made out but no sex happened, as she had to go home coz she had to catch the last subway, therefore we only spent like 40 mins alone. Is this blunder of mine recoverable ? I know I should have improvised somehow because if she came back home with me, I know i should have escalated far more quickly. Should I just proceed as normal and get back to her only in 3/4 days to setup the next date, or am i f*cked anyway?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
3rd date, no sex
- Thread starter Juanto
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
As a rule, escalate within 5-10 minutes of getting her back at your place (or hers). Literally hand her a glass of water (don't ask if she wants one), maybe put on music or the news, talk for a minute, then go for it.
I guess you'll see if it's recoverable soon. My experience is that women will "forgive" your inability to escalate if they're really into you, but if it happens again you'll probably be sunk. Just play it cool. See if she texts you and if not, give it a few days and hit her up when you know you'll be free to see her again. Just chill.
I guess you'll see if it's recoverable soon. My experience is that women will "forgive" your inability to escalate if they're really into you, but if it happens again you'll probably be sunk. Just play it cool. See if she texts you and if not, give it a few days and hit her up when you know you'll be free to see her again. Just chill.
Thanks Filter. After I dropped her off at the metro, I sent her a text just saying to text me when she arrives at home, since she was going alone. Hope this doesnt communicate any sort of neediness from my side, it just seemed the right thing to do given the circunstances.
Nah man just let it ride for now.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
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You don't get laid much do you?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
ChristopherColumbus
Master Don Juan
Exactly, for a quality girl that I was interested in, I don't think I'll be demanding she give it up to me on the third date.
But I would be expecting a kiss.
ChristopherColumbus
Master Don Juan
Well, I want to see a woman control herself, a little, when confronted with my irresistible charms. Because otherwise you know she will succumb to any Tom, **** and Harry.
Your insight is always spot on Marmel so let me know, next date should be something to come directly to my place in your opinion?
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
if a girls that keen she will give it up by the second date no questions asked .........third at the latest !
this is because if she is interested she
a) she wants to try to convince you not to sleep with other females
or
b) to try and hook you
be aware some of them just enjoy the ride and are able to tell there friends they are "dating someone" without any real intention of getting physical with the guy
im pretty sure girls see the dating stage the same as we see casual sex
this is because if she is interested she
a) she wants to try to convince you not to sleep with other females
or
b) to try and hook you
be aware some of them just enjoy the ride and are able to tell there friends they are "dating someone" without any real intention of getting physical with the guy
im pretty sure girls see the dating stage the same as we see casual sex
Dont think I played all my cards right on this case, yes I had girls who banged on the 2nd date before but this one is going for a potential 4th and still nothing. But you did raise good points there, Bingo-Player
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
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Well, I think you should have invited her over and cooked for her on the third date instead of taking her out. That way you were already there, you could have had her help you and been flirting with her throughout the whole process...grabbing her ass, whispering in her ear, pressing up against her, etc...by the time you would have got done eating and having some wine she would have been horny as fvck if you did it right...
So, keeping with that theme, I'd say this is what you offer her next time. Tell her you found this recipe you've been wanting to make and that you want her to be your kitchen assistant.
And start escalating from the minute she walks in the door.
EyeBRollin
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Of my lays this year, 80-85% of them happened between dates 3-7. Some women just require more patience. If she keeps coming over and making you food, why are you in such a rush?
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
Took me until date 7 to get laid with my woman. We are now at it like rabbits. I don't think there are hard and fast rules. It happens when it happens so stop worrying about it and enjoy the time together. You'll get laid with her soon enough.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
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Nope, I'm the 40 year old virgin
Quick question here, I offered to meet up at my place for dinner and movie 3 days from now, but she said she will be out for the weekend and also monday, but didnt make a counter offer. What should I reply to this, and how should I interpret it?
pyros
Master Don Juan
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OP, you know how to interpret this...
1 She is not very interested in you.
2 She doesnt want to have sex with you at the moment.
The thing is that you make it pretty obvious that you just want to fvck her. After the last date you should have offered a date that didn't involve the posibility of sex, but you didn't, you told her to come to your place.
Sometimes you need to step back a bit, and then step forward; you cannot and you must not step forward everytime and definetely not when she's getting cold feet.
Now, she didn't counter offer...ok, just let it be. Go do your own thing and do not contact her EVER. If SHE CONTACTS YOU in the meanwhile, ok, then you talk to her etc BUT YOU DO NOT ASK HER OUT. Why? because she's rejected you several times and she's shown little interest so you cannot keep displaying your interest when it is not reciprocal. If you did, her interest in you would go even lower.
So, just wait for her to contact you; if she does you talk to her like nothing happened but you do not ask her out. After this you wait for her to contact you AGAIN, and if she does, then you can ask her out, but she has to want you to do it. If you do it when she's not willing to see you, it is pointless.
Cheers.
1 She is not very interested in you.
2 She doesnt want to have sex with you at the moment.
The thing is that you make it pretty obvious that you just want to fvck her. After the last date you should have offered a date that didn't involve the posibility of sex, but you didn't, you told her to come to your place.
Sometimes you need to step back a bit, and then step forward; you cannot and you must not step forward everytime and definetely not when she's getting cold feet.
Now, she didn't counter offer...ok, just let it be. Go do your own thing and do not contact her EVER. If SHE CONTACTS YOU in the meanwhile, ok, then you talk to her etc BUT YOU DO NOT ASK HER OUT. Why? because she's rejected you several times and she's shown little interest so you cannot keep displaying your interest when it is not reciprocal. If you did, her interest in you would go even lower.
So, just wait for her to contact you; if she does you talk to her like nothing happened but you do not ask her out. After this you wait for her to contact you AGAIN, and if she does, then you can ask her out, but she has to want you to do it. If you do it when she's not willing to see you, it is pointless.
Cheers.
Thanks Pyros.
Yes maybe I pushed it too far with the plans for her to come back to my place again, but as you said, if she was really interested she would have at least made a counter offer. Reality is, yes I do want to **** her because I am attracted to her, but I also want to get to know her better. However, if she also isnt attracted to me after 3 dates, whats the point in investing my time on her?
Update: she got back to me and said that after monday she will let me know when she is free. Still a bit wishy washy response
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"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.