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38 and still a virgin....advice for the 1st time

Questionitall

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I am 38 and still a virgin.
I could go on and on but in a nutshell I was abused by my parents and they tried to make me stay a boy forever.

Getting over the abuse has been slow and steady but I am doing it. I quit drinking 2 years ago and it has boosted my self esteem a great deal.

Not too long ago I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is no big mystery to getting a woman.....just put yourself in places to meet them and it will happen.

Because I could have potentially lost my virginity so long ago I have probably been overthinking this.

I have read Sex for dummies and a few other books about sex.
I also have water based lube and have been practicing with getting a condom on as I masterbate.

Any advice?
Thanks in advance.
 

Suave88

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I am 38 and still a virgin.
I could go on and on but in a nutshell I was abused by my parents and they tried to make me stay a boy forever.

Getting over the abuse has been slow and steady but I am doing it. I quit drinking 2 years ago and it has boosted my self esteem a great deal.

Not too long ago I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is no big mystery to getting a woman.....just put yourself in places to meet them and it will happen.

Because I could have potentially lost my virginity so long ago I have probably been overthinking this.

I have read Sex for dummies and a few other books about sex.
I also have water based lube and have been practicing with getting a condom on as I masterbate.

Any advice?
Thanks in advance.
I fvcked a 40 years old mother of 2 when I was 21. She was my co-worker. I,then worked my way up from 400 bucks escorts to my ex-girlfriend I never married. I was never abused.if you don't a girlfriend, pay for it until you have it for free. I paid for sex cause I used to like the older women who were not in college with me. Any way I have only one question to you....are you a troll?
 

RickTheToad

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I am 38 and still a virgin.
I could go on and on but in a nutshell I was abused by my parents and they tried to make me stay a boy forever.

Getting over the abuse has been slow and steady but I am doing it. I quit drinking 2 years ago and it has boosted my self esteem a great deal.

Not too long ago I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is no big mystery to getting a woman.....just put yourself in places to meet them and it will happen.

Because I could have potentially lost my virginity so long ago I have probably been overthinking this.

I have read Sex for dummies and a few other books about sex.
I also have water based lube and have been practicing with getting a condom on as I masterbate.

Any advice?
Thanks in advance.
Have to sought professional help to talk though these abuses?
 

corrector

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I am 38 and still a virgin.
I could go on and on but in a nutshell I was abused by my parents and they tried to make me stay a boy forever.

Getting over the abuse has been slow and steady but I am doing it. I quit drinking 2 years ago and it has boosted my self esteem a great deal.

Not too long ago I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is no big mystery to getting a woman.....just put yourself in places to meet them and it will happen.

Because I could have potentially lost my virginity so long ago I have probably been overthinking this.

I have read Sex for dummies and a few other books about sex.
I also have water based lube and have been practicing with getting a condom on as I masterbate.

Any advice?
Thanks in advance.
The same issue is scarcity and lack of options. You probably have that tape playing on your head "I'm a virgin", but it doesn't mean anything. Supposed you lost your virginity 10 years ago and haven't met anyone else in that time and posted today, what do you think your post would be? If you had allot of options and know you could have lost it anytime but choose not to do so then you feel good about it.

Technically losing your virginity or getting a validating experience fades out after a number of years and you still feel back to square one.
It's best to focus on your end-game which is to find a woman who loves you and sticks with you. I'm not a virgin, but my negative posts doesn't sound much different than one because I'm not meeting women.
 

logicallefty

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While I lost my virginity at 17 and have had regular sex ever since, I can relate to the mothering thing. I love my mom to death but she did try to demascilate me when I was growing up. If she hasn’t I would have been a better man much younger. Today she has some red pill beliefs which is good, but still every once in a while even with me now 46 she still tries to push my masculine side down. Especially when it’s a dispute against my sister who is the alpha queen of the family and is never wrong (to everyone but me).

Hang in there. Keep chugging along. If you have to hit women who are below your standards just to get some practice at sex then do it. Then work up to what you want.
 

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Questionitall

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While I lost my virginity at 17 and have had regular sex ever since, I can relate to the mothering thing. I love my mom to death but she did try to demascilate me when I was growing up. If she hasn’t I would have been a better man much younger. Today she has some red pill beliefs which is good, but still every once in a while even with me now 46 she still tries to push my masculine side down. Especially when it’s a dispute against my sister who is the alpha queen of the family and is never wrong (to everyone but me).

Hang in there. Keep chugging along. If you have to hit women who are below your standards just to get some practice at sex then do it. Then work up to what you want.
Thanks for the reply. I can very much appreciate the advice about getting practice sex with women below my standards. I recall reading that "you could have a girlfriend, just not necessarily a pretty one". That is very true.

Question: How do you avoid unwanted pregnancies by having regular sex for so long? Always use a condom? I bet you have had at least one pregnancy scare.....hopefully I am wrong.
Thanks again!
 

logicallefty

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Thanks for the reply. I can very much appreciate the advice about getting practice sex with women below my standards. I recall reading that "you could have a girlfriend, just not necessarily a pretty one". That is very true.

Question: How do you avoid unwanted pregnancies by having regular sex for so long? Always use a condom? I bet you have had at least one pregnancy scare.....hopefully I am wrong.
Thanks again!
Ex wife and I were together from when I was 18 to 30. One planned child from her and she was on the pill otherwise. But after that I had one unplanned from an ex who told me she couldn’t get preggo; that ended up a miscarriage. And one ex who was a couple months late but never preggo.,You could always get your sperm frozen if u want kids later and then get snipped. I don’t like condoms either.
 

Mike32ct

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As a late bloomer myself, I would just offer the following for what it's worth:

1. Don't do it with a hooker for your first experience unless you absolutely have no choice. Try to meet a regular woman online.

2. Practicing smoothly putting condoms on as you mentioned is an excellent idea.

3. Should also know how a bra unhooks for the same reason (to not be awkward). Using two hands is fine. Don't attempt some two finger one handed magic trick lol.

4. Forget that movie myth that a virgin guy will “finish” in two minutes. In reality, you might not kum at all during your first time. The guy is often too nervous to “let go.” Just go until you tire out (or worst case lose the erection). She may like the endurance anyway.

5. Enjoy sex for what it is, but don't try to compare yourself to more experienced guys. Avoid the whole "Making up for lost time" by trying to become some super player at 38. If you have a few flings, that's cool. If you just meet one good gf, that's awesome too. But do not worry about "notch count" BS at this point.
 
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Spaz

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Many here have been mistreated by either their parents or by their ex partners.

But I trust you know that not everyone is annoyed, upset or angry with you.

Not everyone is rooting for you to fail and be a loser.

So show some kindness to others, don't let others suffer because of past mistakes of others in ur life - this is how you will be naturally attractive to women.
 

Desdinova

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When you finally do lose your virginity, you're going to realize that it really wasn't such a big deal. You're still the same person afterwards, but with a d1ck that smells like tuna.

The less stress you put on yourself about actually losing your virginity, the better you're going to interact with women. Also, don't tell the first woman you fvck that you're a virgin. She doesn't need to know. Also, I will recommend that when you actually find a woman and go on a couple of dates, you should get yourself some v1agra since you're likely going to have a bout of performance anxiety on your first go. When you do have performance anxiety, the last thing you need to do is beat yourself up over it in front of the woman. Make fun of the situation and then go back to kissing her.

For now, focus on interacting with strangers and place yourself in groups of people to meet women.
 

lost_blackbird

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Sex is where the trouble starts. I've been vagina free for 15 months now, I don't watch porn either, after a relatively short while the brain stops receiving messages from the little guy downstairs. Any relationship I've ever had that involves my penis has turned to sh1te. I guess you could say that I've finally learned my lesson.
 

samspade

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Not too long ago I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is no big mystery to getting a woman.....just put yourself in places to meet them and it will happen.
Congratulations. As a 38 year old virgin you know far more than 90% of men.

As someone said above, virginity (and its loss) is very overrated. I don't even think the technical definition holds much meaning. I remember far better my first blow job, which came a couple years before my first lay, which was ho-hum.

Take the focus off of that and place it more on your day to day goals for improvement. These can be as varied (and mundane) as eating a healthy meal to talking to a pretty girl to simply getting a good night's sleep. Having sex can be a longer term goal - something you build toward - but definitely be prepared for it to happen at any time.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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Hold up, this guy needs to try to sell his virginity online, lets get a bid going... This could turn out to be profitable for you OP
 

bat soup

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If it's just sex you want, go to Amsterdam with 50 Euros. If what you want is a relationship, then get ready to deal with some BS because you're 20 years behind in the game.

To be virgin at that age, I assume you must also have almost zero experience dealing with women. The main thing to know is that you have to be the one to make a move and you have to overcome your fear of rejection. You just want to find out if she's down or not as soon as possible and then move on to the next. Don't get hung up on the one's that are not interested, which will be the majority. And don't let women waste your time by "taking things slow", only to later find out that they never really liked you and just wanted to use you for your time, money or attention.
 

Bible_Belt

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I agree with the advice to not tell women about being a virgin. But having said that, it would be pretty funny to tell them you had taken a voluntary oath of celibacy. Make a fetlife page about your fetish being your own virginity. You would probably get propositioned constantly. And from a larger perspective, the type of guy who is relaxed enough to joke around like that will probably be getting laid anyway.
 

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corrector

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1. Don't do it with a hooker for your first experience unless you absolutely have no choice. Try to meet a regular woman online.
The hooker thing is too risky because you have to feel chemistry, connection and an emotional bond otherwise it just may not come up and you may lose your money on a dud session and feel worst off. The pandemic has made things easier in this regard since you can engage in an escort over the internet and develop a connection with her with less money before eventually seeing her. But the random hooker thing doesn't work and self-respecting guy like the OP might even freeze up and reject sexing a hooker outright because "it just does not feel right".
 

bat soup

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The hooker thing is too risky because you have to feel chemistry, connection and an emotional bond otherwise it just may not come up and you may lose your money on a dud session and feel worst off. The pandemic has made things easier in this regard since you can engage in an escort over the internet and develop a connection with her with less money before eventually seeing her. But the random hooker thing doesn't work and self-respecting guy like the OP might even freeze up and reject sexing a hooker outright because "it just does not feel right".
You have to go to Amsterdam and walk through the red light district. After you get a boner looking at a girl you like, ask her the price (normally 50 Euros) and take her into the back room and do the deed.

Realistically, at 38, it's not like it's impossible to get laid but if you haven't got laid your whole life then it's going to be even harder now. You might as well just pay. That way you won't obsess about it so much and you can just get on with your life and indulge occasionally when you feel the need. It could be worse - at least you don't have a wife and kids or crushing alimony payments weighing your life down.

However, I do agree that you might find hookers disappointing, especially as a lot of them don't like to show their face in advance (which is why I recommend Amsterdam or other similar places). Also, dealing with hookers is still dealing with women, so there is still a lot of manipulation and bull**** that you have to keep on top of. Don't go falling in love.
 

corrector

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You have to go to Amsterdam and walk through the red light district.
That is not realistic. Hop on a plane to go somewhere is never an option. You have Covid, local crime issues of the area, suppose you don't go travelling, like travelling or can't afford to travel? Why pick Amsterdam and not the Philippines or Thailand where someone might use their JBW card and get laid for free?

bat soup said:
After you get a boner looking at a girl you like, ask her the price (normally 50 Euros) and take her into the back room and do the deed.
How would you know that? Did you actually go there?
 
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