26 and nothing

[Analytic]

I know age is just a number (26 now), its all about how well you take care of yourself. Am in the best shape I have ever been and financially, its looking good. Am looking to buy my second house soon. One thing in my life still hasn't been taken care of is my social life, its is pathetic. I kept trying and trying but I just can't keep up the interest of being social, my mind always go back to bussiness mode and I stop trying. I guess thats why you see so many guys that drive exotic cares and trying to relive their youth (midlife crisis) it just so damn hard to focus on both.

I know guys in their 30's will say 26 is nothing but you can actually compare me to chancer357, thats how behind I am in the game. Even though age is just a number, your mind is still maturing. You would think getting older and not having a girlfriend would drive a man more to get one but its actually the opposide. Now I know how chancer357 feels, you just stopped caring. Still in my mind am pressure to go out and change, I want it but I don't need it but I feel like I need it... you know what I mean? I can go and talk to girls but what if I don't really care to? I started a journal a few months back but I could never stick to it because I don't care. How do I stop feeling old, how to have a passion for life, for woman. I don't really know what I want or how I should feel, its all numb rightnow. Maybe I should take a vacation in some exotic country and find myself?

Need your wisdom..

 

[SoldMySoul]

I am so going to give you tough love!!! I am going to be 36 on the 11th of this month and I feel older. When I was your age, I had not married yet or had kids. I still do not have children. Got divorced last year and went through a crazy relationship after my divorce and it hurt way more than the divorce because I loved her more than my ex wife.

Not to mention, I have lost my a$$ in a failed business because I trusted my brother to help me run. Only thing he was running was me down and his a$$ to his dog ugly girlfriend 420 miles away.

Man, you are not old!!! I thought I was sexually in my prime at your age, but I am better now than I was then. Keep yourself in good shape, keep your head right and things will occur for you. So what if you do not have much desire for women right now. It could be good for you because you will not be needy when Ms. Right comes around. However, your post was a bit confusing to me! I wish I could be 26 again, i would do things way differently! Not what you wanted to hear from me, but you needed to hear it!

 

[joekerr31]

ill fill you in on a little secret which i wish someone had filled me in on when i was younger.

life is filled with disappointment. the way you feel is merely a subconscious acknowledgement of life's inherent pointlessness.

life is going to let you down WAY WAY WAY more than it will reward you.

in fact, most of its rewards aren't even rewards it simply gives you, you have to work for almost all of them.

every now and then you get lucky and something falls in your lap, but its a very very rare occasion.

once you accept that the day is never going to come, whether at 27, 35, 45, 50 or 65 where life suddenly makes everything peachy. it ain't coming. as i get older i interact more and more with folks older than myself and what i'm learning is that for most of them life's disappointments just keep on mounting.

so the key is to accept that this life we are all thrust in to is crazy, absurd and disappointing most of the time. so stop worrying about whether your life is the way its suppose to be and start doing whatever the hell you want to.

stop worrying, stop analyzing, stop fearing, stop expecting, stop waiting.

just throw yourself out there in to the madness and go for a ride. its the only way to solve the apathy you seem to be feeling.

apathy is a product of feeling let down by life and becomign accustom to withdrawing from its various situations. accept that most situations aren't goign to work out and do them anyway - not for the end result, but for nothing mroe than entertainment.

 

[seth]

You didn't say it to me, but thanks Joekerr...

 

[squirrels]

Stop making time in your head. Don't think about how much has passed or how much has left. Instead just worry about THIS moment.

 

[decades]

if you are apologizing for being 26 something is really wrong with your outlook. if you feel "old" at 26 it just is going to suck to be you as you move through life.

all the info you need is on this forum and in the bible. I suspect its a problem of you knowing exactly what to do next but being afraid to do it. That's a common problem and I too deal with it and I am sure many here deal with. there is no magic. the magic really is doing what you already know needs to be done. action.

 

[grinder]

At 48 I am now happily entering the 2nd year of my 3rd life. I’m in at least my 4th career and seriously focusing on changing it up again.

No, I'm not one of those “the glass is half full” people who have a false sense of optimism. At this age now, I have lived a life that PROVES there is reason for optimism.

I don’t think I’ve just been lucky either. The greatest thing about my perspective is I have seen some serious sh*t in my life and experienced it too. Here’s a fun one: watching my 3yo turn blue on the operating table as they puncture his lung with an intubation tube that was for an older child. OH, this happened twice. It took 2 years to get over that, but I did. I got lots more.

I do not interpret these events as good or bad. They are simply events. Some events will break you if you are inflexible.

The purpose of worry is to generate ideas for action. Once you have generated a list of actions from your worry it has served its purpose.

The purpose of analysis is to determine the specifics of the actions you will take on your list.

The purpose of fear is to provide motivation for action. Act and your fear realizes its purpose and disappears.

Life neither rewards nor punishes you. Only you do that.

My mantra is: Learn, Grow, Adapt. Repeat endlessly.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I kept trying and trying but I just can't keep up the interest of being social

This line jumped out at me the most. I certaily feel the same way regarding 'being social'. Usually what will happen is I'll run in cycles where I try to go out and be social then stop, then try again, rinse-wash-repeat.

What I found during the last cycle however is that the truth is I'm not social because I don't enjoy those things normal people do to be social. My personal experience tells me that just about every 'normal' person's social life revolves around parties and drinking. The thing is both of those things bore me to death.

With the perspective of age I think that it's always been true that I just wasn't built to be that kind of guy. I'm too goal oriented wheras social life is more process oriented. Parties are generally about the experience and not about getting something done. When it comes to my bike, I find I prefer taking classes and learning how to ride better than going for a "long relaxing ride". Again, that's a focus on goals and not process.

It's taken me a long time to accept, but this is just how I am. I've tried fighting it, tried to be more process oriented but I find that either I'm straining myself to an uncomfortable point or I'm just faking it. I really think it's against my personal nature to be that way. Which of course makes it very difficult to meet women since social activity is a big way of doing so.

I guess I really have no solution for you... lol

 

[Mr.Positive]

I know age is just a number (26 now), its all about how well you take care of yourself. Am in the best shape I have ever been and financially, its looking good. Am looking to buy my second house soon. One thing in my life still hasn't been taken care of is my social life, its is pathetic. I kept trying and trying but I just can't keep up the interest of being social, my mind always go back to bussiness mode and I stop trying. I guess thats why you see so many guys that drive exotic cares and trying to relive their youth (midlife crisis) it just so damn hard to focus on both.

I know guys in their 30's will say 26 is nothing but you can actually compare me to chancer357, thats how behind I am in the game. Even though age is just a number, your mind is still maturing. You would think getting older and not having a girlfriend would drive a man more to get one but its actually the opposide. Now I know how chancer357 feels, you just stopped caring. Still in my mind am pressure to go out and change, I want it but I don't need it but I feel like I need it... you know what I mean? I can go and talk to girls but what if I don't really care to? I started a journal a few months back but I could never stick to it because I don't care. How do I stop feeling old, how to have a passion for life, for woman. I don't really know what I want or how I should feel, its all numb rightnow. Maybe I should take a vacation in some exotic country and find myself?

Need your wisdom..

Analytic, I'm 34 now, and when I was at your age, I felt exactly like you do. You feel like you are on the right track, but are lacking something...something is missing.

I will tell you this though. Looking back, I've been in several situations where I was very..very close to losing my life. If one little thing turned out differently, I would not be here today. If I was a cat, my 9 lives are up. I feel very fortunate.

The key to happiness is right now. The 6 inches in front of your face (I love that quote) because it's soo true. The past is gone, each morning I wake up and think I am here now, this is my life, I'm going to appreciate it. What is today going to bring for me, let's find out.

Remember about having goals, it's important, but don't believe that buying your 2nd or 3rd house, you will be happy. It's all the little things that matter. My goal is to sail around the world. Think big, right? So, I'm restoring an old sailboat. Every little thing I do to get her ready brings a huge smile to myself. I'm enjoying the whole process. When will I cast off, maybe next year, maybe in 5 years. I don't know but I'm lovin' every minute of the process.

So, Analytic, don't think being more social will fulfill what's missing. Find happiness within.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

.... I kept trying and trying but I just can't keep up the interest of being social, my mind always go back to bussiness mode and I stop trying. .....

What exactly have you been trying?

 

[Analytic]

Joe, I could always count on you to cheer me up, a little morbid tho hah but its reality for many. Thanks everyone eles for the advice.

I have this huge expectation in myself and I can't get over how bad I let myself down. Am trying to make up lost time but at the same time I don't have the passion to do it then kicking myself for not doing it. Its this push and pull cycle am on.

Francisco, maybe I havnt been trying the right thing. I tried to go do cold approuch but thats probably should be the last thing I should focus on, I should focus on getting more friends instead.

 

[joekerr31]

its called existential angst.

its a very common feeling. I'm currently going through such a feeling as we speak.

i personally feel that this feeling is become more and more widespread as a function of the disjointed and antisocial world we live in.

because we no longer have close knit communities and our relations to our families and friends are often superficial and cirumstantial, more and more inviduals are feeling 'alone' in the world.

add to this the fact that no one really has a stable long term job anymore and now the feeling of alone-ness is colored with worry and stress over long-term survival.

as a result more and more people are asking themselves "what the f*ck is the point to this, to my life?"

some dive into alcohol, drugs and partying. others adopt apathy. others become workaholics. all of these things are efforts to avoid confronting the unpleasant cognitive realizations / issues of being alive.

the best attitude that i've seen to date is where an individual simply stops caring about the external world and works on personal growth.

iraq is not my world. george bush means nothing to me. paris hilton is about as relevant to my life as a cartoon character.

i focus on me and try my best to ignore the world at large, because all it does is remind you that you are a tiny ant in huge dysfunctional ant colony.

instead try to think of the world as a trip to the zoo. theres more to see than you will ever have time to see - but thats ok - just start taking in the exhibits.

at the end of the day you won't leave the zoo thinking 'wow, my life now has meaning.' but you might leave the zoo thinking 'that was a pretty interesting zoo."

 

[STR8UP]

some dive into alcohol, drugs and partying. others adopt apathy. others become workaholics. all of these things are efforts to avoid confronting the unpleasant cognitive realizations / issues of being alive.

the best attitude that i've seen to date is where an individual simply stops caring about the external world and works on personal growth.

It's ok to dive into some of the bad stuff as long as you are still working toward personal growth, right? lol

 

[joekerr31]

It's ok to dive into some of the bad stuff as long as you are still working toward personal growth, right? lol

well, objectively speaking do whatever works for you

despite all my talk of the best way to handle things, at the end of the day life is a game you can't win we all lose in the end.

so really as long as what you are doing is working for you, then all's good.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
Francisco, maybe I havnt been trying the right thing. I tried to go do cold approuch but thats probably should be the last thing I should focus on, I should focus on getting more friends instead.

Good observation.

 

[Master Bates]

ill fill you in on a little secret which i wish someone had filled me in on when i was younger.

life is filled with disappointment. the way you feel is merely a subconscious acknowledgement of life's inherent pointlessness.

life is going to let you down WAY WAY WAY more than it will reward you.

in fact, most of its rewards aren't even rewards it simply gives you, you have to work for almost all of them.

every now and then you get lucky and something falls in your lap, but its a very very rare occasion.

once you accept that the day is never going to come, whether at 27, 35, 45, 50 or 65 where life suddenly makes everything peachy. it ain't coming. as i get older i interact more and more with folks older than myself and what i'm learning is that for most of them life's disappointments just keep on mounting.

so the key is to accept that this life we are all thrust in to is crazy, absurd and disappointing most of the time. so stop worrying about whether your life is the way its suppose to be and start doing whatever the hell you want to.

stop worrying, stop analyzing, stop fearing, stop expecting, stop waiting.

just throw yourself out there in to the madness and go for a ride. its the only way to solve the apathy you seem to be feeling.

apathy is a product of feeling let down by life and becomign accustom to withdrawing from its various situations. accept that most situations aren't goign to work out and do them anyway - not for the end result, but for nothing mroe than entertainment.

you should give motivational speeches to highschool kids.

 

[mrRuckus]

shrug my life only gets better as i get older.

I get better with women.

I get better at making friends.

I get better at any activity i choose to.

I get stronger; i get bigger.

I get more and more promotions and pay raises.

Now I'm about to get a more interesting job, move to a much better, livelier area with hotter and more numerous babes, plenty of beaches, nice people, and things to do. Will buy a house/condo soon after that.

I'm not too worried about anything because I know i will overcome whatever life dishes out and i know that tomorrow only brings a better mrRuckus because i'm deadset on a slow continual improval. And i had a late start. I wasn't anybody in high school... i squandered my first few years in college. Then it hit me that i didn't want to suck anymore, raised my GPA from 1.7 and almost getting kicked out to a 3.7 and it's been uphill from there because i decided sucking wasn't working for me. I'm 27.

And yeah sometimes I just don't give a damn. If you don't care about being more social then don't. At least one night a weekend i sit at home completely alone out of pure choice. Usually i play video games all night. Because i want to and i'm tired of people for the week. Sometimes i go all day without chit chatting with the nitwits at the office. Close my door and ignore em all. Don't want to talk so i don't. Hell it helps me with girls because i come off as unneedy because i'll date one then just don't try to talk her for like a week because i feel asocial and they nearly always send me a txt or message on myspace wondering where i went to and "do i want to do something."

 

[Crank_It_Up]

... I don't really know what I want or how I should feel, its all numb rightnow...

oh my, this sounds bad... one of your co-workers might be slipping you hormones. Quickly, go check the mirror, you might be turning into a woman

 

[Analytic]

Joe, you have answers for everything don't you? that describes it exackly. Am in this computer most of the day, most of my talking is done through text. Its funny, when I do go out I forgot how to talk. I just mumble some words and had to repeat myself many times.

I know what I have to do, just gotta get off my as s and do it!

 

[Master Bates]

teach english in some exotic country.

now I'm engaged (and loving it)

I've been considering the same thing (in japan). What has been your experience?