robby1983b
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2008
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
The closest I ever got to sex was 4 years ago. Was with a drunk chick but she was ugly and I couldn’t get hard. Since then I have not even kissed or touched a girl. It’s not that I can’t attract girls. They hit on me and flirt with me at least 2-3 times per week. So don’t tell me to just be happy with myself to get girls. I often dress down to avoid the attention. I live in a very small town, and the last time I asked a girl out, I ran into her nearly 50 times after that. So I’m deathly afraid (and no longer even consider) showing interest in girls. It’s the same people every ****ing where.
I don’t have friends but I don’t want any. I’m not happy but I’m not depressed either. On the outside it would seem I have a great life. I drive a nice car, I’m self-employed and make good money. Most girls probably think I’m taken.
I’m still in school, but I hate it. Always hated school, but I go just to get a degree to make my parents happy. They are concerned because I don’t have medical insurance, but also because I would shame the family name by dropping out. I’ve already been offered full-time positions despite my 2.3 GPA and many failing grades. I have skills. Companies recognize my value. But I hate to become a corporate slave and live the same “school, job, marriage, retire, death” path like everyone else. I’m very ambitious, goal-oriented, and following my own path to success with my big ideas.
This past 1.5 weeks I’ve skipped my classes for a few reasons. There is a girl in one of my classes who stares at me and it makes me very uncomfortable. I’ve skipped that class because of her. I also skipped my other classes altogether due to slipping grades. Instead I’ve been getting high on DXM, and just working overtime.
I used to be addicted to DXM a few years ago but finally broke free. Since then I had paranoia and felt like my anxiety got worse, but actually my anxiety was always the same through my whole life. Lately DXM helped me break free of anxiety, even after the buzz had worn off. I felt open, social, comfortable, etc. It’s also made me more creative and enlightened. But it seems to wear off after a few days and I don't want to go to class high and make a complete fool of myself.
Honestly, the core reason I did it was because of my discomfort around girls. Everytime I go out and see couples it’s a reminder of the huge void in my life. I miss touching them and kissing them, and it pains me so much more especially since I know some of these girls are attracted to me, but I’m never going to do anything about it. I've gotten so insecure. It’s so within reach, but so far. For the longest time I’ve kept thinking I can still get laid the normal way by just getting drunk again and going to pick up some girls. I went to bars/clubs but in every situation I seem to eject myself. I’ve creepified myself by not being social or dating for so long, not to mention I’ve been a virgin all along anyway.
So today I've finally decided I’ll make arrangements with an escort next week, and every week thereafter until I get rid of this stigma. I feel like that is the only viable solution to get myself comfortable again around women. Otherwise I will always feel incomplete. I may still feel incomplete, but at least I will have something. But even this I'm worried about - if I got caught in this small-ass town, I would scar my reputation and my family's reputation for life. I don't even really need to have sex, I just need to get a massage and feel the intimate touch of a woman to get that comfort. Is that illegal to get an actual massage?
Am I completely hopeless? I am confident that I am working my way towards greatness but at the same time I feel like if I let petty **** like being a virgin get to me, and keep getting high because of it, I’ll soon lead myself to the path of losers. I feel so bad that I'm 25 and I've missed out on the pleasures of life, normal pleasures. I mean it shouldn't be this hard honestly.
Any thoughts?
I don’t have friends but I don’t want any. I’m not happy but I’m not depressed either. On the outside it would seem I have a great life. I drive a nice car, I’m self-employed and make good money. Most girls probably think I’m taken.
I’m still in school, but I hate it. Always hated school, but I go just to get a degree to make my parents happy. They are concerned because I don’t have medical insurance, but also because I would shame the family name by dropping out. I’ve already been offered full-time positions despite my 2.3 GPA and many failing grades. I have skills. Companies recognize my value. But I hate to become a corporate slave and live the same “school, job, marriage, retire, death” path like everyone else. I’m very ambitious, goal-oriented, and following my own path to success with my big ideas.
This past 1.5 weeks I’ve skipped my classes for a few reasons. There is a girl in one of my classes who stares at me and it makes me very uncomfortable. I’ve skipped that class because of her. I also skipped my other classes altogether due to slipping grades. Instead I’ve been getting high on DXM, and just working overtime.
I used to be addicted to DXM a few years ago but finally broke free. Since then I had paranoia and felt like my anxiety got worse, but actually my anxiety was always the same through my whole life. Lately DXM helped me break free of anxiety, even after the buzz had worn off. I felt open, social, comfortable, etc. It’s also made me more creative and enlightened. But it seems to wear off after a few days and I don't want to go to class high and make a complete fool of myself.
Honestly, the core reason I did it was because of my discomfort around girls. Everytime I go out and see couples it’s a reminder of the huge void in my life. I miss touching them and kissing them, and it pains me so much more especially since I know some of these girls are attracted to me, but I’m never going to do anything about it. I've gotten so insecure. It’s so within reach, but so far. For the longest time I’ve kept thinking I can still get laid the normal way by just getting drunk again and going to pick up some girls. I went to bars/clubs but in every situation I seem to eject myself. I’ve creepified myself by not being social or dating for so long, not to mention I’ve been a virgin all along anyway.
So today I've finally decided I’ll make arrangements with an escort next week, and every week thereafter until I get rid of this stigma. I feel like that is the only viable solution to get myself comfortable again around women. Otherwise I will always feel incomplete. I may still feel incomplete, but at least I will have something. But even this I'm worried about - if I got caught in this small-ass town, I would scar my reputation and my family's reputation for life. I don't even really need to have sex, I just need to get a massage and feel the intimate touch of a woman to get that comfort. Is that illegal to get an actual massage?
Am I completely hopeless? I am confident that I am working my way towards greatness but at the same time I feel like if I let petty **** like being a virgin get to me, and keep getting high because of it, I’ll soon lead myself to the path of losers. I feel so bad that I'm 25 and I've missed out on the pleasures of life, normal pleasures. I mean it shouldn't be this hard honestly.
Any thoughts?