1st red flag but am I over reacting?

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Hi guys, an incident happened last night that I wanna run by you all which pissed me off slightly.

Background, being seeing 20yr old south german hb for 7 months now. First foreign girl, I realise she's smack bang in danger age which is something I dealt with at the beginning. Now up until last night, she's been damn near perfect, old fashioned values, body language spot on, affectionate, properly into me, cooks, great in bed, a potential keeper etc, all the good signs we look for. Being german she's very sensible, she's not a prude but she has a healthy amount of self respect and dresses modestly, all her friends from the same area appear to be the same so it seems cultural. I am the most cynical person I know so this has taken a helluva lot of adjustment on my part after dealing with typical british girls. It's been an interesting trip.

So last night we were out for a halloween party with some friends, night was great, good fun, she's affectionate blah blah etc. We get to this club and all having fun, but I can tell we are getting to our recommended limit of alcohol. She's the most drunk I think I've ever seen her but again not a typical british girl style drunk.

I'm tryna convince her to hit the dance floor but she always says she never dances then all of a sudden, this bunny boiler appears, grabs her to the dance floor where upon my german girl starts slightly sexy dancing with her and then, in true car crash television I know what's coming next. They have a wee kiss. Dance some more, then another wee kiss. Now I know most girls like a wee kiss with their female friends but this random bint came out of nowhere!

And this is what annoyed me, my reaction. I marched down to the dance floor, tapped her on the shoulder and said 'what the hells this?' then bunny boiler quickly flees leaving my girl tryna dance with me. She tries to kiss me but I put my finger on her lips and tell her 'hell no'. We sit down, in her drunken state she's amused that I'm 'jealous' and tells me I have nothing to worry about. I calmly say I'm not jealous but you just went and kissed some other person, I don't give a damn if it's a girl, could easily have been a guy in my book.

After that she's really clingy with me, in my drunken state I'm finding it hard to keep my anger from showing, she can sense it and she's being really meek and clingy, eventually we get back to hers and go straight to sleep. In the morning we are recounting the events from last night and she says 'you finally got me up dancing' to which I replied 'No, that girl did'. She asks what girl and I recount the event telling her I was pissed off with her and she 'claims' she doesn't remember it but my cynicism doesn't believe it.

She seemed genuinely shocked about her behaviour and very apologetic, says she's not surprised I was annoyed with her. I however left her earlier than expected without banging her and in kneejerk response sent out a 'hello' message to some old plates, kinda wishing I hadnt.

I'm in 2 minds over this incident, she's been fault free up till this and that's probably why my guard was down, went against my own advice there lol. So I'm looking for some objective thoughts. It is seriously the only issue that's happened with her.

Am I over reacting? Handled it bad, I think I did.

Was I right to pull her up about it? I shoulda found bunny boiler and danced with her, that's what old cynical me woulda done.

Should I raise this as a red flag, or yellow or orange?

Sorry for long rant, completely unexpected and I haven't had this sh!tty gut feeling for so long and I hate it!

P.S. Bunny boiler went on to do some similar sh!t stirring, saw two guys fighting over her later on.

 

[Slickster]

Alcohol was involved. I wouldn't worry about this too much.

She sounds like a great girl. Give her a break on this one. We all do stupid shyt when we are wasted.

I do think you over reacted a bit. Sounds like you lost your cool which is never a good thing. Jealousy sucks man. Don't let it get the best of you.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Thanks slickster, this is what I was leaning towards. I just wanted an objective view.

Cheers man.

 

[Boilermaker]

Hmm still, if my girl went and kissed some random girl on a dance floor, I'd be slightly pissed.

I don't think you mishandled it, and I'd be worried honestly.

But that's me.

 

[muscleman]

She's 20, that should explain enough. It's a very tight leash you'll have to have. You HAVE to be alpha supreme with attractive girls in this age range because of how much attention they get. There's candy everywhere for them.

Should have brought the other girl with you, and have a 'wee kiss' with both, stir up a little jealousy, have some fun in the process ... hell, might have even gotten a 3 way out of it.

If it really bothers you that much though, you handled it well.

Also - her being German means nothing. It doesn't make her any more virtuous than women elsewhere; they are still hardwired the same. It's just like American guys pissed at 'western woman entitlement' so they go overseas to Europe expecting to be treated like kings, only to realize they don't get a free pass.

 

[scrouds]

There's bound to be issues in a relationship. One of those always is where the boundary lines are. She probably thought that a wee kiss with a woman was in boundary, and you think its not. I agree with you, but that has no bearing on the issue at hand.

Like a strong man, you stood up and set her straight. Good job. I wouldn't write this one off unless she does it again or there are other red flags that come up.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated. You have all covered the gamut of thoughts I have had on the subject.

She was made aware of my thoughts, she apologised and I'll keep my slight 'off-ness' and lack of banging her for another week and then I'll put it down to an isolated alcohol induced mishap.

But you better believe I'll have my eyes open wider than usual.

Boilermaker - I'm not overly worried purely by her track record over the 7 months, and I have known her for over 2 years now in total, and as I say, that was the first flag moment. I'll keep my guard up tho.

Muscleman - I have been extra game fueled due to her age, I'm not about to give that up. I only mentioned her 'german-ness' to give a better picture, as all her friends are the same that I have met from that area. It's quite an old fashoned place in a sense. I always keep in my mind though, that she is still a 20yr old girl.

scrouds - I suspect that some subconscious part of her was trying a boundary check, consider that boundary laid.

In a sense, I'm glad it occurred because it reminded ME, that she is after all, still a girl.

Thanks again guys.

 

[Solomon]

lol @ you getitng upset over a 20 year old kissing another girl

not sure if trolling....

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

To be real with you. She cheated on you. Now she has to be punished somehow. Whether you break up with her or not is on you. But you can't let this go unchecked.

 

[vatoloco]

This.

 

[Dominance]

The only thing I can say unless this is heading towards a threesome then she ****ed up. Imagine what she would do if you kissed another girl on the dancefloor when she was there.

And your just going to be like "oh she was just drunk".

The problem is it will happen again and especially if you're not there it will be something more serious. She has already shown what she is like. And you have accepted it.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Yes Red Flag.
Dont get too attached, and prepare for the worst.

 

[zinc4]

Hi guys, an incident happened last night that I wanna run by you all which pissed me off slightly.

Background, being seeing 20yr old south german hb for 7 months now. First foreign girl, I realise she's smack bang in danger age which is something I dealt with at the beginning. Now up until last night, she's been damn near perfect, old fashioned values, body language spot on, affectionate, properly into me, cooks, great in bed, a potential keeper etc, all the good signs we look for. Being german she's very sensible, she's not a prude but she has a healthy amount of self respect and dresses modestly, all her friends from the same area appear to be the same so it seems cultural. I am the most cynical person I know so this has taken a helluva lot of adjustment on my part after dealing with typical british girls. It's been an interesting trip.

So last night we were out for a halloween party with some friends, night was great, good fun, she's affectionate blah blah etc. We get to this club and all having fun, but I can tell we are getting to our recommended limit of alcohol. She's the most drunk I think I've ever seen her but again not a typical british girl style drunk.

I'm tryna convince her to hit the dance floor but she always says she never dances then all of a sudden, this bunny boiler appears, grabs her to the dance floor where upon my german girl starts slightly sexy dancing with her and then, in true car crash television I know what's coming next. They have a wee kiss. Dance some more, then another wee kiss. Now I know most girls like a wee kiss with their female friends but this random bint came out of nowhere!

And this is what annoyed me, my reaction. I marched down to the dance floor, tapped her on the shoulder and said 'what the hells this?' then bunny boiler quickly flees leaving my girl tryna dance with me. She tries to kiss me but I put my finger on her lips and tell her 'hell no'. We sit down, in her drunken state she's amused that I'm 'jealous' and tells me I have nothing to worry about. I calmly say I'm not jealous but you just went and kissed some other person, I don't give a damn if it's a girl, could easily have been a guy in my book.

After that she's really clingy with me, in my drunken state I'm finding it hard to keep my anger from showing, she can sense it and she's being really meek and clingy, eventually we get back to hers and go straight to sleep. In the morning we are recounting the events from last night and she says 'you finally got me up dancing' to which I replied 'No, that girl did'. She asks what girl and I recount the event telling her I was pissed off with her and she 'claims' she doesn't remember it but my cynicism doesn't believe it.

She seemed genuinely shocked about her behaviour and very apologetic, says she's not surprised I was annoyed with her. I however left her earlier than expected without banging her and in kneejerk response sent out a 'hello' message to some old plates, kinda wishing I hadnt.

I'm in 2 minds over this incident, she's been fault free up till this and that's probably why my guard was down, went against my own advice there lol. So I'm looking for some objective thoughts. It is seriously the only issue that's happened with her.

Am I over reacting? Handled it bad, I think I did.

Was I right to pull her up about it? I shoulda found bunny boiler and danced with her, that's what old cynical me woulda done.

Should I raise this as a red flag, or yellow or orange?

Sorry for long rant, completely unexpected and I haven't had this sh!tty gut feeling for so long and I hate it!

P.S. Bunny boiler went on to do some similar sh!t stirring, saw two guys fighting over her later on.

i dot see a prolem....you should tried for 3 way....she is oly 20....i would hae joied them ad kissed em ad all together go home....or try...wish my gf would do that

 

[amoka]

You should not worry about her kissing another girl while drunk. What you should be worrying about is the fact that she does not remember the episode even occurred. That, my friend, is the scary part.