"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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10 Myths About Introverts

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Mike32ct

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Sofomore said:
10 MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Source: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
#3 is a weakness of mine. I tend to be "short" with people initially. I don't do it on purpose. Like instead of chatting with the waitress or bartender or asking how they are doing FIRST, I just give my order. Once people get to know me, they like me, but initially they might be put off and think I'll rude or "all business." I'm really not like that at all.
 

zekko

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I'm an INTJ as well.

Sofomore said:
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people. On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand.
I tend to be very picky about who I become close friends with, and I value those people much, much more than any of the acquaintences I have. It's not so much that I dislike people, but I find most of them annoying. I think this is a big reason why I like having an exclusive LTR. I don't want five or more casual plate acquaintances around hanging around, because they're going to get on my nerves. Better to have a girl I actually appreciate and am close with. Just like I value my best friends.

Sofomore said:
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
I wouldn't trade being an introvert for any money. In the US, people tend to want to worship the extrovert, but I would never want to be an extrovert. I don't want to have to depend on other people for my energy, for one thing.
 

Atom Smasher

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The real danger of introversion is the tendency to insulate oneself and start to look down on the others that you are observing. A certain detachment can develop if you're not careful.

It think ideally a balanced man is an introvert in that he is aware of having humility and conducting himself in a refined way (but still confidently and unapologetically), but also expressing leadership and extroversion in his areas of expertise.
 

Alvafe

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yeah I do normally become somewhat a leader in the group I go with, or at least the leader/boss of that group listen what I said and follow pretty much what I mention.

what I also notice is if you have someone who listen to you and is a politician kind of person, you can do a lot, move projects and gather resources you would never really consider possible by you alone.

we just really need to learn how to work better with others because like atom said we like to get alone, and start to look at others like if they are guinea pigs, and I sure did some tests on people to gauge they reaction on things.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Blue Phoenix

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pdx1138

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PapiChulo said:
#9 is completely wrong about the thrill seeking/adrenaline. It's very much the opposite.
Agreed.

I've always identified (and proud of it actually) as an introvert and I like to go skiing straight down a steep hill and see how fast I can go without getting killed hopefully.

I love that feeling.
 

Zerro

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PapiChulo said:
#9 is completely wrong about the thrill seeking/adrenaline. It's very much the opposite.
No, it's only partly wrong. A lot of introverted types are disinterested in such things except for the ISTP which has this as one of their defining features.

Now while I don't feel any desire to bungee jump or dive out of an airplane I do enjoy rollercoasters and drive a sportscar for a reason. It has more to do with the emphasis on outside sensory stimulation rather than the preference for introspection that most other introverted types have.
 

NewAndImproved

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Atom Smasher said:
The real danger of introversion is the tendency to insulate oneself and start to look down on the others that you are observing. A certain detachment can develop if you're not careful..
Very very good point. However, I think as harsh and judgmental I am of others, I'm doubly so toward myself. Back in the day, I often found myself disappointed in people... most of all myself.

I've done a lot to improve upon this. I think one key has been sharing and investing with others. Not knowledge or facts or ideas... but emotional and personal things.

Strange thing is, I'm actually quite extroverted and opinionated when it comes to talking about social or political issues. I find when I'm working with that side of my brain, I never draw a blank.

However, when it comes to emotional and personal stuff -- the material that the dreaded "small talk" is made up of -- that's where I really used to draw a blank.

But after several years (yep years) of opening up, I definitely have a lot more to say now and am far less harsh with myself and others.
 

DonJuanabe

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ENTP. Probably 70% E, 30% I. Never need down time to recharge. I do plenty in my head but can easily do so in the company of others and I cannot stand loud, busy situations like clubs.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

Read more...

The Gambler

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NewAndImproved said:
But after several years (yep years) of opening up, I definitely have a lot more to say now and am far less harsh with myself and others.
This is a huge point that needs to be made. Most introverts are not natural public speakers, to say the least. With that being said, once they acquire that skill and confidence through practice, they make some of the best speakers around. Same goes for many musicians and entertainers. Many musicians, in particular, are song-writing geniuses right out the gate but need to gain the confidence to perform on a stage in public.

I love being a detail-oriented introvert. Think about it.... It is much easier to teach someone how to be sociable than it is to teach someone how to be detail-oriented.

It makes perfect sense that the majority of posters here are introverted. PERFECT sense.

The Gambler
 

backbreaker

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Atom Smasher said:
The real danger of introversion is the tendency to insulate oneself and start to look down on the others that you are observing.
.
wow nail on the head. i have that very bad.
 

Blue Phoenix

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Those who talk big are not necessarily the best ones.
 

Mike32ct

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Yeah I sometimes "look down" on people who are too extroverted. (I know I shouldn't but it happens.)

It just SEEMS like they are tryhard AWs. I know that sounds mean, but it feels that way from an introvert's perspective sometimes.

There's nothing wrong with being outgoing. It's those that talk NON-STOP and don't let others get in a word in edgewise that get to me.

This is not to be confused with discussing something that is your expertise. I can talk a lot if its something I'm knowledgeable about.

It's those that seek to dominate a laid back (non-technical) fluff talk group conversation that get to me. That seems like AWing or they are trying to hard.

I like to give others' time to reply and give their opinions. Even if they totally disagree with me, I'm interested in hearing what they have to say.

I guess I just like to listen and take everything in.
 
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