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“You look like a player”, yet...

RestUnknown

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On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?
 

stringpuller

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Have you read any forum posts lately? These things come up now and again. Just curious
 

BackInTheGame78

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How many woman have you approached and/or asked out in the past 6 years, OP?

I am going to guess not nearly enough.

Think of it as if you were looking for a job and were unemployed. Some people send out 3 resumes and then say they tried and nobody is hiring. Others send out 50 and have 5 job interviews and 3 job offers.

At the end of the day you have to go get it. There are no two ways about it. Dating is simply a numbers game in a lot of ways. Yes, obviously the better looking and more socially adept you are the better you will do, but at the end of the day just by volume you will see some success.

Too many times people act like it is just going to fall into their laps from heaven without them doing anything. Not saying this is you, but anytime I hear something like this the first thing I think is that you haven't approached nearly enough women.

And by nearly enough, if it hasn't been at least 3 a week over a 6 year period, meaning close to 900-1000 women, you are simply not even in the game OP. Whether that is in person or via OLD, it doesn't matter. You have to be in the game before you can win. Lack of approaches by whatever method is simply sitting on the sideline watching. And if you are going to stand on the sideline then you have no business wondering why you haven't been able to score. You gotta get in the game to do that.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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Wardrobe probably. Maybe also how jacked you are (if you are). Describe how you dress. Do you wear any jewelry? Do you smile a lot?
 

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zekko

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On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.
Just out of curiosity, are these guys telling you this or girls?
 

Hal9000

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If women are telling you this they are probably hitting on you. This is a way for them to tell you that you're attractive while kind of insulting you at the same time, so if you blow them off they aren't technically being rejected. Its the adult equivalent of a little boy pulling a little girls hair that he likes. I know its stupid and counterintuitive but that's women for you.
 

Serenity

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I get the same feeling as @BackInTheGame78 that you might be passive. If this is the case and others do perceive you as a player it should take relatively little effort to get girls, all you have to do is be a bit more active.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?
Do you actually want a woman? One woman? Many women? For flings? For marriage? Kids? One to tie up and spank with a spatula while you're cooking eggs?

Set a goal. Want fit girls? Great, go do group fitness. Want repressed girls? Great, go to church. If you've been doing activities that don't involve women then obviously you won't be getting any.

Facilitate an ecosystem of women, then enjoy yourself.
 

Espi

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I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
In my opinion it's likely what you're NOT doing.

#1 mistake I see most guys making is not asking for the date, not risking rejection.
 

Barrister

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The current feminist/"toxic masculinity" society teaches that being a "player" is bad. However, in my experience, whenever a woman says this to me it is almost always a positive thing. It generally signals they are open to you sexually (hence them making this type of comment in the first place since they are thinking of you in that manner) and this is the green light to begin flirting with them and ask them out. The best response is definitely C&F in my experience that keeps her guessing but makes her think "yep - this guy is so confident around women he has to be a player."

Since you are not seeing anyone right now, I would keep that information to yourself. Women want a man who is wanted by other women because it signals you must have value.
 

Lookatu

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Use less hair gel and cover up that chest by closing up a couple more buttons on your shirt.
 

Bigpapa

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Read this article , I think that you will find it interesting

 

LARaiders85

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Read this article , I think that you will find it interesting

I don't really agree with this. It SOUNDS true, and the guy is observant and a good writer, but I think its more based on speculation and logic than real information or experience being seen this way.

The primary reason that women think you are a player is not how you act but how you look. I was literally a virgin and people thought I was a player because I had just learned how to dress, work out, and style my hair. Nothing else is required. I certainly wasn't smooth or slick (now I sort of am, but more friendly).

The primary reason that women might not want to seriously date a player is not because they don't like them, its because they are afraid of being cheated on. These women will still sleep with them, but they want to be in control of their significant other at the end of the day. Secondarily, they think it hurts their reputation to date a player in certain social groups.
 

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Bigpapa

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I don't really agree with this. It SOUNDS true, and the guy is observant and a good writer, but I think its more based on speculation and logic than real information or experience being seen this way.

The primary reason that women think you are a player is not how you act but how you look. I was literally a virgin and people thought I was a player because I had just learned how to dress, work out, and style my hair. Nothing else is required. I certainly wasn't smooth or slick (now I sort of am, but more friendly).

The primary reason that women might not want to seriously date a player is not because they don't like them, its because they are afraid of being cheated on. These women will still sleep with them, but they want to be in control of their significant other at the end of the day. Secondarily, they think it hurts their reputation to date a player in certain social groups.
I get what you are saying

from my experience is a mix a both , firstly how you look& dress and secondly how you carry yourself .

i am quite an attractive guy and I have this bad boy vibe around me , but mainly I have this vibe because life was not easy with me and I just had to go through a lot of sh1t .

secondly it is how I handled women , which was not taking them serious and being very sexual .

attractive + bad boy vibe + good fashion sense + very sexual = being seen as a player

I just toned down my sexual vibe and went more on the philosophical side .Seen better results in how I am perceived and women have lower walls to smash . basically I f^ck them mentally first :)
 

LARaiders85

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I get what you are saying

from my experience is a mix a both , firstly how you look& dress and secondly how you carry yourself .

i am quite an attractive guy and I have this bad boy vibe around me , but mainly I have this vibe because life was not easy with me and I just had to go through a lot of sh1t .

secondly it is how I handled women , which was not taking them serious and being very sexual .

attractive + bad boy vibe + good fashion sense + very sexual = being seen as a player

I just toned down my sexual vibe and went more on the philosophical side .Seen better results in how I am perceived and women have lower walls to smash . basically I f^ck them mentally first :)
definitely a lot to be said for raising the comfort level. I've become more this way into my 30s.
 

Bigpapa

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definitely a lot to be said for raising the comfort level. I've become more this way into my 30s.
I still get this thing girls from time to time , but this mainly happens because they see me as a skilled conversationalist and very relaxed with women .

Just recently I girl that I met told me that I give the vibe of someone that has an older sister
 

LARaiders85

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I still get this thing girls from time to time , but this mainly happens because they see me as a skilled conversationalist and very relaxed with women .

Just recently I girl that I met told me that I give the vibe of someone that has an older sister
I was told I give off "dad vibe" lol....but still labelled the player by my church crowd so basically blacklisted haha
 

Clamslammer

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On a few instances where I’ve met new people, they afterwards tell me that I look like a player, like a guy with five girls on every finger.

Yet I haven’t had a a girl for over 6 years (and back then it even only was an affair with a bpd).

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Of course you can’t tell via this forum. But any ideas that come to mind to situations like this? Body language? Self-esteem? ...?
Are you a good looking guy? If so than these girls are likely rejecting you based on their insecurities thinking you are too good for them and eventually you will drop them once you get to know them. This happens to guya when they are really good looking, smart, and high value; girls can sense your confidence thus shut you down before you get an opportunity to shut them down in their eyes.

Once guys realize girls just put up a front to look confident but in reality they are not confident at all you will have girls salivating of you.
 
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