"we are doing it for the kids"

[jhonny9546]

We often hear this phrase from couples.
That might also be you in the past.

What makes people use it to justify their decision of being togheter or keeping a broken relationship?
How do women use that quote(what that really means)?
Also, what can this say about that person saying this?

 

[Travel memoir21]

We often hear this phrase from couples.
That might also be you in the past.

What makes people use it to justify their decision of being togheter or keeping a broken relationship?
How do women use that quote(what that really means)?
Also, what can this say about that person saying this?

A lot of it is also cultural, if you're Asian, you could just be staying 'together' for the sake of keeping a good reputation in line. But yes, that's generally one of the main reason couples tend to stick together, for the sake of the children.

 

[jhonny9546]

My understanding of "we're together for the kids" is that they're both fulfilling needs they can't meet alone, and very often, one of the needs that remains unmet is connection/sex.

Another thing I heard recently, but this one is rarer, was hearing a friend of my cousin at a party say how her friend, who's been with her boyfriend for eight years and has a child, "doesn't want to get married."

As soon as I heard those words, I thought for a moment and replayed the sentence in my head
"She doesn't want to marry HIM..."

She hasn't found the "right" one. She would have gotten married otherwise.

Everyone at the table had interpreted that sentence as "sincere," and so they all fell for what women say, and it seems that at a table of eight men, I was the only one who understood it.

Women get married and how, with whom they say, while if they don't, they are just using you to get there.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What makes people use it to justify their decision of being togheter or keeping a broken relationship?

Same factors that prevents most devout felons from altering their thoughts and behaviors/becoming honorable people

17:38-20:48

-Superficially speaking, numbing out with booze, opiates, binge watching crap on Netflix, and doom scrolling APPEARS easier than engaging in deep self-reflection. And by extension, bringing the unconscious beliefs which drive our actions(Refusing to end marriages we're dissatisfied with included)out of the darkness and into the light, investigating the accuracy of said beliefs

-Most folks's "performance IQ" far exceeds their "Verbal IQ". When it's tough to conceptualize, think in terms of principals/values, and put one's thoughts into intelligible sentences(Ex. "If I serve my spouse with divorce papers, I suspect she's going to run to our friends and family, paint herself as an innocent victim and me as her persecutor. When I simply imagine her doing so and folks quite possibly taking her side, I experience overwhelming terror"), prospects for personal evolution are weaker than Jessica Alba being hailed as a Meryl Streep-level talent anytime soon

-

 

[jhonny9546]

There is a parallel here with people who lack sufficient self-reflection and offload all their problems onto others.

I, for instance, am working in the opposite direction: I am too responsible to burden others with my problems, so I am working on doing so, at least a little.