Dissolving My Marriage

[Millard Fillmore]

- I will be actively gaming other women for catch and release, as well as increasing my own social skills as I'm decidedly stunted here.

This will help you both a lot.

 

[Learning Curve]

For those of you who have been following along with my situation, I promise you the reason I want to do this is not for the reasons I've posted previously. This is not wild oats, or lackluster sex life, or anything else other than financial protection.

I'm going to divorce my wife, but I want to stay with her.
I want to divorce because it is the only way I can ensure I don't lost half my my gross income, for the rest of my life. Right now, that looks like about $5,000 monthly.

Yes, I've had a lot of problems in my marriage recently, but I genuinely want to work them out. I also cannot allow myself to get r*ped by divorce because I waited too long in hopes of a better outcome. I don't want to be compelled to stay with her at the threat of $5,000 monthly payments... if I'm staying with her, it's because I want to stay with her - not any other reason.

As the law stands, anything past 10 years (really 9, but I digress), my wife could literally be cheating on me regularly, and if I chose to divorce - I still would have to pay alimony. The state doesn't care.
I do not think my wife is cheating on me or ever has, but that isn't the point... I am literally held at her will past 9 years.

So my plan is to discuss this with my wife. My ideal outcome is that we get "financially divorced" but nothing changes from our day-to-day lives... I want nothing to change except our signatures on a piece of paper.

I'm also quite aware that this could spiral into my wife wanting the full divorce, separation, 50% income, 50% assets, primary custody, etc. If that really is what she wants, then I guess it's better to deal with that sooner than later. If I do this now, I will still owe her all of those things - but for only 4 years instead of a lifetime.
This is a risk I am willing to take, and I accept the repercussions of this either way.


I know my plan is a little bit insane, because who the hell goes through a divorce to stay with the person they're married to - but that is what I want. A lot of folks here have given me some excellent perspectives on these kinds of things, and I'd like to hear your stories of divorce, or advice in this kind of situation.
As I said, I only want to divorce to protect myself financially, and not be held to a standard of "pay 50% of your gross income for life or go to jail".

Be careful here brother.

I think your plan is going to spiral a side-effect.

If we are talking for a full-healthy woman that will understand the reason you are doing this then go ahead. You know your wife much better then anyone here in this forum.

Since you already have marriage problems divorcing her to save your ass from financial disaster in the future will probably start a roller-coaster of endless disastrous events that will lead to the divorce.

Unless your wife gets it. Which she will not most probably.

I don't believe any woman would like the idea of her husband divorcing her to save his ass from financial disaster in the future as this is quite selfish and egoistic.

But i personally get it. I get it why you want to do it.

There is a risk involved if your marriage is already at a cliff of disaster.

Discuss it with your wife, explain the reasons behind your thinking and if she gets it that's great move on and work on your marriage, if not then time to eject.

 

[BeExcellent]

You've written some good stuff but on this point I think you're demonstrating a mental trap. "What if this decision backfires" is no way to live if you are sound and sure.

Fear of the unknown is not a good reason to stay in something miserable . He doesn't need to find anyone better, he just needs to do right by him and his daughter.

Only he knows what that is. The grass is always greener if you're true to yourself.

I follow your logic. I believe, based on the content he has written on many threads that he's actually picked a pretty good woman (through happenstance perhaps) and she's trying. He's got a bad case of FOMO, clearly, and an underdeveloped appreciation for his current situation. He's got to grow further into leading his marriage without being a bully or a wussy and he's not got that sorted out yet. His wife is a strong person and some conflict likely arises from the confusion over who is leading the relationship, especially as he evolves more into the leadership role, which she will respect him for as she comes to trust him more to lead.

Based on the above I think leaving the marriage is ill advised and premature. His daughter needs both mom & dad and preferably together and harmonious. The wealthiest families build wealth together as a team and do life as a team.

It's not going to be perfect, but no marriage is. A good marriage is overall a value add. He is wise in my view to redouble his efforts there.

 

[The Duke]

@Money & Muscle I want nothing more than you to be successful and happy in whatever relationship you have with your wife or someone else.

I have read everything you have shared and the picture is becoming more clear all of the time.

As I have said before, you need to be the big rock on the shore in this relationship, not the waves crashing against.

Womens emotions ebb and flow like the water in the ocean. You have to get better at handling this. They all want a rock(men), not a body of water(women) that changes it's shape.

A rock isn't selfish and doesn't ebb and flow on what he wants. That is the definition of poor leadership.

 

[Aralius]

Update

I couldn't stick to it.
I was watching a movie on the couch with my daughter (7) and she just came over, put her head on my chest and nuzzled into me. I cried.

I was watching my wife withdraw completely. She was on the way out, at least emotionally. It wouldn't have been long before she was on board with the full divorce and off doing whatever it is she wanted to do... and I'd be losing so much time with my daughter that I wouldn't know the next time I could hold my daughter like I was in that moment.

Despite my better judgement, I went with the only choice I could bear to handle. I'm staying married.
Honestly, I feel like a pvssy for it. I don't know if this decision will come to bite me in the *ss, but if it happens - at least I can tell my daughter I did everything in my power to keep our family whole.


On the upswing...
- My wife has cooked more family meals in the last 2 days than she has in the last 2 years (literally two, but hey).
- I am very pointedly aiming myself at becoming indifferent to my wife's emotions, that way I can mute any arguments before they happen. I've also been watching some Psyhacks videos to help... Sandwich Method for feelz and learning to tame my own anger (only way to win is to not play).
- My wife is looking at daytime collars (her decision), beginning lapdance/twerk lessons tomorrow, and getting into the best shape of her life. I am helping her with what I can here.
- I told my wife to keep her instagram account to stay in touch with old friends (there is 0 evidence of shady behavior here, so I believe my wishes for her to delete the account are too controlling).
- I will be actively gaming other women for catch and release, as well as increasing my own social skills as I'm decidedly stunted here.
- I am upgrading my wardrobe, getting things tailored, etc.
- I will be limiting my time on this forum and /MRP.
- I've started reading The Art of Seduction and will be leaning into building emotional connections (something I'm deficient in).
^much of this is effectively Dread, but without the covert contract

Things I need help with:
Getting wife to come back to me after an argument.
Helping guide my wife to improve herself as I have been doing (encouragement, etc.).

Hey OP.

Just wanted to say I feel you, and wanted to chime in after being in a somewhat similar situation ( married my first lay, one 5yo son with her, unsure about divorcing, FOMO, dreaming about spinning plates or finding a more pleasant wife should I ever marry again). Lack of experience and balls made me stick to the first woman who touched my PEN!$.
My incentives to divorce her were her blatant disrespect, nagging me over BS, and raising our kid to scream and be vulgar, by example. I’d have no major financial issues should I divorce.

I filed for divorce the previous year. Let her have it by mail. She raged, started imposing rules in the house, about us separating chores, cooking, etc. I said ok. Whatever. She asked me a couple of times to terminate the divorce. Am I being serious? And so on.
I realized that the most important for me was seeing my kid grow up sane and being there for him to guide him through life’s BS. Very frustrating to have such a weak spot. So, after a while, I decided to make a decision and own it. I chose to stay in the marriage.

One day I told my wife I decided to terminate the divorce, no explanations. To me, she looked relieved, and even happy. She gradually toned down the yelling and swearing, started dressing more feminine, asking me what she should wear, started initiating sex.
As for sexlife, I got it back on track after I started not caring about outcome anymore. This translated to me initiating more, being direct, giving orders in bed, letting her know I wanted her etc. We have sex 2-3 times a week, which is more than enough for me. Also more BJ’s.

After all this, I still feel “not happy”, because she reminds me of my old self. FOMO will always be there. Would I che@t if something fell in my lap? Yes.

As for arguments, we rarerly argue nowadays, but when we do, I either say "Yeah, ok" or I STFU and continue doing whatever I was doing.
As for physical improvement, be careful not to make her do an "easy" workout like I did. She was sore AF and couldn't use the stairs after just 3 sets of BW squats, side lunges, and hip bucks. These made her go back to aerobics...once a month

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I get the feeling that your wife is going to struggle with this for a while and one day come to you, maybe even months later and say something like "I don't know who you are anymore"...

 

[BillyPilgrim]

@Money & Muscle I want nothing more than you to be successful and happy in whatever relationship you have with your wife or someone else.

I have read everything you have shared and the picture is becoming more clear all of the time.

As I have said before, you need to be the big rock on the shore in this relationship, not the waves crashing against.

Womens emotions ebb and flow like the water in the ocean. You have to get better at handling this. They all want a rock(men), not a body of water(women) that changes it's shape.

A rock isn't selfish and doesn't ebb and flow on what he wants. That is the definition of poor leadership.

Give a woman a rock and she'll call herself a mermaid and beg to be saved.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

I cannot stand Rollo for more than one minute

Why not? Did you read his books? Rollo saved my life man and many more lives of men who have been lied throughout their whole lives. I talk about the Rollo in his books, not the marketing Rollo.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Did you read his books

The first one.

Why not?

1. What I see as his and other red-piller gurus contempt or dim view for nearly all men. No men other than those who fit his dubious classification of “high value” are living with dignity or can have dignity.
2. His gynocentric worldview.
3. Backpedaling and waffling when challenged.
4. Like other red-pillers, whining and whining about female anti-social behavior and the effects of feminism while promoting conditions for them and not having the nerve to mention what can stop it.


He is sort of like a proxy feminist, like the others, as they seek to hollow out the middle 60 to 70 percent of men, which I might elaborate on later.

Rollo saved my life man and many more lives of men who have been lied throughout their whole lives.

Yes, he has. And that’s good for you (I’m being serious). For me, his work confirmed what I already knew and saw.

On Dr. Phil he said he has saved men from suicide, and I believe that. But then he turned around and showed contempt for those same men.

Richard Cooper, another gynocentrist, is similar. Hence, whenever he wants to use examples of proper male behavior, he will say, “I know men who make eight figures who…,” “men who are on a mission…”, and “men making a dent in this world.” And he routinely uses these phrases when speaking to the women on his show. Example (when talking to a dumb woman on his show); “You do realize ‘high-value men’ don’t want that.”

No one other than the rich and powerful can be mentioned as deserving of women or examples of proper conduct with Rollo and other gurus. Perhaps they don’t believe that but that’s my impression.

Again, if Rollo helped you, that’s good. He dislikes men like me. So I’ll dislike him. I don’t intend to derail this thread, so I’ll pick up elsewhere if anyone wants my thoughts on red-pill gynocentrists.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

The first one.



1. What I see as his and other red-piller gurus contempt or dim view for nearly all men. No men other than those who fit his dubious classification of “high value” are living with dignity or can have dignity.
2. His gynocentric worldview.
3. Backpedaling and waffling when challenged.
4. Like other red-pillers, whining and whining about female anti-social behavior and the effects of feminism while promoting conditions for them and not having the nerve to mention what can stop it.


He is sort of like a proxy feminist, like the others, as they seek to hollow out the middle 60 to 70 percent of men, which I might elaborate on later.


Yes, he has. And that’s good for you (I’m being serious). For me, his work confirmed what I already knew and saw.

On Dr. Phil he said he has saved men from suicide, and I believe that. But then he turned around and showed contempt for those same men.

Richard Cooper, another gynocentrist, is similar. Hence, whenever he wants to use examples of proper male behavior, he will say, “I know men who make eight figures who…,” “men who are on a mission…”, and “men making a dent in this world.” And he routinely uses these phrases when speaking to the women on his show. Example (when talking to a dumb woman on his show); “You do realize ‘high-value men’ don’t want that.”

No one other than the rich and powerful can be mentioned as deserving of women or examples of proper conduct with Rollo and other gurus. Perhaps they don’t believe that but that’s my impression.

Again, if Rollo helped you, that’s good. He dislikes men like me. So I’ll dislike him. I don’t intend to derail this thread, so I’ll pick up elsewhere if anyone wants my thoughts on red-pill gynocentrists.

You should be to get the helpful part and discard the bad, when someone makes someone their hero will end up disappointed.

In my case he helped me:
1. Burden of performance: competitive edge, men have to compete, its in the DNA, I had it in me but didn't know why.

2. Social dynamics: how men and women behave, I was not aware

3. Beta and alpha: characteristics in men

4. Muscle, money and game.

5. SMV

6. Phases of women

7. Control the birth: I got a vas, cause women with baby rabies can be a pita

He never said he's antimarriage, he's wrote it, he's anti inform. When I read his books it was an eye opening experience. Thanks to him I saw Rich Cooper, after that I thrived to be the best man I can be, when most men are trash. Then Robert Glover, then Rian Stone, got the good, discard the bad

I make same as you $100k, for my city is a ton. I feel I'm making a dent in the universe, I enjoy what I do and very fvckin good at it. Am I better than you? Nope, are you better than me cause you have a family and are married, again, nope.

At 34, I have a pretty good lifestyle, own a house, good career, good physique, although "HVM" is a container word, I consider myself to be one. Like he also said, "If you are single at 35 and have a moderate success, you're the envy of all men, cause you have what all men would like, time and freedom, you can move your life around without worrying about a a wife or a kid"

Of course I did all the work, but the knowledge solidified it, coming from a depressed guy with low T, fat, unmotivated, living a life of quite desperation, to become the best version of myself and getting better every year, brother, its a shame you had such a bad experience with Rollo.

If I'm not mistaken you married young, and got red pilled when married, I think you have some anger that you could've done different, cause always ask people if they want to get married that relationships are a waste of time, like imposing your lifestyle onto other (my perception, maybe I'm wrong).

Sorry to derail the thread LOL, but I had a great experience and I wanted to share.

 

[Manure Spherian]

If I'm not mistaken you married young

Married old actually, at 35. Red and black pilled at 13, in early 90’s, way before I touched the Internet.

I think you have some anger that you could've done different, cause always ask people if they want to get married that relationships are a waste of time, like imposing your lifestyle onto other (my perception, maybe I'm wrong).

Not at all. I’m happily married with children and I certainly don’t think everyone should marry. I also had a decent amount of sexual adventures and manwhoring before marriage.

I do think the concept of “relationships” is worthless in most cases.

Again, if he and others helped you, that’s good.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

I’m happily married with children

Then why are you in this forum? Honest question, not attacking you, what are you looking to gain. Like Rollo said, men don't go to forums cause they're happy and having too much puzzy.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Married old actually, at 35. Red and black pilled at 13, in early 90’s, way before I touched the Internet.


Not at all. I’m happily married with children and I certainly don’t think everyone should marry. I also had a decent amount of sexual adventures and manwhoring before marriage.

I do think the concept of “relationships” is worthless in most cases.

Again, if he and others helped you, that’s good.

To further clarify, the reason I have asked men if they want to marry and have children is actually not because I care if they do or do not. In most cases I have asked it, they are cases in which men voluntarily enter relationships in which they are driven up walls by women and attempt to analyze their ridiculous behavior. I can understand a man putting up with SOME bad behavior for the sake of marriage and the mother of his children and restrictions on his freedoms. But to get tied up with some woman with no future, I see it as a waste of resources, time, energy, and good mental health. To get that jammed up with a woman who is not the mother of my children, no thanks!

If I were single at my age, I’d only deal with two situations: casual sex or a serious relationship (perhaps something resembling marriage). No girlfriends, no playing house for years with no direction.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Then why are you in this forum? Honest question, not attacking you, what are you looking to gain. Like Rollo said, men don't go to forums cause they're happy and having too much puzzy.

Truthfully I find the current sexual landscape and the plight of men these days highly interesting topics. I gain little besides recreation and insight into what is going on now. I also have sympathy for other men generally, considering even though I understood feral female nature early on, I had a hard time acclimating to it. Some men have private messaged me thanking me for some of my posts.

I know you’re not attacking me and I appreciate the respectful conversation. I’ll never do e-fights.

Just one more thing. I actually have written in some threads that I cannot wholeheartedly recommend men to marry in current conditions.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Despite my better judgement, I went with the only choice I could bear to handle. I'm staying married.
Honestly, I feel like a pvssy for it. I don't know if this decision will come to bite me in the *ss, but if it happens - at least I can tell my daughter I did everything in my power to keep our family whole.

I am happy for your decision. Though I must ask- why do you feel like a pvssy for staying married? Men honor their commitments. Choosing your family is the most anti-pvssy decision you can make. If your wife breaks up the family, that is on her not you.

On the upswing...
- My wife has cooked more family meals in the last 2 days than she has in the last 2 years (literally two, but hey).
- I am very pointedly aiming myself at becoming indifferent to my wife's emotions, that way I can mute any arguments before they happen. I've also been watching some Psyhacks videos to help... Sandwich Method for feelz and learning to tame my own anger (only way to win is to not play).
- My wife is looking at daytime collars (her decision), beginning lapdance/twerk lessons tomorrow, and getting into the best shape of her life. I am helping her with what I can here.
- I told my wife to keep her instagram account to stay in touch with old friends (there is 0 evidence of shady behavior here, so I believe my wishes for her to delete the account are too controlling).
- I will be actively gaming other women for catch and release, as well as increasing my own social skills as I'm decidedly stunted here.

Couple things here:
-I think you should focus only on things you can control and what makes you the best possible husband. Yes, that means listening not to argue or solve her problems. That also means accepting her for who she is. Become at peace with it. Focusing on yourself will might make you more attractive in her eyes but it also might not. The point is, you cannot change her. She is who she is.

-Re: gaming other women. Do not actively seek them out. However, having your friends and coworkers receive you positively will have the same effect. Does she have any decent female friends? Close female family members? If you can charm them (not romantically), your value increases in your wife’s eyes… without all the toxic jealousy of random 304s.

Things I need help with:
Getting wife to come back to me after an argument.
Helping guide my wife to improve herself as I have been doing (encouragement, etc.).

After arguments, it is best to be neutral for as long as possible. I subtlety withdraw the more romantic and thoughtful gestures for a few days when my wife and I have a disagreement. She senses it then comes around usually within two days and is back in her feminine.

Re: your wife improving herself- stop trying to do this. It is just going to make you frustrated. She has to want to improve. All you can do is provide positive reinforcement if she does make improvements. It has to be her idea!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Then why are you in this forum? Honest question, not attacking you, what are you looking to gain. Like Rollo said, men don't go to forums cause they're happy and having too much puzzy.

Not everyone has the same motivations for being on this forum. What was Rollo doing on these forums? Me, I'm interested in the Manosphere from a research perspective, I'm happy with my life and I have enough sex not to worry about when I'm going to get laid.

As for @Manure Spherian:

Truthfully I find the current sexual landscape and the plight of men these days highly interesting topics. I gain little besides recreation and insight into what is going on now. I also have sympathy for other men generally, considering even though I understood feral female nature early on, I had a hard time acclimating to it. Some men have private messaged me thanking me for some of my posts.

I think you're telling the truth here. My brief journey through the Manosphere was both entertaining and (in some of the darker corners) pretty disturbing, but I still feel like I'm benefitting from these forums, even if it's not in the same way other members benefit. I guess that's the same with you. You don't need the information, but psychologically there's still a lot to gain from seeing the interactions of other men.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I think you're telling the truth here. My brief journey through the Manosphere was both entertaining and (in some of the darker corners) pretty disturbing, but I still feel like I'm benefitting from these forums, even if it's not in the same way other members benefit. I guess that's the same with you. You don't need the information, but psychologically there's still a lot to gain from seeing the interactions of other men.

Yes, that’s it. And like I said, I do have sympathy for other men considering current conditions considering as I too, in my younger years, as an ordinary kid, was frustrated and confused, not only with women, but with other matters too.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

I'm happy with my life and I have enough sex not to worry about when I'm going to get laid.

Nah bruh, you're the creepy old man who posts naked pictures of young girls with ropes and $hit. You are not having any sex.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Nah bruh, you're the creepy old man who posts naked pictures of young girls with ropes and $hit. You are not having any sex.

I know you have to believe that, because the reality is too painful for you.

 

[RickTheToad]

Your friend hasn’t been totally forthcoming with you if he’s seeing his kids a handful of times a month and he’s only pointing the finger at the court.

No one ever 100% truthful to anyone; including to themselves.