Sh$t test???

[Mertz09]

Hey Mertz no one is asking you to figure it out. The forum can help with that.

But first, it must have been something she did or said that led you to believe or suspect she may have been shyt testing you?

What was it?

I would like your perspective please.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I would like your perspective please.

I agree with what @Clockwerk50 posted:

That is not a **** test. That is simply a change in her level of interest or priorities, but I see it as a test of boundaries. The distinction is that a **** test is meant to provoke a reaction, whereas a boundary is about how you respond to behavior that you don't want to accept. Basically, the boundary here is that you don't want to accept someone making plans with you, failing to communicate a change, and then treating your time as if it is unimportant.

And also what @Divorced w 3 said about silence and distance in this instance.

What is your relationship with her? Are you dating her, is she a plate/fwb or simply a friend?

Regardless, she basically blew you off and you don't reward that with a response imo..

Self-respect and we teach people how to treat us and all that.

 

[Sega Genesis]

@Mertz09 I am gonna modify my response to say it's possible it was a shyt test. She may have been testing your reaction to being blown off or in her eyes a last minute schedule change.

Whether or not you would lose your shyt or react in an overly-emotional way. I have had men react that way to last minute schedule changes and for me it's a big red flag.

I dont know just offering another perspective.

Here though it wasn't just a last minute schedule change with her offering a solid alternative.

She blew off plans followed by an ambiguous "maybe some other time" or something like.

Silence and distance in that type of sitch is still the best thing.

 

[Mertz09]

@Mertz09 I am gonna modify my response to say it's possible it was a shyt test. She may have been testing your reaction to being blown off or in her eyes a last minute schedule change.

Whether or not you would lose your shyt or react in an overly-emotional way. I have had men react that way to last minute schedule changes and for me it's a big red flag.

I dont know just offering another perspective.

Here though it wasn't just a last minute schedule change with her offering a solid alternative.

She blew off plans followed by an ambiguous "maybe some other time" or something like.

Silence and distance in that type of sitch is still the best thing.

Thanks SG! There will be no response from me to her text early this morning. The thing that P me off on Saturday was.... So you can't take 30 seconds to call or text me to let me know that you can't make it????? Really??!! I refuse to put up with that BS. And I agree, SG, I think that it was a shyt test and that boundaries will be set.

 

[The Diver]

Yes, Not really a big deal but not her normal responsiveness. I was supposed to help her for a while this Saturday at her house and she sent me text and said she would be home around 1:00, and then at around 1:30 she text that she now would be home at around 2:30. Not a big deal but then at around 5:30 I had not heard from her so I text and ask if she was home yet and her response was that she was but she was getting ready to go out with some girl friends (this is not unusual) and could we get together tomorrow (Sunday) yesterday. My response was "No Problem" The thing that P!ssed me off was that she did not tell me earlier on Saturday. I never heard from her yesterday and I did not reach out to her. So this morning she text me from work "Sorry I had a busy weekend. Let's try to get together sometime"

I have not responded and may not at all.

That is a shyt test in my opinion.

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
"Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option" , This famous quote highlights the importance of your self-worth, self-dignity, self respect and setting boundaries and mutual respect in any relationship.
It means you don't give your time and energy to someone who doesn't value and respect it, and only reaches out to you when it is convenient for them.

Recognising your values means stepping back from connections where commitment and respect does not go both ways.

I agree with the response from other members here; distance and silence are the right course of action.
But the next important step ( when she'll inquire about your silence) is to establish and convey to her your boundaries in a clear direct and non-apologetic manner that what she did was disrespectful and you do not tolerate disrespect from anyone, including her.

Her reaction will go one way only: She'll respect you more for having a backbone, or she'll get pissed off for criticising her bad behaviour.
If she's pissed off - drop her and don't look back.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Just for clarity, is this thread referring to the same widow as your other thread?

 

[Mertz09]

Just for clarity, is this thread referring to the same widow as your other thread?

Yes it is. She apologized but I didn’t respond to her.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Yes it is. She apologized but I didn’t respond to her.

Since she is also your neighbor, do you ever run into her? If so, I would imagine that must be rather awkward when you're No Contact?

How close a neighbor is she and did her apology sound sincere? Curious what was said?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks SG! There will be no response from me to her text early this morning. The thing that P me off on Saturday was.... So you can't take 30 seconds to call or text me to let me know that you can't make it????? Really??!! I refuse to put up with that BS. And I agree, SG, I think that it was a shyt test and that boundaries will be set.

You already did tho. You aren't fooling her by trying to play a role.

 

[Mertz09]

Since she is also your neighbor, do you ever run into her? If so, I would imagine that must be rather awkward when you're No Contact?

How close a neighbor is she and did her apology sound sincere? Curious what was said?

She lives on the same street, 10 houses down. This just happened this past Saturday.,
I am thinking the apology is sincere. So we shall see.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yes it is. She apologized but I didn’t respond to her.

What did she say, paste it pls

 

[Mertz09]

What did she say, paste it pls

“Sorry”

 

[Divorced w 3]

“Sorry”

She seriously texted you one word to apologize? Ouch

 

[Gamisch]

This thread is painful to read...

I would double down on what the Duke said, and I would also delete her number( I delete women's numbers to prevent myself from being a btchazz and caving when I long for p00sy)

By the way; Did we already think about the possible new bull in the ring?

 

[Divorced w 3]

By the way; Did we already think about the possible new bull in the ring?

Could be, but either way, “Sorry” is a total blow off, or low bid response fishing. This is likely over.

Good on OP for staying quiet.

 

[Mertz09]

Could be, but either way, “Sorry” is a total blow off, or low bid response fishing. This is likely over.

Good on OP for staying quiet.

Well not so fast.

Could be, but either way, “Sorry” is a total blow off, or low bid response fishing. This is likely over.

Good on OP for staying quiet.

Well not so fast, As the great Yogi Berra said "It Aint Over Till It's Over"

Yesterday evening around 5:30 she showed up at my front door. She came in and we had a long talk about what had happened and boundaries.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Well not so fast.


Well not so fast, As the great Yogi Berra said "It Aint Over Till It's Over"

Yesterday evening around 5:30 she showed up at my front door. She came in and we had a long talk about what had happened and boundaries.

Ok and?

 

[Mertz09]

She said the Night

 

[Mertz09]

She said the Night

She spent the night. (Talk to text doesn’t speak Texan)

 

[Divorced w 3]

She spent the night. (Talk to text doesn’t speak Texan)

Can you give some description of what exactly was said in this 5:30 meetup?