Fades in attraction when there's nothing left to discover in a LTR

[Pumax]

I've been trying to be in a relationship for a while now, and I've realized something that doesn't seem "natural" or "genuine" on my part.
Being with this woman for a while means that the more we get to know each other, the more we create a connection and a "common understanding" about certain things.

That said...
if six months ago I saw this person as "mysterious" or expected certain things from them based on how their absence made me feel, now I realize that the more I'm in their presence, the more the attraction changes.
It's like being in company of someone like a friend, but the initial attraction it's not there.
So it's like, while I keep behaving naturally as a good, mature man, I also need to "act" in a given way to keep that "sparkle" alive, so to say, I have to "play" with her, like in a dance.
Yes, I do think that dancing it's the right metaphor here..

It's basically like having a classmate in school.
The first year is exciting; you don't know each other very well and you learn from each other.
In the following years, up until the fifth year, you've created a relationship, but it's hard to say the attraction has grown.
It has changed but you now know eachother and there is no more mistery.

So, this is to say, I get the impression that to maintain an LTR, or any long term relationship that's even a friendship, you have to pretend and playfully restrain yourself from revealing information about yourself.
Rather than talking to this person and discovering more and more about your two worlds, you almost always have to behave like someone who restrains themselves from revealing information.
By information I mean, whether it's something about your tastes in things you like, your financial interests, your favorite places to be, or other things and subtleties.
This only increases the other person's desire to "figure out" for themselves what you like, in what area, and all this "mental work" could actually be what maintains the attraction.

Yet, there are people like me who can't do this naturally.
Instead, when they're in the presence of another person, in addition to wanting to get to know them and therefore let them talk, they'll also talk about what they like, their future plans, their outlook on life.
People like me like so much going deeper and deeper in conversations that actually create very profound emotional connections, and the downside is that the other person now know everything about you.

At this point, once you know each other well, the only thing that could give a bit of "the feeling I felt at the beginning of our relationship" could be joking a lot with that person and playfully teasing them but just for a short amount of time, just for a quote. To give you a real world example, it's when, as a man, you do something romantically speaking.

You could decorate the shower with flowers, candles, and special lights, so that when she get home from work she'll understand the gesture and feel special emotions toward it. (and you may end up with s3x).

You could leave notes under her pillow in the morning, if you leave for work early, so that when she wakes up she'll think about what you wrote.

You could wash her car without her knowing.

Still, I don't do this like all the other men do.
I've gotten to the point where I don't care what she thinks, because I know she's happy to receive these things, but it's more important to me, because I'm the one who feels like I'm loving, not just this person, but I'm "loving" in general.
So I feel like doing these things every now and then (let's say once a month, I'll make up something to do) actually makes me a better person. It's that sense of giving. Not because I'm a beta, or bluepilled, but I am perfectly aware of the gesture I am making,


But nothing generates that "absence" attraction and wondering "what is that person doing" or "who is that person" once you're in a relationship.
This attraction of mine could come from the wrong place, so I'm not saying it's universally how it works.
Maybe I had a mother who paid me attention and then disappeared, and this behavior of hers led me to feel attracted to women who behave like her.
But, generally speaking, I'd really like to know how you feel attraction once you've met, once you're living together.

Do you make an effort to suppress your natural behavior and adopt an artificial one in order to make people miss you?
(I've told my friends about this and they call it "Tactics," like something a coach uses in a soccer game, a "scheme," to keep the focus.)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not pretending so much as pacing.

Nice guys try to dump their entire life story on a woman on the first date. Whole she may be interested in hearing all of it at some point, you provide it in chunks.

First because she needs to invest some time and energy into discovering those things out on her own, which provide her a much greater level of satisfaction.

Second because just like when you buy a container of ice cream, you don't sit down at one sitting at eat the whole container (at least at most people don't). You eat it in small amounts so your body is able to handle it better and it doesn't cause an upset stomach or for you to gain a bunch of fat.

Same concept. This has nothing to do with pretending and everything to do with rationing yourself.

 

[Pumax]

This has nothing to do with pretending and everything to do with rationing yourself.

I can fully understand what you're trying to convey.

The question remains: people like me who are "genuinely" spontaneous in telling you things in minute detail, in order to "ration" themselves, put themselves in a state of "tactics."
It doesn't come naturally to them.

Does it come naturally to you, on the other hand, to talk rationedly about yourself?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I can fully understand what you're trying to convey.

The question remains: people like me who are "genuinely" spontaneous in telling you things in minute detail, in order to "ration" themselves, put themselves in a state of "tactics."
It doesn't come naturally to them.

Does it come naturally to you, on the other hand, to talk rationedly about yourself?

This would fall under the same category as someone saying "I naturally eat a whole large pizza twice a week so losing weight doesn't work for me."

This is a learned behavior and as such you can unlearn it, the same way the person in the above example could stop eating an entire large pizza twice a week and take their ass to the gym.

If what you are doing is counterproductive to your stated end goal, then that behavior must change or else your end goal really isn't a goal, it's just a pipe dream.

 

[The Duke]

Doesn't sound like you have the right girl.

 

[Pumax]

right

With that I think you mean with "high attraction" towards me.
If that would be present, there was no need for the things I figure it out?