Every man I know who's gotten married has a sh**ty life

[FlexpertHamilton]

@FlexpertHamilton "My point is, why risk so much?"

Same reason so many otherwise talented and intelligent men either join or build crime cartels of their own, despite being higly aware of the manner in which such ventures almost always end

The thrill which accompanies the danger is highly alluring

A life of crime is high risk, high reward, and it's exciting. Marriage is high risk, low reward, and it's boring. I don't see any analogies here. I'd sooner be a criminal than marry.

Respectfully, you only know his side of the story because you don't know what was actually happening in that marriage. You could be completely right about the wife. The wife may have been the problem, but none of us has enough information to say that with certainty.

I don't buy this notion that there are always "two sides to every story". While the "victims" may have left out some admissions of guilt, there's absolutely no reason the lions share of the blame can't be placed on 1 person. In some cases the only "blame" that can be placed on the victim might be the disrespect/abuse they voluntarily put up with, but that level of victim blaming is comically absurd in some contexts, especially when marriage and children are involved.

 

[BaronOfHair]

A life of crime is high risk, high reward, and it's exciting

You consider ending up with a life sentence in federal pen or being mowed down with multiple assault rifles while walking out of your favorite steak house one evening "exciting"/"high reward"?

When a fella ends a marriage in which he had immense fun in the boudoir, met sh-t tons of high quality individuals, and produced 2 or more beautiful offspring, we can't honestly label this "low reward"

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Out of my two different friend groups, there's only 2 guys who haven't gotten married, and surprise surprise, they're better off.

In the case of each of the married men, their life has completely gone down the ****ter. The circumstances are all unique, but the commonality is that man is breaking his back and bending over backwords to provide for the wife who repays it by castrating him, monopolizing his time, extracting all his resources, and/or poison dripping him.

I've seen this time and time again, not just with friends, but any other men that I know or hear about. I can't stand it anymore; the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I truly do not understand why men keep doing this.

I am married since 4 years, almost 2 years old child too. Married & child/children life is obviously different than single life and no doubt a lot of resources are spent on children, however that's how it always was - ability to conduct life of single is combined result of thousands of years of human development in all aspects. Aside of obvious downsides (like being formally tied to one woman, sharing expenses, your free time being mostly locked around your family life) there are also many fortes (sharing expenses as well, additional support in various situations, ability to raise child with a person you care about and respect) - I think early marriage guys (that often get divorced) are in difference situation than guys that enter marital status after 28 or 29 year of life - if you are doing it around 35 like me, we can say you are like an army with perfect scouting parties so to say - you can identify a lot of issues before they will hit you in your face and actually evade a lot more because you simply are in different position in life (you earn more, you have some assets, you are not the person to be pushed around because woman has precious treasure between her legs and you are at the start of your career). Power shifts for guys around 30 year of life and I think its true that some guys (that know how to build themselves) peak between 35-40.

It should be also no mystery to you all that if you will game hard until past your prime time, game will eventually start to be on you (even if you will snatch some hot 20-something babe, you will rationalise a lot that you are this around-50 something guy that is so fckn interesting to her because of your game, experience or personality while in fact she will be mostly interested in abilities that your assets bring to the table (in form of contacts, money, properties, other forms of wealth) - in such a case guy that takes the shot and pulls best HB (not necessarily best looking, but best "all-arounder") is in better position because his next stage of life will be more balanced than that of old playa' sweating his ass to push-pull some chicks half his age - not to mention amount of money player lifestyle can cost you.

Marriage is the same game for guys really except women play it better - if you will choose the right partner, you will have stable, happy sex life, you will have additional income in your household and you will have somebody that care about you to some extent (depending on how happy she is with you). If you choose exceptionally well, your wife will be asked for dance during parties, she will bring a lot of wealth to the table and you will have pretty little offspring with her that will screw your work-life balance but eventually will bring joy to your life (if you are ready to pay the price).

The issue with "permanent player" life is that it is eventually against nature because nature of man changes with his age - once you are past 35 you are not even in the area of interest of half of the women younger than 27 on dating apps, once you are past 40 your day game results may actually brought better outcome than dating apps as - prepare for hard truth - you are getting fckng old. Like really - chicks that you would like to take for a 12 hours sex rodeo start to address you by "Mr." on regular basis (unless you LOOK much younger than you are) - notice that I used word LOOK not word BEHAVE, because most of wannabe players only BEHAVE younger than they are and that's rarely flying under the radar of late Gen Z's and early Snowflakes (they were actually taught during school lessons to perceive some of players games as sexual predatory behaviour) therefore smart plan is to get stable partner around +/-35-40 year of life and stick to her at least for several years (preferably permanently) to build some strong bonds for late stage of life.

 

[remarkable]

I've seen this time and time again, not just with friends, but any other men that I know or hear about. I can't stand it anymore; the worst part is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I truly do not understand why men keep doing this.

These men with sh*tty lives are either marrying ****ty women, or are ****ty men themselves.

Solution to this is don't marry the wrong woman. To get a good woman, you need to be a good man.

 

[plumber]

These men with sh*tty lives are either marrying ****ty women, or are ****ty men themselves.

Solution to this is don't marry the wrong woman. To get a good woman, you need to be a good man.

maybe. what does it mean to be a good woman or a good man. we often see things such that a kind person helps a bad person, the bad person harms or kills the good person after or during the kindness. we have courts that sort those things out... or should be just place blame on the person that is kind. for example point out that they are naive and therefore at fault.

how do you find or be found by and identify the good women ? how can you know she is good ?

the question goes the other way also, from the woman's perspective how can she know he is good.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Married for 10 years, in RTL with her since 14 years, father since 9 years.

Most of you guys that havent been there, are talking about playing checkers when you actually have to play 3d chess.

Once you are married and maybe have kids, you get into a dynamic outsiders cant comprehend. You would need to have a grasp on what it means to be a father and what you are willing to do or endure to see your kids every day and to provide them with a stable family to grow up in.

To a certain degree every "western" man is in a hostage situation within a marriage as long as you care about your kids.

Every wise (single) guy that is telling us "oh, you just have to man up, do the right thing, find the good woman" will be in for a rude awakening once he gets the full package.

Setting a frame at the start of a relationship is the easy part. Holding your frame once your woman has all the rights granted by laws, is a whole different story and if you fail in holding your frame, you WILL have a ****ty marriage experience. Lets be real, in most relationships the women set the frame because they get the power to do so, enforced by the state. If you are not prepared, she will own your ass and power corrupts, whatever "good woman" you think you found.

My first 2 years of marriage, when i was just trying to be a "good man, doing the right things" were the worst time of my life and just after that experience i managed to establish a frame in my marriage i could exist in for the time being.

I wouldnt say my marriage is great now. "It works" for the moment and its whats best for the kids.

If you consider divorce rates and all the men that cant or wont get divorced for various reasons like mental weakness, self-delusion, financial ruin or for the sake of their kids, you will find out that there indeed are very few men that consider themselves happy within their marriage.

Marriage is not there to make men happy or benefit them in any way in todays western society. Stay out of it!

Granted, some men find the unicorn and actually are happy. But thats a very low percentage. Would you risk your quality of life on that?

These men with sh*tty lives are either marrying ****ty women, or are ****ty men themselves.

Solution to this is don't marry the wrong woman. To get a good woman, you need to be a good man.

Well, no, not at all.

The road to family courts is plastered with the souls of traditional "good men". What you need to be is the best man she thinks that she can get and every woman can develop into "the wrong woman" over a couple of years and experiences.

 

[remarkable]

maybe. what does it mean to be a good woman or a good man.

how do you find or be found by and identify the good women ? how can you know she is good ?

I think we can all agree what is "good". A good woman is a woman that does the right thing even when things are tough. A woman that is selfless, loyal, and puts her family, her husband and children before her needs. A woman that loves hard. And a good man would exhibit those attributes also.

I understand a lot of the younger generation of men are scared of being hurt or wronged by a woman, but there are good women out there. The only kicker is these good women are likely only committing to men worthy of their hearts. And these women are becoming more and more rare.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Marriage is good for society. Not so sure it's good for individual men.

 

[remarkable]

Marriage is good for society. Not so sure it's good for individual men.

Married men tend to be "happier" and live longer lives, though. Married men tend to have lower risks of poor cardiovascular health, lower mental illness, and live healthier social lives.

Wives seem to be a good check for men.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Married men tend to be "happier" and live longer lives, though. Married men tend to have lower risks of poor cardiovascular health, lower mental illness, and live healthier social lives.

Wives seem to be a good check for men.

Nah this means nothing. It can be explained by the simple fact that healthier and happier people are more likely to get married in the first place. There's no reason to believe it's causative.

 

[remarkable]

Nah this means nothing. It can be explained by the simple fact that healthier and happier people are more likely to get married in the first place. There's no reason to believe it's causative.

First of all, I never said it was causative, I was just claiming that researchers found an association between marriage and all those. Secondly, Harvard, RAND, and other institutions did control for variables by testing health before and after they get married, age, race, etc. There was a study that tracked men of two groups over decades (before & during marriage) and found that stable marriages do minimize riskier behaviors, such as heavy drinking, neglecting health, and other activities.

So I wouldn't say this means nothing, but, again, I personally never said it was causative.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Nah this means nothing. It can be explained by the simple fact that healthier and happier people are more likely to get married in the first place. There's no reason to believe it's causative.

How old are you? Because you sound like 15. There are thousands of logical reasons why 2 persons holding together beat one in various data. Single person in this life often plays Robinson Crusoe.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

How old are you? Because you sound like 15. There are thousands of logical reasons why 2 persons holding together beat one in various data. Single person in this life often plays Robinson Crusoe.

I've have you know I fought in the trenches in WW1 sonny, respect your elders.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I think we can all agree what is "good". A good woman is a woman that does the right thing even when things are tough. A woman that is selfless, loyal, and puts her family, her husband and children before her needs. A woman that loves hard. And a good man would exhibit those attributes also.

I understand a lot of the younger generation of men are scared of being hurt or wronged by a woman, but there are good women out there. The only kicker is these good women are likely only committing to men worthy of their hearts. And these women are becoming more and more rare.

Men are often afraid of being manipulated or having their masculinity undermined by women because they want to feel in control and respected, while women can be afraid of a man who seems cold, unfeeling, or only interested in sex because it makes them feel unsafe or unwanted. Both genders can be influenced through these fears, which is why understanding them matters.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

To get a good woman, you need to be a good man.

Bing a good man doesn't mean you will automatically get a good woman, not by a long shot.

There are plenty of good men who get no woman, or toxic woman. In fact i'd say it's becoming the norm.

The fundamental problem behind bad marriages is that men don't know to to screen/vet woman for red flags in the woman they choose to marry. Learning how to vet women is a completely seperate skillset in life. Like anything else, the core components of "game" ie screening, setting boundaries, masculine frames, etc are a seperate skill from the rest of your life. Being a "good man" has absolutely nothing to do with how well many options you have and how well you vet them.

 

[plumber]

Bing a good man doesn't mean you will automatically get a good woman, not by a long shot.

There are plenty of good men who get no woman, or toxic woman. In fact i'd say it's becoming the norm.

The fundamental problem behind bad marriages is that men don't know to to screen/vet woman for red flags in the woman they choose to marry. Learning how to vet women is a completely seperate skillset in life. Like anything else, the core components of "game" ie screening, setting boundaries, masculine frames, etc are a seperate skill from the rest of your life. Being a "good man" has absolutely nothing to do with how well many options you have and how well you vet them.

This is a very very important note. I needs to sink in for everyone.

The entire notion of getting what we deserve is false. We get what we negotiate and can enforce.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is a very very important note. I needs to sink in for everyone.

The entire notion of getting what we deserve is false. We get what we negotiate and can enforce.

no thinking person can truly believe "we get what we deserve" is real, while justifying the millions of kids who die every year from disease, famine, and illness. the world owes you nothing and the world is not fair.

 

[remarkable]

Bing a good man doesn't mean you will automatically get a good woman, not by a long shot.

There are plenty of good men who get no woman, or toxic woman. In fact i'd say it's becoming the norm.

I agree, being a good man obviously doesn't guarantee you a good woman, but I'll bet more good women today are expecting a good man than not.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I agree, being a good man obviously doesn't guarantee you a good woman, but I'll bet more good women today are expecting a good man than not.

You wouldnt believe how many "good women" i have seen dating "azzholes" longtime.

What women say they expect from a man is most of the time completely contrary to what they lust for.

Dont listen to what they say, watch what they do....... like making 50 Shades of grey best selling books at a 165 million copies sold. That makes about one for every household in a "western" country.

And dont get me started on the kind of porn women watch.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Dont listen to what they say, watch what they do....... like making 50 Shades of grey best selling books at a 165 million copies sold. That makes about one for every household in a "western" country

They're similar to the typical voter come Presidential election time, who claim they want honesty out of candidates, yet steadfastly refuse to vote for anyone who says out loud sentiments such as:

-The factories aren't returning

-Our judiciary will never be 100% free of corruption

-Until pale faced "native" fellas who mistake their favorite Anti-SJW content creator for a Holy Prophet are willing to get off their keyboards, and perform the grimmiest jobs imaginable for $2 a week, swarthy complexioned men who barely speak English will be required to keep the nation running. The subject of government giving folks(be they citizens or immigrants)free stuff is another matter entirely

-Part of adulthood = Sometimes hearing beliefs which conflict violently with your own, thus the government won't be penalizing anyone who utters words you personally find objectionable. Fight diageeable ideologies by using your own words to persuade The 80% who are on the fence to support your goals

Etc Etc

@FlexpertHamilton "Bing a good man doesn't mean you will automatically get a good woman, not by a long shot"

Pays to regularly interrogate our current beliefs, up to and including the manner in which we define a "good man". Carlton over on The Fresh Prince considered himself extremely "good" compared to not just Will but damned near everyone else, on account of the fact he held doors open, wore Izod, and was an honor role student.

Ol' Carl never noticed that he was easily offended, prone to pontificating at anyone unfortunate enough to be within 500 feet of him, and highly obseqious towards alleged authority figures, even when said authority figures showed themselves to be venal and inept

There's nothing particularly "good" about going out of one's way to be unpleasant, or/and spending one's life an incurable sychophant