What went wrong with this conversation and my online app profile

[Stephen89]

I was talking to a fairly attractive women on an app. She replied short to my messages.

About her job, she stated a few things and then she said "emotional regulation". Emotional regulation

I then said something replying to emotional regulation along the lines of "is that something to do with mental health?" "there are mental health charity helplines".

Then she ended the conversation and blocked me on the app.

---------

On my bio, I write my profile as

"I am a warm, intelligent, outgoing and an amicable individual"

"In my spare time I enjoy going to the cinema, sports etc"

On one of my prompts, I stated:

"I want someone kind, caring, empathetic etc etc.

My friend who is similar looking to me, he obtains conversations on online apps. He put a pic of himself holding the power of now book and women replied to that. He is 37. He gets conversations on social media. I do look very nice on my social media images.

I'm 36.

I'm not getting anywhere on online apps and I may start going to 30s events. I am valuable, I dress well, etc, I have a job and my earnings will be good. I get frustrated.

I am of value on these dating apps too.

 

[Barrister]

Your prompts sound a bit wooden. But to be honest, less is more on OLD. They are 95% about your pictures. Looking nice is a start, but women have endless options of “nice looking” guys on OLD. You need to stand out. Your pictures need to be of you doing momentous things: receiving a prestigious award, hiking a mountain, laying on a beach with a c0cktail, etc. They want to do those things and their brains will equate being with you as being able to do the things you’re doing. That’s all OLD is about.

Improve your pictures to reflect this. And yes - dress sharp in all of them.

 

[BPH]

About her job, she stated a few things and then she said "emotional regulation". Emotional regulation

I then said something replying to emotional regulation along the lines of "is that something to do with mental health?" "there are mental health charity helplines".

Do not try to "help" on the dating apps...you are not Captain Save-A-Hoe, it is not your job to solve her problems.

It sounds like you're either suggesting a career path to her or trying to figure out what her job really is. In either case, save that for an in-person date, and just have a short conversation to get her phone number and move off the app.

On my bio, I write my profile as

"I am a warm, intelligent, outgoing and an amicable individual"

"In my spare time I enjoy going to the cinema, sports etc"

On one of my prompts, I stated:

"I want someone kind, caring, empathetic etc etc.

I do look very nice on my social media images.

I'm 36.

I'm not getting anywhere on online apps and I may start going to 30s events. I am valuable, I dress well, etc, I have a job and my earnings will be good. I get frustrated.

I am of value on these dating apps too.

I've formed an image in my head of what you probably look like based on the way you talk here. It's very measured, proper, and specific.

My guess is you're probably tall, thin, wear reading glasses, probably have short hair or are bald, clean shaven, and probably wear collared shirts or sweaters with khakis, which you tuck in and wear a belt with.

Am I close?

If this is accurate, you probably need to be a bit more honest with yourself about how good you look and how you're presenting yourself online.

I agree with @Barrister that when it comes to dating apps, it's 95% about your pictures. However, I disagree that you need to "stand out" with your pictures. Really, you just need to be good-looking and present that in the best way possible. Go on YouTube and search one of these social experiments where people will use pictures of male models with absolutely heinous bios - and watch how many matches they get where the girl simply doesn't care.

They're not winning awards, or engaging in competition, or anything interesting...they're just being hot, posing shirtless at the beach or in their underwear or something.

Anyway, to summarize...

• Be honest with yourself about your appearance, and lean into however you can present yourself in a way that looks conventionally attractive
• Don't have conversations about sensitive topics on the apps - just get the phone number, plan the date, and talk then

 

[plumber]

if not sure of a topic or comment, can always say "tell me more".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"She replied short to my messages."

Nothing went wrong...she gave a few disinterested replies hoping you'd get the message that she was not interested and then stopped replying once you didn't.

In general, if a woman is not giving you much to work with in the first few messages, it usually means she is not interested.

 

[Stephen89]

Thank you for your insights and replies guys, I appreciate it.

I'm 36.

I am 5ft 9, I go to the gym, I have hair. I look 8/10.

I used to look 8.5 or 9/10 in my 20s and had a lot of attention from women in my 20s. Non existent in my 30s.

I look 8/10 as stated or certainly no lower than 7.5/10.

As I stated about my friend, on his main pic, he has a pic of himself holding up the book, the power of now and women responded to that on an online app.

On one dating app I more or less had a conversation every week.

I remember when I was 31, two younger females came dancing up to me and I didn't take the chance, women can give hints when you go out. I had a smile the other month from another female. It hasn't happened to me when I go out for a long time.

I'm still of value, I'm looking to change jobs into higher paid jobs every now and again. Not stay at the same company for more than 3 years.

Apart from online dating apps, online dating, I'll go to 30s events.

 

[BPH]

I am 5ft 9

I'll be honest, this fact alone will make things more difficult for you on dating apps...I'm 6ft tall, it's literally written in my bio, and I still get asked plenty how tall I am because I don't "look tall".

I've even seen some girls go as far as to include this in their bio: "Know what I call guys under 6ft? Friends".

had a lot of attention from women in my 20s. Non existent in my 30s.

That's not necessarily related to your looks. The dating environment is just way different...

Social media globalized the dating market. Dating apps gamified it. OnlyFans capitalizes on the male loneliness epidemic. And men being masculine is often viewed as "toxic" or "predatory" rather than "traditional".

On one dating app I more or less had a conversation every week.

I wouldn't consider that a good metric. In the 10+ years that dating apps have been mainstream, I've had countless matches and conversations, most of which went nowhere.

Take a look at how many dates you've been on, how many times you've gotten laid, how many girlfriends you've met, etc through dating apps instead. That would be a much better measure of how well it's going for you.

In your case, I'd probably just go to the bars to meet women. I've never been to a singles event, so I can't speak to how good or bad they are.

 

[The Duke]

I was talking to a fairly attractive women on an app. She replied short to my messages.

About her job, she stated a few things and then she said "emotional regulation". Emotional regulation

I then said something replying to emotional regulation along the lines of "is that something to do with mental health?" "there are mental health charity helplines".

Then she ended the conversation and blocked me on the app.

If you were getting short replies and she wasn't offering much to help the conversation, she probably lacked interest.

It would be better if you shared screenshots instead of paraphrasing. Jobs are kind of boring things to talk about.

 

[Solomon]

"She replied short to my messages."

Nothing went wrong...she gave a few disinterested replies hoping you'd get the message that she was not interested and then stopped replying once you didn't.

In general, if a woman is not giving you much to work with in the first few messages, it usually means she is not interested.

This!!!

I've been keeping a journal (think field reports, but Private) for the last two years on the girls I dated/hooked up with, etc. One pattern that repeats is that women that are interested tend to respond right away, usually within minutes or an hour tops. The longest is 4 hours; anything outside of a 4-hour response usually is of low interest. Some will say but but women are busy, I had one nurse who works 12 hour days who would text within minutes etc. If a woman is really intersted they are not letting you be confused

Once again, I'm just going of my experience, but it has helped me in prioritizing women who are interested vs. time wasters

 

[Clockwerk50]

This!!!

I've been keeping a journal (think field reports, but Private) for the last two years on the girls I dated/hooked up with, etc. One pattern that repeats is that women that are interested tend to respond right away, usually within minutes or an hour tops. The longest is 4 hours; anything outside of a 4-hour response usually is of low interest. Some will say but but women are busy, I had one nurse who works 12 hour days who would text within minutes etc. If a woman is really intersted they are not letting you be confused

Once again, I'm just going of my experience, but it has helped me in prioritizing women who are interested vs. time wasters

You are right, and sadly, some men still act shocked when the same girl who takes three days to reply to them is double texting someone else. The medium is the message.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Yeah she’d have wrote you off as a fvck-wit on those replies unfortunately. The second sentence moreso. Comes off as sarcasm towards her.
be very careful w Mental Health workers.

the appropriate response is always “respect, must be a tough job “ etc

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

In a very rare set of circumstances, apps are TRASH. OLD is TRASH.

I can count on one hand individuals who have what most would consider success. I'm not talking about getting a lot of matches, I'm talking about actually getting dates / gfs.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Thank you for your insights and replies guys, I appreciate it.

I'm 36.

I am 5ft 9, I go to the gym, I have hair. I look 8/10.

I used to look 8.5 or 9/10 in my 20s and had a lot of attention from women in my 20s. Non existent in my 30s.

I look 8/10 as stated or certainly no lower than 7.5/10.

As I stated about my friend, on his main pic, he has a pic of himself holding up the book, the power of now and women responded to that on an online app.

On one dating app I more or less had a conversation every week.

I remember when I was 31, two younger females came dancing up to me and I didn't take the chance, women can give hints when you go out. I had a smile the other month from another female. It hasn't happened to me when I go out for a long time.

I'm still of value, I'm looking to change jobs into higher paid jobs every now and again. Not stay at the same company for more than 3 years.

Apart from online dating apps, online dating, I'll go to 30s events.

Stop saying "you are of value". You are of value. I can say this because on average, men are of value. I dont know you from Adam but playing the odds, you are probably average (or just above or just below). It's just math.

Don't use dating apps. Too many delusional women. Don't sweat it when you get brushed off. The meaner they are, the more karma will bite them in the butt. Imagine all of the 40s and 50s year old women who are now invisible, but when they were younger they had so much attention.

if you insist on using dating apps, develop a thick skin and let rudeness slide off of you like rain on duck feathers. At this moment in time, its just a numbers game for a lot of men, and the numbers game isnt good for the average man.

Be nice, play the game, but dont let them get into your head. Most of the women online will never find their prince charming and will be lonely for life. They will continue to chase the next high (never being satisfied) or be continuously used by men way out od their "league".

 

[Slowhandluke]

Yeah she’d have wrote you off as a fvck-wit on those replies unfortunately. The second sentence moreso. Comes off as sarcasm towards her.
be very careful w Mental Health workers.

the appropriate response is always “respect, must be a tough job “ etc

No... her response is a red flag.. Men should NOT be walking on egg shells... women should not expect perfection. Sometimes men (heck everyone) write things that might come off the wrong way. Not giving people leeway to make mistakes shows this woman has "too many options" and treats every man as being disposable. She is NOT aware enough to know her choices are limited.

A good person does not rudely brush away another person so coldly because of grammar. imagine brushing away a "soulmate" because of his/her bad writing skills.

 

[Cheeky_James]

In a very rare set of circumstances, apps are TRASH. OLD is TRASH.

I can count on one hand individuals who have what most would consider success. I'm not talking about getting a lot of matches, I'm talking about actually getting dates / gfs.

it can be.
I’ve been on apps like FEELD and some Kink hookup apps and it’s been pretty trash and brutal. Super slow, very hard to get matches. Very hard to get them to stay on chats etc etc.

Then got on Hinge and doing surprisingly well the last 4-5 months.(I am decent looking tho)
I really had to tweak my bio tho before I did ok on Hinge.
So it’s important to get on the most popular app for sure and tweak tweak tweak.

my tips - set your filters to search for “all” and check out other dudes profiles (no homo) see what the competition are doing.. and just straight up steal their sh1t.
The types of photo poses and quality of ..and definitely the witty written bio stuff. That’s how I did it.
I stole some gay dudes witty sh1t.. and a lots of women’s witty stuff too moreso.

go borderline cat-fish with your photos.! Best angles and most sexy looking/different pics.

its very important to come across as a different guy. A kinda unique or unusual guy. A niche dude.*

As chicks have endless d1ck options on the apps. (Redic levels of d1ck options) and the mass of guys all look similar. Similar pics , similar bios , vanilla and boring efc ..
So thinking about it from a womans pov is very important and key to success (imo).

So really craft your specific appeal and present it well in pictures and words.

As some YT coach said it “it’s not really an ‘honest ‘ portrayal of ‘you’ per se…it’s more like a marketing campaign “.. truth.

**And also v important to come off as Sexy as possible in the pics (and also the voice prompts definitely use these and use a sexy voice)**

Chicks select on physical chemistry firstly for sure.
And the voice prompts can work wonders too.

-CJ

 

[Cheeky_James]

I'm 36.

I am 5ft 9, I go to the gym, I have hair. I look 8/10.

I used to look 8.5 or 9/10 in my 20s and had a lot of attention from women in my 20s. Non existent in my 30s.

I look 8/10 as stated or certainly no lower than 7.5/10.

This is strange to me.
As the older a guy gets , the more dating options he ought to get each decade from his 20s into 30s into 40s.. that’s what I’ve found.
As the pool of available women gets bigger and bigger .. (divorcees, etc) and generally relax their requirements a bit. Or so I beleive .
But some other women stick to their guns and go the other way.. becoming more picky and delusional. That’s gotta give at some point tho. When reality bites.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

it can be.
I’ve been on apps like FEELD and some Kink hookup apps and it’s been pretty trash and brutal. Super slow, very hard to get matches. Very hard to get them to stay on chats etc etc.

Then got on Hinge and doing surprisingly well the last 4-5 months.(I am decent looking tho)
I really had to tweak my bio tho before I did ok on Hinge.
So it’s important to get on the most popular app for sure and tweak tweak tweak.

my tips - set your filters to search for “all” and check out other dudes profiles (no homo) see what the competition are doing.. and just straight up steal their sh1t.
The types of photo poses and quality of ..and definitely the witty written bio stuff. That’s how I did it.
I stole some gay dudes witty sh1t.. and a lots of women’s witty stuff too moreso.

go borderline cat-fish with your photos.! Best angles and most sexy looking/different pics.

its very important to come across as a different guy. A kinda unique or unusual guy. A niche dude.*

As chicks have endless d1ck options on the apps. (Redic levels of d1ck options) and the mass of guys all look similar. Similar pics , similar bios , vanilla and boring efc ..
So thinking about it from a womans pov is very important and key to success (imo).

So really craft your specific appeal and present it well in pictures and words.

As some YT coach said it “it’s not really an ‘honest ‘ portrayal of ‘you’ per se…it’s more like a marketing campaign “.. truth.

**And also v important to come off as Sexy as possible in the pics (and also the voice prompts definitely use these and use a sexy voice)**

Chicks select on physical chemistry firstly for sure.
And the voice prompts can work wonders too.

-CJ

I have done those things and more. If I were to use hinge to just chase tail, fine. But I am after something specific and that's just not on those apps. Not worth all the extra effort and BS to find "camera angles", backdrops, scenery, spots in town (Where I could meet several women at said location instead of making it obvious I'm using an area to take glorified selfies) when I can just shower, cologne, brighten my fangs, slip on a nice watch and my crocodile boots, prime myself with a fresh trim/shave, and throw a leg over the Harley.

Glad to hear hinge worked ok for you. I never had any luck with any OLD after all the apps more or less turned into McHotornots with no search features or messaging. I prefer to work on or "tweak" my character and not my online alter ego. Even my offline alter ego persona kicks ass compared to anything I could make up. Not to say everyone on OLD is a poser per se, but OLD and algorithms don't encourage you to have any personality at all in my opinion.

*EDIT* Whoops! I took another look at the thread topic and it is specific to OLD! My bad! Please don't canc me!

 

[Cheeky_James]

I have done those things and more. If I were to use hinge to just chase tail, fine. But I am after something specific and that's just not on those apps. Not worth all the extra effort and BS to find "camera angles", backdrops, scenery, spots in town (Where I could meet several women at said location instead of making it obvious I'm using an area to take glorified selfies) when I can just shower, cologne, brighten my fangs, slip on a nice watch and my crocodile boots, prime myself with a fresh trim/shave, and throw a leg over the Harley.

Glad to hear hinge worked ok for you. I never had any luck with any OLD after all the apps more or less turned into McHotornots with no search features or messaging. I prefer to work on or "tweak" my character and not my online alter ego. Even my offline alter ego persona kicks ass compared to anything I could make up. Not to say everyone on OLD is a poser per se, but OLD and algorithms don't encourage you to have any personality at all in my opinion.

*EDIT* Whoops! I took another look at the thread topic and it is specific to OLD! My bad! Please don't canc me!

Well I was debating this w another user on the Skilled Seducer forum ,Hes in his late 30s
My OLD results ( =women in my age bracket 40+)
Versus
his DayGame ColdApproach results =(young fit hot women in 20s bracket)
which he gets using a top secret NLP /Speed Seduction languaging method...(or so he claims)
with him smearing me with his awesome results and superior Game skills.
"Can you even DayGame bro?LOL"

trouble is, for me to go into my city in the day time - its a 45 min drive in **** traffic.
A PITA to find parking, cost $10 an hour, for 2 hours tops (if I can find it)
Then I gotta , get in the right sexy state ,beat the street and hustle chicks, approach a bunch grab a few numbers, 2-3 in a session (maybe)
Then follow up text, deal w flakes, yadda yadda..
The whole process is a massive PITA.

Versus sit on my ass at home or at work and text sexy innuendo sh1t to chicks who are already interested.

I show plenty of persona on the dates .... no brainer to me.
I save my cold approach for the right situations - day time social events , with music and booze.

It seems a lot of guys do DayGame for " the rush"... sure, cool n all.
but whats the approach to lay ratio - like, 30 to 1?
For some guys its 100 to 1.
Waste of time imo.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Stephen89 "I am a warm, intelligent, outgoing and an amicable individual"

What women(hell, most people in general)translate that to mean:

"He's the male equivalent of Lizzie Maguire... I can have a perfectly agreeable conversation with him about the weather while we're both sipping on coffee, but I can't count on him to be lethal beyond all imagination, when really heavy sh-t hits the fan"

You're ramming an ice pick through your own skull, before you're even out of the gate

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Well I was debating this w another user on the Skilled Seducer forum ,Hes in his late 30s
My OLD results ( =women in my age bracket 40+)
Versus
his DayGame ColdApproach results =(young fit hot women in 20s bracket)
which he gets using a top secret NLP /Speed Seduction languaging method...(or so he claims)
with him smearing me with his awesome results and superior Game skills.
"Can you even DayGame bro?LOL"

trouble is, for me to go into my city in the day time - its a 45 min drive in **** traffic.
A PITA to find parking, cost $10 an hour, for 2 hours tops (if I can find it)
Then I gotta , get in the right sexy state ,beat the street and hustle chicks, approach a bunch grab a few numbers, 2-3 in a session (maybe)
Then follow up text, deal w flakes, yadda yadda..
The whole process is a massive PITA.

Versus sit on my ass at home or at work and text sexy innuendo sh1t to chicks who are already interested.

I show plenty of persona on the dates .... no brainer to me.
I save my cold approach for the right situations - day time social events , with music and booze.

It seems a lot of guys do DayGame for " the rush"... sure, cool n all.
but whats the approach to lay ratio - like, 30 to 1?
For some guys its 100 to 1.
Waste of time imo.

Oh yes! The NLP stuff! hehe.