I broke up with my gf.

[Askaladd]

It is all over. Now to move on to improving myself. I don't think I will date a woman again for years, maybe ever.

 

[Askaladd]

She said "ok bye". That was all.

I saw some of her writings about me. She wrote that I am incompetent and can do nothing better than her except physical strength. That I am feminine and weak.

Interestingly she said that my decision to not talk to her when she broke the promise was feminine in her opinion. Don't know what to say to this one.

All in all I need to work on myself now.

 

[BPH]

It is all over. Now to move on to improving myself.

Good work.

I don't think I will date a woman again for years, maybe ever.

Nah, you just think that because this sh***y relationship is all you've ever known. You'll probably meet someone you like within the next 3 months, realistically.

She said "ok bye". That was all.

I saw some of her writings about me. She wrote that I am incompetent and can do nothing better than her except physical strength. That I am feminine and weak.

Interestingly she said that my decision to not talk to her when she broke the promise was feminine in her opinion. Don't know what to say to this one.

It doesn't matter what she said - you shouldn't be paying attention to her anymore.

In all likelihood, after some time, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month or two, she'll apologize or try to re-establish contact with you...

In order for this to mean something, you need to block her. You need to remove all forms of contact with her so that you never "relapse" and think there's hope.

Delete her number, don't just block it.

All in all I need to work on myself now.

Cool. Now, go to the gym, focus on your job/business, go out with friends on the weekends, fire up the dating apps, etc.

It really shouldn't take you long to realize that the grass is much greener on the other side when it comes to this woman.

 

[Askaladd]

Nah, you just think that because this sh***y relationship is all you've ever known. You'll probably meet someone you like within the next 3 months, realistically.

I don't want to date a woman. All work, no benefit. When I can have kids it will be different.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Until your mindset changes and you fix things internally, probably a good thing.

 

[BPH]

I don't want to date a woman. All work, no benefit. When I can have kids it will be different.

Then don't.

Do what I do and just have short-term, casual relationships with multiple women. Much more fun, much less drama.

I agree with what @BackInTheGame78 said, though, your mental definitely needs some work...that whole reply, and you picked out and quoted the only thing you could respond negatively to.

I know you just ended the only relationship you've ever known, but you will realize, probably quickly, how much better off you are.

Nobody can say anything that will make it better - it's just gonna suck for a while, and then it won't. But it definitely helps to have an optimistic outlook on the future, rather than thinking your best days are already behind you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi AskaLadd,
"I don't think I will date a woman again for years, maybe ever."Bit like losing a favourite Dog,there'll never be another one,but there is!

 

[Glassguy]

I don't want to date a woman. All work, no benefit. When I can have kids it will be different.

A victim mindset is not appealing to any woman. Id say you need to do some soul searching for sure before hitting the dating world.
Not being mean, but successful people dont feel drawn to a negative Nancy. That includes any woman with good looks and any kind of self worth.

 

[Lotus Effect]

In all likelihood, after some time, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month or two, she'll apologize or try to re-establish contact with you...

Even tho I agree with your mentality and respect your journey mate, I don't think that this particular advice is a solid advice to give.

From the moment it is over the best way for you to start healing, letting go, and moving on is to know that she is dead and gone, and she is definetely not coming back.

This advice gives false hope and put all the transformation and self improvment journey on this false predicment, which in all likelyhood WILL NOT HAPPEN. And when it doesn't happen, ie, the rest of your life, you lose motivation.

@OP,
Move on, don't expect her to come back, especially after all the weak behaviour you displayed.
That ship has sailed my man.

@BPH
all the other advice is spot on.

@OP.
Welcome to the other side. I wish you a good journey ahead.
There is A LOT of work for you to do!

Cheers

 

[BPH]

Even tho I agree with your mentality and respect your journey mate, I don't think that this particular advice is a solid advice to give.

From the moment it is over the best way for you to start healing, letting go, and moving on is to know that she is dead and gone, and she is definetely not coming back.

This advice gives false hope and put all the transformation and self improvment journey on this false predicment, which in all likelyhood WILL NOT HAPPEN. And when it doesn't happen, ie, the rest of your life, you lose motivation.

I wouldn't say I'm giving advice there, just setting his expectations so he doesn't come back here saying, "Guys, she apologized, maybe she's starting to respect me, and we can make this work!"

Remember, this is his first and only real relationship. Meaning it's also his first breakup. He has no idea what the aftermath is going to look like.

Speaking from experience, every serious relationship of mine that ended had the girl trying to re-establish contact with me at some point. I'm telling him that he needs to have her deleted and blocked; otherwise, when that silence is broken, he may relapse back to her if he still has hope. In which case, he will continue repeating this cycle.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

"When I can have kids, it will all be different." Thinking like that is as safe as juggling running chainsaws. I second (3rd?) that mindset is your biggest hurdle.

On a positive note, I'm beyond overjoyed that you've done this. It's clearly the right move. If you mattered AT ALL to her, she wouldn't have just said "k bye!" And who cares what a WOMAN says about you being feminine and not masculine. Like she has any damn clue on what being a man is. She doesn't. In one ear and out the other. You pilot the ship for Askaladd, not her!

Get new and better experiences with women. Seek to just have fun. You'll learn in the process.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Speaking from experience, every serious relationship of mine that ended had the girl trying to re-establish contact with me at some point. I'm telling him that he needs to have her deleted and blocked; otherwise, when that silence is broken, he may relapse back to her if he still has hope. In which case, he will continue repeating this cycle.

Maybe because you broke up with them, maybe because of alpha widow, maybe because she brokeup with you for behaviours she didn't accepted ie infidelity but still had feelings, maybe because you knew how to walk away, lot's of maybes.

From my experience, they never came back. We are talking about 5 serious LTRs, all of them 2 years +, one 5 years.

None came back.
For me it was always 'when its over, its over'

So it is all depending on the user experience, and confirmation bias.

And I get that what you meant over there, was not advice per se, but for a recently broken up fellow, that gives false hope.

And hope that she will come back is the worst thing for the healing journey...

...Speaking from experience

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I think it's important to define what "coming back" is. One of my close buddies told me something I wouldn't understand till almost 2 decades later, but most men never will. "You gotta work to get em' on yer nuts and ya gotta work to gettem off yer nuts." Many women try to (including my first girlfriend EVER, that was quite funny) make contact or give in to compulsory jabs at my character. "Looks like a fun trip. Did you cheat on her too?" "I hope you told her that rabbit obsession came from me lol." Sometimes it is actual attempts or suggestions that I give her another chance. hehehe. This is another reason for blocking and deleting, but what's stopping them from getting another number or sending something to another country to get it sent to you... OMG... They TRY. They really try!

 

[BaronOfHair]

I don't think I will date a woman again for years, maybe ever.

Emotional equivalent of stubbing your toe. It'll pass

 

[Lotus Effect]

Well, I was wrong.

mine just called two hours ago.

I havent picked up, following the Got Dumped guide

The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE

At one point or another, everybody ends up getting dumped for one reason or another, even Brad Pitt. So there's absolutely no problem with that. The woman just didn't want to be with you any more. Perhaps she only wanted the sex and it got boring or maybe she is looking for something more...

www.sosuave.net

She will try to call you or email you.

If you pick up the phone and speak to her, you LOST.

Once she INITIATES CONTACT with you, if you are too easy to get ahold of, she knows you are easy. The whole challenge would be lost.

And followed this rule:

What do you do when she does this?

You go to the liquor store, buy yourself a whiskey and a cigar, sit on the couch, light the cigar, SIP your drink, savor the moment and you do NOTHING.

Typing with the bourbon on my right side, and a pack o Lucky Strikes on my left.

 

[sevbucmash]

What now? Men?