A harsh red pill

[JizzLord]

No matter where I am or what I've gone through, I've always carried this hard to describe feeling of "naive innocence" about me, that is until moments ago when, as a grown man, I've received the news from my father that my mother has run off with another man.

The only woman I love, who I never imagined could do such a thing. Shattered.

I can scarcely process the thoughts and emotions. What must this be like for a child to experience? Is it any wonder that everyone is so ****ed up when it comes to love and relationships.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sucks, but the reality is that relationships take a lot of work to maintain over time and both people have to want to do that work together.

Typically one or both people end up putting it on cruise control and then over time things like this end up happening.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

No matter where I am or what I've gone through, I've always carried this hard to describe feeling of "naive innocence" about me, that is until moments ago when, as a grown man, I've received the news from my father that my mother has run off with another man.

The only woman I love, who I never imagined could do such a thing. Shattered.

I can scarcely process the thoughts and emotions. What must this be like for a child to experience? Is it any wonder that everyone is so ****ed up when it comes to love and relationships.

Does your father care that she is gone?

Is he as shocked as you? Did he see it coming?

Whats his plan?

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah ,that's a tough one. But I like how you share this as YET another harsh redpill truth...

A woman is always gonna be a woman first. Yo you she is a mother, to someone else a sister ect..at the end if the day she is a human ,and humans are complex and can change both overnight or slowly.


It's quite personal ofcourse, but perhaps you could let us know more about what was going on. Even if you don't say this, at least analyse it from your perspective as an outsider and yet some one who is close to them. I say that because there maybe there are tons of lessons to be learned what you can use if you get in a similar situation in life.

You should or could always try to start a conversation and eventually give it a place.

 

[JizzLord]

I've since spoken to her in person, and she's told her side of the story. Nothing's ever plain and simple.

There's essentially two chapters of this whole story, the first briefly being that my dad has always had anger issues, from the moment I could form memories they were fighting. Their time together was already dotted with threats of divorce. On that account it's perfectly understandable that my mum would leave.

However, there's now the male interloper, which is part two.
Let's call him HT. HT and my mum had met some time ago at a public activity center, and would meet each other regularly there. Dad of course was unaware to begin with, but inevitably suspicion grew. One day he spied them together, and that's when it all blew up.

Mum maintains that they were platonic friends because she's isolated without a social life. HT is apparently a very nice guy and deeply apologetic that he's wrecked her home and wants to atone for what he caused by taking mum under his care.

My worry isn't as much about the separation as it is about this strange man. My instincts say he's fishy. I'm sure some of you DJs have illuminating insights on this front.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What must this be like for a child to experience?

Quite possibly relief, if the gal in question was a megac-nt of monumental proportions. As to "illuminating insight":

It's wise to not get in the middle of someone else's domestic melodrama, relatives included. Your mum's made her decision, and nothing anyone says or does will alter that

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Their time together was already dotted with threats of divorce. On that account it's perfectly understandable that my mum would leave.

So, why didnt she leave and instead started cheating?

"Anger issues" can have root causes and out of experience i know that wifes can be the cause for anger. Do you know why das was angry?

Mum maintains that they were platonic friends because she's isolated without a social life. HT is apparently a very nice guy and deeply apologetic that he's wrecked her home and wants to atone for what he caused by taking mum under his care.

My worry isn't as much about the separation as it is about this strange man. My instincts say he's fishy. I'm sure some of you DJs have illuminating insights on this front.

There is no such thing as "just platonic friends" when it comes to secretly meeting up with a man. But of course would your mum say that.
Men and women cheat differently. When a woman goes behind her mans back, she lost respect for him and its cheating. The fvcking part is only a formality once a woman made up her mind.

Of course HT is deeply apologetic, a "niceguy" would be that way, on his fassade.

Whats this thing about "atoning"? What kind of relationship is this going to be when he takes over your mum for "atonement"?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Whats this thing about "atoning"? What kind of relationship is this going to be when he takes over your mum for "atonement"?

I don't want to make a crude comment here as we are talking about OP's mom, but I'm pretty sure that this guy's idea of penance is quite different from how it's defined by the Catholic Church.

OP, I'm sorry to say this, but your mom's story doesn't sound credible in the slightest. A faithful wife is not going to have a secret "platonic" relationship with another man.

 

[The Duke]

There is a difference in how women cheat and men cheat.

A man will cheat and keep it 100% physical, a woman will cheat and its never 100% physical. Women need a mental connection to develop, before they get physical.

In my book(and I've been thru this stuff), the minute a woman forms a connection with another man she is cheating. If it wasn't cheating, why did she keep it hidden?

And your mother will never ever tell you the truth if she was ****ing this guy or not. Women will always protect their image first when it comes to being a wh0re.

That's some red pill truth, pal.

Shame on your mother for not ending her marriage before she sought another man.

The light at the end of the tunnel with all this is you learned a valuable lesson that can carry you forward.

 

[Alvafe]

i'm more curious on what the op will do? will keep talking with his mom like normal or will cut ties?

 

[Clockwerk50]

i'm more curious on what the op will do? will keep talking with his mom like normal or will cut ties?

I knew an acquaintance who went through something like this: the mom left the dad for a guy from Colombia, which is where they originally came from.

Basically, the dad moved in with his son and his family, while the mom only visits once in a blue moon.

 

[plumber]

OP, while it is possible for a man and a woman to have a perfect storybook relationship. In practice it does not happen. Humans are not build that way, its the root of the red pill truths. Sometimes it looks like we blame women for all sad things. Its deeper than that, its men and women, all humans, its how they are built. The ideas of purity are not gentic or born into us, they are programed over time and often by our mothers of how the world should be. The mothers press the image they want onto the child as reality. The child will then learn that image as reality. There are some interesting books that explain all of it, scientifically in ways that are impossible to argue with. Even after learning the truths, its very difficult to accept when the child is taught the false truths.

Moms are human. They usually love children very much. As a human they will do things like you tell. Doesn't change how they love there children. Doesn't make them bad. The image they want to show is false (that's the entire issue).

Every single person I know including me has done something that was not the best choice and then tried to show a different reality.

 

[Bokanovsky]

i'm more curious on what the op will do? will keep talking with his mom like normal or will cut ties?

Even though the mom is clearly in the wrong here, I don't think the OP should cut her off. I mean, she's still his mom. People are not perfect and you don't get to pick your parents.

 

[Alvafe]

Even though the mom is clearly in the wrong here, I don't think the OP should cut her off. I mean, she's still his mom. People are not perfect and you don't get to pick your parents.

perfect is one thing, lying fishing for sympath, hoping for her son to support her don't matter what? don't fly with me, if any of my parents pulled that I would cut ties, I don't have time or patience to BS, and I do cut family members if they are not good people

 

[Bokanovsky]

perfect is one thing, lying fishing for sympath, hoping for her son to support her don't matter what? don't fly with me, if any of my parents pulled that I would cut ties, I don't have time or patience to BS, and I do cut family members if they are not good people

Your parents invested a lot of time, money and effort into getting you to a point where you can survive independently. I would say that alone makes them "good people". Unless you have a real gripe with your parents (i.e. you were sexually abused or severely beaten as a child), cutting them off on a whim because you disagree with their life choices makes you an ungrateful brat, in my opinion.

 

[zekko]

i'm more curious on what the op will do? will keep talking with his mom like normal or will cut ties?

You only have one mother, and one father, and we're all here temporarily. I would hope that whatever happens, he stays in contact with both of them. It must be a difficult situation though. I usually think about the heartbreak involved among the couple, but it can also be there for the kids, even if they're grown. Especially if they see their illusions shattered.

 

[Alvafe]

Your parents invested a lot of time, money and effort into getting you to a point where you can survive independently. I would say that alone makes them "good people". Unless you have a real gripe with your parents (i.e. you were sexually abused or severely beaten as a child), cutting them off on a whim because you disagree with their life choices makes you an ungrateful brat, in my opinion.

not on a whim, but I guess its a moot point, both wouldn't do it, and dad already gone so all is off now, that is why i'm the ungrateful brat, I could expect the better of then and old then on that, over you who would condoned a lie just so you would keep the optics

 

[Barrister]

I've since spoken to her in person, and she's told her side of the story. Nothing's ever plain and simple.

There's essentially two chapters of this whole story, the first briefly being that my dad has always had anger issues, from the moment I could form memories they were fighting. Their time together was already dotted with threats of divorce. On that account it's perfectly understandable that my mum would leave.

However, there's now the male interloper, which is part two.
Let's call him HT. HT and my mum had met some time ago at a public activity center, and would meet each other regularly there. Dad of course was unaware to begin with, but inevitably suspicion grew. One day he spied them together, and that's when it all blew up.

Mum maintains that they were platonic friends because she's isolated without a social life. HT is apparently a very nice guy and deeply apologetic that he's wrecked her home and wants to atone for what he caused by taking mum under his care.

My worry isn't as much about the separation as it is about this strange man. My instincts say he's fishy. I'm sure some of you DJs have illuminating insights on this front.

Nothing against your mom, but this kind of "story" is always the green light women give themselves to justify their emotional or sometimes even physical cheating on their husbands. They claim their husband was "mentally abusive" or acted like they were "invisible" (favorites to use by females), so they felt like they were justified to seek comfort somewhere else. And to be clear, sometimes there is some truth to it and the man is 100% contributing to the problem. However, I feel confident in saying your dad didn't wake up one day and just decide to be angry at your mother. Your mother contributed to this problem from the start just as much or more than your father did. The only difference was that ultimately your mother decided to step out of the marriage and multiply the problem instead of solve it.

I can guarantee the relationship with this new guy doesn't last. Maybe they stick it out for a few years, but once your dad is out of the picture of your mom, and she has to simply have a relationship with this man without outside conflict, she will likely lose most of her interest.

All that said -- I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Is it any wonder that everyone is so ****ed up when it comes to love and relationships.

Its important to understand the concept of both love and relationships have been heavily structured by Hollywood , tv networks and general marketing /advertising over several decades

The concept of two people being together for 40,50,60 years in reality is highly improbable , yes some people in the past did it but that was before anyone had any comprehension of a world outside of their small town / village

Our grandparents would have a tiny tiny pool of dating / mating options available to them that would have been generally geographically locked.

and even then people still had affairs , BECAUSE THEY WERE BORED

your attraction to the opposite sex does not suddenly cease because you get into a relationship or marriage

I can't for the life of me when people are suddenly shocked at something that's been going on since the dawn of time

Again some are capable of living in a fantasy world for their entire lives , others at some point decide they can't and the "cheating" begins.

Humans were never really designed for monogamy , its a social construct that becomes very fragile under both time and knowledge