Is she afraid to leave her bf for me, or am I just a pawn?

[Pumax]

How can you tell whether a woman who is already in a relationship is using you as a pawn, or whether she is genuinely interested in you? Specifically, how do you know if she has a “secret life” with other men and is using you mainly to make her boyfriend jealous, versus being truly interested in you but afraid to leave her boyfriend due to insecurity, emotional attachment, shared commitments, or fear of change, or any other obstacle (I think her father want's to arrange a marriage with this man, so it's like this woman has to commit to her "family decision" instead of her one)

Are there specific behaviors or signs a man can look for to tell the difference if she's been really interested in me over time, and now?

For context: we are all 28 years old. I have known this woman since we were 14. Over the years, I have consistently sensed that she is interested in me, but she has never been single, she has always been in a relationship with the same man. Because of that, I never made a move, even though she has often been flirtatious and, in hindsight, gave me opportunities that I didn’t recognize at the time. (I was a complete noob at the time). Even now, she continues to send signals

 

[LTG71]

Women love attention and you are a familiar, free and safe supply. Are you over thinking the “signals?” I’d say you are a pawn and she is using you to feed her ego. She might be bored and flirting with you makes her feel good about herself. Next time try to escalate and see how she reacts when you sense these signals. This is where women’s covert communication is annoying. It gives them plausible deniability. ”I wasn’t sending signals, just being friendly” as she asks you to look at a mole on her tit.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She may have been hoping you'd make a move at some point but now it might seem weird because of all the time that has passed.

In this situation since you know her so well, next time she is flirty you with just straight up ask her something like "Ya know, I've always wondered something"

And she will probably say "oh really, what's that?"

"Why haven't we ever got together after all this time? You've never thought about that?"

And then listen to how she replies...that should give you an idea of what she actually thinks about you.

In this case, I think you are far better off planting the seed in her mind that you think about her in that way and let her water it.

Might not be immediate, but over time if she has actually been interested, something is likely to happen...

 

[Clockwerk50]

Your question is self-absorbed because it focuses entirely on what you want instead of her reality. To understand this, look at it from her perspective: she has history, emotional attachment, routines, family pressure, and fear of change tied to her long-term relationship. People rarely leave partners just because someone else shows interest since attraction alone isn’t enough.

The reality is, people usually leave when their partner stops investing, progressing, courting, or other factors such as these, but many don’t. Instead, they flirt or seek validation outside the relationship for excitement, insecurity, or nostalgia for their single days. Being in a relationship actually makes this easier since they can get the thrill without real risk. And if this is a pattern, it often continues with new partners. People who understand this psychology don’t chase directly, they create situations where the other person feels like they are the one doing the pursuing.

So the real question isn’t whether she’s afraid to leave him for you, it’s whether she’s ever taken real action to change her situation. If she’s stayed with the same man for years, that’s your answer. Ask yourself: how long are you willing to wait on the sidelines? And if she leaves, what are the odds you’d actually be chosen out of the thousand men out there? The truth is, those odds are low, and waiting signals scarcity thinking and underlying oneitis, which makes me think due to the context of this post.

 

[Barrister]

Plain and simple, you are an orbiter. A man she uses for validation through receiving your attention and time, which is like a drug for many (maybe most I’d say) women.

In reality, she likely doesn’t think of you in any real way other than that role. I’ve known many women, one of my exes in particular, who had tons of male orbiters because they are addicted to the attention and adoration of the opposite sex. It fuels who they are. Your childhood “friend” is one of these people.

You would be best served to look elsewhere.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Over the years, I have consistently sensed that she is interested in me, but she has never been single, she has always been in a relationship with the same man.

In most cases, to get a “girlfriend” (usually a man’s master who treats him like a whipped puppy and runs his life), he has to “steal” one.

 

[Pumax]

Next time try to escalate and see how she reacts when you sense these signals

Interesting. Wonder what would she do if she would be not interested

ask her something

This is the way.
But I think thereis a better way to ask and let her pronunce that words from her mouth

People who understand this psychology don’t chase directly, they create situations where the other person feels like they are the one doing the pursuing.

I don't really understand what you meant here, but your talk it's on point.
I think you say many good things here

Your childhood “friend” is one of these people

You can say that with such certainty, even if you don't know about the full spectrum?

I'd like to add a few things that I think would help the perspective. I actually think it's the opposite.
Perhaps in private to maintain privacy I could say more about it, @Clockwerk50 too, if he agrees.