Your GF says she want to breakup: what’s your reaction?

[jhonny9546]

How do you react if your LTR comes to you and says she wants to end the relationship because she thinks something's wrong, or that she found someone whos better?

In my case, a relationship that stems from a sense of security:
I'd tell her to think about the investment we've made together over all these years, and that if she's made this decision, there will only be good things for her in the future.
I'd just see her walk away smiling, knowing she might have found someone better than me, and that she'd be happy.

I'm just acknowledging the fact that she doesn't feel anything for me anymore, she doesn't see me as a worthwhile investment anymore, and this is making her resentful and that our relationship is already over for a long time.


What would your reaction be?

 

[Vanderdonck]

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Shock & Awe.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"OK. Got it."

 

[Rocky_Hendrix]

go **** yourself.

no ***** worth loosing frame for.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Grieving loss is normal, it’s part of the human experience. But after that, comes letting go, healing by hanging out with friends, spirituality/ meditation and mutual connection, hobbies transmuting that experience and of course dating and seeing other women.

 

[Snag87]

I’d tell her to go kick rocks. The only scenario where I’d make any effort to save the relationship would be if we had children together.

 

[plumber]

No Problem. Good luck.

 

[Gamisch]

Old me; " no please don't go. You are my everything, I cannot live without you. We share so much, you're my best friend, you know me better than anyone, what can I do to adjust and blablabla"

New me;" okay "

 

[AureliusMaximus]

How do you react if your LTR comes to you and says she wants to end the relationship because she thinks something's wrong, or that she found someone whos better?

In my case, a relationship that stems from a sense of security:
I'd tell her to think about the investment we've made together over all these years, and that if she's made this decision, there will only be good things for her in the future.
I'd just see her walk away smiling, knowing she might have found someone better than me, and that she'd be happy.

I'm just acknowledging the fact that she doesn't feel anything for me anymore, she doesn't see me as a worthwhile investment anymore, and this is making her resentful and that our relationship is already over for a long time.


What would your reaction be?

Ok, fine.
Here's the door.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

go **** yourself.

no ***** worth loosing frame for.

By saying and reacting like that, you just lost all your frame.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Rocky_Hendrix]

By saying and reacting like that, you just lost all your frame.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

prove it. elaborate on it.

 

[coldapproach]

prove it. elaborate on it.

road 56

 

[BaronOfHair]

How do you react if your LTR comes to you and says she wants to end the relationship because she thinks something's wrong, or that she found someone whos better?

"Bye. I wish you well out there"

 

[BadBoy89]

Depends how old she is.

If she of the age where she can get pregnant easily, you can fight a bit for her.
If she of the age where she cannot get pregnant easily, give her a Diet Coke on the way out. Well, even that's too much.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If someone whom you were spending substantial time with lets you know that they don’t want to do that anymore, sit with it for a bit at the very least to understand if that’s the type of personality you want to pursue again.

 

[Sega Genesis]

How do you react if your LTR comes to you and says she wants to end the relationship because she thinks something's wrong, or that she found someone whos better?

If she found someone 'better' then wish her well and be on your way. Seinfeld had it right, funny clip!

On the other hand if it was because she feels something is 'wrong' ask what that something wrong is and discuss it.

Example:

If she feels insecure/uneasy and/or she doesn't feel you're that committed and doesn't feel safe (emotionally) in the relationship, IF you do love her, why not give her some space then circle back in a bit and continue talking, reassuring her, making her feel more emotionally safe/secure in the relationship?

I mean you're referring to a LTR, not some plate you were screwing for recreation, right?

Your response @jhonny9546 just confirmed for her that she made the right decision walking away.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If she found someone 'better' then wish her well and be on your way. Seinfeld had it right, funny clip!

On the other hand if it was because she feels something is 'wrong' ask what that something wrong is and discuss it.

Example:

If she feels insecure/uneasy and/or she doesn't feel you're that committed and doesn't feel safe (emotionally) in the relationship, IF you do love her, why not give her some space then circle back in a bit and continue talking, reassuring her, making her feel more emotionally safe/secure in the relationship?

Your response @jhonny9546 just confirmed for her that she made the right decision walking away.

And exactly how would you suggest doing that for instance?

In my experiences there is a giant wall that goes up against you and the harder you try to break it down, the more they build it up.

 

[OngBak]

And exactly how would you suggest doing that for instance?

In my experiences there is a giant wall that goes up against you and the harder you try to break it down, the more they build it up.

Based on OP’s example, when she says "something is wrong", she’s basically expressing that her attraction is dropping. When that happens, the best move is to stay calm, ask what’s going on, and let her talk, but also keep in mind and let her know that every long-term relationship can go through phases like this. Emotions fluctuate, and things usually settle once the pressure is off.

After it calms down, you can’t just sit back. You need to rebuild attraction. Use this as a chance for real self-reflection, because most of the time it’s a signal that you have slipped into unattractive habits and something in your behavior needs to change.


It’s not an attack, it’s feedback. It’s her way of helping you and giving you a chance to correct course.

 

[Sega Genesis]

In my experiences there is a giant wall that goes up against you and the harder you try to break it down, the more they build it up.

Again some space to allow dust to settle and giving her the opportunity to miss you, then circling back.

If she puts up a giant wall (or even a small wall) don't try to break it down, just walk away.

If she's not willing to even try, then this isn't the right girl or relationship for you OR her.

It takes two.