Have been doing cold approach street game for months. Am getting very little results. Soliciting feedback on routine.

[fastzander]

Hi everyone. I'm a newcomer here. This is my first post. I originally tried posting this on r/seduction, but I received little actionable advice, so I thought I'd try posting it here instead.

I’ve been doing day game for a little over five months now (I’m not into nightlife and thus night game, and my overall goal is to acquire long-term relationships, not casual sex). I started out doing indoor game (primarily at malls) because I found it a more conducive environment, but the limited number of venues meant I had to go to the same ones over and over again until I could tell the staff were getting wary of me, and I transitioned to street game (which I find to be a much less conducive environment, alas), which I’ve been doing for about a month now. To date, I’ve been going out every day except when prohibited either by the weather or by other commitments. Until recently, I was doing 12 approaches per day, although have recently temporarily cut that to 6. I’ve been watching half-an-hour’s worth of instructional videos per day (an hour’s worth on days when I’ve been forced to skip), and through them, I believe I’m now privy to the majority of insider concepts. I’ve been using ChatGPT as a coach, posting daily field reports to it after each day for feedback. To date, I’ve done exactly 1,325 total approaches (I’ve been keeping a precise written tally of everything from the number of group approaches I’ve done to the number of times I’ve had sex). Most notably, I met a girlfriend surprisingly early-on (at a supermarket, via more-or-less the routine described below) who I was in a relationship with for about 4 months, and who I really liked/seemed to vibe really well with, until she abruptly broke up with me recently (she said that a bad past relationship made her afraid of being in one again and that she preferred being single, and that I didn’t do anything wrong myself). Throughout our relationship, however, I continued to do street game and try to get numbers anyway to try and hone my skills and make it easier to get another girlfriend in case we didn’t last.

By this point, I both have zero approach anxiety, and can strike up a conversation fairly effortlessly. Between 3 – 8 conversations from 12 approaches in a day is virtually guaranteed. However, to date, I’ve only managed to get 73 phone numbers. 73 phone numbers from 1,325 approaches, to be honest, strikes me as a pretty paltry number-to-approach ratio. Especially when you consider that only about half of those numbers, at best, could actually be expected to respond. Mind you; until recently, I at least seemed to be improving pretty consistently. At my peak, I was able to get roughly one number every second day. One two days in a row and two in one day if I got lucky. Recently, however, that seems to have declined to about one number every week or so, and I can’t figure out why, because I don’t think I’m doing anything major differently now from what I was doing before. (This started before I reduced the number of approaches per day from 12 to 6, which I did to try and take some of the pressure off to see if it made a difference). Rather than continue to try and see if ChatGPT could figure it out, I thought it might be time to post about this here instead for some flesh-and-blood advice.

I’ve gradually devised and tinkered with my routine over time based on a combination of the instructional videos, ChatGPT’s advice, and personal experience. At present, my routine is as described in the following two paragraphs. I do my approaches between 11:30 AM and 3:30 PM on both weekdays and weekends. I do them, on a rotating basis, in shopping high streets, a university campus and a waterfront adjacent to my city’s central business district––both the best outdoor venues I have found/can think of, as well as the only outdoor venues I realistically can/could do them in. I do them dressed in casual clothes (I wouldn’t have the energy to do this every day if I dressed in a collared shirt, chinos, dress shoes, etc. every day). I approach women who are on their own, who look roughly within my age (approx. 25 – 40) and attractiveness (approx. 4 – 6 out of 10) range, who are either standing/sitting in place if possible or walking in my direction if necessary, and who don’t look too busy (i.e… are not on their phone).

I open with a directions opener incorporating a false time constraint (“Hey s’cuse me, sorry to bother you, gotta go in two minutes; would you by any chance happen to know of any nice coffee shops along this street or in this neighborhood?”). Then, irrespective of whether they say yes or no, I follow with a flirt/tease/qualifier with a push/pull tacked on (“I just thought you had this explorer/hipster look about you, like you might be the sort of woman who knew her coffee. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it.”). This elicits a smile and/or laugh from them about 80% of the time. A significant percentage of the time, they’re busy and pull away by this point. If they don’t, however, I then transition to banter by observing something about their hair and comparing it to my own (I have silky, black, longer-than-waist-length hair––with this having become my attention-grabber/talking point/selling point). We’ll then proceed to banter about our hair for 1 – 2 minutes. If, at any point, they smile at me during this, I’ll add another flirt in the form of: “You’ve got this really cute smile on your face right now; like you’re thinking of something cheeky”, which, again, usually elicits a smile and/or laugh. Finally, I’ll check my phone and reinvoke the time constraint, and at this point, if I think we’ve vibed well enough, I’ll attempt to close for a number (“You seem very nice and sweet. Let’s grab a coffee ourselves sometime!”). Overall, the interactions tend to take between about 3 – 4 minutes. And at present, whether I get a number or not seems to depend overwhelmingly on whether we happen to vibe well from the get-go or not, which, alas, doesn’t seem to happen very often.

I have the following ideas on what I might be doing wrong:

• The banter might be too oriented around myself, and not be affording the women enough opportunities to talk about themselves. (The problem here is that the timeframe during street approaches tends to be extremely short, and I need to be quick).
• Until recently, I was attempting to test a new tweak every week, and this might have led to the routine becoming overengineered, and myself too neurotic about fitting all the tweaks in. I might want/need to concentrate on relaxing and going with the flow more.
• The banter about my hair might be too “girly”.

In light of everything I’ve described above, what do people here think I might be doing wrong, and what do you think I should be doing instead?

 

[MatureDJ]

I guess you need to luck out and dialog up some chick that is complaining about how men don't approach anymore.

 

[Sleeperhead]

Hi everyone. I'm a newcomer here. This is my first post. I originally tried posting this on r/seduction, but I received little actionable advice, so I thought I'd try posting it here instead.

I’ve been doing day game for a little over five months now (I’m not into nightlife and thus night game, and my overall goal is to acquire long-term relationships, not casual sex). I started out doing indoor game (primarily at malls) because I found it a more conducive environment, but the limited number of venues meant I had to go to the same ones over and over again until I could tell the staff were getting wary of me, and I transitioned to street game (which I find to be a much less conducive environment, alas), which I’ve been doing for about a month now. To date, I’ve been going out every day except when prohibited either by the weather or by other commitments. Until recently, I was doing 12 approaches per day, although have recently temporarily cut that to 6. I’ve been watching half-an-hour’s worth of instructional videos per day (an hour’s worth on days when I’ve been forced to skip), and through them, I believe I’m now privy to the majority of insider concepts. I’ve been using ChatGPT as a coach, posting daily field reports to it after each day for feedback. To date, I’ve done exactly 1,325 total approaches (I’ve been keeping a precise written tally of everything from the number of group approaches I’ve done to the number of times I’ve had sex). Most notably, I met a girlfriend surprisingly early-on (at a supermarket, via more-or-less the routine described below) who I was in a relationship with for about 4 months, and who I really liked/seemed to vibe really well with, until she abruptly broke up with me recently (she said that a bad past relationship made her afraid of being in one again and that she preferred being single, and that I didn’t do anything wrong myself). Throughout our relationship, however, I continued to do street game and try to get numbers anyway to try and hone my skills and make it easier to get another girlfriend in case we didn’t last.

By this point, I both have zero approach anxiety, and can strike up a conversation fairly effortlessly. Between 3 – 8 conversations from 12 approaches in a day is virtually guaranteed. However, to date, I’ve only managed to get 73 phone numbers. 73 phone numbers from 1,325 approaches, to be honest, strikes me as a pretty paltry number-to-approach ratio. Especially when you consider that only about half of those numbers, at best, could actually be expected to respond. Mind you; until recently, I at least seemed to be improving pretty consistently. At my peak, I was able to get roughly one number every second day. One two days in a row and two in one day if I got lucky. Recently, however, that seems to have declined to about one number every week or so, and I can’t figure out why, because I don’t think I’m doing anything major differently now from what I was doing before. (This started before I reduced the number of approaches per day from 12 to 6, which I did to try and take some of the pressure off to see if it made a difference). Rather than continue to try and see if ChatGPT could figure it out, I thought it might be time to post about this here instead for some flesh-and-blood advice.

I’ve gradually devised and tinkered with my routine over time based on a combination of the instructional videos, ChatGPT’s advice, and personal experience. At present, my routine is as described in the following two paragraphs. I do my approaches between 11:30 AM and 3:30 PM on both weekdays and weekends. I do them, on a rotating basis, in shopping high streets, a university campus and a waterfront adjacent to my city’s central business district––both the best outdoor venues I have found/can think of, as well as the only outdoor venues I realistically can/could do them in. I do them dressed in casual clothes (I wouldn’t have the energy to do this every day if I dressed in a collared shirt, chinos, dress shoes, etc. every day). I approach women who are on their own, who look roughly within my age (approx. 25 – 40) and attractiveness (approx. 4 – 6 out of 10) range, who are either standing/sitting in place if possible or walking in my direction if necessary, and who don’t look too busy (i.e… are not on their phone).

I open with a directions opener incorporating a false time constraint (“Hey s’cuse me, sorry to bother you, gotta go in two minutes; would you by any chance happen to know of any nice coffee shops along this street or in this neighborhood?”). Then, irrespective of whether they say yes or no, I follow with a flirt/tease/qualifier with a push/pull tacked on (“I just thought you had this explorer/hipster look about you, like you might be the sort of woman who knew her coffee. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it.”). This elicits a smile and/or laugh from them about 80% of the time. A significant percentage of the time, they’re busy and pull away by this point. If they don’t, however, I then transition to banter by observing something about their hair and comparing it to my own (I have silky, black, longer-than-waist-length hair––with this having become my attention-grabber/talking point/selling point). We’ll then proceed to banter about our hair for 1 – 2 minutes. If, at any point, they smile at me during this, I’ll add another flirt in the form of: “You’ve got this really cute smile on your face right now; like you’re thinking of something cheeky”, which, again, usually elicits a smile and/or laugh. Finally, I’ll check my phone and reinvoke the time constraint, and at this point, if I think we’ve vibed well enough, I’ll attempt to close for a number (“You seem very nice and sweet. Let’s grab a coffee ourselves sometime!”). Overall, the interactions tend to take between about 3 – 4 minutes. And at present, whether I get a number or not seems to depend overwhelmingly on whether we happen to vibe well from the get-go or not, which, alas, doesn’t seem to happen very often.

I have the following ideas on what I might be doing wrong:

• The banter might be too oriented around myself, and not be affording the women enough opportunities to talk about themselves. (The problem here is that the timeframe during street approaches tends to be extremely short, and I need to be quick).
• Until recently, I was attempting to test a new tweak every week, and this might have led to the routine becoming overengineered, and myself too neurotic about fitting all the tweaks in. I might want/need to concentrate on relaxing and going with the flow more.
• The banter about my hair might be too “girly”.

In light of everything I’ve described above, what do people here think I might be doing wrong, and what do you think I should be doing instead?

Woman want guys who don't want them. This is the basis of "game".

Going out on the street and begging women turns them off.

If you want women then you need to make sure everything is on point with your physical appearance first, nice haircut, fit, good diet (carnivore diet).

Then you need to do Semen retention, which boosts testosterone and sexual desire, body language, confidence, etc.

Then you just go about your life without the need to find a girlfriend and if you are doing SR then you get the signals from them either checking you out, or from you checking them out because on SR you DGAF if they spot you looking at them.

If you get the green light from them, it don't matter what you say, you just gauge their interest and go from there.

 

[SW15]

@fastzander - You start by mentioning that you are doing street game primarily. That's an issue.

In 2012, Roosh called street approaching the most difficult approach venue. He recommended using nearly any other daygame venue other than the street.

How To Pick Up Girls On The Street

In terms of street game, your geography matters. In the USA, only the older cities with strong foot traffic are good for street game in terms of quantity. Those cities are New York City, Boston, Chicago, Washington DC, and Philadelphia.

Now I'll go through some quotes from your post.

I’ve been doing day game for a little over five months now (I’m not into nightlife and thus night game, and my overall goal is to acquire long-term relationships, not casual sex).

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

Non-bar approaching (typically done during daylight/early evening hours) is horribly inefficient though. There are times when a man is doing everything correct and he will still fail on approaches. The majority of women between ages 18-49 aren't seeking new penis at the moment they are approached in a non-bar setting.

Given the total inefficiency of daygame, it is better to use daygame to form longer term relationships rather than shorter term sex. You have the correct idea here.

I started out doing indoor game (primarily at malls) because I found it a more conducive environment, but the limited number of venues meant I had to go to the same ones over and over again until I could tell the staff were getting wary of me, and I transitioned to street game (which I find to be a much less conducive environment, alas), which I’ve been doing for about a month now.

I think malls are an overall better venue than the street in most cases. Malls are also not dependent on weather. It's late September now, so some places will start to get cold outdoors in the next few months. In summer months, malls are also protected from the heat.

I prefer grocery stores to malls, but some guys are good at mall pickup.

Additionally, with malls, I dislike trying to mall pickup in November and December during peak holiday shopping. Women are too focused on the holiday shopping stuff during that time of the year to make mall pickup worthwhile. During the rest of the year, mall pickup can be a good idea.

I’ve done exactly 1,325 total approaches (I’ve been keeping a precise written tally of everything from the number of group approaches I’ve done to the number of times I’ve had sex). Most notably, I met a girlfriend surprisingly early-on (at a supermarket, via more-or-less the routine described below) who I was in a relationship with for about 4 months, and who I really liked/seemed to vibe really well with, until she abruptly broke up with me recently (she said that a bad past relationship made her afraid of being in one again and that she preferred being single, and that I didn’t do anything wrong myself). Throughout our relationship, however, I continued to do street game and try to get numbers anyway to try and hone my skills and make it easier to get another girlfriend in case we didn’t last.

It's great that you have a concrete number of approaches for this thread.

You have gotten something out of daygame. You got a supermarket approach to turn into a 4 month relationship with consistent sex for at least 3 of those months. She does seem a bit messed up in the head.

I’ve only managed to get 73 phone numbers. 73 phone numbers from 1,325 approaches, to be honest, strikes me as a pretty paltry number-to-approach ratio. Especially when you consider that only about half of those numbers, at best, could actually be expected to respond. Mind you; until recently, I at least seemed to be improving pretty consistently. At my peak, I was able to get roughly one number every second day. One two days in a row and two in one day if I got lucky. Recently, however, that seems to have declined to about one number every week or so, and I can’t figure out why, because I don’t think I’m doing anything major differently now from what I was doing before. (This started before I reduced the number of approaches per day from 12 to 6, which I did to try and take some of the pressure off to see if it made a difference). Rather than continue to try and see if ChatGPT could figure it out, I thought it might be time to post about this here instead for some flesh-and-blood advice.

Phone numbers are a terrible metric to track. It's a meaningless metric. You are doing the wrong thing by trying to number close and then set up first dates from behind a screen. What you need to do is arrange the date in person. This will change up your entire approach. You can't use the false time constraint either because you are going to need to take approaches long enough to develop enough of a basis for a future social outing. That means some of your conversations will be 5-15 minutes long.

Do you know how many first dates you had as a result of 1,325 approaches?

Additionally, the fact that you were continuing to approach women while in a relationship was not a good sign. It showed you had a lack of confidence in that relationship. The woman from that relationship was messed up in the head and perhaps you perceived that. If you did, getting into a relationship with her was a bad idea. That should have been discovered in the first few dates.

 

[SW15]

At present, my routine is as described in the following two paragraphs. I do my approaches between 11:30 AM and 3:30 PM on both weekdays and weekends. I do them, on a rotating basis, in shopping high streets, a university campus and a waterfront adjacent to my city’s central business district––both the best outdoor venues I have found/can think of, as well as the only outdoor venues I realistically can/could do them in. I do them dressed in casual clothes (I wouldn’t have the energy to do this every day if I dressed in a collared shirt, chinos, dress shoes, etc. every day). I approach women who are on their own, who look roughly within my age (approx. 25 – 40) and attractiveness (approx. 4 – 6 out of 10) range, who are either standing/sitting in place if possible or walking in my direction if necessary, and who don’t look too busy (i.e… are not on their phone).

How do you get the free time on weekdays to be able to do approaches? Most people are working during the day. Doing 6-12 approaches per day on a weekday would interfere with a lot of people's jobs.

On non-work days (often weekends if you work a standard Mon-Fri job), 6-12 approaches per day is more reasonable.

Your attractiveness is also too low. You should improve your looks from merely average to above average/elite to see improvement. There are videos that show the differences in outcomes just from improving looks from a 5 to an 8.

I open with a directions opener incorporating a false time constraint (“Hey s’cuse me, sorry to bother you, gotta go in two minutes; would you by any chance happen to know of any nice coffee shops along this street or in this neighborhood?”).

Directions openers are outdated. Everyone has Google Maps and Yelp on smartphones with quick internet access now and can find what they need.

Women know this and will perceive this as weird in a lot of cases.

Women use technology themselves to reduce human interaction. So many women now use earbuds/headphones outdoors to reduce male approaches. Even though you are approaching women not absorbed in their smartphones or wearing earbuds/headphones, women know that you can use your smartphone to find what you need without human interaction.

You're starting conversations from an unusual place.

I follow with a flirt/tease/qualifier with a push/pull tacked on (“I just thought you had this explorer/hipster look about you, like you might be the sort of woman who knew her coffee. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it.”). This elicits a smile and/or laugh from them about 80% of the time. A significant percentage of the time, they’re busy and pull away by this point. If they don’t, however, I then transition to banter by observing something about their hair and comparing it to my own (I have silky, black, longer-than-waist-length hair––with this having become my attention-grabber/talking point/selling point). We’ll then proceed to banter about our hair for 1 – 2 minutes. If, at any point, they smile at me during this, I’ll add another flirt in the form of: “You’ve got this really cute smile on your face right now; like you’re thinking of something cheeky”, which, again, usually elicits a smile and/or laugh. Finally, I’ll check my phone and reinvoke the time constraint, and at this point, if I think we’ve vibed well enough, I’ll attempt to close for a number (“You seem very nice and sweet. Let’s grab a coffee ourselves sometime!”). Overall, the interactions tend to take between about 3 – 4 minutes. And at present, whether I get a number or not seems to depend overwhelmingly on whether we happen to vibe well from the get-go or not, which, alas, doesn’t seem to happen very often.

You should open with an observation about her. It should preferably be about something other than her looks. Now, after 1,325 approaches, you should be able to improvise well enough with an observation.

Your own look is somewhat unconventional and that's going to reduce your success rates. Your hair is longer than most women's hair. In combination with my comments on your looks above, I think you should probably assess your own looks, including cutting your hair to some degree. You could still have longer than average male hair. Most females now don't even have waist length hair.

Regardless of your look, you need to not focus on getting the phone number and focusing on setting a bar drinks date or possibly an activity date if the initial conversation reveals a good activity date option. Most conversations won't reveal a good activity date option. Coffee dates are worthless too.

You aren't vibing well with most women due to the combination of your looks and your efforts to phone number close women too rapidly.

 

[SW15]

I guess you need to luck out and dialog up some chick that is complaining about how men don't approach anymore.

These type of women are in the minority of women. The majority of women are taking measures to avoid getting approached by using earbuds/headphones at the gym and outdoors at parks and on urban walking paths.

If you want women then you need to make sure everything is on point with your physical appearance first, nice haircut, fit, good diet (carnivore diet).

This is good advice and I did mention some of these things in my longer response.

Then you need to do Semen retention, which boosts testosterone and sexual desire, body language, confidence, etc.

I think a no porn and no masturbation lifestyle practice is a good seduction practice. It is unknown if the OP is a regular porn watcher or masturbator.

Men who watch porn and masturbate regularly aren't the types of men who would do 6-12 approaches per day or 1,325 approaches in 5 months.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Welcome to SS. Let's get some information that could help us help you. Please answer the following informational questions....

1. How old are you?
2. What country are you in?
3. What is your height/weight?
4. What is your ethnicity?
5. What is you target ethnicity in a woman?
6. What is your income level/source of income?

There are very specific reasons I inquire about each of the 6 questions above. Accurate answers will help the community help you.

Bonus inquiry: Describe exactly "casual clothes"....

The biggest (+) about the number of approaches you have done is that you have gained confidence in approaching women & starting conversations. You are fearless in that respect and that is a big deal as it helps you tremendously.

You might seem a little canned (hard to know) but that is Ok. Main thing is you are doing it.

The information requested will help everyone assist you better. Chat GPT is ok but will not critique you on things covered in the questions above.

You appear to have an analytical mind. Just remember, dating is not algebra and cannot be reduced to formulas. So a formulaic mindset will only get you so far. Yes its a numbers game, but its more nuanced than that. You need help with the nuances.

Final question: What do you enjoy for fun/hobbies/entertainment? Be specific.

 

[Sleeperhead]

I think a no porn and no masturbation lifestyle practice is a good seduction practice. It is unknown if the OP is a regular porn watcher or masturbator.

Men who watch porn and masturbate regularly aren't the types of men who would do 6-12 approaches per day or 1,325 approaches in 5 months.

My experience with this is that it takes a couple of weeks perhaps at least two before the benefits come in terms of attraction, it is also around then that the sex drive goes up and you have to deal with urges to fap. So a person not consciously trying to not fap would fold here, right when he comes alive.

Even the occasional 1-2 a week just removes that edge from you.

That being said even with the boost of nofap he would still not find success with approaching women because approaching women without them conveying interest first doesn't work.

It has nothing to do with them being already in a relationship or not seeking anything. It is more about the vibe that it gives them that turns them off. They already know that you are trying to pick them up and that means you aren't getting any while just going about your business. Screaming to them you are low value.

 

[SW15]

My experience with this is that it takes a couple of weeks perhaps at least two before the benefits come in terms of attraction, it is also around then that the sex drive goes up and you have to deal with urges to fap. So a person not consciously trying to not fap would fold here, right when he comes alive.

You are correct that it takes about 2 weeks of nofap to start to experience attraction effects. I've been doing nofap for about 10 years. It's definitely not a good idea to fold right as one is coming alive.

Even the occasional 1-2 a week just removes that edge from you.

Agree

That being said even with the boost of nofap he would still not find success with approaching women because approaching women without them conveying interest first doesn't work.

I disagree that it doesn't work without a woman conveying interest first.

That said, it becomes more difficult. It's playing the game on a hard mode setting.

I also think @fastzander is approaching women already with boyfriends/husbands. That's likely a good portion of his approaches and most of them aren't disclosing their status to him in the approach. I'm also sure that plenty of women who are single are not responding well to his approaches.

Approaching randomly in a daygame setting with no IOIs is a low probability exercise. In a bar, women are more likely to be there because they are seeking new male interactions.

 

[BPH]

I’ve been doing day game for a little over five months now (I’m not into nightlife and thus night game, and my overall goal is to acquire long-term relationships, not casual sex).

Not all women who go to bars and nightclubs are promiscuous. If you value your time and effort, going out to popular spots at night on the weekends is going to the best return on investment for you. The women there are generally single, and will be more open to being approached by men, since that is expected in this environment.

I’ve been using ChatGPT as a coach, posting daily field reports to it after each day for feedback.

Not great. ChatGPT is a great tool, but you are not going to get tough love feedback on what you're doing wrong, and you can only feed it the information YOU think is valuable. If you're not having success, you might be missing out on a lot more context than you think.

Most notably, I met a girlfriend surprisingly early-on (at a supermarket, via more-or-less the routine described below) who I was in a relationship with for about 4 months, and who I really liked/seemed to vibe really well with, until she abruptly broke up with me recently (she said that a bad past relationship made her afraid of being in one again and that she preferred being single, and that I didn’t do anything wrong myself).

Throughout our relationship, however, I continued to do street game and try to get numbers anyway to try and hone my skills and make it easier to get another girlfriend in case we didn’t last.

So your girlfriend's intuition was right.

At present, my routine is as described in the following two paragraphs. I do my approaches between 11:30 AM and 3:30 PM on both weekdays and weekends.

You are most likely interrupting women on their lunch breaks, who are going from point A to point B. This is why you will have a much better time approaching women during the nightlife. You don't even have to go to bars and clubs. You could walk around popular shopping centers, malls, strips at night or in the late evening to meet women who won't have those time and work constraints.

73 phone numbers from 1,325 approaches

This is an abysmal rate, 6% if you round up, and not even in terms of getting a date or lay, but just a phone number from average women. You are doing something fundamentally wrong, let's see if we can figure out why this is happening...

(“Hey s’cuse me, sorry to bother you, gotta go in two minutes; would you by any chance happen to know of any nice coffee shops along this street or in this neighborhood?”)

...found it.

For starters, the fact that you're being immediately apologetic for approaching her is extremely unattractive. By apologizing for being a bother, that is the first thought that's going to come to her head - that you're about to bother her.

"Would you", "by any chance", "happen to know of" is you saying essentially the same thing three times in a row without arriving at the point of your question. It is entirely too wordy, and sounds like you're STILL trying to be as innocuous as you can. You are making excuses for your very presence, because you are worried that is somehow offensive or bothersome to her.

(“I just thought you had this explorer/hipster look about you, like you might be the sort of woman who knew her coffee. I’m not sure if I love it or hate it.”)

You are still dancing around the reason for your approach. She may not even know that you're trying to flirt with her. You still do not know her name, she does not know yours, and you haven't even stated that you're attracted to this person.

There's a good chance she thinks you're some weirdo on the street who's going to try to sell her something or hand her a flyer for your church.

A significant percentage of the time, they’re busy and pull away by this point. If they don’t, however, I then transition to banter by observing something about their hair and comparing it to my own (I have silky, black, longer-than-waist-length hair––with this having become my attention-grabber/talking point/selling point). We’ll then proceed to banter about our hair for 1 – 2 minutes.

They pull away because you're wasting their time, and they still don't know what the point of this conversation is.

Now, as a man, I cannot imagine having hair that is longer than most women's to be something a woman would find attractive. That appearance alone, especially as an older man in his 30s, is something that will likely appeal to a very small demographic of women. I strongly suggest you cut it, or style it in a way that you wouldn't be perceived as a woman from somebody viewing you from behind.

Beyond that, look at what you're saying to this woman by this point...you apologized for interrupting her, took 5 business days to arrive at your question, said she "looked like the type of woman who knew her coffee", and now you're comparing her hair to yours...

This sounds like the kind of conversation a girl would have with her BFF - not a man who wants to sleep with and date her.

AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAMES.

AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T STATED ANY ATTRACTION TO HER.

If, at any point, they smile at me during this, I’ll add another flirt in the form of: “You’ve got this really cute smile on your face right now; like you’re thinking of something cheeky”

Unncessary, but not terrible.

(“You seem very nice and sweet. Let’s grab a coffee ourselves sometime!”)

This is the only thing I think you did well, and it's still imperfect. You are complimenting her personality, "nice and sweet", but you STILL have not established any physical chemistry or attraction.

The only good thing you did here was lead her to the next step, which would be grabbing a coffee with her. Hopefully, when you actually ask for the number, you're not saying something weak like "Would you by any chance happen to be open to giving me your number?"

As far as what I think you should be doing instead, just say this:

"Hey, you're really gorgeous and I wanted to come say hi, what's your name?"

Then improvise. This states your intent, gets her name, and allows you to gauge her interest level. If she's not single, this is usually when she will tell you. If she's not attracted to you, this is usually when she will lie and tell you she's not single.

If the conversation goes well, get her number, then schedule the date.

Welcome to SS. Let's get some information that could help us help you. Please answer the following informational questions....

1. How old are you?
2. What country are you in?
3. What is your height/weight?
4. What is your ethnicity?
5. What is you target ethnicity in a woman?
6. What is your income level/source of income?

This is also a good place to start. Cold approaching is great, but looks certainly matter. Over the course of those 5 months, you've hopefully also been going to the gym. The fact that your hair is so long is also a red flag to me personally, because that makes me wonder what the rest of your appearance is when you're talking to these women.

Most women will want a masculine man - not a guy who looks like he spends more time on his hair than she does. I've boldened the questions that I think matter the most for you.

 

[Sleeperhead]

I disagree that it doesn't work without a woman conveying interest first.

That said, it becomes more difficult. It's playing the game on a hard mode setting.

I also think @fastzander is approaching women already with boyfriends/husbands. That's likely a good portion of his approaches and most of them aren't disclosing their status to him in the approach. I'm also sure that plenty of women who are single are not responding well to his approaches.

Approaching randomly in a daygame setting with no IOIs is a low probability exercise. In a bar, women are more likely to be there because they are seeking new male interactions.

A relationship is just a social construct really, they don't care. They would get with a guy relationship or not if they liked him more than the current guy, as has been the case with me a few times. Even the good ones can't stop feeling attraction for other guys.

The only reason he is losing out is because they don't like him enough. There is nothing wrong with OP aside from that instead of going about his business he goes out looking for women. He cold approaches women because he is lacking options, and women sense this. After all women want chosen guys.

He would do better in bars, or online dating, if he were impatient and wanted things right now. And then he would need to play it a lot cooler concealing his interest.

 

[SW15]

I do my approaches between 11:30 AM and 3:30 PM on both weekdays and weekends. I do them, on a rotating basis, in shopping high streets, a university campus and a waterfront adjacent to my city’s central business district––both the best outdoor venues I have found/can think of, as well as the only outdoor venues I realistically can/could do them in.

You are most likely interrupting women on their lunch breaks, who are going from point A to point B. This is why you will have a much better time approaching women during the nightlife. You don't even have to go to bars and clubs. You could walk around popular shopping centers, malls, strips at night or in the late evening to meet women who won't have those time and work constraints.

We had much overlap in our analyses of the entirety of his situation. On to this specific quote...

In his approaches at the waterfront near the city's central business district on weekdays, I could imagine that he is interrupting women on lunch breaks from work and that likely annoys them, regardless of his verbal opener or looks.

On a university campus, the women might have more time in between classes during that time frame.

On weekdays, grocery stores and malls after 5:30 PM would likely be better timing if he wanted to do non-bar approaching.

I’ve been doing day game for a little over five months now (I’m not into nightlife and thus night game, and my overall goal is to acquire long-term relationships, not casual sex).

Not all women who go to bars and nightclubs are promiscuous. If you value your time and effort, going out to popular spots at night on the weekends is going to the best return on investment for you. The women there are generally single, and will be more open to being approached by men, since that is expected in this environment.

What would your thoughts be about him going to bars around 5-9 PM on weeknights and maybe up until 10:30 PM or so weekends?

By being at a bar, he has more of a chance of meeting women who are more open to approaches by men and not necessarily so intoxicated that same night sex is the better play.

Late nights Thursday-Saturday at bars are more for going for same night sex as compared to something longer term.

Non-bar approaching can be good for finding something that develops more slowly and might be longer lasting. However, non-bar approaching is very inefficient because a lot of women aren't expecting to be approaching and often aren't open to new penis just by being in a gym, grocery store, or mall.

 

[fastzander]

Advice from the old lady:

Welcome to SS. Let's get some information that could help us help you. Please answer the following informational questions....

1. How old are you?
2. What country are you in?
3. What is your height/weight?
4. What is your ethnicity?
5. What is you target ethnicity in a woman?
6. What is your income level/source of income?

There are very specific reasons I inquire about each of the 6 questions above. Accurate answers will help the community help you.

Bonus inquiry: Describe exactly "casual clothes"....

The biggest (+) about the number of approaches you have done is that you have gained confidence in approaching women & starting conversations. You are fearless in that respect and that is a big deal as it helps you tremendously.

You might seem a little canned (hard to know) but that is Ok. Main thing is you are doing it.

The information requested will help everyone assist you better. Chat GPT is ok but will not critique you on things covered in the questions above.

You appear to have an analytical mind. Just remember, dating is not algebra and cannot be reduced to formulas. So a formulaic mindset will only get you so far. Yes its a numbers game, but its more nuanced than that. You need help with the nuances.

Final question: What do you enjoy for fun/hobbies/entertainment? Be specific.

1. 33.
2. Australia.
3. 175 cm. (5.9 feet) / 67 kg.
4. White.
5. White or Asian
6. None. I'm NEET and entirely dependent on parents except for some stock dividends.

Casual clothes, at present, means long-sleeved shirts without collars or buttons, jeans, and sneakers.

Hobbies are architectural photography, movies, going for long walks and dining at cafes and restaurants.

 

[fastzander]

I just wanted to thank you all for your replies. You've given me a lot of tough (but, I suspect, necessary) love that ChatGPT never would have and more actionable advice than r/seduction did. I already suspected my own colossal mediocrity, but you've really thrown it into stark light. I won't say that it hasn't pushed me further into the pit of despair I was already in and made me want to give up, but I want to be one of the few guys who digests it and doesn't. Without trying to change a million things at once, what do you think would be one small and easy but positive tweak that I could/should try literally starting from today? Maybe try approaching three, or even just one woman, directly, having dropped the directions opener, to start getting used to doing so?

 

[SW15]

1. 33.
2. Australia.
3. 175 cm. (5.9 feet) / 67 kg.
4. White.
5. White or Asian
6. None. I'm NEET and entirely dependent on parents except for some stock dividends.

175 cm is 5'7.5" in height and 148 lbs. You are height-weight proportionate. Average height for an Australian man is 178 cm or 5'10.5" inches. You are considered short and that's not an asset in a Western country.

Australian women are even worse than USA women in terms of their attitudes. I'm a USA resident who has never done pickup in Australia.

Being a NEET is going to be tough sell for a lot of women. A NEET with a great physique can get short term sex. In 2011, former PUA Roosh wrote about getting laid as a 31 year old man living in his dad's basement as a content creator with limited income. If your stock dividends are high enough, you might be able to portray yourself as a rich heir guy. Being a rich heir guy could appeal to women.

Getting Laid While Unemployed And Living In Your Dad’s Basement

Without trying to change a million things at once, what do you think would be one small and easy but positive tweak that I could/should try literally starting from today?

Attraction and seduction come down to looks, money, status, and personality. Looks are most important.

The first thing you should do is cut your hair to a more manageable level. Waist level hair as a man doesn't appeal to a lot of women.

Longer term, you could probably go to the gym more and put more muscle on your physique.

If your stock dividends aren't making you independently wealthy without a job, you'll need to get a job in this difficult economy.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

6. None. I'm NEET and entirely dependent on parents except for some stock dividends.

Changing this should be a far bigger priority than any daygame routine.

 

[BPH]

Without trying to change a million things at once, what do you think would be one small and easy but positive tweak that I could/should try literally starting from today?

Immediately? This:

"Hey, you're really gorgeous and I wanted to come say hi, what's your name?"

But more importantly, this:

Changing this should be a far bigger priority than any daygame routine.

Short, lightweight, and lazy is an incredibly unattractive combination.

You can't do much about the height, but you can, and absolutely should be taking massive action towards the other two.

Go to the gym. Get a job. Those should be much higher priorities than getting your phone number close rate into the double digits. I myself live at home, but I am not satisfied with that arrangement, and have been saving the money I get from my job to pay off my student loan (which I did in full last week) and to afford to move out and stay out. I also do not rely on them to fund my expenses; they simply provide a roof and a bed.

You need to lean into changing "a million things at once" because you're not getting any younger, and it sounds like you have a lot of bad habits to shake.

 

[Vanderdonck]

It's great that you're out doing this and your dialogue is not bad. But the numbers don't lie.

Are you getting stuck in the routine? Bored with it? Maybe be more improvisational. Also if you're on the same patch of street you may start coming across like a salesman or a street preacher. Each situation should be different and furthermore should involve a little inspiration. If a woman catches your eye, there is usually a reason.

 

[fastzander]

Hey folks, I just wanted to give you a small update. Tonight, I switched to doing direct opens ("Hi there; this is gonna sound random, but I just thought you looked really nice and wanted to say hi. I'm [name]", followed by unscripted back-and-forth banter (without mentioning my hair) and teases, and was able to get 2 phone numbers from 3 approaches, including the first one I did.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok OP. Still too apologetic, but certainly better. Take away "This is gonna sound random...." adjust & see what works best for you.

Your highest priority must be finding work as others have stated. Exercise/fitness also needs to be a priority but you can exercise outdoors for free if money is an issue.

Earning money needs to be top priority because your typical woman is not going to want to date a grown ass man who cannot support himself. That sort of thing was the single biggest turn off/no go for me when I was single. An employed or successful woman does not want a moocher. Super turn off, even for an attractive man.

So getting your own income is number 1.

As far as your hair, I'd cut it to a reasonable length. Especially if it creates a barrier to employment. I say that as a woman married to a man with pretty long hair (halfway down his back). My huband is a software engineer and typically wears his hair in a ponytail at work to have a neat, professional appearance. His field is pretty tolerant of long hair on a man but that has not always been the case in US.

The most important thing is that your hair is clean. Unless you are in the music industry or some other profession tolerant of an alternative look you need to think seriously about this advice about your hair.

Don't be depressed. The advice given is meant to help you & empower you. Already you've made adjustments and had (+) reinforcement.

Listen, digest & deploy. Cheers!