Girl wants me to text more dilemma

[AM349]

^^Fair!! But could not the argument also be made that she was 'following his lead'?

If so, I don't necessarily agree with it BUT that may have been what she was doing

OP it would be helpful to know how often you texted her. Clearly she was unhappy but don't know if she had unreasonable expectations or if you were being an ***.

You said when she mentioned it, you agreed she had a point so....

How often were you texting her and spending time with her?

I only texted once a week to set up a date. We only dated once a week. Texting was short most of the time.

 

[AM349]

^^I'm gonna assume you do care since you created this thread but why was she the one initiating?

Why are you so afraid to show you (gasp) care?

You don't need to be a simp but if you're not showing you care by initiating once in awhile and spending regular time together, especially since she's so hot in the sack, yeah she's gonna bail.

Learn to balance caring and spending time together with distance and independence.

The thing is, she asks me to show more care. If i give in I might lose frame.

If I don’t she won’t text and I also won’t text what will lead to a dead end as what happened before.

 

[sph21]

like taking forever to text back and acting like she diWe had great chemistry, but the back-and-forth got old.

Yup. This is a red flag.
Even shy girls will find a reason to text you.
She's not interested in having a relationship with you. She's using you as her live dildo.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yes we have F every time we see each other. I just like her personality a lot, but she couldn’t be my wife for a couple of reasons.

You’re obviously treating her like a plate. The thing about plates is that not only do they have an expiration date, but you’re also indifferent to them. You don’t care who they’re seeing, what they’re doing, or why they’re flaking or taking so long to reply. The reality is, a plate is someone you’re casually keeping around for your own convenience; someone you’re not fully invested in emotionally or mentally. Plates are there for entertainment or validation, not for building a meaningful connection.

She’s likely asking for more texts because your distance creates a sense of emotional withdrawal. This absence can paradoxically revive her interest, leading to a repeating pattern where she chases you, then pulls away. It’s a cycle fueled by uncertainty and tension; when one person pulls back, the other feels compelled to pursue, creating a push-and-pull dynamic that can be exhausting for both.

Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you want to keep seeing her, you have to keep up the effort. Once the initial chase ends, pulling back makes her feel like she was just a target, not someone you genuinely value. To keep her engaged, things can’t go stale—avoid routine, maintain a bit of mystery, and keep the dynamic alive. It’s not just attraction that keeps her around, it’s your ongoing investment and unpredictability.

Conclusion: If you want to keep seeing her, you need to put in more effort, meaning yes, text her more. If you don’t care, which would be fine, then keep doing what you’re doing and talk to other girls. But based on the fact that you're making this post, it seems like you do care—so act accordingly.

 

[Beyond It]

I dated this girl from November to January but ended it because I thought she was playing games, like taking forever to text back and acting like she diWe had great chemistry, but the back-and-forth got old.

Four months later she reached out, we went on a date, and then nothing again. Decided to let her reach out again but she never did.

She later explained that she expected me to text her, and that she thought I didn’t care because she init

Another four months passed and she popped up on my Instagram, so I texted her and set up a date.

Before meeting she asked why I cut things off in January and why I didn’t follow up after our last date. She said she felt confused and used, and she’s looking for something long term.

On the date she admitted she liked me but my lack of affection and minimal texting made her hesitant, which led her to play games. And honestly, she has a point.

Now I’m stuck. If I text more, do I lose the frame? If I don’t, will it just be the same story again?

When is it okay so show her that atleast you like her a bit?

You should have changed nothing.

 

[AM349]

You’re obviously treating her like a plate. The thing about plates is that not only do they have an expiration date, but you’re also indifferent to them. You don’t care who they’re seeing, what they’re doing, or why they’re flaking or taking so long to reply. The reality is, a plate is someone you’re casually keeping around for your own convenience; someone you’re not fully invested in emotionally or mentally. Plates are there for entertainment or validation, not for building a meaningful connection.

She’s likely asking for more texts because your distance creates a sense of emotional withdrawal. This absence can paradoxically revive her interest, leading to a repeating pattern where she chases you, then pulls away. It’s a cycle fueled by uncertainty and tension; when one person pulls back, the other feels compelled to pursue, creating a push-and-pull dynamic that can be exhausting for both.

Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you want to keep seeing her, you have to keep up the effort. Once the initial chase ends, pulling back makes her feel like she was just a target, not someone you genuinely value. To keep her engaged, things can’t go stale—avoid routine, maintain a bit of mystery, and keep the dynamic alive. It’s not just attraction that keeps her around, it’s your ongoing investment and unpredictability.

Conclusion: If you want to keep seeing her, you need to put in more effort, meaning yes, text her more. If you don’t care, which would be fine, then keep doing what you’re doing and talk to other girls. But based on the fact that you're making this post, it seems like you do care—so act accordingly.

Finally some useful constructive advice, thanks a lot. Agree with a lot that you said

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Finally some useful constructive advice, thanks a lot. Agree with a lot that you said

Nah this chick wants routine instead of mystery. She needs to feel comfortable, and not having to guess where things are at. The rest of the post is good, she needs you to invest in her and show that you're investing in her. It's up to you to decide if this investing is worth it or not.

If you're married or living together you want to avoid routine and add some mystery. This is not the case here.