Friend zoned through inaction

[CaptFinnBad]

So this woman i like. Just randomly met her out and about (she came over to talk to me).

We usually bump into each other a couple times a week and just walk and talk together on the beach.

Intintitaly she was super into me. Asked my my phone number. Was always suggesting we hang out. Invited me to hers one night e.t.c. it was obvious.

I was getting over a break up. So dismissed it/didn't act on her interest in me.

Then I ended up seeing a completely different women. So avoided the places I usually bumped into this women.

When I did, we would end up hanging out but I was a lil distant, she even she remarked I didn't walk close to her (as in her space).


I've taken a bit of a break from women whilst working on my house.

Now I'm ready to start getting back out there. She's lost all interest.

Was out with her today, the dynamic has changed. It's crystal clear she's friend zoned me / I've friend zoned myself.

She even mentioned she was going on a date this weekend.

I'm now really kicking myself because lack of action on my part has potential killed it. I really wanted to start escalating with her and was going to ask her to do something one evening.

There are a couple other women in my life that's going really well, but I'm kinda sad about this one.

She's really hot, get on so well. I feel I've shot myself in the foot by trying to keep her on the back burner so long.

Advice? Salvageable? What would be the best way to approach this?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just make your move. Start sexualizing every convo. Tell her how hot she looks but in a sexual way like whispering it in her ear and then taking a little nibble on her ear lobe as you pull away. Start touching her.

Basically just drive her wild til she can't take it anymore.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Just make your move. Start sexualizing every convo. Tell her how hot she looks but in a sexual way like whispering it in her ear and then taking a little nibble on her ear lobe as you pull away. Start touching her.

Basically just drive her wild til she can't take it anymore.

I dunno, I just get the impression I've truly killed this one and it's potentially dead in the water. I think switching suddenly to full sexualisation would come across creepy AF now.

I'm just not getting any indicators she's interested anymore.

If she was giving me indicators like she was a couple months I'd know how to act on them and escalate sexually now that I'm in a position I could/available too.

I've definitely been moved from guy she wants to f* CK into he's just my friend category.

First time I've ever been friend zoned like this. I don't like it lol!!!

There are other women. Which are sexual.

But I don't know I want to see if I can turn this one around. I'll slowly escalate the sexual bit, test the waters and change the dynamic.

If that works, I feel she's giving me indicators again, invite out in the evening (a change from our usual daytime, beach environment) , then go full on escalation.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Just make your move. Start sexualizing every convo. Tell her how hot she looks but in a sexual way like whispering it in her ear and then taking a little nibble on her ear lobe as you pull away. Start touching her.

Basically just drive her wild til she can't take it anymore.

I dunno, I just get the impression I've truly killed this one and it's potentially dead in the water. I think switching suddenly to full sexualisation would come across creepy AF now.

I'm just not getting any indicators she's interested anymore.

If she was giving me indicators like she was a couple months ago I'd know how to act on them and escalate sexually now I'm in a position I could/available too.

I've definitely been moved from guy she wants to f* CK into he's just my friend category.

First time I've ever been friend zoned like this. I don't like it lol!!!

There are other women. Which are sexual.

But I don't know I just really want to see if I have what it takes to turn this one around.

I'll slowly escalate the sexual aspect on our walks, test the waters and try change the dynamic.

If that works, I feel she's giving me indicators again, invite out in the evening (a change from our usual daytime, beach environment) , then go full on escalation.

If no indicators. I'll wave the white flag and accept defeat on this one.

Man this friend zone thing is so much harder. ****s sake .

 

[Vanderdonck]

You could

1. Make your move as mentioned above;
2. Go out with her and flirt with girls in front of her, ask her for love/sex advice;
3. Put her on ice for a while to clear your head.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

You could

1. Make your move as mentioned above;
2. Go out with her and flirt with girls in front of her, ask her for love/sex advice;
3. Put her on ice for a while to clear your head.

You genuinely think no 2 could work ?

There are other women and I could easily switch out conversation to sharing and asking for advice.

I guess been reluctant talking about my escapades with women to her because I like her.


Like there is this other girl right now. Who's a complete freak. Gets off on my tieing her up, spanking her, choked, being told she's a good girl and calls daddy.

I've got so many freaky sexy stories. She's completely unaware of this side of me and probably sees me as a guy who doesn't know how to escalate as I've been deliberately not been asking on her advances and dismissing them for months (even though she's aware I do like her).

So probably a complete ***** in her eyes now.

You think introducing talking about my sex life could spin this ?


It might the easiest way to get out this stagnant situation.

Right now we're just having stupid mundane conversations.

I'm thinking maybe the stories/advise would bring out the freak in her, or ignite something.

IF it doesn't , it doesn't matter. At least I haven't made an unwanted advance and been labeled a creep.

 

[Vanderdonck]

You think no 2 could work ?

There are other women and I could easily switch her conversation and talk to her about this as advice.

Like there is this other girl right now. Who's a complete freak. Gets off on my tieing her up, spanking her, choked, being told she's a good girl and calls daddy.


I don't talk about anything like this with her. I've got so many freaky sexy stories.

You think introducing talking about my sex life could spin this ?


It might be a good idea and an easy/the easiest way to get out this stagnant situation.

Right now we're just having stupid mundane conversations.

It can be risky because she might take it as similar to girlfriend talk about sex.

So the key would be to stay flirtatious and a bit vague, so she's asking questions or imagining herself in those scenarios.

"Have you ever asked a partner to tie you up?" e.g. Or "if a guy asked to tie you up, what would you think?"

Still, keep it date-like with kino and teasing. At some point you can look her in the eye and say, "you're being super flirty right now, you know."

The usual stuff, get her to qualify herself. But don't be too strategic or it will look like a ruse. Just be your natural, flirty, fun loving self you know? Mentality that she's an orbiter, your lady "friends" hit on you, it's normal and sometimes friends become lovers. La dee dah.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

It can be risky because she might take it as similar to girlfriend talk about sex.

So the key would be to stay flirtatious and a bit vague, so she's asking questions or imagining herself in those scenarios.

"Have you ever asked a partner to tie you up?" e.g. Or "if a guy asked to tie you up, what would you think?"

Still, keep it date-like with kino and teasing. At some point you can look her in the eye and say, "you're being super flirty right now, you know."

The usual stuff, get her to qualify herself. But don't be too strategic or it will look like a ruse. Just be your natural, flirty, fun loving self you know? Mentality that she's an orbiter, your lady "friends" hit on you, it's normal and sometimes friends become lovers. La dee dah.

Yeah so this one has to be handled with a lil care. So basically she's a dog walker and so am I.

There is a lil spot we all go. That's where she first approached me, started hitting on me.

So coming on too strong sexually with her now that she's cooled off risks me coming off as a creep. Which could **** up my reputation in the area and blow up in my face.

I hang out with others in the spot too and don't want to be gossiped about in that sense.


So introducing the stories about my sexual exploits with her seems like the easiest/safest thing to do. I don't care if that gets talked about or shared. Totally fine. Everyone is cool. There is actually a gay guy who's always sharing **** with the women.

So worst case It just leads to interesting conversations with her, we remain friends and totally fine.

Best base scenario she starts revealing to me a lil bit of freak that's in her and which leaves the fully open for me to escalate.

BUT coming across with unwelcome sexual advances if she's not openly inviting it would NOT be great look for me in the little click we have. Especially as it's mostly women.



The two worst case scenarios which I want to avoid at all costs.


1. Reputation as a creep making unwanted advance.

2. Being friend zoned and hanging on I hope as an orbiter.

 

[Vanderdonck]

So coming on too strong sexually with her now that she's cooled off risks me coming off as a creep. Which could **** up my reputation in the area and blow up in my face.

It's only creepy if you make it creepy. Just be fun. If she denies, accept and laugh it off. People will not give a F if you are a suave guy. It's just how you are.

I did this a few times with women who were in a small social group context. Just went for it. Oh for 3, lol. Nobody cared, we're all still friends.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

It's only creepy if you make it creepy. Just be fun. If she denies, accept and laugh it off. People will not give a F if you are a suave guy. It's just how you are.

I did this a few times with women who were in a small social group context. Just went for it. Oh for 3, lol. Nobody cared, we're all still friends.

Yeah man. I don't know why I'm overthinking this with this one. Today thew me off a bit. I guess I had it in my mind I could keep her on the back burner indefinitely and take her out to play with whenever I wanted.

Saying she was going on a date tomorrow threw me off.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I feel I've shot myself in the foot by trying to keep her on the back burner so long.

Advice? Salvageable?

Practice distinguishing your thoughts from your emotions https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/separating-feelings-and-thoughts/amp NOT doing so results in a man who emits sh-ttons of "feminine energy"

 

[Clockwerk50]

Her mentioning a date this weekend suggests, whether consciously or not, that she now sees you platonically, or at least, that her emotional investment has shifted elsewhere. Her interest may be low, or someone else may have taken her attention in the meantime.

In seduction, escalation is everything. You can’t pause the dynamic indefinitely. There are moments when stepping back or de-escalating can ruin the momentum. An absence at a critical point can cause the other person to lose interest, and it leaves too much to chance; while you’re away, someone else might appear and distract her thoughts from you. Strategic distance is only effective later on, once you’re certain of her affection, and even then, only if the space isn’t too long or too wide. I’m sure you already understand this.

Unfortunately, dealing with low-interest women who were once highly interested requires thick skin and the awareness that your chances are much lower than with someone who is currently showing high interest. You can’t seduce everyone, not everyone is open to a second chance, and you’re not the only player out there.

For a re-seduction to work, certain conditions usually need to be in place: she shouldn’t know you too well, so her image of you remains somewhat idealized; she should be naturally open to fantasy and new possibilities; she should feel some dissatisfaction or restlessness in her current dating life; and enough time should have passed to soften her memory of your earlier indifference.

I’m not sure how much time has passed since the initial attraction, but your best bet might be to let more time pass. Time can help restore your mystery and fade your past mistakes. Ultimately, if you decide to re-engage, you’ll need to return to doing exactly what you did back when she was genuinely interested—whatever that was. My opinion is that she moved on to greener pastures.

 

[Sega Genesis]

So basically when this woman wanted you, you didn't want her. Now that she no longer wants you, you want her?

I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh but I'm not buying this "not ready cuz I just got out of a relationship" excuse. Had you been interested, that wouldn't have mattered one bit.

My take? (And I'm a woman in case you didn't know).

She came on quite strong both with words and physical gestures, chased you and it turned you off. Her chasing and other behaviors didn't inspire you, intrigue you or do much of anything other than want to be a "friend."

Now that she's moved on from all that and no longer interested and dating other men, suddenly you're interested! And inspired! And Intrigued!

I'm not negatively judging you by the way it's the same ole story.

We often want what we can't have and just my take but I think that's what happening here at least on some level.

Please don't try and manipulate her into having her attraction reignite. It's disingenuous and not reflective of true genuine attraction.

The sexual stuff suggested? That's likely to result in her thinking you're a creep. And it's sounds thirsty and desperate.

Just be cool, maintain some distance, let her wonder. Balanced with periodic moments of attention then distance again.

A bit of push/pull, intermittent reinforcement. But it should be natural; not forced. You're busy! And have a life.

If her attraction is going to reignite, let it happen genuinely not through manipulation.

It may take awhile so be patient and date other women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So basically when this woman wanted you, you didn't want her. Now that she no longer wants you, you want her?

I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh but I'm not buying this "not ready cuz I just got out of a relationship" excuse. Had you been interested, that wouldn't have mattered one bit.

My take? (And I'm a woman in case you didn't know).

She came on quite strong both with words and physical gestures, chased you and it turned you off. Her chasing and other behaviors didn't inspire you, intrigue you or do much of anything other than want to be a "friend."

Now that she's moved on from all that and no longer interested and dating other men, suddenly you're interested! And inspired! And Intrigued!

I'm not negatively judging you by the way it's the same ole story.

We often want what we can't have and just my take but I think that's what happening here at least on some level.

Please don't try and manipulate her into having her attraction reignite. It's disingenuous and not reflective of true genuine attraction.

The sexual stuff suggested? That's likely to result in her thinking you're a creep. And it's sounds thirsty and desperate.

Just be cool, maintain some distance, let her wonder. Balanced with periodic moments of attention then distance again.

A bit of push/pull, intermittent reinforcement. But it should be natural; not forced. You're busy! And have a life.

If her attraction is going to reignite, let it happen genuinely not through manipulation.

It may take awhile so be patient and date other women.

I disagree, because it's either going to work and give the results he wants or it he just stops pretending he is "friends" with her when he wants to fvck her.

That's what is far more disingenuous.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I disagree, because it's either going to work and give the results he wants or it he just stops pretending he is "friends" with her when he wants to fvck her.

That's what is far more disingenuous.

Well I didn't say he should "pretend" to be her friend or anything else. In fact I said to distance and let her wonder about him. Let the rabbit wheels spin!

Be cool when he sees her and live his life.

Honestly some of the stuff suggested sounds so thirsty and desperate, I do NOT recommend.

I'm not a fan of trying to force attraction through strategic or manipulative tactics (as has been suggested). A smart woman can see through that and it tends to have the opposite result.

Anyway just my take, @CaptFinnBad can take or leave.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well I didn't say he should "pretend" to be her friend or anything else. In fact I said to distance and let her wonder about him. Let the rabbit wheels spin!

Be cool when he sees her and live his life.

Honestly some of the stuff suggested sounds so thirsty and desperate, I do NOT recommend.

I'm not a fan of trying to force attraction through strategic or manipulative tactics (as has been suggested). A smart woman can see through that and it tends to have the opposite result.

Anyway just my take, @CaptFinnBad can take or leave.

It's all in the way it's done. You have to know the right time and place for it, you just can't use it anywhere.

Surgical laser, not sledge hammer.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

The fact that I'm overthinking this and making threads about it, Isn't putting me in good standing.

I genuinely do like her had that realisation today after she said she was going on a date this weekend.

I've clearly been friendzoned. She's clearly lost sexual attraction to me. My lack of action or initiation has killed that in her.

I think it would be creepy to try spin it now with the current dynamic.

Mabye it's best i avoid her for a bit. One last lil push on DIY projects around the house, focus on the woman who's attraction is sky high and I have escalated with.

Get her out my head a bit. Whilst I get busy with other stuff. Mabye absence reset the dynamic. Mabye it won't.

IF i do any sexual interest in me at all, I will act on it and do something about it.

 

[BaronOfHair]

The fact that I'm overthinking this and making threads about it, Isn't putting me in good standing

This is similar to the neighborhood semi-recluse who continues to be run out off the playground, after the first time he was busted for luring a 5 year old boy into an abandoned WalMart, then trying to persuade the lad to take off his Iron Man underroos and hand them over to that semi-recluse(Dude was apparently just craving a sniff), in exchange for a Milky Way bar...

It just may be astute for both of you fellas to cease or/and modify behaviors which frequently result in your being marked as "weirdos"

 

[CaptFinnBad]

This is similar to the neighborhood semi-recluse who continues to be run out off the playground, after the first time he was busted for luring a 5 year old boy into an abandoned WalMart, then trying to persuade the lad to take off his Iron Man underroos and hand them over to that semi-recluse(The semi-recluse was apparently just craving a sniff), in exchange for a Milky Way bar...

It just may be astute for both of you fellas to cease or/and modify behaviors which frequently result in your being marked as "weirdos"

Lol sounds like you've thought about that scenario quite a bit. Anything to confess

 

[The Duke]

The last time I got friend zoned I got myself out of it by showing up to her place and going for it. Had some drinks on her patio, started touching her, told I wanted to do bad things to her. Ended up in her bed that night.