In a perfect world, yes, it would be beneficial to get to know a chick before dating,
However, in reality, there is a short window to go from first meet until dating/sex. If you wait too long, you’ll end up in friendzone.
The risk of ending up in the friend zone (in addition to my phobia of shooting my shot with a woman I actually know) is another thing holding me back.
You make a good point. Ending up in the friend zone can happen if you wait too long (That's the topic of New Found Glory's song Hit Or Miss. They have the line that goes "Have I waited too long?" I love that song every bit as much as I did at 16. As the title suggests, getting a girl/woman is Hit Or Miss. It can be hard to find just the right time to "hit"...and if you don't hit at just the right time, you'll miss)
There are instances, however, where men can overcome the friend zone thing. There are couples from my hometown who became couples in adulthood, despite the fact they went to school together for years. In other words, the girl (theoretically at least) had plenty of time to friend zone him...yet didn't friend zone him.
I think your actual problem is that you have no understanding of proper social dynamics or interactions and instead of working hard at improving in this area, you spend all your time excusing it away and complaining about it.
Except neither of those things will help you improve in that area other than doing what you don't want to do and are desperately trying to avoid -- hard work.
My counselors (as well as posters on here) have taught me some stuff about social dynamics. For example, the thing I learned 2 years ago on this forum about how I messed up by being unaware of the social norm where the man picks the venue for the 2nd date. I'm grateful I learned that social norm. If I ever end up in a position again where a 2nd date is on the table, I know what to do differently.
Let's consider the experience of an average range looking, neurotypical male.
An average range, neurotypical male will go on some first dates. His first dates will often be a result of a large volume of swiping in a big city. He's interacting with strangers he's never met in-person prior to a date. Successfully seducing her has a high degree of difficulty. He's likely to have many "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions from his swipe app arranged dates.
If an average range, neurotypical male approaches random women in real life, he's likely not going to get many dates. He might even get fewer dates as compared to swiping on thousands of women and sending in-app & text messages. He might set up better quality dates as a result of having a 3-10 minute face-to-face conversation before arranging a date. Going on a full date (1-3 hours) with a woman he pre-screened in person for 3-10 minutes is also likely to have a high failure rate, though possibly not as high as app arranged dates.
I agree with you. That is one factor that has increased the degree of difficulty for him to a task that is already difficult for an average range, neurotypical male. That's not the only factor increasing the degree of difficulty.
It sounds like you pretty much agree with my counselor's premise. You're admitting that even the average neurotypical man has a hard time keeping a stranger he meets through either apps or cold approaches.
In other words, my counselor was right when she said even taking autism out of the equation, men who go the stranger route typically have a hard time keeping a woman.
It's been said many times on the forum about how "1 date, no sex, no 2nd date" is a common outcome for many men. I can't believe I didn't put the pieces together sooner (about how my struggles to keep a woman have nothing to do with autism)
