The truth about flaking

[Solomon]

I mean it took me until 30 to understand all of this but in honesty when you see how clueless a lot of men are with dating you realise the bar is fvcking low

It blows my mind how many don't understand this, even when you get to your 40s. I remember I once made plans with a woman and she was legit shocked and was like "finally a man who takes charge" the competition isn't that tough if you have your stuff together the more you do the basic stuff the more you actually stand out

 

[Clockwerk50]

It's all about how you convey your message and deliver it effectively tbh. If you don't want to confirm dates then I hope you are doing a great job selling yourself. My issue is when cowards hide behind these passive bvtch made tactics and try and sell it as holding masculine frame. No dude, you are just scared to talk to women lol.

When I first came in, there was a post about a guy who drove an hour to meet a girl at a bar, but when he arrived, she flaked or ghosted him. The main takeaway was that he didn’t bother to confirm if the meet-up was actually happening before making the drive.

 

[SW15]

When I first came in, there was a post about a guy who drove an hour to meet a girl at a bar, but when he arrived, she flaked or ghosted him. The main takeaway was that he didn’t bother to confirm if the meet-up was actually happening before making the drive.

That's the type of interaction more common in the internet age. Prior to the internet age, people who lived 1 hour away from each other were far less likely to go on dates.

A lot of flaking/ghosting happens after the first date. There's been less discussion on that so far.

 

[Sega Genesis]

It's all about how you convey your message and deliver it effectively tbh. If you don't want to confirm dates then I hope you are doing a great job selling yourself. My issue is when cowards hide behind these passive bvtch made tactics and try and sell it as holding masculine frame. No dude, you are just scared to talk to women lol.

^^Thanks but I'm female.soooo.... but perhaps you meant "you" generically?

Re bolded, what? Lol. Cowards? Hiding behind passive bvtch made tactics?

Okay, maybe I'm not articulating myself properly but I'm referring to when a date, time and place has already been set and confirmed and you've been texting periodically (not too much) throughout the week or days prior continuing to build rapport and comfort level.

Why would a man need to ask if it's still a go? I truly don't get that.

Confirming is great! 100%!

"Hey how's your day going? I'm busy as hell but see ya tonight at 8:00"!

It's a direct statement that generates positivity.

Versus

"We still on for tonight"?

My response.

"Of course why wouldn't we be"?

While internally, I'm thinking - "Why is he asking me that? Does HE want to cancel? Is he hoping I will cancel? Does he think I might flake?

All sorts of negative thoughts whirl around within my feminine brain .

It causes me to question and not feel safe!

Women in general (not all) including myself, can be insecure as hell sometimes no matter how beautiful she is, we're nervous etc especially before a first date or date with a new man we're attracted to but don't know well.

I don't need or want a man to be!

His security; confidence and directness re what he wants etc causes ME to feel secure. I need/want that from him, most women do unless they're the take-charge boss-women types.

And lest you think how you word things (asking versus a direct statement confirming) doesn't matter, it's just semantics or whatever, it DOES matter especially during early stages when things are precarious and feelings/interest can change on a dime!

We're listening to everything you say and how you say it .... and observing... YOU and any man should be doing same.

But hey man you do you and like I said if asking if an already scheduled date is still on works well for you, great! Continue doing that.

 

[CornbreadFed]

^^Thanks but I'm female.soooo.... but perhaps you meant "you" generically?

I wasn't aware that you were a female lol.

Confirming is great! 100%!

"Hey how's your day going? I'm busy as hell but see ya tonight at 8:00"!

It's a direct statement that generates positivity.

Versus

"We still on for tonight"?

My response.

"Of course why wouldn't we be"?

I agree with what you are saying, but I am pro genuine and authenticity too. Yes, there's time and place to show masculine frame and seriousness, but I do not want guys being robotic script robots. Whichever way you think you can pull off naturally is what I would recommend.

 

[SW15]

"Hey how's your day going? I'm busy as hell but see ya tonight at 8:00"!

It's a direct statement that generates positivity.

The bolded is a good enough statement to fill space in between setting the date (hopefully in person) and when the date happens.

It would be better if extended dates were more instantaneous. It's very rare to do a non-bar approach and have that approach turn into an immediate, 1-2 hour date.

In a bar, it's possible for an approach to go long and lead to an extended interaction in the bar that eventually moves to someone's home for same night sex.