Coffee dates

[Vanderdonck]

Coffee dates work if you're the one suggesting them. It's all about frame. I've closed a few women that way. Nothing crazy about it but I do prefer evening drinks.

If you asked her out for a night date and she counters with day/coffee, that's going to be tougher to navigate, prolly not worth it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Interesting

I geuss this is a cultural difference between our continents. The idea behind the coffee date is a male invention, one that provides an cheap alternative for gauging if its even worth to invest more money in as you called it " dinner or action dates".

Doesn't have to be coffee necessarily, but rather a quick non alcoholic drink.

I said drinks or action dates. I would never take a women to dinner on a first date. That is a move for suckers.

 

[SW15]

If a man has one date per week and he has to spend 150 bucks per date it's gonna add up FAST. That's 600 he has to spend on strange women while getting nothing back..

600 bucks goes a long way given the current financial situation in both the US and Europe. Let alone poorer regions

In the late 1990s, Tom Leykis created Leykis 101, a set of rules around navigating the mating marketplace. One of the rules was keeping a maximum of $40 per date. If you were to adjust for inflation, that's around $70-$75 today. I think it is possible to keep costs under $70 per date.

Keeping dates under $70 today is still possible in a lot of USA cities. It would be difficult in New York City at this point.

In the early 2010s, I was doing well in keeping my dates under $40.

Numerous $35-$70 "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions do add up. It's tough to swallow all that wasted money.

App arranged dates are a great way to have "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions and waste money.

it might be one of the reasons why American men complain so much about the difficulty of dating American women and their entitlement.

Most men in the United States are absorbing the cost of early stage dates. Most women in the United States have jobs. Women in the United States are getting free food and free drinks based on some outdated standard.

There were many times in my 20s where I went on dates with women who had a higher salary than I had in that moment. I didn't like the fact that I was giving them freebies when they made more money than I did. Even from age 30-present, there have still been times when that has happened.

I was more bothered by that in my late 20s/early 30s than I am today.

USA women are very entitled for many reasons. Getting free dates despite having a job is a part of it.

getting rejected by a strange woman and going home with nothing.

That's a terrible experience.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Coffee dates work if you're the one suggesting them. It's all about frame. I've closed a few women that way. Nothing crazy about it but I do prefer evening drinks.

If you asked her out for a night date and she counters with day/coffee, that's going to be tougher to navigate, prolly not worth it.

Coffee dates are a great way to screen out women with low interest, or those who need more time to warm up, or even ones you are meeting for the first time.

Nothing stops you from switching things up mid-date; you can say something like, “Hey, let me show you something just down the street.” Again, if she likes you can do no wrong, but like you said is right, the SoSuave member needs to lead the dynamic.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Tbh it might be one of the reasons why American men complain so much about the difficulty of dating American women and their entitlement.

If a man has one date per week and he has to spend 150 bucks per date it's gonna add up FAST. That's 600 he has to spend on strange women while getting nothing back..

600 bucks goes a long way given the current financial situation in both the US and Europe. Let alone poorer regions

For reference: a hooker in Europe can be 50 bucks . That's money for 3 hookers VS getting rejected by a strange woman and going home with nothing. That's what I've been hearing my entire life now..

What kind of an idiot is spending $150 a date?

I rarely go over $20 or $30. That is ridiculous.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Coffee dates are a great way to screen out women with low interest, or those who need more time to warm up, or even ones you are meeting for the first time.

Nothing stops you from switching things up mid-date; you can say something like, “Hey, let me show you something just down the street.” Again, if she likes you can do no wrong, but like you said is right, the SoSuave member needs to lead the dynamic.

Good point. It can also be a good curve ball if the man suggests it. I've done it during phases where I was tired of drinks and going out at night, so I didn't care what happened and just wanted to get to know her over a coffee. Cool if she's not interested but often they are intrigued because dating is often nonstop drinks drinks drinks.

 

[Travel memoir21]

A smooth, introspective and introverted 'seducer' who hates crowds and noise would probably choose this date because of its intimate setting. I know a guy that does this and he works as a Substitute teacher in Austin lol....The Mr. Rogers type and wears corduroy coats and jackets...quite a charismatic dude bordering on psychopathic behaviors if you get to know him lol....so everyone has their own style and preference.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I said drinks or action dates. I would never take a women to dinner on a first date. That is a move for suckers.

I did that exactly once when I was newly single. I did bang her. With that in mind, we had phone sex before we even went out. Tinder girl. What a shock.

 

[SW15]

A smooth, introspective and introverted 'seducer' who hates crowds and noise would probably choose this date because of its intimate setting.

I doubt it. An introspective and introverted seducer would choose a quieter bar/lounge situation before choosing a coffee shop as a first date.

Coffee shop first date screams 'beta male energy'. The worst 'beta male' style date is a dinner date in a restaurant as a first date.

 

[Travel memoir21]

I doubt it. An introspective and introverted seducer would choose a quieter bar/lounge situation before choosing a coffee shop as a first date.

Coffee shop first date screams 'beta male energy'. The worst 'beta male' style date is a dinner date in a restaurant as a first date.

But what if you're an Expert at it? And knows how to get things exciting without Alcohol because you know how to get into a great state of mind before meeting up with her? Think about the amount of money you'd be saving each year lol .....instead of relying on bars.

 

[Gamisch]

What kind of an idiot is spending $150 a date?

I rarely go over $20 or $30. That is ridiculous.

It aintthat difficult to get to that number;

Take a *Bubbly woman who gives you a fire convo and is " 100 % your type".*

Lets go;

Gas-20/40 bucks
Eating and drinking for 2 people....easily 40/50 per person = 80/100
Some drinks afterwards= 30/50

Being real rough with my calculations obviously, but it's not that far from reality

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It aintthat difficult to get to that number;

Take a *Bubbly woman who gives you a fire convo and is " 100 % your type".*

Lets go;

Gas-20/40 bucks
Eating and drinking for 2 people....easily 40/50 per person = 80/100
Some drinks afterwards= 30/50

Being real rough with my calculations obviously, but it's not that far from reality

Where the hell do you live that gas would cost $40? You planning on driving 350 miles for a date?

I mean come on man ...if that's the issue then you need to move

Again...nobody in their right mind is paying for food on a first date espwcislly for a full meal. Maybe an app to share or something but that's it.

If you are a simp then that's on you and you will have to learn your lesson the hard way and the broke way.

If you allow women to use you for a free meal ticket in the hopes you can buy you way into their panties, i have a feeling that's not going to very successful.

Lack of discipline on your part and emotional control usually outs itself in more ways than one and those are not attractive traits.

A woman who is actually interested in you DOES NOT CARE how much money you spend on a first date.

In fact, the more money a woman expects you to spend, the less attracted they are to you... essentially you are paying them to be there to make it worth their while.

 

[Gamisch]

Where the hell do you live that gas would cost $40? You planning on driving 350 miles for a date?

I mean come on man ...if that's the issue then you need to move

Again...nobody in their right mind is paying for food on a first date espwcislly for a full meal. Maybe an app to share or something but that's it.

If you are a simp then that's on you and you will have to learn your lesson the hard way and the broke way.

If you allow women to use you for a free meal ticket in the hopes you can buy you way into their panties, i have a feeling that's not going to very successful.

Lack of discipline on your part and emotional control usually outs itself in more ways than one and those are not attractive traits.

A woman who is actually interested in you DOES NOT CARE how much money you spend on a first date.

In fact, the more money a woman expects you to spend, the less attracted they are to you... essentially you are paying them to be there to make it worth their while.

As I've mentioned plenty of times : Europe. Getting to the next town. ( 20 KM) will easily be 15 euros twice. Parking not included...cmon now ..

I'm not saying that I personally will spend this amount of money on a date ( although I 100% did it at least once in my life). That's why I'm AGAINST it .
.
Let keep it real PLEASE. A beautiful woman who says she thinks Mcdonald's or wafflehouse is a no go what does she expects? She expects to be wined and dined PROPERLY. She doesn't care that yxz is an active member in the manosphere or whatever. Her argument?
I've spent all this money on looking good so you spend money on being with me.

Look bro. It's one thing to have an opinion. Being realistic and being able to view life from different angles is a different thing. What iam saying isn't a vague conspiracy theory, but every day reality.

I generally agree with what you say but unfortunately reality also sows me that PLENTY of men will wine and dine strange women.

 

[Solomon]

I have done coffee dates in the past; they worked well this year not so much
I prefer having drinks at the bar, it's more loose atmosphere and of course, depending on the woman, a couple of drinks can make them more chatty.

If you over 30+ and still worried about who pays for the first date or how much you spent(outside of budgeting and keeping track of spending habits etc) then you need to be focused on getting your bread up. Happy hours aren't that expensive and even for first dates I Like to keep them short if we ain't going to the room

 

[Solomon]

What kind of an idiot is spending $150 a date?

I rarely go over $20 or $30. That is ridiculous.

​

Guy spends an average of $233 per Date
He might be "new money."
Regardless this is dumb he most likely is talking them to 3 star restaurants or higher, depending on the city.

I spend an average of $60-$100(sometimes $0 and sometimes higher depending on the situation) my cheapest dates are girls coming straight to my house or coffee dates. According to ChatGPT it's $112.36 for first dates for me(however it doesn't include $0 dates keep that in mind)
I live in a mid-size town, but according to the data, an average date can cost $126, which I think is ridiculous. I try to do half of that ($63). First dates can add up fast. With the data, I have been keeping track of how 1 out of 4 dates leads to a second date, so I have become mindful of how much I spend. I now have a 2 drink minimum, most women seldom drink more than 2 drinks unless she already has it in her mind to spend the night.

Dates are cheaper in the summer but winter tends to be higher due to the fact that there is snow 6 months of the year and limits your options another thing is. I'm more pickier on who I take on a first date and even declined women offering to go on dates with just because I could tell from our 1st or 2nd convo it wasn't going to be worth the effort.

Going back to Mr $700 the guy has to tighten up, when you're broke or frugual you come up with creative ways to save on dates.

 

[SW15]

PLENTY of men will wine and dine strange women.

This is true. As an example, I had a female friend for a time whose looks were very average (I wasn't attracted to her). She was in her 30s while we were friends. I would have rated her a 5. The majority of her date offers on swipe apps were for dinner dates.

Men are still offering women dinner dates. I would have thought dinner dates as first dates would have died a long time ago.

Mainstream media even picked up on that for a bit. MarketWatch (a stock market website) did an article about dinner dates dying off in the 2010s.

The death of the dinner date

Online daters are too busy or too cheap to eat out when they first meet.

www.marketwatch.com

Even drinks dates without food can get expensive.

I also don't recommend lunch dates, which are even worse than dinner dates. Lunch dates combine the worst elements of coffee shop dates and the worst elements of dinner dates.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Where the hell do you live that gas would cost $40? You planning on driving 350 miles for a date?

I mean come on man ...if that's the issue then you need to move

Again...nobody in their right mind is paying for food on a first date espwcislly for a full meal. Maybe an app to share or something but that's it.

If you are a simp then that's on you and you will have to learn your lesson the hard way and the broke way.

If you allow women to use you for a free meal ticket in the hopes you can buy you way into their panties, i have a feeling that's not going to very successful.

Lack of discipline on your part and emotional control usually outs itself in more ways than one and those are not attractive traits.

A woman who is actually interested in you DOES NOT CARE how much money you spend on a first date.

In fact, the more money a woman expects you to spend, the less attracted they are to you... essentially you are paying them to be there to make it worth their while.

I’ll even take a step further, a woman who likes you will pull her credit card out to help pay for the check, regardless

 

[Divorced w 3]

Try doing it old fashioned .. pick her up, hop in the car go chat on the way somewhere, pull over go walk around for a bit looking at something scenic, take the vibe and then if it’s positive and she is worth more of your time, then invest some of your hard earned money. Done right this can be a very bonding and rewarding experience, putting the vibe element front and center and be very charming and intimate.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Huh?

Nobody I know would ever want to go on a coffee date let alone suggest one.

I am not sure thats an indicator for anything.

Unless one is desperate for the first night lay, coffee dates are the very uncomplicated, cost- and time effective way to sniff a woman out for an hour. Weed the bad, the ugly and the batshyt crazy out and go for the second date.

If you dont impress a woman enough to go on a second date, the problem is not the coffee, its you.

It might be a cultural thing. At my place, coffee dates are fine and will set you up for the second night lay.

Most people that fvck drink coffee.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I am not sure thats an indicator for anything.

Unless one is desperate for the first night lay, coffee dates are the very uncomplicated, cost- and time effective way to sniff a woman out for an hour. Weed the bad, the ugly and the batshyt crazy out and go for the second date.

If you dont impress a woman enough to go on a second date, the problem is not the coffee, its you.

It might be a cultural thing. At my place, coffee dates are fine and will set you up for the second night lay.

Most people that fvck drink coffee.

Or you could save all that energy and just phone and FaceTime her.