Confessions : as life gets better dating got worse..

[Gamisch]

So you had 3 dates that went south and you are questioning yourself? You have zero control over your fuhk buddy settling down with a boyfriend. As long as you did your part on the date, you can't control this girl ghosting you either.

This sounds like you are questioning your internal confidence. Has nothing to do with women not liking you because of your life improvements.

Chasing women is a tough game. One minute you are on top of the world and have more women than you know what to do with. The next they vanish and you are wondering what the hell happened.

Stay focused on YOU and creating a better version. Don't let the bumps in the road alter your course. Keep moving forward, better times are ahead.

Yes I indeed kinda doubted my internal confidence after a "losing streak" like that.

Thanks for your encouraging post tho..I know I'm on the right trajectory, just was curious if someone else went through some similar or has any idea if there's something I overlooked.

 

[Gamisch]

So a man has a growth like that, he becomes mature, and knows how to recognize.
By dominating me, if on the other side, women can do the same.
That is, overcome their childhood traumas, of getting with an immature man just because "he's like his father", or whatever.

We men can do it, but them?



I don't know what you mean by child-like but I have it:
being disrespected for the sake of bigger things, like maintaining a relationship just because the family is well structured or there are advantages like money, etc.
gossiping and acting like teenagers.

I geuss it's because inherently women don't HAVE to change or improve.

There will always be a fairytale believing sump around the corner..

 

[zekko]

So far I’m kinda baffled to see less positive results when it comes to dating while literally everything else goes upward and gets better. Hence why I made this thread.

Maybe you're just going through a dry spell? It happens.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hang in there. You are levelling up and your native lanuage saying is true but still represents progress. The ghetto chicks know you have them out classed at this point; but you may not yet be on the radar of upwardly mobile women who have their act together.

Therefore you get attitude on both ends but for different reasons. Ghetto chicks think you consider yourself too good for them (and you ARE); act together chicks don't yet give you credit for coming up (but in time they WILL).

So you gotta keep grinding. Keep doing you. Keep going forward. This will sort itself out in time, as the guys have correctly pointed out, especially @Duke @zekko and @plumber

Onward and upward! Cheers!

 

[corrector]

Hang in there. You are levelling up and your native lanuage saying is true but still represents progress. The ghetto chicks know you have them out classed at this point; but you may not yet be on the radar of upwardly mobile women who have their act together.

Therefore you get attitude on both ends but for different reasons. Ghetto chicks think you consider yourself too good for them (and you ARE); act together chicks don't yet give you credit for coming up (but in time they WILL).

So you gotta keep grinding. Keep doing you. Keep going forward. This will sort itself out in time, as the guys have correctly pointed out, especially @Duke @zekko and @plumber

Onward and upward! Cheers!

In other words, he is not playing is masculine expected role (ie the thug like guy that would appeal to ladies that like that type of guy), becoming too white (ie minded) for a black guy to attract the type of girls that dig those guys. That is why he was successful before. Upword mobile women just go for chads and tyrones since they don't need guys for money and are usually boss women with dry pvssy and pet cats.

 

[BeExcellent]

In other words, he is not playing is masculine expected role (ie the thug like guy that would appeal to ladies that like that type of guy), becoming too white (ie minded) for a black guy to attract the type of girls that dig those guys. That is why he was successful before. Upword mobile women just go for chads and tyrones since they don't need guys for money and are usually boss women with dry pvssy and pet cats.

I don't think Emmitt Smith, Clarence Thomas or Kevin Hart are experiencing those issues. Those are very accomplished black men and there are countless more anonymous others all over the place.

You are one of the crabs trying to pull @Gamisch down to your level of mediocrity. He is breaking out of mediocrity and sucess in his dating life will follow naturally, especially because as he improves he will still retain his swagger. Just finding his footing in a new landscape, that's all.

 

[Clockwerk50]

The truth is, no matter how much you’ve improved, what matters most is how you’re presenting yourself, and whether that presentation aligns with the invisible needs of the people you’re trying to attract. Nobody walks around feeling whole. We all sense some gap in ourselves, something missing. When people fall in love or develop desire, it’s often because someone appears to fill that gap, whether emotionally, sexually, spiritually, or otherwise.

You might now be putting out a completely different signal than you used to. Before, women may have sensed something raw, exciting, or even chaotic in you, maybe something that matched a gap in them. Now, if you’re giving off a more polished, stable vibe, that might not align with what those same types of women crave anymore. In other words, it’s not that you’ve become less attractive or more attractive, it’s that your energy has changed, and with it, the kind of people you’re naturally drawing in.

The goal isn’t to go back to who you were, it’s to understand who you’re dealing with now.

To piggyback on what another member said about child behaviour, I’ve learned that seduction often taps into these four simple truths:

1. Every person craves that sense of childhood adventure.
2. Every person longs for a vacation from reality.
3. Every person wants to feel safe enough to let go of societal restraints.
4. Every person misses the innocence and bliss of being a child.

To bring this full circle: if you’re presenting the image of a masculine, family-oriented man, you’re probably not going to connect deeply with a woman whose fantasy is to escape responsibility and chase reckless excitement and had posters of Magic Mike in her room during her teenage years.

 

[corrector]

I don't think Emmitt Smith, Clarence Thomas or Kevin Hart are experiencing those issues. Those are very accomplished black men and there are countless more anonymous others all over the place.

You are one of the crabs trying to pull @Gamisch down to your level of mediocrity. He is breaking out of mediocrity and sucess in his dating life will follow naturally, especially because as he improves he will still retain his swagger. Just finding his footing in a new landscape, that's all.

He was successful with women before and now he's not successful and you call that "breaking out of mediocrity"?

You are compare some super-exceptional Black person, whereas, in this case, he's not doing anything crazy exceptional like them. Therefore, he's actually more mediocre than he was before because he is losing his traction of what got women attracted to him in the first place and he's not successful enough like those other guys for that to even work in his favour.

Look at the two sceanarios. If you are famous and celebrity level-Black person you'll be successful with women. If you are a thug-like street smart Black guy that meets the stereotypical expectation that women want, you'll be successful with women too. If you are actually somewhere in between, like having that white collar office job where you are quietly making $ 70K per year then it doesn't make a dent. You might as well be the thug-guy unless you are super-famous like those people. Your version of levelling up in this case is going to mediocracy as far as being attractive to women are concerned in his case. Levelling up would mean improving what he was doing when he was on top of the game not becoming a beta white dude with a nice job giving off all of those beta nice guy vibes now.

If you look at @SW15 posts and commentary, even white people who are earning $ 70K are struggling in the dating market (ie enough for someone to live on their own decently (ie in some places), but not enough to make an impression), so having your crap together and having a decent income and standard of living makes you invisible to most women.

 

[BeExcellent]

@corrector I gave three super successful examples. I also said there are many more black men out there who nobody knows.

My husband and I were just out with 2 of them recently: Anthony & George......but you don't know those guys so you won't relate.

Quit being such a nay sayer and excuse maker. Successful people, in any capacity do NOT except excuses and if people around you out grow you in success you are no longer going to feel comfortable around them. Why? Because you see that they are doing better than you.....but you don't feel they are better than you.

What you don't realize is that such people's thinking has changed, grown and improved. They don't think like an unsuccessful person any more. And that makes ALL the difference.

 

[corrector]

@corrector I gave three super successful examples. I also said there are many more black men out there who nobody knows.

My husband and I were just out with 2 of them recently: Anthony & George......but you don't know those guys so you won't relate.

Quit being such a nay sayer and excuse maker. Successful people, in any capacity do NOT except excuses and if people around you out grow you in success you are no longer going to feel comfortable around them. Why? Because you see that they are doing better than you.....but you don't feel they are better than you.

What you don't realize is that such people's thinking has changed, grown and improved. They don't think like an unsuccessful person any more. And that makes ALL the difference.

I did not make this thread or complain that I'm getting less women then before I did x, y or z, therefore, I did not create the problem the OP has, and I'm sure the OP is a very resilient guy and doesn't need pep talk given his past record here. Usually people get down when they strike out 3 times in a row (ie like baseball), then that usually means something is up to them (ie you've stroke out). I didn't make the three strikes rule either but its a universal idea. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Most people draw the line with three failed attempts.

Therore, I just speak my mind as I see it. Has he lost something that caused him to be attractive to his former niche market?

 

[Manure Spherian]

In my native language there's a saying that roughly translates like" falling between the shore and the ship". That's kinda where I'm at now. These ghetto birds are a no-go, but the higher quality women still don't seem to notice me that much. Oftentimes I wanna fall back to familiar territory, but when I do I immediately regret that decision.

For example: End last year I approached a woman that was checking me out at the grocery store. We meet, we feck, and then she starts telling me about how she likes to fight yadiya, steal, proudly telling me how ghetto she is. She asked for 1 more round but I was like nah gotta go.

It actually felt kinda..embarrassing to associate with a woman like that. Back in the days this might've become my " steady gf". Nowadays I don't wanna be seen with someone like her.

On the other hand: when I do want that easy lay and I go after ghetto-ish women, I ALSO notice that some of these women ( same category as described above) all of a sudden give me an attitude as if they are more worthy than me! Then it becomes more of a game about my ego than anything else.

As I’ve said several times on here, men in the center are in the lowest position for “dating”.

 

[CornbreadFed]

He was successful with women before and now he's not successful and you call that "breaking out of mediocrity"?

I made a controversial topic about how if you want to have as much sex as possilble, you are better off just working some minimal job that allows you to party and do drugs frequently.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So a couple things here:

1) You don't do those things for women, you do them for yourself and yourself only. Thinking "I am going to do X so I can get more women" is the wrong mindset. That's why it's called "self-improvement" because it's for yourself not anyone else.

2) You have not "leveled up" as much as you think. Going from maybe a 20 to a 35 is not going to show a huge difference in results. Going from a 20 to an 80 will, incrementally over time. That's not going to happen overnight, that will take some time.

3) You are likely not congruent with yourself as you still have the same mindset as you did before you started improving. That's the absolute last thing that improves and often lags well behind the physical, financial, mental and emotional changes.

All I can say is keep going and understand the most work is done for the least results in the beginning. As you keep going you will see a shift where you get a lot more results than the amount of work you are putting in, but that's not until you get to around 60-70

 

[corrector]

So a couple things here:

1) You don't do those things for women, you do them for yourself and yourself only. Thinking "I am going to do X so I can get more women" is the wrong mindset. That's why it's called "self-improvement" because it's for yourself not anyone else.

You can say "it's for yourself" all you want, but for most guys on this forum — subconsciously or not — it's about women.

The OP has given me advice in past threads about self-improvement specifically to boost SMV and attract women. When I explained that home constraints made things like gym-maxxing hard, he dismissed it and called me a troll. That kind of response shows how deeply tied these self-improvement discussions are to results with women.


Let’s be real: if women disappeared from the face of the Earth tomorrow, 99% of guys on SoSuave wouldn’t be obsessing over cold showers, gym grinds, or leveling up their game. That’s why you're seeing so many men (especially younger ones) opting out — they’ve realized self-improvement doesn’t always move the needle in dating unless you’re already in the top 10% (height, looks, social skills, etc.).


A lot of guys want self-improvement to work — not because they’re in love with the process, but because they hope it’ll eventually lead to better results with women. But when that illusion fades, the drive to keep grinding fades too. Even @BeExcellent tries to keep hope alive by pointing to a few successful outliers as proof that self-improvement "works," but let’s be honest — if it’s only working for the top-tier guys, then it’s not really scalable advice.


I’m not saying improvement is bad. I’m saying stop gaslighting guys by pretending it’s always “for yourself.” In this space, that’s not the real reason most are here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You can say "it's for yourself" all you want, but for most guys on this forum — subconsciously or not — it's about women.

The OP has given me advice in past threads about self-improvement specifically to boost SMV and attract women. When I explained that home constraints made things like gym-maxxing hard, he dismissed it and called me a troll. That kind of response shows how deeply tied these self-improvement discussions are to results with women.


Let’s be real: if women disappeared from the face of the Earth tomorrow, 99% of guys on SoSuave wouldn’t be obsessing over cold showers, gym grinds, or leveling up their game. That’s why you're seeing so many men (especially younger ones) opting out — they’ve realized self-improvement doesn’t always move the needle in dating unless you’re already in the top 10% (height, looks, social skills, etc.).


A lot of guys want self-improvement to work — not because they’re in love with the process, but because they hope it’ll eventually lead to better results with women. But when that illusion fades, the drive to keep grinding fades too. Even @BeExcellent tries to keep hope alive by pointing to a few successful outliers as proof that self-improvement "works," but let’s be honest — if it’s only working for the top-tier guys, then it’s not really scalable advice.


I’m not saying improvement is bad. I’m saying stop gaslighting guys by pretending it’s always “for yourself.” In this space, that’s not the real reason most are here.

Maybe for people like you it is, but that's exactly the reason why it seldom actually works.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yes I indeed kinda doubted my internal confidence after a "losing streak" like that.

Thanks for your encouraging post tho..I know I'm on the right trajectory, just was curious if someone else went through some similar or has any idea if there's something I overlooked.

No one has said this yet, but I think you're just experiencing getting older. It is unfortunately happening to all of us. The older you get, the harder it is to be single, because for the other people who are single and anywhere near your age, there's probably a reason. A girl a lot younger isn't the holy grail either, as generations of people change and it gets harder to relate them.

 

[corrector]

No one has said this yet, but I think you're just experiencing getting older. It is unfortunately happening to all of us. The older you get, the harder it is to be single, because for the other people who are single and anywhere near your age, there's probably a reason. A girl a lot younger isn't the holy grail either, as generations of people change and it gets harder to relate them.

He got older when he got more succesful in these other areas.

 

[Chow Mein]

You’re expecting entitlement, that’s a huge turn-off that women can sniff out miles away.

 

[Isildur1]

The more I cold approached the easier everything became - how much time are you spending actively meeting new people ?