Dating late 30's and early 40's ?

[Sega Genesis]

It’s an interesting question in that it uses withholding sex in the opposite way, to attempt to discern conformity into a belief system; but the game the withholder is playing can be beaten, and often is, typically by high school and college boys that are willing to tow the line long enough to earn her trust.

I'm not referring to one person "withholding" (typically the woman) and as a way to manipulate in many cases.

But rather it's a mutual decision in order to possibly alleviate the very things happening in the relationship later you posted about.

What's interesting is you use the word "withholding" in the beginning of a relationship and deem men who agree to it "towing the line."

But then use the word "abstinence" during the relationship.

Are they not the same thing with the same goal?

">>In order to focus on other issues that need to be handled, both within the relationship but also in one’s self?"<<

Before you decide to.enter into a long term relationship versus during it?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'm not referring to one person "withholding" (typically the woman) and as a way to manipulate in.many cases.

But rather it's a mutual decision in order to possibly alleviate the very things happening in the relationship later you posted about.

What's interesting is you use the word "withholding" in the beginning of a relationship and deem men who agree to it "towing the line."

But then use the word "abstinence" during the relationship.

Are they not the same thing with the same goal?

If the heart is driving the bus and not the mind, it may have merit.

 

[Sega Genesis]

If the heart is driving the bus and not the mind, it may have merit.

Well yeah that's what I'm referring to - when the decision comes genuinely from the heart NOT a mind game or manipulation.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Also want to add that the person who initiates "abstinence" during the relationship might be viewed by their partner as a manipulation as well. Some sort of mind game.

I've seen that happen in some relationships.

It's about intention and it's important that be communicated imo..

 

[Divorced w 3]

Also want to add that the person who initiates "abstinence" during the relationship might be viewed by their partner as a manipulation as well. Some sort of mind game.

Or it exposes it

 

[The Duke]

In both instances, you had the women move out. Is it possible that the act of moving out is what did the relationship in? From my end it makes it a little tricky to determine if it was the abstinence or the physical and, likely emotional separation.

Also, how was the initial reaction to your decision to be abstinent, and how often, if at all, did it continue to be a point of discussion between you and your partners? Was it total abstinence on your end, or did you fulfill outside the relationship?

I do agree that sliding into the counselor role was a mistake. It creates an inherent superiority/inferiority factor.

I think when going this route, it’s a self-preservation thing. I think the initiator is starting to help themselves clear their thinking and protect their emotions to the truth in front of them. It feels a little bit like the first stage of acceptance that something is over, but just broaching it.

I don't think moving them out hurt the relationships at all, it helped provide some space to clear our heads and reflect.

In both cases the decision to be abstinent caused a little concern at first, but they understood why. It was my idea. I reassured them I wasn't banging other chics. We basically talked about it, and that was it, moved forward.

Me sliding into the counselor role was probably what helped her make so much progress. For us there was no issue with inferiority. I was able to take myself out of the situation and act as a 3rd party. I don't think most would be successful at it, I only coud with the right person. But, I'll never attempt it again because it changed my romantic desire for her.

Yes, I'd say some of it is self-preservation. I also think when you have been with someone for a long time that its a good thing even if it doesn't work out. It provides resolution and clarity.

 

[Sega Genesis]

If it’s for self-development, then the outcome of the relationship may end up reflecting a bond beyond sexual attraction, I would think.

I saw you edited your post to say this^.

I agree, it's exactly what I was referring to but with one caveat.

It may end up reflecting a bond beyond (but including) sexual attraction, I would think.

The sexual attraction doesn't disappear just because you waited a bit to have sex . You're still showing physical affection and expressing attraction.

It can actually build sexual tension which is never a bad thing imo!

If that's even what you were suggesting, I wasn't sure.

 

[BadBoy89]

The list could go on. We've allowed advertising to con us into believing that adolescence is the high water mark of human existence,

Adolescence is better for men in terms of romantic relationships.

When a man gets older, the relationship with a woman 100% transactional while the women’s value crashes to the floor. There is bitterness on both sides.

 

[Chow Mein]

I don't think moving them out hurt the relationships at all, it helped provide some space to clear our heads and reflect.

In both cases the decision to be abstinent caused a little concern at first, but they understood why. It was my idea. I reassured them I wasn't banging other chics. We basically talked about it, and that was it, moved forward.

Me sliding into the counselor role was probably what helped her make so much progress. For us there was no issue with inferiority. I was able to take myself out of the situation and act as a 3rd party. I don't think most would be successful at it, I only coud with the right person. But, I'll never attempt it again because it changed my romantic desire for her.

Yes, I'd say some of it is self-preservation. I also think when you have been with someone for a long time that its a good thing even if it doesn't work out. It provides resolution and clarity.

Did you take on the counselor role at the beginning of Case #1? If you took that on later in the relationship, I think that may create some friction because there some expectation.

 

[zekko]

Others have said this, but I'll add my agreement: There isn't really a lot of difference between late 20's through your 40's as far as dating opportunities go. As long as you have your sh!t together - stay in shape, have value, etc.

 

[jhonny9546]

Having a solid job/finances in order becomes more important as you age.

Curious about your occupation back then?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Adolescence is better for men in terms of romantic relationships

Yeah, fumbling around in the back seat of a Cheverolet is far superior to rolling around with your lady in a king-size bed at The Ritz

 

[The Duke]

Did you take on the counselor role at the beginning of Case #1? If you took that on later in the relationship, I think that may create some friction because there some expectation.

End of. She was very appreciative that I did.

 

[BadBoy89]

Yeah, fumbling around in the back seat of a Cheverolet is far superior to rolling around with your lady in a king-size bed at The Ritz

See now you are going to extremes.

And we are not talking about the location of making love, we are talking about the quantity and quality of the women. All things considered, a 27 year old male will get a lot more calls and interest from women than a 37 year old male. The 37 year old could get the woman alot quicker, but its transactional.

This site is delusional thinking if a man in his 30s has it together, the woman will flock to him. Even if they do, they are used up. The genetically blessed Alpha males have already destroyed them when they were young, or wifed up the hot ones in their 20s.

Yeah men, work your ass off and get rich in your 30s, because when you are 35, the 22 year old girl won't know what do because she will so attracted to a man 13 years her senior, instead of the 6'4 basketball player in college.

 

[Chow Mein]

See now you are going to extremes.

And we are not talking about the location of making love, we are talking about the quantity and quality of the women. All things considered, a 27 year old male will get a lot more calls and interest from women than a 37 year old male. The 37 year old could get the woman alot quicker, but its transactional.

This site is delusional thinking if a man in his 30s has it together, the woman will flock to him. Even if they do, they are used up. The genetically blessed Alpha males have already destroyed them when they were young, or wifed up the hot ones in their 20s.

Yeah men, work your ass off and get rich in your 30s, because when you are 35, the 22 year old girl won't know what do because she will so attracted to a man 13 years her senior, instead of the 6'4 basketball player in college.

You need to stop dwelling if you want to live life on your own terms

 

[Chow Mein]

End of. She was very appreciative that I did.

Maybe we can take this direct, but I think being the one that ‘consults’ from the get-go might get her to adapt to your way of thinking and expectations. Almost like a drug she can’t get rid of because both know that you are looking out for both best interests.

 

[BaronOfHair]

See now you are going to extremes.

And we are not talking about the location of making love, we are talking about the quantity and quality of the women. All things considered, a 27 year old male will get a lot more calls and interest from women than a 37 year old male. The 37 year old could get the woman alot quicker, but its transactional.

This site is delusional thinking if a man in his 30s has it together, the woman will flock to him. Even if they do, they are used up. The genetically blessed Alpha males have already destroyed them when they were young, or wifed up the hot ones in their 20s.

Yeah men, work your ass off and get rich in your 30s, because when you are 35, the 22 year old girl won't know what do because she will so attracted to a man 13 years her senior, instead of the 6'4 basketball player in college.

Nothing anyone can say will persuade you otherwise. You're similar to another poster on here, who's convinced that an autism diagnosis he received back in HS is what's primairly at fault for him not achieving his goals, and refuses to investigate his pre-existing beliefs for truthfulness

 

[Divorced w 3]

I saw you edited your post to say this^.

I agree, it's exactly what I was referring to but with one caveat.

It may end up reflecting a bond beyond (but including) sexual attraction, I would think.

The sexual attraction doesn't disappear just because you waited a bit to have sex . You're still showing physical affection and expressing attraction.

It can actually build sexual tension which is never a bad thing imo!

If that's even what you were suggesting, I wasn't sure.

What exactly is it that causes you to continually leave the forum and then opt to return under a new handle?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I don't think moving them out hurt the relationships at all, it helped provide some space to clear our heads and reflect.

In both cases the decision to be abstinent caused a little concern at first, but they understood why. It was my idea. I reassured them I wasn't banging other chics. We basically talked about it, and that was it, moved forward.

Me sliding into the counselor role was probably what helped her make so much progress. For us there was no issue with inferiority. I was able to take myself out of the situation and act as a 3rd party. I don't think most would be successful at it, I only coud with the right person. But, I'll never attempt it again because it changed my romantic desire for her.

Yes, I'd say some of it is self-preservation. I also think when you have been with someone for a long time that its a good thing even if it doesn't work out. It provides resolution and clarity.

I think perhaps that abstinence is a virtuous way to approach the relationship tension but puts the abstainer in an unnecessary dry period. There is a lot of hard-line methodology that I don’t particularly care for, but the idea of walking away from monotony, instead choosing non-exclusivity, may be more beneficial. It opens that door up for someone else to walk through that was previously shut. I’m also spitballing, I’m not totally thought through on it.