I had a flirt session the other day. Ran into her again today. What to make of her behavior?

[BadBoy89]

I brought up fictional characters in the context of real life individuals comparing me to said fictional characters.

In which case, the important thing is whether a real live woman finds said characters sexually exciting.

It’s either real life real life or fictional fictional, Comparing real life to fictional is apples and oranges.

When a real live woman compares you to Sheldon or The 40 Year Old Virgin, she's pretty much saying "You have no sex appeal whatsoever."

She is saying if you play your cards right you can make out with Penny.

Oh yeah, Alan from 2 and a Half Men is another TV character I've been compared to who's lacking in sex appeal.

He got the hottest girls too. Man you are lucky to be compared to him.

As for why I've only heard the negatives a woman has said about Jared Kushner's appearance, that's because...drumroll...a woman has never indicated to me that she's attracted to Jared Kushner.

Yet Ivanka is hot and she is not only attracted, she married him and had 2 kids with him,

 

[BaronOfHair]

As ironic as this will sound (coming from me), you sound like a pedantic autist.

You know what I meant when I said the cafe girl doesn't look like she has any African admixture.

You not recognizing jocularity is nothing new

 

[GoodMan32]

First of all, the things you mention are not really courageous. Women get Brazilian waxes and electrolysis all the time, I wouldn't call pube removal to be courageous. And moving to new places where you don't know anyone is quite normal and not many people become shut-ins like yourself, so it's not like you make a new social circle wherever you go. Being a shut-in in Pennsylvania doesn't require more courage than being a shut-in in Massachusetts. So, if that is your 'proof' for not being a coward, it's not really working.

Second, cowardice regarding rejection doesn't automatically mean you are a coward. It means you're behaving like a coward in this matter. It would be courageous to overcome your fear and stop being so worried about getting rejected. That's why people are encouraging you to take action. If you were a genuine coward, all this encouragement wouldn't work...

A Brazilian is way more painful for a man than for a woman.

As for moving to places where you know no one, I've heard others say they wouldn't dare to.

As for the rejection thing, I (a straight man) would rather kiss a man than cross paths with a woman I got rejected by. I really don't think there's any curing a phobia that crippling.

 

[GoodMan32]

Or you're just more sensitive than a woman.


I've done plenty of things that 'others say they wouldn't dare to', but that doesn't mean it was courageous.
See, this is your main problem: "I've heard other people legitimise my victimhood!"


You call it a 'phobia' and 'crippling' to validate your sense of how impossible it is for you to overcome.


The thing is, you don't really want help. You'd rather talk here about how much easier for you to tongue wrestle a man than face rejection from a woman, but you're not gay. I think you might be in denial. Everything about you screams closeted homosexual.

I'm not sensitive about the Brazilian thing; men in general are. My waxing technician said a lot of men quit the Brazilian as soon as she pulls the first strip of wax.

I, on the other hand, was tough enough to go through with the Brazilian.

The extremely thin skin on the sack is what makes it more painful for men (according to the waxing technician)

The fact I didn't enjoy (and couldn't even get hard for) the experimentation with a man in college invalidates your theory that I'm a closeted homosexual.

Furthermore, if I was a closeted gay man, I certainly wouldn't have spent thousands of dollars on straight intercourse for nearly a decade now. Believe me; embracing my gayness (if I was gay; which I'm not) would be a lot easier than dealing with all the difficulties I deal with as a straight autist.

 

[SW15]

I'm not reading 6 pages of this.

Either:

A. She was flirting and interested, but lost interest when you didn't reciprocate enough for her to feel like you were interested in her too.

B. She's a service-industry worker and it's her job to be nice to customers so they come back and/or tip higher.

In either case, this is why I always advocate for being direct. Saves you a lot of time and guesswork.

That's what I said on Page 1 and thought B was the higher probability answer.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

A Brazilian is way more painful for a man than for a woman.

As for moving to places where you know no one, I've heard others say they wouldn't dare to.

As for the rejection thing, I (a straight man) would rather kiss a man than cross paths with a woman I got rejected by. I really don't think there's any curing a phobia that crippling.

 

[GoodMan32]

View attachment 13680

Call it gay if you want.

I'd say it simply illustrates how much I hate crossing paths with a woman I got rejected by.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Call it gay if you want.

I'd say it simply illustrates how much I hate crossing paths with a woman I got rejected by.

This needs to be addressed. Get off this site & seek professional help.

 

[GoodMan32]

This needs to be addressed. Get off this site & seek professional help.

I mentioned how crippling my phobia of rejection is to my therapist this past summer.

He didn't really have much to say. He just recommended I make a move on a woman I'm attracted to (but he also accepted the fact there's no way for him to force me)

 

[GoodMan32]

I went back to the cafe today for the first time since posting the thread.

The flirter was working. We had a flirt session. I escalated a bit this time (but I stopped short of asking her out)

Overall, I like the direction in which our dynamic is moving.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A Brazilian is way more painful for a man than for a woman.

As for moving to places where you know no one, I've heard others say they wouldn't dare to.

As for the rejection thing, I (a straight man) would rather kiss a man than cross paths with a woman I got rejected by. I really don't think there's any curing a phobia that crippling.

You believe that you can't fix it, so your mind will ensure you can't. So in that regard, you are correct

 

[GoodMan32]

As for the girl the thread is about, I'm thinking of giving her my card (with my name, picture, and number) if the flirting continues.

That's as far as I'm willing to escalate. I can't ask her for her number, nor can I ask her out, because then I'd have to stop going to the cafe if I were to get turned down.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I went back to the cafe today for the first time since posting the thread.

The flirter was working. We had a flirt session. I escalated a bit this time (but I stopped short of asking her out)

Overall, I like the direction in which our dynamic is moving.

Have you told her of your affinity for Brazilian waxes? That might be one way to escalate and move the conversation towards a subject she can relate to.

 

[GoodMan32]

Have you told her of your affinity for Brazilian waxes? That might be one way to escalate and move the conversations towards a subject she can relate to.

No I haven't.

I'd venture to guess genital waxing is a tad too intense of a topic for the level of repertoire I have with her.

 

[Bokanovsky]

No I haven't.

I'd venture to guess genital waxing is a tad too intense of a topic for the level of repertoire I have with her.

Sometimes you have to be bold. You've got to move the conversation from lattes and cappuccinos into a more romantic realm.

 

[SW15]

As for the girl the thread is about, I'm thinking of giving her my card (with my name, picture, and number) if the flirting continues.

That's as far as I'm willing to escalate. I can't ask her for her number, nor can I ask her out, because then I'd have to stop going to the cafe if I were to get turned down.

Sometimes you have to he bold. You've got to move the conversation from lattes and cappuccinos into a more romantic realm.

The time to be bold was 3 weeks ago in the first playful interaction on December 16. That was the interaction that started this thread.

Asking her out now is better late than never, but a very low probability play. Giving her a card with your info is an even lower probability play.

Making a bolder move on December 16 would have been better if there were something there. My suspicion is that there really wasn't anything there even then, but a bold shot could have been good.

A failed bold shot can sometimes be interpreted positively. When a man takes a bold shot and it fails, he can walk away with the notion that he showed some good aggressiveness (a positive masculine trait) and he has certainty about where the situation stands. Sometimes it can be difficult to see this viewpoint due to the unpleasantness of feeling rejected and feeling like a failure in the moment.

 

[GoodMan32]

@SW15 I understand the idea of a woman's attraction having a limited window (that idea has been posted about on the forum before)

In the case of the cafe girl, however, the fact she partook in a more extended flirt session 2 days ago is a promising sign.

I also understand the idea that at least a man is showing boldness (and finding out where he stands) by asking a woman out. Because of my unique history regarding rejection/reading a woman's clues, however, if I were to get rejected by the cafe girl, I wouldn't feel masculine for asking her out. My self-esteem would simply sink even lower.

 

[SW15]

if I were to get rejected by the cafe girl, I wouldn't feel masculine for asking her out. My self-esteem would simply sink even lower.

There is self-esteem damage that comes with taking rejections. At a certain point, if a man takes enough rejections without any successes, then he's going to dislike asking women to go on dates. My sense is that your self-esteem is in the toilet from too many rejections with little to no success.

 

[GoodMan32]

There is self-esteem damage that comes with taking rejections. At a certain point, if a man takes enough rejections without any successes, then he's going to dislike asking women to go on dates. My sense is that your self-esteem is in the toilet from too many rejections with little to no success.

Indeed.

I've only ever had one success from making a move on a woman.

Obviously I've had other "successes" too (I've mentioned on posts that I've had 9 non-escort sex partners...and have gone on dates with several gals)

But I don't "count" the vast majority of those as successes (for the purpose of calculating my rejection rate at least)...because all my other "successes" came from either tech methods, the woman making the move on me, or instances that just sort of happened (with neither party officially making the move)

I'm glad you acknowledge the fact a man will dislike asking a woman out if he takes too many rejections with little to no success. Most posters don't seem to understand that. Hell, the idea has even been floated on this forum that a man gets over his aversion to rejection by getting rejected a lot (the total opposite is true in my experience)

 

[SW15]

I'm glad you acknowledge the fact a man will dislike asking a woman out if he takes too many rejections with little to no success. Most posters don't seem to understand that. Hell, the idea has even been floated on this forum that a man gets over his aversion to rejection by getting rejected a lot (the total opposite is true in my experience)

Getting rejected a lot does take its toll.

There's a bit of failure involved in approaching strangers. Ideally, the rejections/failures are learning experiences. They might lead to some personal growth in terms of looks, money, status, and personality.

Getting rejected without making adjustments or having personal growth from rejections/failed early stage dates is not going to be beneficial.