The decision of whether to escalate: One of many problems us men face

[GoodMan32]

One of the old time dating coaches had a handle of "doc love". He had an entertaining book and cd set called "the system".

He addressed this exact question. His answer was; us guys don't know. Only the girl knows the right time. He also would hammer on the idea that it doesn't matter how high our interest is in the girl, it only matters about her interest.

It was long ago, I tried some of the advice in his stuff. Most all of it works, it works well enough to make it. Later the problem is no second season in the book on how to deal with LTR... If I recall right, he also covered how to deal with small talk on a date in case that's not easy for someone.

He didn't really talk about plates, only one by one.

The girls KNOW you want to kiss and they know that's why you are there. If they LIKE you they gonna take care of that.

Your last sentence makes it sound like we should let the woman take the lead on whether to kiss.

 

[GoodMan32]

Wait.
If you are at the end of your date, and are thinking to kiss or not to kiss her, you had a crappy date, right?
Because if you had a good date, there'd be touching and kissing during the date.

In my early 20s, I remember initiating kissing during dates.

Once I aged, something changed. My 2nd to last date (at 26), the woman was handsy with me during the date (but never kissed me, nor did I try to initiate a kiss).

My most recent date went well (the fact she ended up badgering me multiple times in the coming days about a 2nd date is proof the 1st date went well, even though there was no handsiness). My refusal to initiate a kiss was mainly because I was afraid to scare her away (which, as a prior post delved into, was a silly phobia in retrospect)

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Your last sentence makes it sound like we should let the woman take the lead on whether to kiss.

Some women do take the initiative. Just one example: I was on a Tinder first date. We hopped in an Uber to go to a different venue, and she started rubbing my inner thigh.
Stuff like this certainly happens. But it really should be on the man to initiate.

 

[The Duke]

Get better at reading social language(verbal & non-verbal), heightening awareness, and correctly reading the temperature in the room. Become solid at these things and you will never ask this again.

You can start by hanging out in more social scenes and observing. Maybe take someone along that is good at this stuff and help point things out.

 

[plumber]

Your last sentence makes it sound like we should let the woman take the lead on whether to kiss.

that is what doc love said. only she knows when the time is right.

for me when the girls interest is high it plays out and she will. I might actually have to do the kiss, but she will make it so clear and setup. a few times if I missed it (because I miss things) she will even tell me...; no problem.

 

[SW15]

Always look to escalate. This is not a problem.

 

[GoodMan32]

that is what doc love said. only she knows when the time is right.

for me when the girls interest is high it plays out and she will. I might actually have to do the kiss, but she will make it so clear and setup. a few times if I missed it (because I miss things) she will even tell me...; no problem.

In that case, on my 2nd to last date, when the broad was acting handsy, perhaps I should have gone for a kiss (The broad was probably setting the stage for me to kiss her, only for me to miss the cue. And unlike in your experience, the broad didn't tell me)

 

[BadBoy89]

At the end of the date, the woman says to Jimmy "Now's the hard part. If you don't kiss her, yet she wants you to, she's going to think you don't like her. But if you kiss her, yet she's not ready, you have another problem on your hands. I'd hate to be in your position."

”The hard part? Honey, the hard part was paying for the date. You are not a virgin, you have kiss me within 27 seconds or get f out of my face.”