The Complexity of Kindness: Mature Man POV

[jhonny9546]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Kindness is NOT a trait of a "nice guy". His version is a form of manipulation where he "expects" certain things, aka sex, in return for him being that way.

Plenty of stories about how upset and angry they get when women deny them sex and they will talk about how they did "all these things for them", etc...

Kindness in its true form is doing something for others without the expectation of anything in return.

Nice guys do not partake in that...there are always "strings attached" to their kindness and in fact they are weak because they are afraid to show a woman what their true intentions are because they are afraid of being rejected so they hope she will make the move for them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

Practice Wise Compassion https://www.google.com/amp/s/youare...een-idiot-compassion-and-wise-compassion/amp/

 

[jhonny9546]

Kindness in its true form is doing something for others without the expectation of anything in return.

Perfect! So this is the point actually determining a nice guy vs a man?
I'm a man on this aspect.
I really do not expect anything in return. but I do enjoy helping.

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

they are afraid to show a woman what their true intentions are because they are afraid of being rejected so they hope she will make the move for them.

This is also a very good point I've learnt!
But I want to hear your POV on this, because nowadays you can see many woman do not give too many IOI's and worse, after you declare your true intentions, women can still be a little bit close about it.

So which is the good way to declare your intention?

For me, something soft I would do at first approach, worked just somethng like inviting her to spend time with me, wheter it's on my motorcycle, taking a coffee, spend time togheter in the car listening to music.

 

[jhonny9546]

Don't fix the gear box of her ancient cinquecento for free.
Don't provide free room and board.
Don't allow her to starfish during sex unless you tied her down spreadeagled on the bed. And even then she should give as much as she takes.

Those are "reaction" to her actions, not ways to declare. Is that correct?

 

[LTG71]

Perfect! So this is the point actually determining a nice guy vs a man?
I'm a man on this aspect.
I really do not expect anything in return. but I do enjoy helping.

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

If your genuine character is to be kind to everyone, that is a blessing. Everyone you meet gets the same treatment and people label you as a “nice” guy but in a genuine sense. Have to watch out with women because they will use that kindness to set you up as a service provider.

If women observe you being kind to others as you are with them, my experience has been that they are more receptive. They observe that you are not putting on an act and let their guard down.

Narcissistic people will also take advantage of your kindness, men and women, so be wise with what you are willing to give.

 

[jhonny9546]

You don't declare, you display.
Her: "My car is acting up. Do you think it might be the gear thingy?" (I want you to be my mechanic)
You: "Take it to a garage." (I'm not your mechanic)

Oh yes the woman language. Or better the "child" language.
They ask you something with something underneat.

Just to cite an example I've got a face cleanup at a spa.
The woman left me in a room with vapor for 10 minutes.
She came back and told me "look! How long your eyelashes".
The tone of her voice was clearly flirty.

Btw, How are these behaviour called in english?
When someone ask you for something but indirectly mean another thing?

 

[jhonny9546]

Everyone you meet gets the same treatment and people label you as a “nice” guy but in a genuine sense.

This. But I have my limit also.

They observe that you are not putting on an act and let their guard down.

And it's strange because they're usually with a man that is kind on the front, but malicius on the back.
Then they watch me doing this things spontaneosly and they melt.
I helped a woman with an accident at her coffee machine, and the way she thank me, was kinda telling me "Hey, anyone help me so often, really thanks you".

So definetly, there is a difference between a genuine kind person and a "profiteer"

 

[inquisitor]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

You are kind because you are kind.

You can be more kind by continuing to question, clarify, and fortify your own morals, to the point where you can cause more of a net positive to yourself and other people. Kindness entails a million more virtues that you apply appropriately in every situation with respect to every context you belong in.

 

[LTG71]

And it's strange because they're usually with a man that is kind on the front, but malicius on the back.

“She melts” but chooses the man that is malicious like you say.

This is life’s biggest unsolved mystery, “what the hell are women thinking?” Reason they get labeled as crazy.

 

[jhonny9546]

“She melts” but chooses the man that is malicious like you say.

This!

But the hidden thruth of this, is that I cannot "naturally" act as malicious and feel good.

 

[jhonny9546]

You don't have to become a prick, just don't be a doormat. This is really not terribly difficult, you know.

What makes a woman consider a man "doormat"?

 

[BaronOfHair]

But the hidden thruth of this, is that I cannot "naturally" act as malicious and feel good.

All you need do is follow the example set forth here

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree with @BackInTheGame78 on this.

Kindness is borne from strength of character. So is vulnerability. Both come from a place of great strength internally; from knowing Who. You. Are.

Therefore when you choose to be kind you are entirely outcome independent. You are kind because you choose to be, and this choice communicates, on a subconscious level, to others, that you are a solid man. It has nothing to do with expectation. It is simply what you do and who you are as a good human being.

Being kind does not carry the same risk as being vulnerable. It is my belief that people who are unable to exhibit genuine kindness are by extension unable to exhibit vulnerability, and therefore they can never let another person truly know them.

Those people will not enjoy deeply meaningful relationships because they are not evolved enough as individuals. Meaningful connection requires vulnerability. Seeing a man who is kind indicates a degree of self evolution that exhibits potential for something deeper and more wothwhile.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Being kind does not carry the same risk as being vulnerable. It is my belief that people who are unable to exhibit genuine kindness are by extension unable to exhibit vulnerability, and therefore they can never let another person truly know them.

Those people will not enjoy deeply meaningful relationships because they are not evolved enough as individuals. Meaningful connection requires vulnerability. Seeing a man who is kind indicates a degree of self evolution that exhibits potential for something deeper and more wothwhile.

Very well said with one caveat. Your kindness must be genuine and not a manipulation as @BackInTheGame78 stated earlier.

Google "White Knight Symdrome." This is not genuine kindness but a manipulation and while women will seem appreciative of it, they won't really respect you. Let alone become attracted and fall in love with you.

It's also OK in my opinion to not always be so kind, when their behavior warrants it. Don't be a pushover, a doormat. That won't render you much respect either.

I don't believe a woman will develop an attraction simply because you are kind. But when that attraction is there which is based on many factors which can't really be explained, your genuine kindness, not just towards her but everyone, can increase her attraction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Very well said with one caveat. Your kindness must be genuine and not a manipulation as @BackInTheGame78 stated earlier.

Google "White Knight Symdrome." This is not genuine kindness but a manipulation and while women will seem appreciative of it, they won't really respect you. Let alone become attracted and fall in love with you.

It's also OK in my opinion to not always be so kind, when their behavior warrants it. Don't be a pushover, a doormat. That won't render you much respect either.

I don't believe a woman will develop an attraction simply because you are kind. But when that attraction is there which is based on many factors which can't really be explained, your genuine kindness, not just towards her but everyone, can increase her attraction.

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.

 

[Sega Genesis]

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.

Agree and it's what I posted.

 

[Serenity]

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

This is something you should pay attention to and work on, it is a weakness and it can be dangerous for you. Even if you are a kind person you should have boundaries and this one is a healthy boundary to have.

If you know or are reasonably certain the other person is trying to draw kindness out of you then you really shouldn't reward that. Bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded.

The kindest I will be to such people is to just calmly turn them down, only ever escalating in aggression if they keep pushing beyond the simple no.

Here I will illustrate how I'd handle two similar scenarios.

Let's say I'm in a bar, waiting to order a drink. A hot chick rolls up and asks if I'd buy her a drink. I would say no, she has given me nothing and is immediately trying to get something from me. Doesn't matter if she puts on her charm or tries to flirt a little, I know why she does it and it's not because she likes me, she likes free drinks.

Let's say I'm in a bar, I spot a hot chick at the bar. I approach her, greet her and have at least a short conversation to determine if she's still appealing and then I might buy her a drink if I feel like it. Sure, she hasn't given me anything, but she hasn't tried taking anything either. I will never demand a drink or anything in return, but I will pay attention to whether she does give me anything in return without me ever asking. If she does it's a very good sign.

Also, if I'm at a bar and a hot chick buys me a drink you can be damn sure I will buy her a drink later. I fvcking hate being given something without giving something back. If there's an attitude in women I find extremely attractive it's that attitude. So if I'm buying a girl a drink it's really a sh!t test to see whether she has that attitude.

A nice guy buys her a drink in the hopes of buying her affection, he does it because he wants something from her. So when she keeps asking for another drink and he keeps buying, he's really emphasizing that he wants something from her AND that he's weak because he has not yet received anything in return for it.

Big difference.

 

[BaronOfHair]

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.

Yeah, being a personal Jesus is far more desirable, so long as you're not making ends meet by stealing hubcaps and helping Coyetes traffic future massage parlor girls across the border

 

[Manure Spherian]

What are your experiences on this subject?

I am a kind person and those who know me would describe me as kind. My wife likes my kindness and so have other women.

Some women do not like kind men. I don’t like them either.