2nd meet-up, and done...

[DarwinTaurus]

Hi everyone,

I posted a few weeks ago that I had a coffee date with a woman who is originally from Columbia. She warned me beforehand that her English wasn't the best, and after meeting her, I decided not to pursue anything further, because she was right... and I saw no-point escalating if basic communication was a problem.

A week later, I had another match with OLD, she was a local in my city, which is a bonus, because it can be so transient, and similar age to me. We meet for lunch a week ago, and it seemed to go well. We talked for 2.5 hours before calling it a day, although probably my fault, I didn't escalate anything.

We met again last night, she was having drinks with friends, as it was one of their birthdays. She met me later around 8pm, at one of the bars I frequent, as one of my mates was paying a solo gig / live-music. We talked for around an hour, she decided to go home, and I was going to stay to watch my friend. I walked her towards the exit of the bar, and she gave me a hug, and I kissed her on the cheek. I thought later, that I made a mistake, and I should've walked her to her car, which was only a block or two away.

Anyway, she texted me this morning, and said the usual "It was great to meet me, but she didn't feel a romantic connection".

I think my problem is, I recently quit alcohol. Today, I'm 40 days sober. It is a weird experience for me being stone cold sober on a date or meet-up. I think I lack the courage for kino or to attempt a kiss in this situation (plus doing so in a bar where I know many people). I wonder if I acted differently, if results would've been better?

My last on-and-off relationship which lasted a year, when I met her, I had a few drinks prior and during the date (wasn't drunk, just feeling good), and I had the dutch courage to make a move, and kiss. Totally different sober. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I'm feeling a little down, and am about to give up, however, I know I shouldn't.

 

[pipeman84]

Anyway, she texted me this morning, and said the usual "It was great to meet me, but she didn't feel a romantic connection".

I think my problem is, I recently quit alcohol. Today, I'm 40 days sober.

That's not a problem, it's an achievement. Keep it up.

I wonder if I acted differently, if results would've been better?

I don't think so. You can't create attraction out of thin air simply by touching her or attempting to kiss. She already knew there was no romantic connection at the end of the 2.5 hours lunch date.

 

[Stanley]

I think you are caring too much about women who didn't feel a connection or synergize with an authentic you.

Nothing wrong with being sober, in fact something to often times be proud of. These few women didn't gel with you and that's fine. just keep at it and encounter a woman who does fancy you and gets on well with you. They exist.

Don't give up brother. There are those worth your time and the inverse is true as well. It isn't some cope. If you are a man of worth than you are bound to find someone to match you if you put yourself out there and roll with the punches.

As always, only bother with women who express a high degree of interest in you. It makes life easier in nearly everyway and makes relationships flow in a far more natural way. If you had an on and off relationship for a year than you were wasting your time with someone that wasn't compatible with you. Stop doing that ****

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Hi everyone,

I posted a few weeks ago that I had a coffee date with a woman who is originally from Columbia. She warned me beforehand that her English wasn't the best, and after meeting her, I decided not to pursue anything further, because she was right... and I saw no-point escalating if basic communication was a problem.

A week later, I had another match with OLD, she was a local in my city, which is a bonus, because it can be so transient, and similar age to me. We meet for lunch a week ago, and it seemed to go well. We talked for 2.5 hours before calling it a day, although probably my fault, I didn't escalate anything.

We met again last night, she was having drinks with friends, as it was one of their birthdays. She met me later around 8pm, at one of the bars I frequent, as one of my mates was paying a solo gig / live-music. We talked for around an hour, she decided to go home, and I was going to stay to watch my friend. I walked her towards the exit of the bar, and she gave me a hug, and I kissed her on the cheek. I thought later, that I made a mistake, and I should've walked her to her car, which was only a block or two away.

Anyway, she texted me this morning, and said the usual "It was great to meet me, but she didn't feel a romantic connection".

I think my problem is, I recently quit alcohol. Today, I'm 40 days sober. It is a weird experience for me being stone cold sober on a date or meet-up. I think I lack the courage for kino or to attempt a kiss in this situation (plus doing so in a bar where I know many people). I wonder if I acted differently, if results would've been better?

My last on-and-off relationship which lasted a year, when I met her, I had a few drinks prior and during the date (wasn't drunk, just feeling good), and I had the dutch courage to make a move, and kiss. Totally different sober. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I'm feeling a little down, and am about to give up, however, I know I shouldn't.

With the language barrier situation, you handled it like a true gentleman, showing respect and understanding right from the get-go. Classy move, my friend. And those marathon conversations you've been having? That's some smooth operator stuff right there. Spending hours getting lost in deep chats shows you're not just in it for the surface-level stuff – you're all about making those real, meaningful connections.

And let's not forget about that exit move – walking her out and sealing it with a cheeky kiss? Smooth as silk, my man. It's those little moments of affection that leave a lasting impression. Even when things didn't go exactly as planned, you handled it like a true gentleman. No drama, no hard feelings – just a tip of the hat and onto the next adventure.

Forty days sober is no joke, my friend. It's inspiring to see you owning your path and recognizing the positive impact it's having on your life.

Keep doing your thing, brother. You've been killing it out there.

 

[Michael Chief]

and I saw no-point escalating if basic communication was a problem.

...my fault, I didn't escalate anything.

...Anyway, she texted me this morning, and said the usual "It was great to meet me, but she didn't feel a romantic connection".

I think my problem is, I recently quit alcohol.

You're bullsh!tting yourself. It's not that you didn't "see the point" in escalating. You were too scared to do it. You were scared that you would get rejected or that things might end up messy.

This is related to your previous experience with alcohol and your current experience with sobriety. You have been relying on alcohol as a crutch to express yourself, to escalate, to sexualize, what have you. Now that you don't have this crutch, you're sterile. You're hesitant. You're stifled. You're boring.

Go back to the basics and learn how to do everything you used to be able to do with alcohol, but this time without it. Practice expressing yourself without hesitation. Use social momentum. Practice a defined kino escalation ladder through a compliance ladder. Consciously use sexual state projection. I discuss all these techniques and more in my book.

You did all these things "naturally" while drinking because there's already that charming and attractive masculine man inside of you somewhere. The main issue is that you became dependent on a crutch to let that side of yourself out. Now is the time to go through some awkward readjustment so that letting that side of you out becomes your default while sober.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP doesn't have an abundant population of chicks where he lives, he can't afford to screen for very high interest.

The issue here is the date selection. Lunch dates are a little on the formal side and eating is unsexy. If you're not drinking, go for coffee/tea or a walk instead. The 2nd date OP was getting amogged by both the chick's friend having the birthday and by OP's friend being in the band.

OP, get an escort (slim pickings in Darwin though) to get your assertiveness back. Otherwise it will be hard to do if you're sober, hesitant at the moment, and you don't live in an area where you can cast a wide net for very-high-interest women. That's a recipe for getting stuck in a rut.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Thanks for all the feedback and advice everyone. Much appreciated. As I mentioned, 40 days sober today, I think the next step for me, for self improvement and greater confidence, is to get back into exercise.

The only self-doubt that is nagging in my brain, is that I'm in my mid 40's, and I feel time is running out.

 

[pipeman84]

Your age has nothing to do with anything. If they saw you walking to a yellow Lambo, your thread title would’ve been “2nd Meetup and already smashed”. If you don’t own a yellow Lambo, buy one.

Why should he spend a fortune on a Lambo to try to impress some +40yrs old gold diggin' hoe when for a fraction of the cost he can buy a plane ticket to Sydney/Melbourne and fvck much younger escorts.

 

[SW15]

A lot of interactions fall apart in one or two dates. The "one or two dates, no sex, no further dates" type interaction is super common, especially in dates arranged from a swipe app.

Why should he spend a fortune on a Lambo to try to impress some +40yrs old gold diggin' hoe when for a fraction of the cost he can buy a plane ticket to Sydney/Melbourne and fvck much younger escorts.

This isn't a guy who he needs to buy a Lambo or even plane tickets to Sydney or Melbourne.

This is a guy who has a Rolex from his deceased father that he needs to get re-sized for roughly $1,500. New Rolexes are typically a lot more than $1,500. Spending $1,500 on getting the Rolex re-sized might get him more dating results in conventional dating than flying to Sydney/Melbourne and paying directly for sex.

Will a Rolex Get You Laid? Will a Rolex Help You Get a Longer Term Girlfriend?

Not really. There are dozens if not hundreds of cheap watches that a very similar to popular Rolex models. Are you telling me that an average woman will be able to tell the difference between a Rolex and an Invicta on your wrist? yeah , they can :) If she can not see it properly , she will...

www.sosuave.net

You can't create attraction out of thin air simply by touching her or attempting to kiss.

If a man does kino escalation on a date to set up a kiss and she isn't attracted, she won't react well to the kino escalation and that's his hint not to try the kiss. I always see how a woman reacts to my playful touching prior to attempting a kiss.

The issue here is the date selection. Lunch dates are a little on the formal side and eating is unsexy.

Lunch dates are a bad idea. The Manosphere/red pill often preaches no dinner dates in restaurants prior to sex. The phrasing of the statement should be no meal dates in restaurants prior to sex.

There's a lot less chatter about lunch dates in restaurants and I think that's because lunch occurs while a lot of people are at work on most days. The typical Monday-Friday working person can only do a lunch date on a Saturday or Sunday or in some other less common situation. The only early stage lunch date that I can recall doing was during the week between Christmas & New Years when few people work.

I have heard of guys doing early stage boozy brunch dates on Sundays with bougie women and getting laid from those. It can happen, but I think there are also better dates than those. The boozy brunch date does end around 12:30 PM - 2 PM so that can set up a mid-afternoon sexual instances more easily than a weeknight dinner date ending around 8:30 - 9 PM with the excuse of work the next day.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

You're bullsh!tting yourself. It's not that you didn't "see the point" in escalating. You were too scared to do it. You were scared that you would get rejected or that things might end up messy.

This is related to your previous experience with alcohol and your current experience with sobriety. You have been relying on alcohol as a crutch to express yourself, to escalate, to sexualize, what have you. Now that you don't have this crutch, you're sterile. You're hesitant. You're stifled. You're boring.

Go back to the basics and learn how to do everything you used to be able to do with alcohol, but this time without it. Practice expressing yourself without hesitation. Use social momentum. Practice a defined kino escalation ladder through a compliance ladder. Consciously use sexual state projection. I discuss all these techniques and more in my book.

You did all these things "naturally" while drinking because there's already that charming and attractive masculine man inside of you somewhere. The main issue is that you became dependent on a crutch to let that side of yourself out. Now is the time to go through some awkward readjustment so that letting that side of you out becomes your default while sober.

@DarwinTaurus This is a common experience a lot of us have had. The close calls are an important part of the process because they build frustration but also a healthy anticipation "I'm getting closer". You did good. You managed to spend a lot of time with her. A lot guys don't even get that far. Let the close calls sting and remember the pain of fumbling the baddie for the next time you're in the same position with a girl. It will help you follow through next time. It's not enough to spin plates. You actually have to follow through.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Thanks for all the feedback and advice everyone. Much appreciated. As I mentioned, 40 days sober today, I think the next step for me, for self improvement and greater confidence, is to get back into exercise.

The only self-doubt that is nagging in my brain, is that I'm in my mid 40's, and I feel time is running out.

Its all good life expectancy is 75-85 so you got a good 35-45 years left if you stay healthy

 

[DarwinTaurus]

This is a guy who has a Rolex from his deceased father that he needs to get re-sized for roughly $1,500. New Rolexes are typically a lot more than $1,500. Spending $1,500 on getting the Rolex re-sized might get him more dating results in conventional dating than flying to Sydney/Melbourne and paying directly for sex.

Yeah, the Rolex is worth around $10k. My Dad also left an Omega watch to my nephew, he needs to get that repaired soon for a School Formal Ball. I'm flying over to Perth in under a month for the 21st Birthday of my Niece, and my Mum said the same watch store that is going to repair the Omega, is also licensed to work on Rolex, so I might be able to get it sorted at a reasonable price. All I really need done is one link in the band removed, so it will fit my wrist.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's not a problem, it's an achievement. Keep it up.

I don't think so. You can't create attraction out of thin air simply by touching her or attempting to kiss. She already knew there was no romantic connection at the end of the 2.5 hours lunch date.

Agreed. You'll calibrate and be just fine eventually without alcohol.

She likely wasn't that interested from the get go. That is kind of something that doesn't come out of thin air. Maybe she had nothing better to do that might and agreed to see you or maybe she was giving you the opportunity for a SNL

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Today, I'm 40 days sober.

That's still pretty early.

Your still calibrating your sober game.

Give it time.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Maybe she had nothing better to do that might and agreed to see you or maybe she was giving you the opportunity for a SNL

Yeah, I probably blew that, as we both had the next day off. I should've walked her to her car, and attempted a kiss. I regretted that later in the evening, and the next morning, so I wasn't surprised when I got the text that she felt no romantic connection.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

That's still pretty early.

Your still calibrating your sober game.

Give it time.

I know. My previous record at a dry spell, was 38 at days in 2022. I've broken that now, but my next milestones will be 50 days, 100 days, 6 months and 1 year.

 

[zekko]

I posted a few weeks ago that I had a coffee date with a woman who is originally from Columbia. She warned me beforehand that her English wasn't the best, and after meeting her, I decided not to pursue anything further, because she was right... and I saw no-point escalating if basic communication was a problem.

I'd take the opportunity to help her learn English and have her help you learn Spanish.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I'd take the opportunity to help her learn English and have her help you learn Spanish.

I joked about that via text before we met, however, I didn't expect her English to be that rudimentary. That ship has sailed now... interesting experience.

 

[SW15]

Yeah, the Rolex is worth around $10k. My Dad also left an Omega watch to my nephew, he needs to get that repaired soon for a School Formal Ball. I'm flying over to Perth in under a month for the 21st Birthday of my Niece, and my Mum said the same watch store that is going to repair the Omega, is also licensed to work on Rolex, so I might be able to get it sorted at a reasonable price. All I really need done is one link in the band removed, so it will fit my wrist.

Get your Rolex re-sized and get it on your wrist! It has the potential to help with your seductions.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Get your Rolex re-sized and get it on your wrist! It has the potential to help with your seductions.

I honestly don't know if many people would actually know it is a Rolex, because it is actually a plain looking watch.