I’m in deep

[samuelson]

Man seems to me you just need to draw some boundaries, you get to decide what they are. If you don’t like her being in contact with her exes and she knows that, and, she knows that upsets you obviously because she will lie to you about it what is she saying? She is saying staying in contact is more important than your feelings. I think you need a boundary with that, take her out have a conversation and make it really crystal clear what your issue is and decide what you’re going to do if she doesn’t stop this behavior. That’s your “or what” decision

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Man seems to me you just need to draw some boundaries, you get to decide what they are. If you don’t like her being in contact with her exes and she knows that, and, she knows that upsets you obviously because she will lie to you about it what is she saying? She is saying staying in contact is more important than your feelings. I think you need a boundary with that, take her out have a conversation and make it really crystal clear what your issue is and decide what you’re going to do if she doesn’t stop this behavior. That’s your “or what” decision

Will never work. All that ell happen is she will go to greater lengths to hide it. Which is basically what OP says she is already doing.

 

[samuelson]

Will never work. All that ell happen is she will go to greater lengths to hide it. Which is basically what OP says she is already doing.

yeah but what i mean is if you explain this and she still continues to hide, the first time you get wind of it end it. thats the or what. I mean idk

 

[DreamAgain]

Dude what the hell, you have spent 30k of your cash dating this girl? Are you nuts?

I say that with endearment because I want you to succeed, but this was a huge blunder.

You have been essentially paying to play, you could have used that 30k and banged dozens of supermodel level women in europe.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

@Divorced w 3

First, I'm sorry this is happening; it's never easy to split up with a gal that you feel for that's otherwise fun and attractive. I've had to do this more than a few times, and it's never easy. Like you, I made excuses for behaviors I found suspect. The way I see it now is that if a chick is pinging my surveillance radar chances are the contacts are threats. Again not easy especially when you're super attracted and you mesh otherwise.

Good luck bro

 

[soulforge]

I don’t see how that would work for either of us. I think I have to cut her loose. There is a lot of feelings between us but I just don’t trust her, largely because she doesn’t communicate well and she has a fear of tension, which to be fair I have not done completely a great job in easing either. But to answer your question no I don’t think I could do it.

Let me ask you a few questions.

01. Is her father in the picture?

02. Does she have children of her own?

The biggest red flag for me is, why is this girl single in her 30's, why has no dude locked her down into a marriage and children?

Bro.. I recently dealt without someone who has social media addiction. These Social media addicted girls are a pain. They usually keep themselves on the platforms, in order to have other options & jump ship when things get rocky.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

yeah but what i mean is if you explain this and she still continues to hide, the first time you get wind of it end it. thats the or what. I mean idk

All he will be doing is wasting 3-6 months of his life living a lie. What's the point? Women never stop in these situations. They do it because they have lost respect for the man or the relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Divorced w 3

First, I'm sorry this is happening; it's never easy to split up with a gal that you feel for that's otherwise fun and attractive. I've had to do this more than a few times, and it's never easy. Like you, I made excuses for behaviors I found suspect. The way I see it now is that if a chick is pinging my surveillance radar chances are the contacts are threats. Again not easy especially when you're super attracted and you mesh otherwise.

Good luck bro

This falls under the category "When a person tells you who they are, believe them". OP knew early on who she was but he didn't want to believe her.

Easier said than done I know...we are all guilty of that at times. Easier to see from a distance than right up close in the situation itself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dude what the hell, you have spent 30k of your cash dating this girl? Are you nuts?

I say that with endearment because I want you to succeed, but this was a huge blunder.

You have been essentially paying to play, you could have used that 30k and banged dozens of supermodel level women in europe.

Yeah that doesn't make sense to me...this woman is basically a high end escort at this point without the high end escort looks or body most likely. No offense, OP.

 

[The Duke]

yeah but what i mean is if you explain this and she still continues to hide, the first time you get wind of it end it. thats the or what. I mean idk

I think your thoughts are valid, but here's why it won't work:
1. Picked the wrong girl. Girls that are worth committing to don't act this way to start with.
2. You always define boundaries/expectations from the start, not after the cats out of the bag.

It's inexperience that gets a guy into these situations.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As I've said I’ve been in situationships where I had gut feelings I chose to ignore.

The first time you have a smoke show and you start setting boundaries it gets easier with practice. I currently have what I consider to be a very attractive woman in my roster that 5 years ago I’d have had a hard time being flippant about. I’m setting boundaries HARD with her right now, but it’s as easy now, the more you do it like anything else the more it becomes second nature. I’m in a period of relative abundance at the moment, so it’s easier than it would be otherwise.

I’m sitting on tenterhooks to hear how it went for @Divorced w 3 …

I’d put money on it that she tries to pull him back with sex. It’s worked on me so many times it’s comical.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As I've said I’ve been in situationships where I had gut feelings I chose to ignore.

The first time you have a smoke show and you start setting boundaries it gets easier with practice. I currently have what I consider to be a very attractive woman in my roster that 5 years ago I’d have had a hard time being flippant about. I’m setting boundaries HARD with her right now, but it’s as easy now, the more you do it like anything else the more it becomes second nature. I’m in a period of relative abundance at the moment, so it’s easier than it would be otherwise.

I’m sitting on tenterhooks to hear how it went for @Divorced w 3 …

I’d put money on it that she tries to pull him back with sex. It’s worked on me so many times it’s comical.

IMO most of the time people find that the boundaries set are simply being well covered up and she has being doing them behind their back since the beginning. Or stops for a time then slowly restarts when she thinks the "coast is clear" and has a plan in place to cover her tracks well, eventually going back to the full behavior just undercover. This can takes many months or even years to find out.

Far easier to find someone who doesn't engage in boundary restricting behavior to begin with than trying to get them to stop. Usually that ends up just being a facade they try to keep up and at some point just tire of the facade or don't care enough to keep it up anymore.

IMO, tigers don't change their stripes and another example of a person telling you who they are and to believe them.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I'd posit I have higher standards for girlfriend behaviors than many. I simply set boundaries to start, doesn't require any action on the woman's part to set it off. I assume that is what you're alluding to:
Girl exhibits a behavior you find unacceptable, and you squash it.

I set boundaries BEFORE I start seeing a chick period. Usually, a person that's up to no good will avoid someone who in their view has nothing to lose, they'll move on to easier, more compliant targets.

IMO most of the time people find that the boundaries set are simply being well covered up and she has being doing them behind their back since the beginning. Or stops for a time then slowly restarts when she thinks the "coast is clear" and has a plan in place to cover her tracks well, eventually going back to the full behavior just undercover. This can takes many months or even years to find out.

Far easier to find someone who doesn't engage in boundary restricting behavior to begin with than trying to get them to stop. Usually that ends up just being a facade they try to keep up and at some point just tire of the facade or don't care enough to keep it up anymore.

IMO, tigers don't change their stripes and another example of a person telling you who they are and to believe them.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Her friends for the large part are party girls.

I can't really understand what is going on But I will warn you women and Instagram are a deadly combination and if your gut is saying something is wrong chances are something is wrong

Social media allows all kinds of treachery , at the click of a few buttons any guy on earth can have access to your woman and more worryingly her emotions

This is where you really really need to make sure your screening your women , there are girls out there who won't even consider entertaining another man but there are far more who happily will just for the thrill of it and if her freinds are hoes they will probably be encouraging it

Remember a woman doesn't need to have full blown intercourse to have an emotional bond with a man , some girls will entertain guys just because they make them feel good

When I am looking to take a girl seriously I will do deep investigative work on her profile , people can lie but photo captions , likes and comments rarely do

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd posit I have higher standards for girlfriend behaviors than many. I simply set boundaries to start, doesn't require any action on the woman's part to set it off. I assume that is what you're alluding to:
Girl exhibits a behavior you find unacceptable, and you squash it.

I set boundaries BEFORE I start seeing a chick period. Usually, a person that's up to no good will avoid someone who in their view has nothing to lose, they'll move on to easier, more compliant targets.

Fair point. Yes, I was alluding to it in a situation where a woman asks for exclusivity with a guy she has been dating and he gives her boundaries that she "agrees to" in exchange.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Fair point. Yes, I was alluding to it in a situation where a woman asks for exclusivity with a guy she has been dating and he gives her boundaries that she "agrees to" in exchange.

Agreed.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I dropped her off and I told her that I wasn’t gonna be able to spend New Year’s and that I needed a minute and it went about as badly as you thought it would go. Turns out that guy from out west did reach out to her when she was in the city because she posted a picture. Apparently she went on a date with him seven years ago and nothing came of it, and that he’s a creep, so I’m like okay why keep him on and why is he going to potentially have access to photos of my kids?

She tried to tell me that I was focusing and picking things apart, and I said that I basically wasn’t going to tell her how to live that we have a lot of great things in common, but there was just a core issue with trust and open communication and I didn’t see how we get out of future off of that.

I tried to give her keys back she wouldn’t take them, and we both agree that this was particularly bad timing given that we just spent the holidays together. She’s got a ton of crap at my apartment. I have not officially ended it, but after reading, especially everything you guys are saying which is very close to how it actually went before I read it. It’s hard not to follow through.

I’m dictating this verbally to my phone. I’m in the car.

The hard part is about this, is that, especially in the last few months she was almost exclusively coming to me by public transit. She was here the large majority of the week and she blew off her friends annual party. She blew off seeing family she spent Christmas with us this is tricky.

As soon as I referenced the Instagram followers, she dropped three more of them before I even got off the block but at the time she was saying she couldn’t even understand who I was talking about.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Ahhhh, well, I'm glad you stood your ground. My advice is to pack her stuff, keep it at the door, and toss her key in it (this is an excellent mental exercise for you, too). Tell her she can come and get it, just put it outside for her, or agree to meet somewhere public so you don't get lured back in with sex or tears (like I have in the past).

If she has your key, ask for it when you send the message. If you want to be 100% sure, change your locks. She will change her story and try for the backpedal once you show you're a cold mfer. This won't end without more drama - if you allow it to.

p.s. as a father of two, no woman has met my children. I was in my 3rd year of LTR before I agreed to have that GF meet my children, and the relationship self-destructed a few months before it was to happen.

 

[EyeBRollin]

End this bro. This chick is not suitable for LTR. She can be fun. She can be sweet. She can be charismatic. She can be amazing in bed. She is still not compatible for LTR.

Men, when a chick values her social media popularity, she is for the streets. Sorry this happened, OP. This woman is not and will never be “wifey” material.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Let me ask you a few questions.

01. Is her father in the picture?

02. Does she have children of her own?

The biggest red flag for me is, why is this girl single in her 30's, why has no dude locked her down into a marriage and children?

Bro.. I recently dealt without someone who has social media addiction. These Social media addicted girls are a pain. They usually keep themselves on the platforms, in order to have other options & jump ship when things get rocky.

Dad and mom basically showed her no affection growing up but dad basically told her at age 3 that mom needed to be there for her. He’s in the picture but not emotionally. No kids.