Opening up your woman

[Rainman4707]

If you sense there is something wrong with your woman. And she says nothing is wrong. Honey whats wrong? Ah nothing. But you can sense there is something wrong...you cannot walk away from that...you MUST not leave until you find out what is wrong. She will insist nothing is wrong. You persist until she tells you.

You need to open your woman up so you can lover her, hold her. Make love to her.

 

[Robert28]

Every woman I’ve opened up to lost interest in me quick. Every woman I’ve never opened up to and kept my feelings to myself they chased me to the ends of the earth, even though they complained about how closed off I was.

 

[Rainman4707]

Understand that, but that aint the point im making here. Im not saying you have to open up to your woman. Im just saying you have to open HER up.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Rainman,
I think you must have come down with the last shower....Ladies aren't like a can of Beans for you to open,they are living sensient beings that thrive on drama and attention.

 

[Rainman4707]

Yes, we know they love attention and drama.

You have to acknowledge everything they do though. You are the one who opened them up and you worked hard at always building anticipation. They are always looking at receiving your love and receiving your presence. Thats the purpose of her phone calls during the day, the emails, why they write you little cards, why they leave you little notes and go shopping. It's why they spend two or three days at the salon getting their hair done. They are just a big billboard showing show me how much you worship and adore me

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

If you sense there is something wrong with your woman. And she says nothing is wrong. Honey whats wrong? Ah nothing. But you can sense there is something wrong...you cannot walk away from that...you MUST not leave until you find out what is wrong. She will insist nothing is wrong. You persist until she tells you.

You need to open your woman up so you can lover her, hold her. Make love to her.

You have this completely backwards.

If a women is acting cold or upset or whatever but won't vocalize it - the only response is to kindly say something like "is something wrong? I won't get upset if you tell me." If she still refuses to answer, you walk away or withdraw attention. If she's going to act like a child the worst thing you can do is give her more attention. I find it amazing how women say "I want a man who communicates" but then do stonewalling bullshvt like this. The only response to stonewalling is to stonewall them yourself. Don't reward bad behavior.

In another perspective, this isn't necessarily stonewalling or bad behavior; maybe she is simply still processing something and doesn't want to talk about it yet because she doesn't know what to think. In which case the same thing applies, give her space and leave her alone until she's ready.

 

[Rainman4707]

If you're with the same woman with her issue with her son and her ex hobby, to be blunt to you, you're in no place to give anyone advice but to take, you're with a woman is full of problems, drama, has a lot of baggage and trauma from her previous relationship. Having said that, you've always acted like the Knight in Shinning Armor, being so needy in what happens to her is a big turn off. You asked, what's wrong with you? if she says, then you ask again are you sure? she says no, you move on. You don't wanna be fishing for her to tell you, that's not good communication skills.

If those problems that she's having affect the peace of the relationship, which what it seems you're having, you have to have to testicular fortitude to move on and find a woman with less problems.

Disagree, you will save yourself a LOT of drama in the long run if you find out what is on your womans mind. If she says nothing and you believe it, you're in big trouble.

I agree that the woman i am with a woman who has a lot of problems and isnt healthy...so yeah thats my bad and the root of most problems. Most problems dont arise if you choose wisely. However i met a woman recently who has MORE problems than my current gf. It seems a lot of women today suffer with anxiety.

 

[Rainman4707]

Take it from someone who counsels traumatised women: don't badger women into sharing their feelings with you if you're unable to create as safe environment for them to do so.

Who said the women were traumatised??

 

[Rainman4707]

You have this completely backwards.

If a women is acting cold or upset or whatever but vocalize it - the only response is to kindly say something like "is something wrong? I won't get upset if you tell me." If she still refuses to answer, you walk away or withdraw attention. If she's going to act like a child the worst thing you can do is give her more attention. I find it amazing how women say "I want a man who communicates" but then do stonewalling bullshvt like this. The only response to stonewalling is to stonewall them yourself. Don't reward bad behavior.

In another perspective, this isn't necessarily stonewalling or bad behavior; maybe she is simply still processing something and doesn't want to talk about it yet because she doesn't know what to think. In which case the same thing applies, give her space and leave her alone until she's ready.

Disagree. Very bad advise for people reading. Dont listen to this guy

 

[logicallefty]

I usually say something “You seem like there is something on your mind. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Then i don’t badger them anymore. It’s about 50-50. Sometimes they will talk about it and sometimes they won’t.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Open her legs before you try to open her mind.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Amsterdam,
When you aren't growing Tulips you are a Counsellor,Rainman is a Don Juan,you both play "Power Dynamics"each to his own .....I used to watch"Rawhide"where Frankie Lane used to sing..."....Dont try an understand 'em just rope and ring and brand 'em".

 

[Ricky]

Take it from someone who counsels traumatised women: don't badger women into sharing their feelings with you if you're unable to create as safe environment for them to do so.

This is good. How do you convince a woman who has had trauma in their early life to see help for it?

 

[member162951]

If you sense there is something wrong with your woman. And she says nothing is wrong. Honey whats wrong? Ah nothing. But you can sense there is something wrong...you cannot walk away from that...you MUST not leave until you find out what is wrong. She will insist nothing is wrong. You persist until she tells you.

You need to open your woman up so you can lover her, hold her. Make love to her.

It sounds like you're suggesting when our girl isn’t grown up or mature enough to tell us what's bothering her, that we as men should coddle her, pamper her with more attention, more love, like say a parent would do with HIS CHILD?

If it is THAT is the worst advice ever. Treat your woman like a grown up, expect her to behave like a grown up which includes communicating with you without you being forced to badger her about it. Which in some women's eyes could be viewed as controlling, needy and insecure on your part. Seeking reassurance that yall are *good* cuz YOU can't handle the uncertainty of not knowing what she's thinking 24 hours a day.

Respect her need for privacy, leave her be, when SHE is ready to emotionally open up, TRUST that she will. If not, then so be. Her choice, not yours.

Coddling her, or worse rewarding her emotional withholding by making love to her is the worst thing a man could ever possibly do.

This is how entitled princesses are created. Misplaced attention when you should be leaving her alone to sort through her own emotions, you're not her parent or therapist for crissakes.

She will respect you more for it as well.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi JoyDivision,
"This is how entitled princesses are created"....I believe,she was created a Princess before she even went to school....People can modify their behaviour even present a mask to the World,but my observation is that their personalities are pretty well formed before they leave Primary School.

 

[Rainman4707]

It sounds like you're suggesting when our girl isn’t grown up or mature enough to tell us what's bothering her, that we as men should coddle her, pamper her with more attention, more love, like say a parent would do with HIS CHILD?

If it is THAT is the worst advice ever. Treat your woman like a grown up, expect her to behave like a grown up which includes communicating with you without you being forced to badger her about it. Which in some women's eyes could be viewed as controlling, needy and insecure on your part. Seeking reassurance that yall are *good* cuz YOU can't handle the uncertainty of not knowing what she's thinking 24 hours a day.

Respect her need for privacy, leave her be, when SHE is ready to emotionally open up, TRUST that she will. If not, then so be. Her choice, not yours.

Coddling her, or worse rewarding her emotional withholding by making love to her is the worst thing a man could ever possibly do.

This is how entitled princesses are created. Misplaced attention when you should be leaving her alone to sort through her own emotions, you're not her parent or therapist for crissakes.

She will respect you more for it as well.

Im not saying that